Manly Men – Another Explanation

I’m convinced that people who dislike this blog typically don’t read this sort of post – an attempt to, once again, clarify our stance on authentic masculinity in the world, as well as our opinions on a lot of other things .  Instead, they only read the controversial posts like boys not wrestling girls, girls not being altar servers, posts speaking about porn addiction, and so on.  I will attempt to clarify what it means to be a TrueMan because it appears as though the understanding is blurred.

First, a TrueMan attempts to live a life in imitation of Jesus Christ.  Jesus is the perfection of masculinity and set the perfect example for all men.  He lived virtue, in fact, it would be better put by saying “Jesus is virtue”, namely the greatest virtue of Charity (Love).  “Blessed be Jesus Christ, True God and TrueMan” – from the Divine Praises.

Second, authentic manliness is NOT about how many “manly” activities, hobbies, likes/dislikes you do or don’t do.  It’s not about how strong you are physically.  It’s not about how many women you’ve slept with.  It’s not about how much facial hair you can grow or not grow.  It’s not about what vehicle you drive, or how fast, slow or unsafely you drive it.  It’s not about what house you live in, what job you have, how many countries you’ve visited.  It’s not about how much money you have in the bank.  It’s not about a lot of earthlythings.  It’s about virtue. Plain and simple.  Possessing virtue means that you have the “habitual and firm disposition to do the good” and that you “do the good with ease, with joy, promptly and consistently.”  The more virtuous you are, the more manly you are.  (Click HERE to view “TrueManhood’s Guide to Virtue”.)

Third, we are not hateful towards any group, religion, affiliation or creed.  If we have ever come across in that manner, we apologize.  However, we disagree with a number of groups, religions, affiliations and creeds.  We realize that many of them disagree with us.  That’s okay.  Hating someone and disagreeing with them are two very, very different things.  Please keep these distinctions clear.

Next, we have three general tactics at TrueManhood.com.  They are:

1. We Fight Pornography
2. We Fight “Cultural Manliness”
3. We Strive to Live Virtue

Lastly, I’d like to clear up a few things… we’re not misogynists, homophobes, close-minded, irrational, racist, bigoted, meatheads or any of the other numerous (and often slanderous) names we’ve been called.  We’re a group of men trying to be better men so that we can better ourselves, our marriages, our families, our communities, our workplaces, our country and our Church.  We’re not perfect, nor do we profess to be.  We are on a journey.

If you like what we do at TrueManhood, then please, continue to come back and continue to support us.  If not, there are a lot of other websites out there for you.

TrueMan up!

Good For You, Young Man

Have you heard of this story?  A young man from Iowa, named Joel Northrup, declined to wrestle a young lady in the Iowa High School State Wrestling Tournament.  He lost by default and the young lady he was supposed to wrestle, who won by default, moved on in the tournament.  This was the first time in the 85 year history  that a female wrestled in the state tournament in Iowa.  This year, not only one girl, Cassy, but two girls made it.  The other young lady was named Megan.

Joel said that he didn’t believe that boys should wrestle girls.  I agree with him.  It’s inappropriate.   He said, “I have a tremendous amount of respect for Cassy and Megan and their accomplishments.”  For Northrup, it doesn’t appear to be a fear thing; he’s not afraid of these girls.  He was 35-4 in matches this year and has already had success in Iowa in previous years.  It’s a matter of principle for him.

“Wrestling is a combat sport and it can get violent at times,” said Northrup. “As a matter of conscience and my faith I do not believe that it is appropriate for a boy to engage a girl in this manner. It is unfortunate that I have been placed in a situation not seen in most other high school sports in Iowa.”

Here’s a bit from his coach…

What does he mean by a “matter of my faith?”  What does being a Christian man have to do with not wrestling a woman?  (Just writing that sentence seems silly to me.)  I’d say that it goes back to our creation as men.  It speaks to the heart of a man.  Deep inside every man is a sense of wildness, a rugged “warrior” drive and our natural inclination towards adventure.  There’s nothing natural inside a man that says “I should my brute strength to pin a woman to the floor to win a tournament.”  In the history of wrestling, dating back to the ancient Greeks, men and women never wrestled one another.  In fact, women never wrestled at all.  Females wrestling is a pretty new invention.

It’s a weird proposition, having to wrestle a girl.  I should know… I wrestled two girls in middle school.  Unfortunately, I didn’t have the courage that Joel had, to say “I default”.  The young ladies that I wrestled in middle school were sweet girls, and pretty feminine, they also happened to like to wrestle.  I’m not really sure why.

Some people would then ask, “Dave, what if your daughters came to you and said, “Daddy, I want to wrestle.”?”  What would I say? I’d say no.  It’ll be a ‘no’ if they come and ask me to be a boxer.  It’ll be a ‘no’ if they come and ask me to be an altar server at Mass.  It would be ‘no’ to a lot of questions.  It’s not authentically feminine for women to do things men are naturally inclined to do.  I’ve written about this a lot – we (men and women) were created with equal dignity, but separate roles.  It’s NOT a bad thing, it’s a GREAT thing!  When men do what they were created for and women do what they were created for IT WORKS!  If that gets all screwed up, everything falls apart.

