Cultural Manliness Catches Up With You

In this video, Tiger Woods issues a public apology for his actions.  Tiger was living a life of cultural manliness, living for money, power, sex and stuff.  It caught up with him, as it does every man who lives it.  His words ring true… he must show his remorse and his changed way of life not by speaking, but by his actions.  It appears to me, an untrained eye, that he is sincere.  He appears nervous and timid, and obviously, when you read a speech from paper, your demeanor is different than when you speak from the heart.  I don’t know that he’ll back up what he says, but I think that his tenacity and determination to be the best, which has made him so successful in golf and business, will aid him in succeeding in this journey towards being a leader, a role model, a good husband and an engaged, active and loving father.

Note: Tiger speaks about Buddhism towards the end of this clip.  Buddhism doesn’t hold the answers to life, however, Tiger is grasping for truth and something to guide him in life.  If I had the chance to speak with Tiger, I would challenge him to live a life for Christ, a life filled with joy, happiness and fulfillment.  If you can’t view the clip, click HERE.

Wood’s words are merely words, yet, he’s right.  He needs to live a life of integrity.  He let people down, and must make amends.  He led people, especially children, astray.  He knows that he needs help, and seems intent to continue to seek guidance and counseling.

I wish Tiger all the best.  “To whom much is given, much is expected.”

Man up!

Fighting for Manliness Video

I finally got some of the video edited from my talk at the 2010 FOCUS National Conference in Orlando, FL on New Year’s Eve 2009. The talk was titled “Fighting for Manliness” for the Men’s Impact Sessions. The crowd for the two sessions totaled around 1,500 college men.

The video below is only part 1 of the 50 minute video.

In this talk, I highlighted some major points, including: What is Manliness?,  Manly Leadership,  Living Virtue,  Fighting the Giant of Pornography and more.

If your content is removed by your server, click HERE to view the video on YouTube.

Tuesdays with Daddy – Discipline

When I stay home with my girls on Tuesdays, I know that it’s vital that I stay consistent with my discipline techniques.  My daughters have learned to not push their luck with me, as they know that I’m not going to back down from the standard I have set for them and will, when necessary, continue placing them in time out, removing their toys, or even have the occasional stern “talkin’ to”.  This isn’t simply a finger-waging session, telling them how bad they are.  My children are great, but sometimes they need a loving nudge to make better decisions.  In order for my discipline techniques to be effective, my “Daddy discipline” must already be in place so that I can stay consistent.  Discipline, used in two different senses here… confusing.  What I mean by my discipline techniques, is the set of expectations and consequences that I’ve set in place, with my wife, for my children.  -Let’s call this discipline “the rules”-.  What I mean by my Daddy discipline, in this case, is my personal commitment (self-discipline) to remaining true to what I know is the best method of parenting, resulting in the best formation and development for my children. -Let’s call this discipline “the preparation”-.  Both distinctions are crucial for the welfare of my children.  [In both cases, the theological virtue of charity must be central.]

There is a close relation to the two definitions here, and is important for us as children of God.  He wholeheartedly wants what is best for His children.  God the Father also has a set of expectations for us, a standard that He desires to see His children fulfill (the rules).  We should know that God, our Heavenly Father, is going to remain true to his “method of parenting” and simply wants what is best for our formation and development (the preparation).  The problem, I believe, is that we aren’t that worried about “time outs”, and that honestly, we don’t listen when He gives us a stern “talkin’ to”.  Maybe it’s because we can’t see the reward with our eyes.  Maybe we don’t know how to listen to the voice of God.  Maybe it’s because we aren’t smart enough to follow the path of those who have successfully gone before us.  I’m not really sure, but I think it has something to do, at least in part, with our discipline.

The other day, I wrote about discipline in one of my Super Bowl articles.  (7 Days of Super Bowl Stuff -SBXLIV- Day 5 “Discipline”).  Athletes have, even at the most basic level, a certain amount of discipline that is a responsibility that comes along with playing a sport.  They practice, workout, study the game and then perform.  In this previous article, I wrote about the similarities between being disciplined as an athlete to being disciplined in our spiritual lives.  In today’s article, I hope I show the importance of discipline in our lives, both discipline in the form of a set of expectations of how we live as well as discipline in the daily, practical applications in our lives.  Becoming and remaining disciplined is difficult, but attainable.  Discipline in the little things makes us disciplined in the big things.

Man up!

