A Change of Command

In a move that many see as an absolute must, Pope Benedict XVI appointed a new Archbishop to the Archdiocese of Los Angeles. The Archdiocese of Los Angeles is the largest diocese in the US, however at the same time, one of the worst off.  Archbishop Gomez, formerly of San Antonio, will be fully installed as Archbishop early in 2011.  His orthodoxy speaks for itself; we should expect to see some big changes in L.A. soon.  I came across this video and laughed quite hard around the 3:00 minute mark, along with other smirks, laughs and downright joy throughout other sections.  If you don’t understand what’s going on here please email me (Dave@TrueManhood.com) or find me on Facebook so that I can answer your questions, clarify any seemingly ‘gray’ areas or explain what’s happening more indepth.

I’m unable to embed the video in the post, so click HERE to watch it.  Wish I could post it directly.

TrueMan Up!

He Lost It

Maybe you saw this video from about 10 days ago.  It’s video of a minor league hockey coach who goes ballistic on the referee about a bad call against one of his players.  The coach is Jim Playfair, which is sort of ironic, considering.  Be sure to watch the folks in the stands, as well as the players to the coach’s left laughing at him.  Take a look.

If you can’t view the video, click HERE.

What’s amazing is that in our culture, this sort of behavior is glorified.  Although collectively, we think things such as “what a crazy man” or “that guy’s goin’ nuts”, we watch it and continually let it happen.  This particular video has been viewed over 555,000 times, and is merely one version of the incident.  The fact that this coach lost his cool like this shows that he’s not virtuous in the area of prudence, temperance or justice.  (A TrueMan is virtuous.)  I wonder what would happen at my office if someone acted this way.

I watched a few videos discussing this outburst, and one that caught my attention was a radio personality that said, something to the effect of, “this is a coach expressing emotion.  He’s defending his player, showing some emotion.  I don’t think it’s that big of a deal.”  In fact, the radio guy went on to call it “great”, that this coach did what he did.  Well, Mr. Smart-Radio-Personality-Guy, a TrueMan controls his emotions and doesn’t lash out like Mr. Playfair.  This was not great.

TrueMan Up!

For Women – Is He Mr. Right?

I recently came across an online article titled “Is He Mr. Right?”  I was curious what the article said, doubting that any of it was substantive or even remotely helpful.  The information was, well, eh.  The article had five main points, and if your “Mr. Next” met all five, then voilà!  “You’ve found Mr. Right!”  What do you think?

The first point was “He Listens to You”.  Huh?, what’s that?  Oh, sorry.  Although listening is a vital component to just about every human relationship, I don’t know that it’s essential in choosing Mr. Right.  The first point continues on, saying “you’ll know he listens to you when he shows genuine concern, consistently remembers things you’ve told him and offers emotional support in honest and thoughtful way.”  Well… I don’t think that the actions mentioned here are listening, although listening played a role.  The action is ‘showing’, ‘remembering’ and ‘offering’.  Listening doesn’t make things happen… doing does.  With that said, God gave us each 2 ears and only 1 mouth, meaning that we should probably listen twice as much as we talk.

The second point is rather silly… “He Connects with You.”  If a guy isn’t connecting with you, why are you dating him?

The third point is good, although not developed enough for my tastes… “He Wants the Real You.”  The author writes about a woman not giving up any part of her identity for a man, which is fine and good.  I think that when either person does that, it only leads to falsehood, and eventually, the truth comes out and problems come up.  I believe one of the best ways for the guy to really want the ‘real’ you, is for him to know you before you date.  This begins the topic of dating with a purpose, although we don’t have time for that here.

The fourth point is even better than the third.  Here it is, verbatim: “A relationship without trust is doomed from the start. But a relationship with abundant trust? A fabulous foundation for real and lasting love! Built over time, trust is based on the simple belief system that your partner has your best interests at heart and will never intentionally hurt you (and vice versa). If and when you discover that Mr. Next is 100 percent trustworthy, you’ll have no trouble giving your heart to him. In return, he’ll most likely give you his heart and pave the way for a lasting, loving relationship to unfold.”  Here’s my qualm with this on… be overly careful with who you give your heart to.  Just because he’s trustworthy, doesn’t make him worthy of your heart.  Be careful, please.

