The Struggle Through Lent

Lent can be very trying.  So often, we embrace Lent early on as a way to purify ourselves from all the bad habits we have, but fail miserably at fulfilling our intentions for the entire forty days.  I notice that lots of people make Lenten devotions that are nice and good, but not specific to the things they really should be working on.  For instance, someone may need to increase prayer, but instead, they give up eating chocolate.  This is missing the point of Lent – a purification of our sinful ways towards a life in Christ.

Another problem I see pretty regularly is that we lose sight of the point of giving something up and fail to recognize what we need to include/add something to counteract the deprivation.  For instance, if you give up chocolate to improve your will power, but constantly complain about not being able to eat chocolate, you aren’t working on your will power.  Personally, I gave up music while driving.  I didn’t give it up to simply give it up, I gave it up to 1. increase my prayer life (which means I have to pray while I’m driving, instead of listening to music) and 2. experience some silence, even if it is distracted silence.

Often times, we set lofty goals for what sort of Lent we expect to experience and then get frustrated and disappointed that we aren’t as “holy” as we had hoped.  This is often referred to as “dryness.”  Sometimes it works out, but often, we fail to meet our goals.  The frustration, doubt, anger and uneasiness that comes from a “bad” Lenten experience is what the devil wants from you.  Don’t give him the satisfaction of knowing that you were frustrated.

So, with only a few days left for Lent 2010, you can still make your Lenten devotions strong.  If you’ve been doing poorly, you can get back on track and make a change in your life.

Man up!

Tuesdays with Daddy – Selfishness Impedes Service

My daughter has been sick for several days.  Because she is a toddler, it is difficult to really pinpoint what’s happening with her, what hurts and how to make her better.  I’ve been at a loss for exactly what to do, and although we’re trying, she doesn’t seem to be getting better.  At least not as fast I my wife and I would hope.  As I’ve been observing her and contemplating solutions to this problem, I realized something today… selfishness impedes service.  What do I mean?

When you’re in charge of someone else, and their entire well-being stems from your actions, it’s plain to see that they not only rely on you to make good decisions, but to be at their service.  This isn’t to say that I wait hand-and-foot on my children, but it means that my daughters, especially when ill, need me to be selfless in regards to them.  And, I want to be a servant-leader for my family and for the world, which requires me to continually learn how to better serve them.  I look at my life and realize (quite often) how selfish I can be.  I like what I like, the way I like it, when I like it, how I like it.  This gets in the way of my ability to truly serve my family.

Where did my selfish tendencies come from?  Besides my fallen human nature, my tendency toward selfishness stems from my past pornography use.  It made everything I do, even serving my sickly little girl, about me.  Because of this revelation, I realized that the only way to do that is to look to the cross.  I must unite my failures in life to the struggle Christ experienced on the cross so that I am purified of my tendency toward comfort, self-pleasure and ease.  My little girl needs me to be one hundred percent committed to taking care of her and if I don’t watch it, I’ll put myself before her, falling into old patterns and losing sight of the cross.  If this happens, my selfishness has won and drastically impedes my ability to serve.

I urge everyone to take a step back, especially during Holy Week, to evaluate the areas in your life (vicious behavior) that require change.  Figure out how to change those things and continue to work on them until you possess the virtue that overcomes that vice.

Man up!

What’s Coming Next?

My apologies for not posting anything the past week.  Since I don’t have sponsors, paid advertisements and/or endorsements (hint hint, wink nudge) I don’t feel too guilty.  Actually, I was out of town visiting my very elderly grandmother and some of my extended family with my wife and children, computer time was very limited. TrueManhood.com has definitely been on my mind, but not a priority because much needed time with them was taking precedence.  So, since I haven’t written anything lately, I wanted to let everyone know what they can expect in the coming days.

Depending on what I see/hear about/come across/etc. “out there” in regards to TrueManhood, I’ll be posting whatever I think is worthy of a post.  Besides those stories, you can expect something on the following topics soon:

• Struggling with Lenten devotions, the struggle of Lent (general) and the tough days during Holy Week.
• Major League Baseball, Opening Day Special
• Holy Thursday – The Vortex, “Judas Today”
• An article about “supertaskers”
• A post about an irate hockey coach.  Temper, temper.
• A Dating Article
• A Eucharistic Miracle Video
• Plenty of other great stuff!

