A Father to a Son

My new name is Dave DiNuzzo Sr… yep, we found out that we’re having a boy!  I am excited beyond words. I love all of my children, but to know that I now have the responsibility to raise a boy into TrueManhood is an honor and privilege. God has entrusted me with many things in life (such as being a father to daughters! – what a task!) and I couldn’t be more excited to embrace the challenges, peaks & valleys, and joys that will come in my life.

Recently, I received an email from a mother whose teenage son has been getting into some trouble and coming home drunk.  He’s the new kid at school and really struggling.  She asked for advice on what to do for her son, here’s what I wrote to her:

“First, what is his relationship with his father like?  This is the foundation of a young boy – how he sees his father will dictate much of what he does in life.  If his father is not involved, GET HIM INVOLVED.  All fathers must show their sons (and daughters – but that’s another discussion altogether) that they 1. love them 2. cherish them 3. are proud of them.  A father has to prove to his children, with his actions, that he cares.  One great way is simply by spending time with the child, doing something the child enjoys.  Many times, the child likes to do what the father likes to do, simply because the child knows that they’ll be able to be with him.  A son learns by his father’s example, first and foremost.  If a father loves and cherishes his children, they will know.  They will then be much quicker to correlate the love of their father with the love of God the Father!  If his father isn’t involved, stress the importance of his involvement.  A son wants to please his father, but if they are fighting, disagreeing and at each other’s throats all the time, the son will “protect” himself and will disengage.  “Fight with my father all the time or spend time with other kids that don’t like their parents either?”  — easy decision, if you’re 17.

A potential problem here is the influence of the kids at his new school.  Being the “new kid” is never fun, unless you show to all the other kids that you’re cool enough, smart enough, have enough “game” (as they call it) and that you deserve to be welcomed in.  The peer pressure for a 17 yr old boy to fit in is intense.  Ask him about this sort of topic and see what’s weighing on his mind.  If you attempt to talk to your son, which I HIGHLY ENCOURAGE AND RECOMMEND, do it as you would any adult.  Choose to respect him and his developmental stage enough to talk clearly and openly with him.  Showing him you love him will open his barriers, and hopefully, after a period of time, you will be able to get in.  If you’ve never talked to him about something like this before, start slow.  Don’t be a bull in a china cabinet, be soft and gentle, yet firm and clear with your expectations.”

Clearly, I could have continued on, mentioning many more tactics and ideas, but that’s not the point.  I want to draw your attention to the first part, about the father’s role.  As fathers (or one-day-fathers) we should all be aware of our influence on our children.  This is the most important human relationship we have, second only to our relationship with our spouse.  As fathers, we must strive to get better at being a dad.

Look at your life and your interaction with your children.  Look also at the interaction with your wife.  Are you being the example you really want to be?  Are you loving as Christ loves?  Are you giving your all?  Are you being selfish?  If you aren’t where you want/need to be, work to get there!

TrueMan up!