The fifth point isn’t all the great, at least not for the ‘all-encompassing’ characteristic that a man must have, blah blah blah.  “He Enriches Your Life.”  Is that the best this author can do?  What about virtue here?  What about how he treats you?  What about how compatible your life goals, dreams and aspirations are?  Again, as with the second point, this seems a bit silly for me.

I think the author is missing the boat, unless, of course, the point of dating is solely to have fun.  If that’s the case, then what’s the point in even caring about Mr. Right?  Why not just care about Mr. Right-Now?  The point should be that dating with a purpose is the only way that a relationship will truly last and truly bring happiness to both people.  These relationships, however, must have Christ at their center if they want that happiness.  Ladies, please know that you are incredible.  God created you for greatness and you have nothing stopping you from that.  You deserve the best and should never compromise for a counterfeit version of the best.  So many women attempt to find value in the things that happen to them (compliments, stares, successes at work, awards, etc.) instead of finding true value in the fact that you are a daughter of God.  He is the only place for true fulfillment.

Tuesdays with Daddy – Father’s Edition

To all the men who are fathers… today’s “Tuesdays with Daddy” is for you.  Unfortunately, my opportunity to be home with my girls on Tuesdays will be coming to an end in about a month.  I thought it would be a good idea to put forth a challenge to all the dads out there, to keep you thinking, to keep you purposeful in your parenting.  Read over these questions and be honest with yourself about the answers.  If something’s not up to par, make a change today.  I believe that we are all on a journey towards being the best father that we can be.  The journey requires us to always be moving forward, always toward being better.

• Do you tell your children, not just everyday, but every chance you have, that you love them?
• Do your actions match up with your words?
• Do you love your wife?
• Does your love (action!) match up with your “I love yous”?
• Do your children see you loving your wife?
• Do your children have a healthy and realistic understanding of love, or is it what they see on television, in movies and online?
• Do you prioritize your life well?  Or do you give one (or more) part more attention and neglect the other things you ought to be doing?
• Are you addicted to anything?  Porn?  Alcohol?  ESPN?  Work? etc.
• Are you working to overcome your addiction?  (Ask me if you need resources… Dave@TrueManhood.com)
• Do you strive to grow in virtue?
• Are you faithful to a daily prayer life?  To a Sacramental life?
• Do your children know that you pray?
• Do you pray with your children everyday?
• Are you actively involved in the spiritual formation of your children daily?
• Do you pass on responsibilities and place them on your wife and/or childcare provider?
• Do you rejoice in your children?
• What else do you need to work on?

Man up!

“Our lives change when our habits change.”  – Matthew Kelly

Are You a Supertasker?

Supertasker; have you heard this word yet?  I’ve only lately come across this newly “invented” conjecture.  (I like conjectures, especially those of an “invented” nature… TrueManhood, TrueMan, TrueMen, etc!)  I read about supertaskers in an online article.  The context of the word stems from the arguments about the potential success that an individual has while using a cell phone while driving, but it can also be used to describe people who can successfully do two or more things at once.

The findings in the article were pretty incredible and I write about this topic today to encourage you to make sensible and safe decisions when it comes to your cell phone use while driving.  Remember – as men, we are called to care for those around us in all we do.  The research shows that most people have problems with reaction time to braking, following distance and memory details of what took place during phone calls.  My encouragement stems from this finding, which held substantial evidence for the cause against driving and talking.  Many men believe that they are indestructible.  Many men believe that the “common finding” doesn’t apply to them, that they are somehow superior to the average Joe.  In this case, the research shows that most of us (I’m assuming I’m in this category, too) simply lose driving proficiency while on the phone.  Are you willing to risk the life of another human being, maybe even your girlfriend, wife or child, in order to take that call?  It just doesn’t make sense to push it.

