The TrueManhood Podcast Episode 7 – My Confession

In the 7th episode of The TrueManhood Podcast, Dave makes his confession. Whether you’ve confessed recently or not, get there and do it! If you’re not Catholic and want to know more, contact Dave@TrueManhood.com.

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Various Kinds of Dads

I was just washing the dishes (yes, I do dishes) and was thinking about my parenting style, what kind of Dad I am, and it brought to mind a bunch of different kinds of fathering-traits.

Some thoughts on the kinds of dads that I’ve either exemplified, or other kinds of dads I’ve come across.

• SPORTS-CRAZY DAD – The dad that just can’t be easy going at the games, and when
  games aren’t going on, they’re living vicariously through their kid as if it was the pros.
• The “I DON’T KNOW HOW TO TALK TO MY KIDS SO I DON’T TALK TO THEM AT ALL DAD” – Dads who are either not educated enough on various topics, or who lack communication skills, or who just won’t take the time to learn about their kids so they fail to talk to them at all, about anything.
• The “I DON’T UNDERSTAND GIRL-STUFF SO MY DAUGHTERS AND I ARE COMPLETELY DISCONNECTED DAD” –  Similar to the above, but specific to daughters and “female issues” – of all kinds.  And there’s lots.
• SCREAMER-DAD – Everything gets this dad going, in a bad direction, and he just screams about it.  Less than effective, if you ask me.  Think: “Don’t make me stop this vehicle!”  or “Do it, or else.”
• INTIMIDATION-DAD (“IntimiDad”) – IntimiDad uses his size, stature, and position of authority to try to force his children to do things.  I typically see this with toddlers.  It doesn’t work.  Again, think: “Do it, or else.”
• OVER-COMMITTED DAD (works too much or is involved in too much) – I’ve written many times before about what kids really want and need from us.  They want us, our time, and that’s how they see and experience our love.  “Kids spell love T-I-M-E.
• TEACHER-DAD – This dad is patient and discusses various things with his children so that they learn from him.  Even when he doesn’t think his kids are listening, he teaches, simply to plant a seed and begin the discussion.  I think I’m this kind of dad most of the time.
• SWEET-DAD – This dad is emotionally sensitive, and takes the opportunity, especially with his daughters, to be sweet.  This isn’t overly sentimental, this is the right amount of sentimentality because let’s face it, sometimes our kids just need it.  Our daughters need sensitivity, and at the right time in the right amount, so do our sons.
• GIFT-GIVING DAD – Don’t buy your kids love, ok sir?  Don’t make it “okay” that you’re not in their lives simply because you buy them stuff.  Now, if your gifts are thoughtful, and you bought it for them because you know them and know they’d really like the thing, and really appreciate it, and that they’ll know you know them, then good on ya.
• APATHETIC-DAD – I see this all too often, unfortunately.  This attitude can extend directly to the children because he just doesn’t care about them (either because he’s too ego-centric, self-centered, or just that insensitive) or because he’s flat out lazy.  “Mom’s got it.”  “Mom’ll talk to ‘em.”  “Honey, you’ve got this one, right?”  Stop it.
• PROUD-OF-MY-KID-NO-MATTER-WHAT-DAD – Thank you for not putting up pretentious walls, facades, or displays surrounding your kid.  They’re your kid and you love them and are proud of them no matter what their accomplishments, likeability, or style.

I’m certain that I could write and write and write on this topic.  There are so many kinds of fathers out there, and so many traits (good and bad) that could be discussed.  Many of them we have discussed in the past and will continue to discuss in the future.

Remember an important concept to TrueManhood… our children learn what is right and wrong by watching us.  If we want our boys to grow into TrueManhood, and our daughters to meet and marry a TrueMan, then we must show them what that is.  “Jesus answered and said to them, “Amen, amen, I say to you, a son cannot do anything on his own, but only what he sees his father doing; for what he does, his son will do also.  For the Father loves his Son and shows him everything that he himself does, and he will show him greater works than these, so that you may be amazed.” John 5:19-20.  A major component here is how we treat our wife.  Being a great-TrueMan-dad, means being a great husband first.

Thanks to my dad, Tony, for being an absolutely awesome dad!  I have many fond memories of my childhood, and am so blessed to have him help me to raise my kids now, but there’s a concept that I always return to when I think about my relationship with my dad, and it’s this: he always SHOWED me how to be a man.  He lived it.  He didn’t have to say a lot, he lived it.  I saw, first and foremost, that he loved/s my mother.  That is who he is, as a man; he’s a husband, and all else stems from that.

TrueMan up!