Until the next post, keep fighting the good fight!

Man up!

Tuesdays with Daddy – A Kid Pouts, but a Man Shouldn’t

This morning, my oldest daughter woke up on the wrong side of the bed.  From her nap this afternoon, she woke up on the wrong side of the bed, again.  Nothing was right for her all day.  She didn’t want to play when playtime was suggested.  She didn’t want to eat, when meals were prepared.  She didn’t want to clean up, she didn’t want to nap, she didn’t want to play, she didn’t want to pray.  Then, to top it all off, a huge snow storm hit our region and is potentially preventing us from getting to the airport and flying to visit family – she was not happy about these details.  She reacts and her reaction is to pout, throw a tantrum and fuss.  A man shouldn’t react that way.

As a grown up (or as a “growing” up), we must realize that our reactions to tough situations should be even keeled.  More properly put, our reactions should be “ordered”.  I recently watched a program on prison inmates.  The inmates seemed pretty calm and easy to get along with while on camera, but unruly, defiant and violent when someone made them mad.  They looked like a little kid who wasn’t getting their way, and anyone in their way paid the price.  A TrueMan reacts differently.

When I was younger, my reactions to tough situations were pitiful.  As I’ve grown older with age, and as I’ve come out the other side of a really bad rage problem, it has become very clear to me that men of virtue, ie: TrueMen, don’t allow their emotions to determine how they act.  TrueMen act out of truth… with responsible reactions.  It’s a good thing to work on.

Man up!

In a World of Negativity, Think Positive

There’s a lot of junk happening lately and lots of bad stuff happening in the world.  We’ve got gigantic problems in Washington, we’re fighting a war in the Middle East where there hasn’t been peace, well, ever.  We’re constantly facing persecution for being “moral, ethical citizens”.  Babies are being destroyed for the sake of convenience and preference.  A good deal of the time, it doesn’t seem like anything is ever going to get better.

Look on the bright side, we have lots to be thankful for.  Someone, somewhere has it much, much worse than you or me.  Belly-achin’ and complainin’ about stuff isn’t going to make anything better.  Yes, there are plenty of really horrible things taking place in our world, but they shouldn’t effect our daily lives from being focused and centered on Christ.

Imagine how badly St. Paul had it… beatings, being stoned, imprisonment and so on!  (Read Philippians 2:12-18.)

Thinking positively helps us take a bad situation and turn it into something decent.  There’s serious power in the reality of the power of positive thought.  I encourage everyone to try three things over the next three days, and see if your attitude changes.

1. Refrain from complaining.
2. Find a positive side to everything.
3. Do something kind for someone else at least once a day.

After three days, after you’ve tried these three things, comment back, or email, or post on Facebook, or wherever.  I want to know what you experienced.

Man up!

Thoughts from the Men’s Conference

This past Saturday, March 20th, men’s conferences took place in numerous cities all around the country.  From comments, updates, posts and blogs that I’ve seen, it appears that most of the conferences were huge successes.  The same can be said for the men’s conference in Colorado Springs, emcee’d by my friend Sean Dalton.  The speakers (for the most part) did a pretty good job.  I’m sure that many of the men would be able to find something they would have done differently, but overall, I think it was a success.  Here’s a recap of some of my favorite parts from the conference.

Dennis Murphy, a local Licensed Professional Counselor and teacher at the local Catholic high school, gave an incredible talk on the differences between men and women.  What I liked about what he did was that he used scientific knowledge of the brain to explain the neurological, physical, emotional and spiritual differences.  There’s a clear difference between the genders, and in order for the next generation(s) of boys to become men, we must allow them (encourage them, assist them, enliven them) to embrace their masculinity.  There’s also a big role in leading them toward masculinity.  Instead of suppressing a boy’s innate desire to turn a stick into a sword, bat, gun or bazooka, we should encourage this… not so he can be violent (unless the situation warrants violence for the protection of the defenseless) but so that he can understand how to protect and defend, as God commanded Adam to do in the Garden of Eden.