Now, I’ll admit, I talk on the phone while I drive.  Where I think I’m different than most people (I’m NOT saying I’m a supertasker) is that I put driving first and the phone call second.  I’m aware of what’s going on, checking my mirrors, using my turn signal and so on.  I believe that I do a good job of successfully doing both the driving and the phone call.  However, it begs the question: “Is the phone call worth it?”  I realize that most of us are going to drive and talk.  I get it.  However, please allow me to urge you to set yourself up for success… use a hands-free device if you’re going to do it.  Hands-free doesn’t prevent accidents, but at least you have two hands available.  Pay attention to the road first, and if you must ask the person on the other line to repeat themselves, do it.  Save a life today.

By the way, studies show that only 2.5% of the population are supertaskers.  Most fighter pilots fall into the category of supertasker.

Man up!

Opening Day 2010

Today marks the start of the 2010 Major League Baseball season.  Best of luck to all the teams out there, especially to my Pirates, who need lots of help!  There’s something about heading out to the ballpark on a summer day, at least for those of us who like baseball.  If you aren’t a baseball fan, that’s fine… this post isn’t about baseball, per se.  Here at TrueManhood, we wanted to do a “compare and contrast” between baseball and manliness.

• Baseball is a game.  Manliness isn’t.
• Baseball is played during the summer.  Manliness is always.
• Baseball players can “mess up” 7 out of 10 times at bat over their entire career and be considered a Hall of Famer.  Manliness can’t sustain those numbers.
• Baseball is about trying to win most of the time.  Manliness strives to “win” all the time.  (“Win” here means to be a TrueMan.)
• Baseball allows men to throw tantrums, kick dirt, scream, cuss, chew and throw drink coolers.  Manliness never stands for that sort of behavior.

We could continue on for hours with this sort of thing.  I’ve got nothing against baseball, I enjoy baseball, especially when I get to play the game.  I grew up playing from an early age into my adult life, I take my family to the ballpark regularly and I really enjoy the playoff season.  What we need to be careful about, and this goes for everything in life (other sports, the Hollywood mentality, the online community, etc.) is to take baseball in using moderation.  Manliness, however, we should take in with excess!  (Remember, manliness means living a virtuous life!)

Man up!

True God and TrueMan

The Easter Triduum is an incredible celebration within our Church’s liturgical calendar.  The Triduum is the time from Holy Thursday until Easter Day, which includes so many incredible elements to our faith, such as: The Institution of the Eucharist at the Last Supper!  The Institution of the Priesthood, Christ humbling Himself (as our example, especially for men) as a servant-leader with the washing of the feet, Christ’s Passion, Christ’s death on the cross as the Paschal Lamb – the Passover fulfillment, and tomorrow, the celebration of His Resurrection!  What a rich and humbling tradition of redemption we have!

We should see Christ as our model.  He is the perfection of manliness.  He is all virtue.  He is sacrificial, even to the point of death.  He is a servant leader.  It is these characteristics that we should be striving for.  In the Divine Praises, we pray the following statement… “Blessed be Jesus Christ, true God and true man.”  This verse has become the tagline for our ministry here at TrueManhood (scroll down this page to see!), and for good reason.  We’re all asking the question, “what does it mean to be a real man?”  The answer lies with Christ.  When you get up in the morning, throughout the entire day, and again before you go to bed, I recommend that you immerse yourself in the life of Christ so that you can learn what He did while He walked this earth and also, so that you learn what He continues to do, as He sits at the right hand of the Father in Heaven.  This means, first and foremost, that you are praying continually!  A daily, fervent prayer life will aid you greatly.  [Don’t know how to pray?… shoot me an email and we’ll chat.  Dave@TrueManhood.com.]  Next, I recommend that you gaze upon Christ on the cross.  His sacrifice is there and present on the cross.  The image of Christ on the cross reminds us of what and who He is and why He did what He did for us, all of us.  Stare at Him.  Unite your suffering to Him.  Serve as He served.  Lead as he led.  Love as He loved.

I pray that your Lenten experience was fruitful this year.  Be aware that you can give up things (this is called fasting) anytime (not on Sundays)… it doesn’t have to be only during Lent.  Work to control your will, so that by saying ‘no’ in the little things, you can say ‘no’ to the big temptations.  Practicing what the Church suggests for us during Lent is good to continue throughout the entire year.

Man up!

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