GUEST BLOGGER: “Two Stories” by Ryan Kraeger

Ryan Kraeger was born in upstate New York, second of seven children, raised on a farm and homeschooled from first grade to highschool. He graduated at seventeen and joined the military the same week, choosing the MOS (Military Occupational Specialty) of Combat Engineer because he thought the video looked cool (it was primarily composed of explosions). Since then he has done many and varied things in the Army, including loading baggage on planes in Fort Hood Texas, spending a year in the Republic of Korea, patrolling and raiding in Iraq, and building bridges and uncovering IED’s in Afghanistan. Currently he is in training to be a Green Beret, learning his target language, Korean, before going on to the world’s finest and most intensive medic course.  Ryan is also an avid reader and amateur writer, you can read more of his writing at his website.

Two Stories:  Stories bump, stories merge, stories permeate each other. Stories can even unite. Only God can keep track of all the stories and how they interact. It is a vast, complex, multi-dimensional web, a tapestry of infinite complexity and beauty. The work of God in each life is not separate from His work in every life. What He does for me, He is doing for everyone else in the world, through me. Whatever He does for anyone else, He does for me, through them, whether we ever meet or not. It is God’s nature to be a union, and it is His nature to bring about union among His creatures, little by little and partially in this world, and then finally and totally in the next world, where all who are in union with Him will be in union with each other.  We get hints of it, even now.

Imagine a young girl, maybe fifteen or sixteen, who is in a bad dating relationship in high school. Her boyfriend is controlling, orverbally abusive, or is pressuring her to have sex or join in with his drug or alcohol habit, or whatever the case may be. She has compromised too much with too many, and isn’t sure how much she has left to give up, or why she’s bothering anymore. She’s not an innocent little girl anymore. She feels tarnished. Her whole life is a scramble to find acceptance, which for her means popularity with the right bunch of teenage girls, and being noticed by the right teenage boys. Her relationship with her parents and siblings has completely unraveled. She is lost, drifting, miserable, empty, and too busy to notice it. All her thought and energy is bent on the one thing that she thinks will keep her head above water, keep her life meaningful and worthwhile, and he isn’t worth the time of day. The preoccupation consumes her, and she doesn’t know what’s wrong, or where she should turn, or what she should do. Now, imagine that one day she is sitting somewhere, perhaps looking out the window of the school bus, or sitting on a park bench, or standing in a group of teenagers on the corner. Purple streaked hair, too much makeup, tight jeans, halter top, book bag and IPod, she looks just like any one of millions of girls her age, but she is not. She is God’s beloved daughter, His Princess, His Darling. I think God sometimes sends parents only one child, as a symbol of how much He loves each one of us, as if I were the only one.

Let’s put our girl on the bus. She’s sitting on her seat, looking out the window, with one hand jealously clutched by the boy who is sitting next to her. She lets him hold her hand, not because she really enjoys it, but just because that is what you do. If you’re in a relationship, you hold hands, you sit on his lap, you argue about how far you are willing to go. That’s just what you do.

Suddenly, through the window, she sees another couple. They are very old, in their sixties or seventies or eighties or something. To her teenage mind they hardly even register as people anymore. They are like museum pieces, totally irrelevant to her world of hard music, slamming lockers, filthy jokes and innuendo, and constant noise, noise, noise, noise. She has passed by this same couple sitting on their porch a hundred times and never seen them, but her King has a gift for her today. He opens her eyes, for a second, an instant, a heartbeat, just long enough. The old man takes the old woman’s hand and smiles at her. The old woman smiles back. All hell screams in fury, as years of lies, deceit, hate, sneering and malice are threatened all in an instant. They rush around, frantically trying to crush the new thoughts and wonderings and vague, painful longings, and they are mostly successful. They are very good at what they do. Before the bus reaches the corner, their rotten construction is standing in all its ugliness once again. God lets it go, because He knows more than they do. Something has been planted deep in her heart, and though she forgets in a minute, anxious not to threaten the card castle she has so carefully built for herself, she can never be the same again. One old man, on an ordinary day, for no particular reason other than that he just felt like it, did what he’d been doing for fifty years. He loved his wife. He never met that teenage girl, but for ever after her heart will be just a little harder to satisfy. She will want just a little more from the man in her life, her standards will be just a little bit higher. It will cause her no end of grief, because the higher your standards, the easier they are to disappoint, but her heart will have moved one fraction closer to realizing the dangerous truth, that she is more precious than this entire planet, and all the galaxies of the universe. Her Prince came to earth and died for her, and so she deserves more. All hell will stand between her and that truth, but because one old man loved his wife, her heart moved a fraction closer to it, and it can never be moved back.

