“Winner at Home”

I saw this on the Father’s For Good website and thought it would be good to post here as well.  Great job, Trever Miller!

“Cardinals’ lefthander, a Knight of Columbus, has challenges on and off the field”

By Brian Caulfield

“As he begins his 12th season as a major league pitcher, Trever Miller is familiar with baseball’s performance measurements: earned run average, strikeout-walk ratio, winning percentage, saves and a dozen other metrics. A lanky lefty reliever with the St. Louis Cardinals, who specializes in retiring left-handed batters in late innings, he even holds a major league record for consecutive mound appearances without a win or loss decision. Having pitched for five teams, the 37-year-old hurler’s lifetime record is a respectable 18-16.

But as a father of a child who was born with two holes in her heart and a genetic disorder so rare that it doesn’t have a name, Miller measures success in life in more basic ways these days – the next breath, a winning smile, a new movement from his daughter Grace. She was not supposed to leave the hospital after birth yet turns a miraculous 7 years old in June.

“Faith goes with the territory,” Miller said last month during the Cardinals’ spring training in Florida. “Grace is my hero and my inspiration. She has overcome more physical tests than I ever have in a lifetime of baseball.”

Miller is a member of the Knights of Columbus’ Our Lady of the Rosary Council 8104 in Land o’ Lakes, Florida. He was brought into the fraternal Order by his father, Terry Miller, who serves as financial secretary for the same council. Father and son are both Fourth Degree Knights in Fr. Malachy Hugh Maguire Assembly 2741.

“I grew up Catholic, went to Catholic school” in Louisville, Kentucky, said the younger Miller. He attends Mass each Sunday and when Mass is offered in the Cardinals’ clubhouse through an arrangement with the group Catholic Athletes for Christ.

One of Kentucky’s all-time great baseball stars at Trinity High School, Miller was drafted by the Detroit Tigers after graduating. He spent a few years in the minors before breaking into the big leagues in 1996.

A year earlier, he married Pari, his wife of 16 years, and they have three children: Tyler, 14, who is a member of the Columbian Squires; McKenzie, 13, and Grace. After his youngest child was born, he and his wife had a choice to make about her treatment. The couple opted for life and hope by approving surgery to close the holes in her tiny heart.

Today, she cannot walk or talk, and a simple cold can mean a trip to the emergency room to prevent fluid from filling her lungs. Still, Grace attends school as often as she can and receives regular therapy.

“She’s a battler, she’s tough,” said Terry Miller, her grandfather. “She’s the only child with her condition who has lived beyond one year, so nothing would surprise me, even if she started talking one day. I’m sure she’d have a lot to tell us.”

Trever Miller tells of dark days a few years ago when he was angry with everyone, including God, over his daughter’s condition.

“We were stunned, we didn’t understand,” he recalled. “We had to stress acceptance, and as a father I wanted to fix her situation and I couldn’t. It was a helpless feeling.”

As a man who makes his living by his physical abilities, acceptance has been difficult. “Dads are looked to as Mr. Fix It, but no matter what I couldn’t fix this. It was tough that I couldn’t control this.”

He now pours his frustration into running, completing two 26.2-mile marathons and wearing a t-shirt that reads: “26 for Grace, .2 for me.”

“I think our faith in God and his running was his saving,” his wife said.

Miller agrees. “One thing all this has done is to keep our family praying,” he said. “Because of this, Grace has so many other people praying for her too.”

Trever Miller is hoping for a stellar year with the Cardinals, but he knows that his biggest wins will be at home with his family.”

Eyes on the Cross

Men… this Easter, I urge you to look towards the ultimate example of manliness – Jesus Christ.  He exemplifies all of the traits that we innately desire… courage, strength, prudence, wisdom.  He is our guide.  He is our model.  He is our way.  His sacrificial gift on the cross doesn’t end, it goes on.

If you ever have trouble praying, or simply want to attempt to prevent distraction and daydreaming in prayer, I suggest that you get a well-made crucifix or a well-done painting/picture of Jesus.  Gaze upon the crucifix and allow the reality of His sacrifice to sink in.  Personally, I used to carry around a very special St. Benedict crucifix that was gifted to me from a friend who attended the Toronto World Youth Day and had it blessed by Pope John Paul II.  (I say “used to” because all the time in my pocket, day-in and day-out, wore the metal of the crucifix down and the corpus of Jesus became distorted, so instead of continuing to damage it, I stopped carrying it.)  On my home office desk, I have a crucifix statue that stands near my laptop.  In every room in our home, we have a crucifix.  At all times, I carry a Rosary in my pocket with the crucifix.  Why?  So that I can, at any time, gaze upon the man I want to be like.  I want to serve like He served.  I want to be strong like He was strong.  I want to love as He loved.

For many of us, we’ve heard “Keep your eye on the ball.”  or, “Keep your eyes on the prize.”  I say, Keep your eyes on the Cross.

TrueMan up!

PS: If I get a request from at least 3 readers, I’ll explain more about the significance of the St. Benedict crucifix that was purchased for me at WYD in Toronto.  Send them via the comment section below or via email!

