An Explanation on Ephesians Chapter 5
On semi-regular occasions, I come across stories of men and women who look at Ephesians Chapter 5 in a different way than the Church does. It often appears that they take the writings out of context and make them something that they are not. I want to take a few minutes to explain portions of this sometimes mistaken portion of Scripture. Note: I am not a Biblical scholar – I recommend that you cross-check my words here with other sources for full understanding.
Starting at verse 21 in chapter 5, St. Paul tells Wives and Husbands “Be subordinate to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives should be subordinate to their husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is head of his wife just as Christ is head of the Church, He Himself the savior of the body. As the Church is subordinate to Christ, so wives should be subordinate to their husbands in everything.” A few hard-hitting verses. If we stop at this verse, we see the writer (St. Paul) asking women to be subordinate to their man in everything. It almost appears that a woman should blindly follow her husband simply because he is 1. her husband and 2. the head of his wife. We might look at this and say that a wife needs to be “below” her husband and always do as he tells her. The image of a slave and a master comes to mind here. After all, it’s right there in Scripture – right?
Not quite. We need to continue reading to finish out this section. 25: “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ loved the Church and handed Himself over for her to sanctify her, cleansing her by the bath of water with the word, that He might present to Himself the Church in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. So also husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one hates his own flesh but rather nourishes and cherishes it, even as Christ does the Church, because we are members of His body.” We see a much different story when we continue reading. St. Paul isn’t writing this to women alone. Most importantly, he is writing this to husbands; husbands are the readers who especially need to heed these words.
Look at this with me: scripture tells us that husbands should love their wives as Christ loved the Church. Christ didn’t love the Church out of dictatorial power… He loved the Church out of service, out of self-sacrifice and out of pure virtue. If we leave this part out of our understanding, our understanding lacks truth and our relationship with our spouse suffers. Again, St. Paul is speaking to the men, saying “Men, serve your wife! LOVE you wife! Give up what you want for the sanctity and holiness of your wife! Love her as you love yourself! Want what’s best for her, never thinking about yourself first!” I can imagine him being incredibly frustrated with men who were lacking as husbands, trying to get them to see that Christ set the example of being a real husband (a TrueMan) for them and that they simply need to emulate Him in order to succeed.
This means, for us men who are or who will be husbands, that we MUST act as Christ acted. We must be perfected so that our actions, thoughts, words and deeds line up with how Christ would have done them. We must be sacrificial in the way that we treat our wife. Christ was a servant leader, He said “I come to serve, not to be served.” Do that… don’t live to be served.
On a practical note: as you look at your marriage and begin to digest what you are reading, realize that countless blessings will come from being a servant leader for your wife. Being a servant leader means that you are serving while leading. Service comes first. Want respect from your wife? Respect her first. Want your wife to honor you? Honor her first. Want your wife to trust you? Trust her first. It’s a simple formula and this formula will change your life. Christ calls us to act in the manner He acted, so guess what… if you are trying to act as Christ acted, you can’t be selfish, ever. Serve your wife, serve your kids, serve your co-workers, serve everyone, and do it ahead of yourself and your needs. It will change your life.
Man up!
