Being Daddy on Vacation

I apologize for the long delay between posts.  Since I’ve started this blogsite, I haven’t had a break this long between articles, so thanks for bearing with me. 

I’ve been on vacation with my girls, far away from most of civilization at a great lake in (the middle of) the middle-of-nowhere Montana.  It was great.

While on vacation, it’s important for a father to realize that he doesn’t stop being a Daddy or a husband.  It would have been easy for me to have wanted to stay on the ATVs all day, work on the sail boat, go out fishing or shooting or to hang out just with the other guys.  It would have been easy to neglect my wife and children and do what I wanted to do.  Instead, I made the choice to put them first, and to put my selfish desires to the side.  I ended up having plenty of time on the ATVs (which, by the way, were incredible… see above picture) because I took the girls with me.  I made the loving choice to keep my priorities in line.  We had lots of time together playing, having fun, flying kites, going for walks, playing games and eating like kings and queens. 

It’s also easy (anytime really, but especially on vacation) to neglect my wife.  I strive to make her my top priority, but sometimes I struggle at showing her in the way the she needs to hear it or see it through my actions.  Vacation throws a wrench in everything because a guy is out of his element.  It’s not easy to be romantic, thoughtful or sensitive when there are lots of other adults and children running around.  That’s why its important to think ahead, to plan and to be strategic about the little things.  The little things, especially when it’s out of the normal operating area (home), go a really long way with women.  You know what else goes a long way with women?  When their husbands go out of their way to make special time for their children.  Now, before someone jumps down my throat for being insensitive and seeming like I’m saying that a father should only do what he should because it’ll keep the Mrs. happy and off his case, let me assure my readers that I’m simply saying that wives love their husbands for many reasons… one happens to be when a husband takes special time to be with his children.  I’m also not saying that a husband/father shouldn’t have time with the guys, or doing fun things.  I’m saying that those events can’t be the priority.

So, as you go on your summer vacations, keep in mind that it’s not about you.  It’s about your wife (she’s your best friend, by the way), your children and family time.  Think ahead and make the choice to love.

Man up!

A Month for Fathers

June  is here.  Father’s Day is coming up and I want to take this month to write frequently about fathers, about what a father should be and other topics that pertain to fatherhood.  Today’s topic will cover a sensitive issue of abortion.  Recently, we received the regular newsletter from our local Citizen’s For Life group.  Inside contained some startling information about a father’s role in the abortion process.  Here’s what it says:

FATHERS PLAY KEY ROLE IN ABORTION  – from LifeLine, June 2009

A study published in the International ‘Journal of Mental Health & Addiction’ has found that the relationship between women and their partners and the level of support provided by the fathers are important factors in whether or not the woman aborts their baby.

The study sample was drawn from hospitals in 16 cities around the country, which had high numbers of births to unmarried women.

The final sample was of families already having one child.  The study looked at the reasons women chose childbirth or abortion for their subsequent pregnancy, and examined the decision-making process in the context of her relationship with the father of the child.

No other research on abortion decision-making has taken the family context into account.

This is an especially important issue for our future consideration, since so many abortions are currently performed on women with other living children, implying the presence of the father of the children.

The results of the study indicated that the most important factors in determing the women’s choice to abort a second pregnancy were those associated with the father’s inability – or unwillingness – to provide assistance in rearing the first child.

It found that mothers who were married to the father were significantly more likely to deliver the baby.

The prevailing opinion that women abort because of poverty and financial considerations ran counter in this study.  Mothers, instead, based their decision on whether they would be supported in their role as a mother by a father.

Study results support the idea that it requires both a committed mother and father to assure the choice to deliver and care for a child.

[Excerpts from: LifeNews.com 1-16-09, Author Dr Wanda Franz]

Put Them First

It’s really easy to get busy with lots of things in life and, consequently, push our wives and children to the back burner.  I want to challenge you to guard against this.  If you’re not a husband or father yet, you can apply this to the important people in your life currently, but keep it in mind for your future – that’s when it really counts.  How can a guy who’s so busy with work, taking care of the house and vehicles and working on other projects manage to put his wife and kids first?  Simple – It’s a choice.

With everything in life, you have to choose.  Don’t just talk, act.  Don’t just wish, make it fact.  It’s rewarding to know that my children know me, love me and learn from me – daily.  In my life, here’s what I do to guard against pushing them out of the first spot:

I take every opportunity to be with them.  This might mean feeding them, changing their diapers and/or putting them to bed at night.  Whatever it is, I make an honest effort, daily, to do it.  [As often as possible, I do the “extra” or “other” stuff when they are napping or asleep.]

I make myself present to them… that means that I’m interacting with them, reading to them, playing with them, holding them, kissing and hugging them, etc.  This involves shutting the TV off and being actually present.  This doesn’t mean simply being in the same area as they are.