When I write posts like these, I typically get at least one feminist email spewing hate towards me and this view point (which isn’t solely mine – but that of the Church as well).  I get called all sorts of names and get blamed for being a chauvinist and hateful and harsh and intolerant and so forth.  I welcome those emails because it creates good dialogue.  It’s not about some notion of equality, that a woman should be able to do whatever a man can do.  It’s about the notion of order.  So, if you read this and disagree, let me know.

TrueMan up!

Through Thick and Thin

Thanks to my man Travis for sending this video along.  Blew him away, so he sent it.  Blew me away, so I’m posting it.

Chris Medina – I have no idea if you made it past the initial cuts, but that doesn’tmatter.  You’re doin’ it right, bro.  You made all the men who strive to serve their wives step up their service and love.  Keep on.

Stories like this one should make us all stop and look at what we do and how we spend our days.  We were created for something more than ourselves and for something better than we have currently.  Striving for perfection, as Scripture instructs us, is so very hard.  Living a life of service, as a man of God, is hard.  Hard as it may be for Chris and his fiancée, I bet if you asked him if he’s happy, he’d tell you he’s more happy today than ever before.  Maybe he’ll read this and let us know first-hand.

Wow.

TrueMan up!

Couldn’t Disagree More

In this video, Ted Haggard spouts off about forgiveness and restoration.  Haggard, an ex-evangelical preacher, you may recall, was caught up in a web of lies when his gay male prostitute “mistress”, also a meth addict, outed him and exposed him to not only his wife and children, but to his congregation (New Life Church in Colorado Springs – a non-denominational mega church) and the world.  Haggard was destroyed in the tabloids, the news, the reports, on the web and especially in Christian circles.  He was a fraud and led many astray because of his actions.

When Haggard speaks of restoration, he speaks as though he deserves it.  Although he can be forgiven, his attitude doesn’t seem (at least not to me) to be in the right place and it doesn’t seem that he wants to take any responsibility.  I’ve seen him in other videos and have always felt the same about those interviews.  He seems to place a lot of blame and like he doesn’t want to accept his consequences.  Not very manly, if you ask me.  “…Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.”

I couldn’t disagree more with what he says in this video.  He speaks of “the church”, as most Protestants do, as the group of people who believe in Christ.  As Catholics, we speak of “The Church” in a different way and I think that, as She always has, The Church does a great job of restoring people.  It’s frustrating to see a video like this because this ex-pastor, who still has influence on people and can give them reasons not to believe, feels like he can say whatever he wants with complete disregard for who hears it or who he affects.

Watch it and see what you think.  Leave me comments.

TrueMan up!

Let God Do It

Recently, I’ve been thinking about my life and how God has blessed me.  I think about it all the time, really.  I constantly pray in thanksgiving, for my life has been very abundant and gets better as every day comes and goes.  When I look at my family, my children and wife especially, my occupation, my friends, my stuff, my home, my ministry, my faith… I realize that I am a blessed man.  God certainly remains faithful.  I think about all of this in the context of time and relate it to others that I know that struggle with letting it all happen in God’s time.  Whether it be a job situation, a financial situation, a relationship, having children, whatever the case may be, many people desire to control the situation and try to do it all their own.  My advice… Let God do it!

Take a look at my life, for example, and see how (in only a short period of time) my entire life has come together.

10 years ago, I was a two-faced 19 year old boy, living one life in public and one life in private.  I was an evangelical Protestant at the time, who hated Catholicism and most Catholics.  I was merely a college jock, a rage-aholic, a porn addict, a womanizer, angry-as-all-get-out and lost in my own selfishness and pride.  School didn’t matter to me, I was lazy (a sloth, really) and concerned with very little in the world.  I didn’t have a serious girlfriend (who would’ve wanted to date me?!), and if I was seeing anyone, it was almost always about getting some sort of physical pleasure from them.   Never to be a self-sacrificing gift of self.  Never to be a leader. Never about being a TrueMan.

8 years ago, I had a profound conversion.  I experienced Christ in the Eucharist and desired wholeheartedly to be part of His Church, the Holy Roman Catholic Church.  I was over my rage issue, was dealing with my porn addiction, wasn’t two faced anymore for “my yes meant yes and my no meant no” and many other blessings were coming around.  I was still single, but that was okay.  It wasn’t the right time yet.

6 years ago I was working as a Catholic missionary with FOCUS (Fellowship of Catholic University Students).  I made very little money, about 2/3 below the poverty line!, but it didn’t matter to me.  I was changing lives.  Then, it happened.  I met Catherine.  From then until now, a very short period of time, my life has gone into hyper-drive.  God has brought me every blessing I could imagine and I am so grateful for it.  Catherine and I started dating.  We had very little.  We took it a day at a time and now, 3 children, a mortgage, a thriving website, a career of my dreams and a solid marriage later, here we are, blessed abundantly.  We’ve been married 4.5 years.  It didn’t take long.  God blesses in His time, in His way, through His plan.  Not mine.  My plan stunk. My time was rubbish.  My way was wrong.  Only in Him will we find our joy.

