An Easy Way for EVERYONE to Fight Porn – TODAY!

Ok… I know most of your won’t come out to the sidewalks in front of sexually oriented businesses to help us protest pornography, but this is one way that EVERYONE can AND SHOULD help to be a part of this fight.  And, it is really simple – so no excuses!

Did you know that ALL hardcore pornography is ILLEGAL?!?!  ALL OF IT!  But, the US Attorney General, Eric Holder, hasn’t done anything about it – except for attempt to get President Obama to reverse the laws.  For the past several presidents, the war on pornography has gone back and forth, and likewise, the Attorney General does too.  (For more info, read up on the website “The War on Illegal Pornography” run by Patrick Trueman, Esq.  (Yes, you read that correctly – his name is Trueman!)

So, go to the site and sign the petition that will be attached to the letter going to President and Mrs. Obama.  (Click HERE for the full letter.)  It’s so easy – don’t let this opportunity go by!  Step up and start protecting women and children from the harms of pornography!  While doing that, you’ll be helping your fellow brother as well.  Do it!

TrueMan up!

Rosary Masculinity – May, the Month of Mary

I often tell men that the Rosary, although a bit contrary to our initial inclination, is an incredibly powerful prayer for men.  After all, if we want to be more like Christ (the perfection of masculinity), shouldn’t we think about, imitate and meditate on his life?  What a perfect tool the Church gives us in the Rosary!

Here’s a great article from Jason Godin, posted on Catholic News Agency yesterday, May 2, 2011 about Rosary Masculinity…

Some elements of our culture are calling men to embrace a very dark form of masculinity, based on violence, domination of women and self-adulation – messages that are found in video games, movies and music.

Yet real men know the emptiness, futility and ultimate falsehood of this view of life. As we begin this month of May – this month of Mary – men from all walks of life should accept the challenge of living a different form of masculinity by praying the rosary daily. Men who commit themselves to contemplating the rosary mysteries will discover a treasury of lessons on how to define masculinity and live it actively, fearlessly and full of hope.

Joyful Mysteries

The Joyful Mysteries, recited on Mondays and Saturdays, provide a basic definition of masculinity. By exalting in the fact that Mary answered “Yes” to the angel Gabriel at the Annunciation, men can see that the masculine life is worth living as God chose to live among men. Placing oneself prayerfully in the sandals of St. Joseph at the Nativity helps men appreciate how the masculine life, even in its earliest stage, is also precious and worth defending. The Presentation reveals how men can find authentic masculinity by remaining obedient observers of absolute truth found through, in, and with Christ. Living, defending, and obediently observing absolute truth is not easy for men in any age of history, but as Zachariah must have realized upon learning that his barren wife, Elizabeth, carried a child, nothing is impossible with God.

Luminous Mysteries

The Luminous Mysteries, the latest addition to the rosary added by Blessed John Paul II, are recited on Thursdays. In these “Mysteries of Light,” the public ministry of Jesus Christ between his Baptism and his Passion reveals to men how to transform their masculinity into fearless action. Jesus proclaimed the Kingdom of God by instructing others with teachings and parables. The lessons continue to remain relevant for men in their mission for masculinity, as Jesus addressed such topics as anger, adultery, divorce, oaths, retaliation, almsgiving, and fasting (cf. Mt 3-7). The Wedding at Cana and, later, the Transfiguration, confirm how real masculinity requires not only listening to Jesus when instructed by Mary, but to do so fearlessly (cf. Jn 2:5, Mt 17:7). The Institution of the Eucharist nourishes men with the fact that such fearless, active masculinity is never accomplished alone.

The Sorrowful Mysteries

The Sorrowful Mysteries, recited on Tuesdays and Fridays, illustrate for men the personal price of responsible masculinity. Jesus’ agonizing prayer on the Mount of Olives reminds men that even the Alpha Male struggled but persevered in love for mankind (cf. Lk 22:42). Jesus himself suffered harsh physical pain when scourged at the pillar and crowned with thorns by mocking soldiers. Masculinity demands men constantly to carry their own crosses – in their families, workplace, and communities – with the same humble stamina of Jesus. The crucifixion illuminates in a profound way how masculinity requires that men must ultimately “die to self” in their service and love of others.