My Jesus Year

Jesus lived for 33 years.  During His time on earth, Jesus saved the world.  Pretty huge shoes to fill – impossible shoes to fill, actually.  I’ve just celebrated my 33^rd birthday.  During this, my “Jesus-year”… hopefully NOT my last year on earth… I will remain focused on true manhood.

During my life, I’ve been incredibly blessed.  I’m married to a great woman, the mother of my four incredible children.  I have, and have had many, a great job.  I’ve been to 49 of the 50 states in our spectacular country.  I’ve successfully completed 18 years of schooling.  I played college sports.  I’ve bought and sold homes and vehicles.  I’ve met countless numbers of awesome people, and have some of the world’s best friends.  I’ve spoken to thousands and thousands of people, been on numerous radio programs, and helped write a book.  Although these and so many others neat things have happened to me, none of it matters if I don’t attempt to fulfill God’s call for my life, the call to live true manhood.  It’s not about these worldly accomplishments; it’s about who I am and how I’ve lived.

Jesus was THE TrueMan.  Simply put, all that Christ did can be reduced to one simple concept… love.  That is the prevailing mark of a TrueMan… that he loves (verb).  In the most authentically masculine way, Christ loved.  That’s because He was, is, and always will be love.  This isn’t some lame modern-day version of teddy bears, glittery hearts, and boxes of chocolates.  This is the real version of love, to do the greatest good.  To give your life for your friends.  This is TrueManhood.

During this year, I pray that I’ll be able to grow as a husband first (my vocation), as a father, as a leader, and as an evangelist.  I also hope to accomplish some long-standing goals for this ministry.  To follow in Christ’s footsteps and make this year the best it can be.  My impact won’t save the world, but I hope that it, in even a small way, is able to positively influence the lives of men.  One of my goals is to expand TrueManhood’s retreat ministry.  I also have the goal of expanding our scope and reach, gaining back ground that was lost between 2011-2013.  The problems we discuss here are numerous, and there aren’t enough positive voices out there in this fight.  We’ll keep doing what we do, hopefully with “bigger and badder” videos, more impactful content, more frequent posts, more guest contributors, and a wide-array of resources to help men along their journey towards TrueManhood.

Regardless of how old we are, brothers, we are called to TrueManhood.  This call is something special, and the world depends on us to live up to the call.  As I go into my Jesus year, I’m praying for many things, but specifically, my prayer would be this: “Jesus, my Lord.  I love you.  Thank you for your example to me for what it means to be a man.  I ask for guidance, strength, discipline, and courage to pursue TrueManhood with my whole soul.  May my efforts be yours, may my will be yours, may my heart be yours.  Amen.”

TrueMan up!

From Word on Fire Blog – The Attraction of Martyrdom

We’re no strangers to the lore of the martyrs: their sacrifice, their bravery, their unshakable beliefs. But why do it? What is the incentive, the allure? Word on Fire contributor Jared Zimmerer examines the appeal of martyrdom and why it’s not only something we crave but something we can do.

Throughout history, men and women have given the ultimate sacrifice for what they believe. Whether that cause is for the good nature of faith, freedom and family or the ever promising yet always short-lived notions of money, grandeur and worldly honor, people tend to find the sacrifice worth the fatal end. The history of the Catholic Faith is riddled with servants of Christ who have endured and glorified some of the worst physical pains known to man. Without knowledge of the good they died for, their sacrifice seems not only vain, but idiotic. However, the transcendent characteristic of their deaths, which can only make sense to those willing to search for it, brands the gruesome scenes worthy of celebration.

One of my favorite paintings, the Last Judgment fresco by Michelangelo seen in the Sistine Chapel, depicts a few of the more popular saints in the way in which they were martyred. There is St. Lawrence with his grate and St. Bartholomew with his knife and flayed skin, St. Andrew with his cross, St. Sebastian holding up the arrows with which he was shot, St. Blaise with his wool combs and St. Catherine with her wheel. These martyrs are put upon pedestals through Church history because mankind recognizes their sacrifice. But could that recognition go further than just human admiration? Could it be perhaps that we were made to “die with our boots on” so to speak?