Later in the day, Dr. Tim Gray gave an incredible talk on “being the first over the wall”, an ancient Roman soldier’s goal when charging an enemy fortress.  He encouraged the men in the audience to be men of action, to stop complaining and take the lead.  The Roman soldier who got over the wall first won a golden crown, for his heroism, abilities in war and his leadership.  We men have the same task, but our crown is in Heaven.  He also spoke about what St. Thomas Aquinas wrote as “effeminacy”, basically calling out every and any man in the place who chooses comfort and pleasure over doing what is right.  He lumped himself in that group, on occasion, but at the same time showed that we are all growing and changing, learning from our mistakes, and that we should be striving to put comfort and pleasure behind what we ought to do.

Other speakers included Bill & Billy Moyer, a powerful father-son duo that emphasized the power of forgiveness, leadership and goal setting.  Unfortunately, I didn’t get to hear their entire talk, although what I did hear was very good.  Check them out at their website by clicking HERE.  We also heard from Curtis Martin, founder and President of FOCUS.  His talk was short and to the point, and great, I might add.  Curtis encouraged all the men to “get up off our fat butts” and do something.  He spoke of how there’s crisis everywhere and how the crisis will only stop when someone steps up and does something about it.  He told a story of how at the end of life, we all sit before the judgement seat and will have to answer for our actions in life.  What are we doing?  Is it worthy of Heaven?  Are we sitting around complaining, and not doing?  Are we waiting around for someone to lead us?  Are we making excuses?  His encouragement to get up after we fail was great for me to hear.  Sometimes, I think that this website, my speaking engagements, my graduate studies, my crazy 60 hours per week schedule at work and all the “other” stuff I do isn’t really worth it.  That sort of mentality comes straight from the evil deceiver.  We have to keep getting up and moving forward.

I want to congratulate the Diocese of Colorado Springs, especially Christian Meert and Rob Faughnan (two friends of mine) who were integral to the conference, for a job well done.

Man up!

Happy Feast of St. Joseph! The Man!

Happy Feast of St. Joseph!  Every year, I grow in deeper understanding of how great St. Joseph was.  The man was chosen to be the “Most Chaste Spouse” of Mary the Mother of God AND God-made-man’s adoptive father.  What a role to fill!  I looked back at what I wrote about St. Joseph last year and thought it would be good to post here again.  Enjoy the feast day!

“…Eliud, the father of Eleazar.  Eleazar became the father of Matthan, Matthan the father of Jacob, Jacob the father of Joseph, the husband of Mary.  Of her was born Jesus who is called the Messiah.”

Matthew Chapter 1 “The Genealogy of Jesus”.

Today (March 19) is the Feast of St. Joseph.  St. Joseph was Jesus’ earthly foster father, the husband of Mary (Jesus’ mother) and a faithful Jewish man.  We don’t know much about St. Joseph from Sacred Scripture, but we can deduce many things about his character, his demeanor and his effect on the world.  For men, we should strive to be like St. Joseph – holy, upright, honest, hardworking and just.  He was also a faithful man, a man of prayer and he allowed the Lord to work through his life.  Can you imagine being selected by God to be the foster father of the Messiah?  Obviously, Mary was selected as special by God to be the God-bearer (theotokos), why would God not also select a special man to be her husband and the protector of the God-bearer?  He knew the role he was undertaking and accepted it whole-heartidly.  He never failed to set the example of manliness for his son, Jesus.  As we look to Christ to learn what He taught us, we must believe that He learned a great deal of what He knew from his earthly father, Joseph; therefore, telling us a great deal about Joseph.

As a father, I see characteristics in St. Joseph that I know I must possess.  His example of virtue is second to none.  In order to pass on faith, tradition and a legacy, I must first act out of love – setting the bar high for my children – so that my actions always precede my words and never contradict them.  St. Joseph, the model for men – father, husband, man of faith and prayer, worker, protector, servant to the Lord.  St. Joseph, pray for us.

Man up!

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