Glorious Mysteries

The Glorious Mysteries, recited on Wednesdays and Sundays, provide masculinity with crucial dimensions of renewal, hope andnobility. When contemplating the Resurrection, men realize how they can always rediscover and relive masculinity even when they stumble. The Ascension directs masculine sights away from mundane goals and toward a destiny of heavenly triumph. Pentecost, when the Holy Spirit descended upon the disciples, shows how the power of the Holy Spirit can provide even a timid masculinity with an inner strength. Finally, the Assumption and Coronation of the Blessed Virgin Mary illustrate masculinity as a knightly privilege, where men walk beside Mary, the Queen of the Angels and Saints, when contemplating the face of Christ.

Men, use this month to pray the rosary on a daily basis. But be prepared. Heeding the challenge just might make you think and act more like a man of God.

* Jason Godin teaches U.S. history at Blinn College in Bryan, Texas, where he lives with his wife and two children.

And, just as a shout out to a friend and former college and master’s level professor… I HIGHLY recommend Dr. Edward Sri’s book “The New Rosary in Scripture” as a guide to help you pray the Rosary from a Scriptural standpoint.  It is a great resource.

TrueMan up!

Making Sense of It

Allow me first to write that I am not a moral theologian.  I don’t speak from a substantial place of authority on this post (nor do I normally), but as usual, I want to share some thoughts on the topic from a manliness standpoint.

With the recent news of the killing of Osama Bin Laden, there has been a lot of talk on how one should respond.  I’ve heard of many different responses – some that I agree with, some that I disagree with (and that I’m opposed to) and some that are neutral.  Have you heard these responses?… “USA! USA! USA!” or “We should not rejoice in the death of a man.”  or “He had it coming!” or “Proverbs 11:10” or “I won’t lie and say I wasn’t excited about last night’s news.”  The list goes on and on.  Many responses get much worse.

First, in response to the outpouring of patriotism… we, as proud Americans, should always have an outpouring of patriotism, not just on July 4th, on Memorial Day, Veteran’s Day or on a day when one of the worst terrorist leaders and threats to America has been eradicated.  Do you always fly the stars and stripes, or only when it is fitting for celebration or your cause?  I proudly fly our flag every day.

Next, in response to “He had it coming” or other hate-filled responses.  Yes, the man was a terrorist and a militant one at that.  He was responsible for countless deaths, all across the globe.  I guess we could say, “Live by the automatic rifle, die by the automatic rifle.”  Nonetheless, the response should not be joy in his death.  Instead, I suggest going beyond the initial emotional response and thinking rationally about the situation.  (This is NOT to say that Bin Laden didn’t risk the sort of demise that he experienced.  Of course, in the militaristic fashion in which he lived, with nearly the entire world’s military forces looking for him, and with the excessive force that he displayed, there was a good chance that he was going to die in a fire fight.  And certainly, there is something to be said about our incredible troops going in and attempting to disarm and arrest Bin Laden so that he could be tried in a military court of law.)  It is hard for some of you reading to believe that there’s a better response to Bin Laden’s death than ecstatic rejoicing.  I challenge that idea by suggesting that we look at it in a different light.  (Note: this doesn’t take away what he did, what he was responsible for, who he instructed and what they might have done or will do, or any thing else.  It is merely the virtuous response.)

Here’s what I wrote on Facebook earlier today and some of the responses that my post got.  I wrote “I don’t know about anybody else, but considering that my brother, some of my friends and many other great Americans and Foreigners are in the middle east fighting for our freedom, we should rejoice not in the death of a man, but in the hope that the war may end and peace (which has never seen the light of day in the middle east) may come to all peoples.” I then commented, “Here is what the Church, our guide, says: “In the face of a man’s death, a Christian never rejoices, but reflects on the serious responsibilities of each person before God and before men, and hopes and works so that every event may be the occasion for the further growth of peace and not of hatred.” – Vatican Statement on the Death of Bin Laden”

These are the comments that followed:

• “Thank you. I was kind of sickened at the reaction here, actually.”  (From a cadet at the Air Force Academy who witnessed her fellow cadets assembling in the middle of campus to celebrate the death of Bin Laden with cheers of excitement, dancing, loud music, chanting and so on.)
• I then responded, “I saw a video from last night at the Academy and thought I should post something. Although there is pride in being American, it should be there every day, not merely when we have a military victory and certainly should not be at the death of any man, woman or child.”
• “Thank you David for being the voice of reason. I have been very conflicted about this event since I learned of it last night during the Phillies game and the crowd started cheering “USA.” I couldn’t understand why people were so proud to have killed somebody–even a man responsible for the deaths of so many others.”
• “If we are going to stand up and say that all life is precious, we need to mean “all”. Even when we struggle to find forgiveness and compassion for a sinner.”
• “Right on, Dave”

Now, I’m sure that many others wanted to respond differently.  I understand, and can relate because of the many thoughts that ran through my head when I heard the news of Bin Laden’s death, to be glad that the hunt for Bin Laden is over.  I had shimmering hopes that maybe the war will come to an end sooner than planned.  I wondered if my brother, or anyone I know who is serving in the middle east, was a part of this mission.  I wondered what my father, a 30-year Air Force Veteran and Veteran of two tours in Viet Nam thought.  I even thought things in regards to Bin Laden’s Muslim Extremist faith and how all that might play out in the coming days, weeks and months.  None of that matters.  A man is dead and we, as Catholics, should mourn the fact that he did not know Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior.  Life is not about military victories, nor parties in the street, nor anything else.  Life is about achieving the ultimate gift of eternal life in Heaven with God.  Plain and simple.

This probably shouldn’t be the last time we discuss this topic, so if you’ve got thoughts, comments, or suggestions, leave them below in the comment section.

Again, here’s what the Catholic Church said today: “In the face of a man’s death, a Christian never rejoices, but reflects on the serious responsibilities of each person before God and before men, and hopes and works so that every event may be the occasion for the further growth of peace and not of hatred.”

TrueMan up!

“Winner at Home”

I saw this on the Father’s For Good website and thought it would be good to post here as well.  Great job, Trever Miller!

“Cardinals’ lefthander, a Knight of Columbus, has challenges on and off the field”

By Brian Caulfield

“As he begins his 12th season as a major league pitcher, Trever Miller is familiar with baseball’s performance measurements: earned run average, strikeout-walk ratio, winning percentage, saves and a dozen other metrics. A lanky lefty reliever with the St. Louis Cardinals, who specializes in retiring left-handed batters in late innings, he even holds a major league record for consecutive mound appearances without a win or loss decision. Having pitched for five teams, the 37-year-old hurler’s lifetime record is a respectable 18-16.

But as a father of a child who was born with two holes in her heart and a genetic disorder so rare that it doesn’t have a name, Miller measures success in life in more basic ways these days – the next breath, a winning smile, a new movement from his daughter Grace. She was not supposed to leave the hospital after birth yet turns a miraculous 7 years old in June.

“Faith goes with the territory,” Miller said last month during the Cardinals’ spring training in Florida. “Grace is my hero and my inspiration. She has overcome more physical tests than I ever have in a lifetime of baseball.”

Miller is a member of the Knights of Columbus’ Our Lady of the Rosary Council 8104 in Land o’ Lakes, Florida. He was brought into the fraternal Order by his father, Terry Miller, who serves as financial secretary for the same council. Father and son are both Fourth Degree Knights in Fr. Malachy Hugh Maguire Assembly 2741.

“I grew up Catholic, went to Catholic school” in Louisville, Kentucky, said the younger Miller. He attends Mass each Sunday and when Mass is offered in the Cardinals’ clubhouse through an arrangement with the group Catholic Athletes for Christ.

One of Kentucky’s all-time great baseball stars at Trinity High School, Miller was drafted by the Detroit Tigers after graduating. He spent a few years in the minors before breaking into the big leagues in 1996.

A year earlier, he married Pari, his wife of 16 years, and they have three children: Tyler, 14, who is a member of the Columbian Squires; McKenzie, 13, and Grace. After his youngest child was born, he and his wife had a choice to make about her treatment. The couple opted for life and hope by approving surgery to close the holes in her tiny heart.

Today, she cannot walk or talk, and a simple cold can mean a trip to the emergency room to prevent fluid from filling her lungs. Still, Grace attends school as often as she can and receives regular therapy.