I take every opportunity to be with my wife.  If it can be with her and the kids at the same time, that’s what I prefer, but obviously, alone time is crucial.  A strong marriage, between faithful, committed spouses, is a perfect example to children and one that can’t be replaced.  It’s crucial to spend the alone time together to work on the foundational relationship within the family unit.

It’s easy to talk a big game.  It’s Truly Manly to back it up with your actions.

Man up!

I'm Watching You Dad

I thought that this video went well as a “part 2” to my last post. 

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0MMEwl9dCt8]

Man up!

The Most Important Relationship of Their Lives

I have the privilege of staying home with my daughters on Tuesdays.  Technically, it’s my day off every week.  I cherish Tuesdays with them and know that I am blessed to be able to have such dedicated and devoted time taking care of them.  I cherish this time because I know, without a doubt, that there will never be a more important relationship in either of my daughter’s lives than their relationship with me.  I don’t say this out of pride or out of attention-seeking.  I say this because it is the truth.

Think about it… where does a young girl learn about love?  Where does a young girl learn how to be treated?  Where does a young girl develop her idea of what her future will hold?  Where does a young girl learn self-respect and self-esteem?  From her father.  [This is NOT to underscore the relationships a young girl has with anyone else, especially her mother.  It is to show that a father has a vital role in the future of his daughters.  In my estimation, the most vital role.]  Her father must demonstrate love; love of his spouse, love of his children, love of his God.  What happens if a father doesn’t fulfill this role or if he fails to fulfill it in the correct way?  Simple, the child’s understanding of how a man should act and treat others is skewed.  This skewed understanding can lead to multiple problems, namely disordered relationships.

Fathers, love your wives.  Set the example for your daughters of how they should expect a man to treat them.  Teach them to set the bar high and to never settle for less than the best.  If they see you being disrespectful, unloving and/or hurtful towards their mother, they are going to grow up thinking that similar behavior is normal and okay.  It’s not.  They will learn not only what love is, but more importantly, how to love and how to receive love from your example.  It is a big responsibility, but that’s what you signed up for when you had sex with your wife. 

Man up!

Fatherhood Friday – The Love of a Father

I have two daughters.  Lily and Emma.  They are amazing and sweet little children.  They mean the world to me.  I would do anything for them.  As I think about how I treat them… with such love and admiration, with kisses and hugs, snuggles and story time, prayer and discipline… I know, without a doubt, that my relationship with them is the most important relationship they will ever have.  This isn’t to toot my own horn!  Expand it in a broad sense: the most important relationship any young girl has is with her father.  I do not take this responsibility lightly.  At the foundation of all of their coming relationships (friendship/romantic/work/personal/professional) is the love that I show them.  The burden lies solely on my shoulders, to show them how wonderful and precious they are.  It’s my responsibility, as their protector and defender, to prepare them for the world.  I must encourage them and build them up.  I must help them to see the jewel that they are, the treasure that they are, the perfect creation that they are.  A huge part in showing them this love is by loving my wife in the way that proves to all three of them that my wife is a jewel, a treasure and a perfect creation.

It is my goal, in my relationship with my girls, to have them set their bar high, to never settle, to never feel inferior or to never doubt their abilities.  This is a monstrous goal.  It is a gigantic task.

Man up!

An Example on the Slopes

Yesterday, while enjoying an absolutely perfect day on the slopes of Keystone, I witnessed something that made me think.  I witnessed a father interacting with his young son.  The young boy’s name was Henry and he was about 4 years old.  Henry made his way down the mountain in a slow, snow-plow fashion; I thought he was doing really well.  Henry’s father made his way down the mountain just below the boy; there, he stopped and looked up at him.  Henry had taken a seat on the mountain, eventually laying his head on the snow.  He was tired and a bit frustrated and didn’t think he could make it any further.  The father, looking up at the boy, started to get rather perturbed and impatient.  “Get up Henry”, “Let’s go Henry”.  “If you can’t ski, we’re going straight home, Henry.”  The father continued his, now angry, tone with the boy.  Henry remained on the mountain, in the same spot he originally stopped.  I was torn as to what to do in the situation.  On the one hand, I wanted to tell Henry, “You can do it Henry!”.  On the other hand, I wanted to ski down to the father and suggest that he give his young son some encouragement instead of frustration. 

This father had an amazing opportunity to be his son’s hero.  He had a crucial decision to make: give encouragement and excite his son to pick himself up and keep trying OR (what he did) get frustrated at this four year old and allow the four year old to dictate his reaction.  I wish that this father would have made a better choice.  I pray that Henry knows how wonderful he is and grows to be a strong man.

Our witness in the world to others around us is a huge responsibility.  Not only could this father have been a great example to Henry, he could have been a great example to me.  Maybe the father didn’t know I was watching and listening.  Either way, make certain that YOU are acting in a way that, no matter what the situation is, you are setting an example to others around you.  This example should be one of love, the love that Christ exampled for us.

*** Best wishes in your daily examples to the world around you. ***

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