When a Man Loves a Woman
You know those relationships where you can tell, no matter how long a couple has been married, that they really love one another? I had the opportunity this weekend to experience one of these relationships first hand for the past 5 days out on the east coast. My wife’s aunt and uncle celebrate their 30th wedding anniversary this year and from the looks of it, they have an incredibly strong marriage… I believe it’s because of how much he loves his wife. He’s one of those men (a True Man, in my book) that treats his wife with an incredible amount of respect and genuine love. He’s set an amazing example for their son and for everyone else out there who watches them interact.
You and I have seen the opposite… relationships where the man is unloving, ungrateful, unsupportive and so on. A relationships like that is not what men need to see. We need True Men to set the standard high, to challenge other men to something better and, also incredibly important, we need women to expect this genuine kind of love and to never settle for less.
Chivalry Doesn't Make an Appearance on V-Day Night
I’m out on the east coast with family. We had no “romantic” plans for today because we’re with family. Our Valentine’s Day included lots of kids, eating, driving from points A to B to C and back to A. Along the way, we stopped outside a nice Italian restaurant (remaining unnamed) to pick up my sister-in-law’s “lost” cell phone from the night before. As we waited for 20 minutes outside this restaurant, I noticed a horrible trend taking place before my eyes. Couple after couple walked up to the restaurant doors, and only on a rare occasion, did the man open the door for his date/girlfriend/spouse. I also saw a number of them get into their vehicles, and only on one occasion did I see the man escort his significant other to their door and help them in. The worst was when the door actually slammed into a girl’s face because she wasn’t watching and because her date simply walked in the door and didn’t extend a hand to hold it open for her. I was appalled. This girl not only had a glass door for an appetizer, she went in and spent the rest of the night out with this loser! He was so self-consumed. I quickly turned around and told my oldest daughter, “If a man ever does that, and walks through a door before you, you turn right around and leave him in your dust.”
I think that women have the right to expect chivalry. I believe that a woman should never settle for less than a genuine gentleman. Don’t find yourself asking a woman to lower her standards so that you can be a slob. If a man can’t do something as simple as holding a door open, then he’ll never be able to do the big things in life. Require the most out of yourself and always live out chivalry, you never know who’s watching you.
Man up!
Fight Rules
It’s a difficult thing, in a relationship, to not be selfish. It’s hard to think about the other person first, every time, without fail. It’s hard to put your personal desires, wishes and needs on the back burner so you can aid in the other person receiving theirs. [I am much less than perfect at these things.] Because of this, fights/disagreements/arguments (however you want to phrase it) happen. There are some important rules that a man should live by when he experiences a fight in his relationship.
- Remain Calm, even if she doesn’t
- Listen twice as much as your speak, even if she doesn’t
- Never interrupt, even if she does
- Leave your pride out of it, even if she doesn’t
- Tell her that you hear what she’s saying (and actually listen!)
- Validate her point of view, even if she doesn’t validate yours
- Never cuss
- Never EVER get physical!
- Never scream/yell/raise your voice, even if she does
- Never fight in front of the kids
And most importantly… Always make the choice to love. (BTW, love is a verb.)
"It Never Hurt a Man to Try and Be a Better Man…"
… words from Jack Ingram’s latest song, “That’s a Man”.
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Andx4tHCQmw]
In the song, Jack sings about a young father working two jobs for his young family, just so they can get by and so he can give them a better life. He sings about a Marine, struggling with the loss of his buddy, and about how hard he tried to save him. He sings about a lot of things… what strikes me is that each of the stories has it’s fair share of heartache and difficulty, but in the end, a man does what he has to. He works hard, has a deep resolve and protects those around him. If it takes working 7 hot days a week, he does it. If it means working long hours, he does it. If it means blood, sweat and tears, he sheds them. Do others say “that’s a man” about you?
Chastity, A Life Choice
On Sunday, I was asked to address a group of high school guys at the Colorado Springs Chastity Rally. The young men were very attentive and seemed very receptive to the words of my message. As I spoke to these 14-18 year olds, I was hit that men over 18 need to hear this message just as much. Living a life of chastity is a choice and it is a call for all of us, whether we’re single, dating, married or a priest. In a marriage, a man must remain chaste… be careful not to confuse this with celibate, they are not the same thing. Living chastity means that we are living out our sexuality in the way that God intended. If you don’t know if you’re living a chaste life, I highly recommend diving into books that talk about this. My recommendations include “Theology of the Body for Beginners” and “The Good News About Sex and Marriage”. Both books are written by Christopher West. If you’ve read these books and are looking for more, you can always read the documents that these books come from, “Theology of the Body” by Pope John Paul II.
Living a chaste life is fulfilling. It’s not easy, but it’s fulfilling. The world is telling us that in order to be cool, hip and a real man, we must be having a ton of sex with every woman we come into contact with. This is NOT what God intended for us. You have the power to choose. You can choose a life of emptiness, moving from one night stand to one night stand. Or, you can choose a life of fulfillment, by giving yourself as a free gift to your wife in the sacred act of marital love. In my mind, there’s no question which one is better.
Man up!
Fatherhood Friday – The Love of a Father
February 6, 2009 by admin
Filed under Fatherhood
I have two daughters. Lily and Emma. They are amazing and sweet little children. They mean the world to me. I would do anything for them. As I think about how I treat them… with such love and admiration, with kisses and hugs, snuggles and story time, prayer and discipline… I know, without a doubt, that my relationship with them is the most important relationship they will ever have. This isn’t to toot my own horn! Expand it in a broad sense: the most important relationship any young girl has is with her father. I do not take this responsibility lightly. At the foundation of all of their coming relationships (friendship/romantic/work/personal/professional) is the love that I show them. The burden lies solely on my shoulders, to show them how wonderful and precious they are. It’s my responsibility, as their protector and defender, to prepare them for the world. I must encourage them and build them up. I must help them to see the jewel that they are, the treasure that they are, the perfect creation that they are. A huge part in showing them this love is by loving my wife in the way that proves to all three of them that my wife is a jewel, a treasure and a perfect creation.
It is my goal, in my relationship with my girls, to have them set their bar high, to never settle, to never feel inferior or to never doubt their abilities. This is a monstrous goal. It is a gigantic task.
Man up!
Are You Like Adam?
Adam, you know, THE Adam. The first man. God’s creation. He was given dominion over all the animals, and the land, God gave him the crown of creation, Eve, as his wife and God asked him to “shamar” the garden. “What’s shamar, Dave?” In layman’s terms, it means to cultivate, protect and/or defend. [If God asked a guy to shamar his prized hot rod, would anyone drive or touch it? Probably not. Certainly, no one would have the opportunity to scratch it or damage it in any way.] Why didn’t Adam shamar the garden?
The serpent made his way in (Genesis 3) and began speaking to the woman. Often times, it’s portrayed as if Eve were alone in the garden and that Adam was somewhere else. The serpent, being cunning as he is, began to call into question what God said to them. Eve tried to correct him, but was unsuccessful in her explanation. (Read the passages in Genesis closely to pick up on this.) Eventually, Eve gave in and ate the fruit from the tree. Adam ate it too. See, Adam was there the entire time. He sat back and allowed the serpent to twist God’s words and confuse Eve. Had he been shamaring, as asked by God, the serpent would have never had the chance to even speak to Eve.
Shamar… do you do it like Adam or the guy with the hot rod?
Man up!