“She’s a battler, she’s tough,” said Terry Miller, her grandfather. “She’s the only child with her condition who has lived beyond one year, so nothing would surprise me, even if she started talking one day. I’m sure she’d have a lot to tell us.”

Trever Miller tells of dark days a few years ago when he was angry with everyone, including God, over his daughter’s condition.

“We were stunned, we didn’t understand,” he recalled. “We had to stress acceptance, and as a father I wanted to fix her situation and I couldn’t. It was a helpless feeling.”

As a man who makes his living by his physical abilities, acceptance has been difficult. “Dads are looked to as Mr. Fix It, but no matter what I couldn’t fix this. It was tough that I couldn’t control this.”

He now pours his frustration into running, completing two 26.2-mile marathons and wearing a t-shirt that reads: “26 for Grace, .2 for me.”

“I think our faith in God and his running was his saving,” his wife said.

Miller agrees. “One thing all this has done is to keep our family praying,” he said. “Because of this, Grace has so many other people praying for her too.”

Trever Miller is hoping for a stellar year with the Cardinals, but he knows that his biggest wins will be at home with his family.”

Eyes on the Cross

Men… this Easter, I urge you to look towards the ultimate example of manliness – Jesus Christ.  He exemplifies all of the traits that we innately desire… courage, strength, prudence, wisdom.  He is our guide.  He is our model.  He is our way.  His sacrificial gift on the cross doesn’t end, it goes on.

If you ever have trouble praying, or simply want to attempt to prevent distraction and daydreaming in prayer, I suggest that you get a well-made crucifix or a well-done painting/picture of Jesus.  Gaze upon the crucifix and allow the reality of His sacrifice to sink in.  Personally, I used to carry around a very special St. Benedict crucifix that was gifted to me from a friend who attended the Toronto World Youth Day and had it blessed by Pope John Paul II.  (I say “used to” because all the time in my pocket, day-in and day-out, wore the metal of the crucifix down and the corpus of Jesus became distorted, so instead of continuing to damage it, I stopped carrying it.)  On my home office desk, I have a crucifix statue that stands near my laptop.  In every room in our home, we have a crucifix.  At all times, I carry a Rosary in my pocket with the crucifix.  Why?  So that I can, at any time, gaze upon the man I want to be like.  I want to serve like He served.  I want to be strong like He was strong.  I want to love as He loved.

For many of us, we’ve heard “Keep your eye on the ball.”  or, “Keep your eyes on the prize.”  I say, Keep your eyes on the Cross.

TrueMan up!

PS: If I get a request from at least 3 readers, I’ll explain more about the significance of the St. Benedict crucifix that was purchased for me at WYD in Toronto.  Send them via the comment section below or via email!

From Her Perspective

The following is a poem written by a woman – a wife, a mother – that was devastated by her husbands addiction to pornography.  I don’t know the name of the poet, but I’ve spoken with many women who share her feelings.  Please take a few minutes and read this powerful poem.

“I Looked For Love in Your Eyes.”

I saved my best for you.
Other girls may have given themselves away,
But I believed in the dream.
A husband, a wife, united as one forever.

Nervous, first time, needing assurance of your love,
I looked for it in your eyes
Mere inches from mine.
But what I saw made my soul run and hide.

Gone was the tenderness I’d come to know
I saw a stranger, cold and hard
Distant, evil, revolting.
I looked for love in your eyes
And my soul wept.

Who am I that you cannot make intimate love to me?
Why do I feel as if I’m not even here?
I don’t matter.
I’m a sexual prop in a filthy play.
Not an object of tender devotion.

Where are you?

Years pass
But the hardness in your eyes does not.
You think I’m cold
But how can I warm to eyes that are making “mental sex” to someone else
Instead of making love to me?

I know where you are.
I’ve seen the pictures.
I know now what it takes to turn you on.
Women…someone’s young daughter like I once was

Women …. But artificially enhanced, acting, used and then discarded.
Images burned into your brain.
How could you think they would not show in your eyes?
Because souls don’t matter, only female bodies do
To men who consume them.