From Her Perspective

The following is a poem written by a woman – a wife, a mother – that was devastated by her husbands addiction to pornography.  I don’t know the name of the poet, but I’ve spoken with many women who share her feelings.  Please take a few minutes and read this powerful poem.

“I Looked For Love in Your Eyes.”

I saved my best for you.
Other girls may have given themselves away,
But I believed in the dream.
A husband, a wife, united as one forever.

Nervous, first time, needing assurance of your love,
I looked for it in your eyes
Mere inches from mine.
But what I saw made my soul run and hide.

Gone was the tenderness I’d come to know
I saw a stranger, cold and hard
Distant, evil, revolting.
I looked for love in your eyes
And my soul wept.

Who am I that you cannot make intimate love to me?
Why do I feel as if I’m not even here?
I don’t matter.
I’m a sexual prop in a filthy play.
Not an object of tender devotion.

Where are you?

Years pass
But the hardness in your eyes does not.
You think I’m cold
But how can I warm to eyes that are making “mental sex” to someone else
Instead of making love to me?

I know where you are.
I’ve seen the pictures.
I know now what it takes to turn you on.
Women…someone’s young daughter like I once was

Women …. But artificially enhanced, acting, used and then discarded.
Images burned into your brain.
How could you think they would not show in your eyes?
Because souls don’t matter, only female bodies do
To men who consume them.

Did you ever imagine,
The first time you picked up a dirty picture
That you were dooming all intimacy between us
Shipwrecking your marriage
Breaking the heart of a wife you wouldn’t meet for many years?

If it stopped here, I could bear it.
But you brought the evil into our home
And our little boys found it.
Six and eight years old.
I heard them laughing, I found them ogling, their innocence now gone.

Little boys
My little boys
Laughing and ogling the sexual body
Of a woman, a woman like me.
Someone like me!

An image burned into their brains.

Will their wives’ souls have to run and hide like mine does?
When does it end?

I can tell you this. It has not ended in your soul.
It has eaten you up. It is cancer.
Do you think you can feed on a diet of distorted fantasies
And come out of your locked room to love?

You say the words, but love has no meaning in your mouth
When self-centeredness rules in your heart.
Your addiction has eaten up every vestige of the man
I thought I was marrying.
Did you ever dream it would so consume you
That your wife and children would live in fear of your hidden problem?

That is what you have become
Feeding your soul on poison.

I’ve never used porn.
But it has devastated my marriage, my family, my world.

Was it worth it?

If you are a woman dealing with your husband’s addiction to pornography, or any man’s addiction to pornography, you are not alone.  There are numerous resources available.  I’m an open door and welcome your emails or phone calls anytime.  Email me at Dave(at)TrueManhood(dot)com or call our offices at (412) 475-TRUE.

Men – it is time to stop thinking that your pornography use doesn’t effect anyone else.  It effects every part of your life, every relationship and every future relationship.  If you need help with your addiction, please contact me for a list of resources.

If any women are reading this who are addicted (studies say that 1 out of every 5 women is addicted to pornography), there are great resources for you as well.

TrueMan up!

Family Movie Night

I heard about this at a conference I attended earlier this week in Baltimore.  I was very excited to know that some mainstream corporations were finally stepping up and doing something about the disastrous and diplorable programming on network television.  Wal-Mart and Proctor&Gamble teamed up to create Family Movie Night.  You may have seen the ads on either NBC or FOX over the past year, or maybe you’re like me and you’re only now hearing about this.  Tonight, Saturday April 16, 2011, the 5th and final movie will air.  You and your family can see it at 8/7c on FOX.

If the movie ratings do well, these sorts of corporations may be open to making more family friendly television.  Programming that is family friendly, virtuous, wholesome and uplifting.  This isn’t necessarily a religious/faith-based issue.  This is an American issue – taking back our families.

It’s not necessarily about the movie content, actors or storyline.  It’s about proving to the network executives, producers, directors, writers, actors, critics and the rest, that “heart and soul” Americans want their families back, they want their living rooms back and they want their children back.  If you’ve ever complained about what’s on television before, because it wasn’t appropriate for either you or your children, then here is your chance to “vote with your remote”.  If the ratings for a movie like this one are high, the networks will be more  likely to produce and promote other films along the same lines.

Here’s the trailer for what you can see tonight on FOX.

If you’re not going to watch this tonight, and choose not to vote with your remote, stop complaining about the degradation of America through the television, media and movies.  Stand up and do something about it.  If you’re not going to be home, turn your television on to FOX and leave it playing.  Your remote vote will make a difference.

Please pass this info along to all of the Americans that want to see a change on what’s on television.

TrueMan up!

More Embarrassing Than Anything Else?

This story has been in the news a significant amount over the past 11 months or so, but I thought it good to discuss it here on, apparently, the last stage of the case.  Lawrence Taylor, former NFL Linebacker for the NY Giants, was indicted on several counts of sexual misconduct, prostitution, having sex with an underage female, etc. etc. in May of 2010.  (For the entire case file and details, google or youtube videos for more specifics.)  Yesterday, Taylor was in court for his sex offender hearing.