Tuesdays with Daddy – I Just Want to Hold You

I noticed today, that for the most part, my children aren’t interested in being held by me.  It’s not that I scare them, or that I’m too rough, or that my beard is scruffy on their faces, or anything like that.  It’s that they have other stuff they want to be doing.  On occasion, when a head is bonked, or a toe is stubbed, or a toy is stolen by their sibling and just about every 2 hours or so when that hunger thing comes around, then they come running, arms wide open, running to their daddy asking for something in their time of need.

Consequently, I realized, because of my wonderful children, that many of us are that way with our Heavenly Father.  All He wants is for us to be connected with Him, to be united with Him, to love Him and to be with Him.  More often than not, we want the opposite.  We have other “stuff” we want to do, and we don’t include Him.  He’s going to be there waiting for us, the same way I’m always there waiting for my girls, but wouldn’t it be better for us to run to Him in the good times too, when we’re not in need of something from Him?  I challenge all of us, myself included, to give God our first-fruits.  To give to Him the perfect time, upfront, not just the leftovers.

Man up!

Tuesdays with Daddy – Morning Offering and Daily Readings

I had an idea to implement some special prayer time and Scripture reading into each day with my girls.  Even though they are young, I’m finding it very fruitful.  My two year old and one year old don’t listen intently, nor would they have total comprehension if they did.  That’s not the point.  The point is that each and every day, in the morning, my children know that God is number one.  Here’s what I’ve been doing.

Every morning, I get my children from their rooms, we do the necessary change of diapers/underwear, comb the hair and do morning hugs and kisses, and then we head into the kitchen for breakfast.  Before any food is consumed, and before any milk in sippy cups is drunk, I have the girls join me in the sign of the cross, and I hold their hands as I offer our day for Christ.  I want them to get in the habit of praying, of giving God our “firsts”, if you will.  I also want them to know that we should make a sacrificial gift of ourselves to  God.

After making our morning offering, I then put their bowls and drinks in front of them, and they begin to eat.  This is prime time for their attention, so I began reading them the Scripture readings from each day; Sunday or weekday.  I found an “app” on my phone that has all the readings from each day, which works out nicely because I always have my phone handy.

This entire process takes just under five minutes.  My girls “stay with me” that long, so it doesn’t become tiresome, like some other prayer options we’ve tried.  One of the best things about spending this time with them is that I’m actively participating in their spiritual growth.  Their spiritual growth is my responsibility as their father.  I cannot take that lightly.  They see that prayer and time with the Word is important to me and they become used to it.

I’m going to continue this process until I see the need to change things up.

Man up!

Tuesdays with Daddy – My Primary Vocation & Responsibility

Sometimes it’s hard to clearly determine priorities.  What’s really number one in my life?  Why is it number one?  What else must occur in order for number one to stay number one?  As a husband and father, my primary vocation is to care for my wife and children, and this is where priorities get sticky for me.  In order to care for them, I need to be with them, but at the same time, I also need to provide shelter, clothing, food and safety – the essentials.  In order to provide the essentials, I have to earn money.  In order to earn money, I have to be away from them, either at my office, on the road speaking or at other locations outside the home.  Since I’m also studying for my master’s degree, my time is taxed heavily.  This isn’t even to mention upkeep of the house and vehicles, house chores and other necessary errands that must be completed.  How do I determine rankings of my responsibilities?

I’ve found that taking myself out of the equation is the best way to make the determinations.  What?  Here’s what I mean… I try to remove my desires, my wants, my preferences and instead, place my wife and children (and all of their needs, wants and desires) first.  When I do this, I find that my emotions are kept in check (even though I might want to be making money, hanging with my guy friends or watching a game).  When my emotions are kept in check, I am able to clearly determine what’s important.  Keep in mind, that making money isn’t bad, and hanging with your guy friends isn’t bad.  They are both goods things.  However, if making money, hanging out with your guy friends or any other activity/project/endeavor takes you away from your priorities, they become distractions and hindrances.

So, when determining priorities, I recommend removing yourself and your emotions from the decision making process.  Once you do that, your mind will be clear and you’ll be able to clearly make the right decisions.  Best of luck.

Man up!

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