Did you ever imagine,
The first time you picked up a dirty picture
That you were dooming all intimacy between us
Shipwrecking your marriage
Breaking the heart of a wife you wouldn’t meet for many years?

If it stopped here, I could bear it.
But you brought the evil into our home
And our little boys found it.
Six and eight years old.
I heard them laughing, I found them ogling, their innocence now gone.

Little boys
My little boys
Laughing and ogling the sexual body
Of a woman, a woman like me.
Someone like me!

An image burned into their brains.

Will their wives’ souls have to run and hide like mine does?
When does it end?

I can tell you this. It has not ended in your soul.
It has eaten you up. It is cancer.
Do you think you can feed on a diet of distorted fantasies
And come out of your locked room to love?

You say the words, but love has no meaning in your mouth
When self-centeredness rules in your heart.
Your addiction has eaten up every vestige of the man
I thought I was marrying.
Did you ever dream it would so consume you
That your wife and children would live in fear of your hidden problem?

That is what you have become
Feeding your soul on poison.

I’ve never used porn.
But it has devastated my marriage, my family, my world.

Was it worth it?

If you are a woman dealing with your husband’s addiction to pornography, or any man’s addiction to pornography, you are not alone.  There are numerous resources available.  I’m an open door and welcome your emails or phone calls anytime.  Email me at Dave(at)TrueManhood(dot)com or call our offices at (412) 475-TRUE.

Men – it is time to stop thinking that your pornography use doesn’t effect anyone else.  It effects every part of your life, every relationship and every future relationship.  If you need help with your addiction, please contact me for a list of resources.

If any women are reading this who are addicted (studies say that 1 out of every 5 women is addicted to pornography), there are great resources for you as well.

TrueMan up!

Manly Men – Another Explanation

I’m convinced that people who dislike this blog typically don’t read this sort of post – an attempt to, once again, clarify our stance on authentic masculinity in the world, as well as our opinions on a lot of other things .  Instead, they only read the controversial posts like boys not wrestling girls, girls not being altar servers, posts speaking about porn addiction, and so on.  I will attempt to clarify what it means to be a TrueMan because it appears as though the understanding is blurred.

First, a TrueMan attempts to live a life in imitation of Jesus Christ.  Jesus is the perfection of masculinity and set the perfect example for all men.  He lived virtue, in fact, it would be better put by saying “Jesus is virtue”, namely the greatest virtue of Charity (Love).  “Blessed be Jesus Christ, True God and TrueMan” – from the Divine Praises.

Second, authentic manliness is NOT about how many “manly” activities, hobbies, likes/dislikes you do or don’t do.  It’s not about how strong you are physically.  It’s not about how many women you’ve slept with.  It’s not about how much facial hair you can grow or not grow.  It’s not about what vehicle you drive, or how fast, slow or unsafely you drive it.  It’s not about what house you live in, what job you have, how many countries you’ve visited.  It’s not about how much money you have in the bank.  It’s not about a lot of earthlythings.  It’s about virtue. Plain and simple.  Possessing virtue means that you have the “habitual and firm disposition to do the good” and that you “do the good with ease, with joy, promptly and consistently.”  The more virtuous you are, the more manly you are.  (Click HERE to view “TrueManhood’s Guide to Virtue”.)

Third, we are not hateful towards any group, religion, affiliation or creed.  If we have ever come across in that manner, we apologize.  However, we disagree with a number of groups, religions, affiliations and creeds.  We realize that many of them disagree with us.  That’s okay.  Hating someone and disagreeing with them are two very, very different things.  Please keep these distinctions clear.

Next, we have three general tactics at TrueManhood.com.  They are:

1. We Fight Pornography
2. We Fight “Cultural Manliness”
3. We Strive to Live Virtue

Lastly, I’d like to clear up a few things… we’re not misogynists, homophobes, close-minded, irrational, racist, bigoted, meatheads or any of the other numerous (and often slanderous) names we’ve been called.  We’re a group of men trying to be better men so that we can better ourselves, our marriages, our families, our communities, our workplaces, our country and our Church.  We’re not perfect, nor do we profess to be.  We are on a journey.

If you like what we do at TrueManhood, then please, continue to come back and continue to support us.  If not, there are a lot of other websites out there for you.

TrueMan up!

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