There are lots of details to this case, but I want to focus on his response on this FOX News show.  Watch it then read below.

If you watched closely, you may have seen some of the glaring problems that I saw.  For instance, LT tried to justify his actions.  He seemed to shrug off the gravity of his actions.  He attempted to answer several of the questions, but as he proceeded, he seemingly realized that his honest answer would “get him in trouble” at home with his wife and he backed off.  As he stumbled through his answers, you could tell from both his body language and his stuttering that he was trying to give the political answer instead of owning up to what he did.  (From the start, LT’s story changed.  Originally, he said he never had sex with the prostitute, a 16 year old girl.  Then he admitted to pieces of the story, then eventually, he admitted – after taking a plea deal – to all of the charges.)  LT, you should have been honest from the start.  Better yet, you shouldn’t have been looking to a pimp to find you a woman to fornicate with.

And, what’s the deal with “then it’s all clean”???  Prostitution isn’t clean.  It does mess with emotions, with the chemical makeup, with relationships.  It’s not clean at all.

And another thing… yes, some of us are trying to shut down the sex trafficking industry!  One by one, 10 by 10, whatever it takes.

And no, Mr. Taylor, not everyone goes to prostitutes.  In fact, most of us don’t.  Please don’t speak for the rest of us.

Beyond the first interview, (in part 2) LT talks about his 5 year old son.  He appears to believe that his son will be a better man because of what he (LT) has gone through.  Let me tell you something… it doesn’t work like that.  Little boys act like their daddies, whether good bad or indifferent.  For the bad daddies, unless someone, hopefully their daddy himself, intervenes and sets a better example, the little boy is prone to bad behavior.  That’s painting the picture with broad strokes, but it’s the statistics.

In the end, I’m not saying there’s no hope for this guy.  I’m not saying that he won’t make it through.  I’m not saying that he’s going to use prostitutes again, or that his son is hopeless, or that a conversion to our Lord isn’t possible.  What I’m saying, similar to what I said about Tiger Woods, is that men like this, who have loads of influence and power, are detrimental to manliness because of their lack of knowledge and implementation of virtue.

TrueMan up!

Not Classy

Yes, the title of this post is intended to be a pun.  

What was this guy thinking?

No virtue, especially no temperance.  Poor judgment.  Anything to get a little porn in the classroom.  And what about the black mail here?  $150 for extra credit?  What’s up with that?

For the record, LaSalle University is not on the Newman Guide for Catholic colleges that are faithful to a Catholic identity and faithful to the Magisterium.

TrueMan up!

Manly Men – Another Explanation

I’m convinced that people who dislike this blog typically don’t read this sort of post – an attempt to, once again, clarify our stance on authentic masculinity in the world, as well as our opinions on a lot of other things .  Instead, they only read the controversial posts like boys not wrestling girls, girls not being altar servers, posts speaking about porn addiction, and so on.  I will attempt to clarify what it means to be a TrueMan because it appears as though the understanding is blurred.

First, a TrueMan attempts to live a life in imitation of Jesus Christ.  Jesus is the perfection of masculinity and set the perfect example for all men.  He lived virtue, in fact, it would be better put by saying “Jesus is virtue”, namely the greatest virtue of Charity (Love).  “Blessed be Jesus Christ, True God and TrueMan” – from the Divine Praises.

Second, authentic manliness is NOT about how many “manly” activities, hobbies, likes/dislikes you do or don’t do.  It’s not about how strong you are physically.  It’s not about how many women you’ve slept with.  It’s not about how much facial hair you can grow or not grow.  It’s not about what vehicle you drive, or how fast, slow or unsafely you drive it.  It’s not about what house you live in, what job you have, how many countries you’ve visited.  It’s not about how much money you have in the bank.  It’s not about a lot of earthlythings.  It’s about virtue. Plain and simple.  Possessing virtue means that you have the “habitual and firm disposition to do the good” and that you “do the good with ease, with joy, promptly and consistently.”  The more virtuous you are, the more manly you are.  (Click HERE to view “TrueManhood’s Guide to Virtue”.)

Third, we are not hateful towards any group, religion, affiliation or creed.  If we have ever come across in that manner, we apologize.  However, we disagree with a number of groups, religions, affiliations and creeds.  We realize that many of them disagree with us.  That’s okay.  Hating someone and disagreeing with them are two very, very different things.  Please keep these distinctions clear.

Next, we have three general tactics at TrueManhood.com.  They are:

1. We Fight Pornography
2. We Fight “Cultural Manliness”
3. We Strive to Live Virtue

Lastly, I’d like to clear up a few things… we’re not misogynists, homophobes, close-minded, irrational, racist, bigoted, meatheads or any of the other numerous (and often slanderous) names we’ve been called.  We’re a group of men trying to be better men so that we can better ourselves, our marriages, our families, our communities, our workplaces, our country and our Church.  We’re not perfect, nor do we profess to be.  We are on a journey.

If you like what we do at TrueManhood, then please, continue to come back and continue to support us.  If not, there are a lot of other websites out there for you.

TrueMan up!

Next Page »