Why do I share this?  To toot my horn at you?  No.  To show you that God has great things planned for you?  Yes.  To suggest that you step back from control and worry?  Yes.  To say, “I’ve been there.  I’ve been down in that ditch.  I’ve been wallowing in my own filth and that’s not the place for you!”  Yes!

Look, 10 years ago when I had a horrible life, was angry and with only a few friends, I had little hope for life.  I was in a place of despair.  I was to the point where I figured no woman would ever want me.  That meant I wouldn’t have kids.  That meant that I wouldn’t fulfill my dream of being a dad.  I didn’t think my career would mean much because I had no drive.  Overall, I figured God had given up on me.  In reality, though, I had given up and put God on the back burner.  No, actually, I had put God down in the crevice between the cabinet and the side of the oven where all the crumbs, dust and grease are.  I tried to do it all on my own. I thought that was being self-sufficient.  I thought that doing it on my own was manliness.  I thought that dominating a young woman meant being manly and leading.  Once I let Go, I saw more clearly.  (Let Go and Let God.)  I let God work, I let God bless, I let God love.  I accepted it.  I welcomed it.  I was ready for it.  God’s time was the right time.

Will your life play out like this?  No, not necessarily.  Your life will play out the way God wants it to play out… if you let Him work in you.  He’ll be there, regardless of what you decide.  But take it from me, surrendering your life to Him now makes a whole lot more sense than living the way I was.  Give up the control, the self-sufficiency (in the context I used it above) and seek Him.  Let God do it!

TrueMan up!

Incredible Story

I don’t have the time now, but soon I will post the incredible story of the birth of our miracle baby, my son, Dave Jr.

You will want to come back to read this incredible story.

TrueMan up!

Archbishop Promotes Fight Against Porn

Great work, Archbishop Naumann!  This is my favorite quote, from a great Shepherd!  “We fail our people if we’re not courageous in preaching about chastity, as well as offering opportunities to help those seeking to live chastely.” – Archbishop Joseph Naumann.  Read below.

Kansas City archbishop promotes fight against porn

By T. Baklinski.  KANSAS CITY, January 28, 2011 (LifeSiteNews.com) – Archbishop Joseph Naumann of Kansas City has developed a website (http://www.loveisfaithful.com/) that promotes the archdiocese’s My House Initiative, a program devoted to protecting families and healing couples from pornography.

The website invites people to become aware of the teachings of the Catholic Church about love and sexual intimacy through John Paul II’s Theology of the Body.

The site contains information including internet accountability software,  testimonies, Theology of the Body small groups contact info, counseling resources, support groups, men’s and women’s ministries, and other resources to help families and couples.

“When I was a child, there were social barriers that protected the young from pornography,” Archbishop Naumann told the Catholic World Report (CWR). “But in this age of personal computers and cable television, we have an entirely different environment.”

“People say that pornography is a victimless sin. But that’s not true,” continued Archbishop Naumann. “Many are exploited in the porn industry and we know it causes devastation in marriages.”

The website refers readers to an article by former porn actress April Garris, who, speaking from personal experience in the porn industry, now works to unmask “the deception of pornography, exposing the lie, and bringing all of these myths crashing to the ground.”

Titled “10 Myths Exposed,” Garris’ article brings to light the horrific realities of the pornography industry.

“If you have held to one or more of these myths,” Garris writes, “then you have been sucked into the deception of porn. I hope that laying out these myths has opened your eyes to the reality of porn … a reality that is dark, disgusting, and destructive.”

A video presentation of the My House Initiative has been shown in nearly all of the 110 churches in northeast Kansas, according to the diocesan office. The video and the My House Manual were sent to every U.S. diocese in 2007. This resulted in six dioceses adopting the program, with 36 others expressing interest.

The website calls attention to other aspects of Archbishop Naumann’s fight against porn, including a billboard on the 18th Street Expressway near Kansas Ave, sponsored by donations and viewed over 18,000 times per day; a prayer service to be held near a porn store (Cirilla’s, located at 7528 State Ave.) on February 3, 2011, 4:00 – 5:00 pm; a downloadable handout called 7 Steps to Protect your Family from Pornography; and many other resources.

“We pray that the information on this site will continue to spread to other families, churches, and individuals,” the My House Initiative website states. “We also pray that the thousands of people who are waiting to be rescued from the pornography industry will find hope and healing.”

Archbishop Naumann told CWR that he believes priests have an obligation to promote the virtue of chastity, particularly among the young, while being sensitive to the ages and individual circumstances of their congregations.

“We fail our people if we’re not courageous in preaching about chastity, as well as offering opportunities to help those seeking to live chastely,” Archbishop Naumann said. “When we live chaste lives, we are witnesses of our faith in the world. Chastity also frees us from those things that can enslave us and leave us feeling isolated and sad.”

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