In the life of Christ, the model of how to live, we find that he was enveloped in his cross the day he was born. An Eternal King born in a smelly cave-like place surrounded by farm animals and hunted by a tyrant, it’s as if the shadow of the cross was already there. We too are born to have crosses. When Christ stated, “Pick up your cross and follow me.” (Matthew 16:24), He didn’t say, “Go find a cross.” He made the statement as if each of us already had one to carry. That cross, the burden of sin, was given to us the day we were born, thus the need for baptism. So, it might feasibly be that we glorify martyrdom because from the minute our soul entered our bodies in our mother’s womb, we were meant to die to self. Whether our martyrdom is red, through the spilling of our blood, or white, through the purity of our lives, it appears that difficulty and hardship is part of being human. “It is part of the discipline of God to make His loved ones perfect through trial and suffering. Only by carrying the Cross can one reach the Resurrection.” – Venerable Fulton Sheen, Life of Christ

It’s interesting that in a society removed from accepting crosses, there has been a resurgence of super-hero movies. In these characters we vicariously experience something that our souls crave. It seems that every single day one or all of my boys are dressing up as Iron Man, Superman or finding some way to turn a Lego into a weapon. At that young of an age, it can only be considered natural. These fictitious heroes don the very spirit of our beloved martyrs and portray the virtuousness of sacrifice on the big screens. What must be realized is that we have a whole slew of super-heroes in the history of man, many of whom can be seen on the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel. One turning point for my own faith was in the study of the martyrs. I wanted what they had. Passion, drive and the willingness to die; it brought back my old childhood dreams of knowing and believing that I was destined to be a hero. So, digging further into the knowledge and writings of our Catholic forefathers I found one trait that gave them those virtues: Love.

We were made by love, to love; therefore an act as majestically odd as martyrdom only makes sense in the parameters of love. If you didn’t love your country, you wouldn’t give your life for her. If you didn’t love your faith, the mere thought of accepting torture before denying Christ would have you running for the hills. Seeing that love is an act of the will, martyrdom is the extreme act of love. A mother willing to wipe up the bathroom after an ‘accident,’ a priest willing to get up in the middle of the night to perform the last rites or hear confessions for hours on end, these are acts of the will, small but highly necessary martyrdoms that helps in the construction of our ladders to heaven.

Without a transcendent cause, martyrdom makes absolutely no sense. If you did not believe in an afterlife that would reward you for your sacrifice there is no point in giving it. Nevertheless, if you believe in something greater than yourself to your very core, then you would sing on the pathway to your death, just as the martyrs of the Roman coliseum did. Such joy, such reverence for death, silences a crowd desiring blood. Admiring the martyrs, desiring to give everything for the spiritual battle, is a grandiose but highly reachable objective. What must be remembered is that many of the red martyrs practiced white martyrdom each and every day. Through the example of our new Pontiff we see how shocked, yet highly intrigued, the world views daily, selfless martyrdom. Perhaps the Church has been blessed with Pope Francis to remind us of the beautiful eccentricity of martyrdom.

“Whoever does not seek the cross of Christ doesn’t seek the glory of Christ.”
— St. John of the Cross

Jared Zimmerer is an author, husband and father of four from Denton, Texas, whose apostolate, “Strength for the Kingdom,” teaches about the inherent connection between spiritual and physical fitness. Find more of Jared’s work at JaredZimmerer.com.

Example to the Example – St. Joseph

Happy Feast of St. Joseph!  As you’ll hear in this vlog (below), St. Joseph is my favorite saint.  He is such an incredible example to us, and for me personally, has played a huge role in me growing into the man I am today.  St. Joseph is so complex, and has so many dimensions, it is hard to decide what to discuss!

I titled this post “example to the example” because it forces us to look a level or two deeper than we normally look.  St. Joseph is not merely a saint.  Not merely Mary’s husband.  Not merely the most chaste spouse.  St. Joseph is the example by which Jesus – the perfect example of masculinity –  learned to be a man.  Whoa!  What a huge role that was.

St. Joseph – I ask you to intercede for me.  Take my needs to your son, The King, and beg Him, on my behalf, for the grace necessary to be the man, the husband, and the father He is calling me to be.  Thank you for your example to me, and the daily reminder you give me through my wife and children.

TrueMan up!

Here’s an old video that I was asked to help with, back in 2011, to help promote the movie “Courageous”.  In this video, I speak about being a chaste spouse.  [This project was a St. Joseph Novena – a video a day, leading up to Father’s Day.]  (Disregard dates, my title, etc. – the information is outdated.)

“I was Perfectly Spotless, I was Perfectly Clean”

5 minute video on one young man’s take on sexual purity.

He shares his life, before sexual purity and now during it.  He shows that it’s a journey, and when faced with the hard decisions, a man has to know where he stands.  And for many reasons, he is preaching abstinence.  He mentions pleasure, let me tell you, it’s more pleasurable to give yourself selflessly to your wife than to use and abuse a girl and yourself.

The message is true, there is healing from past sexual sins.  And his comments about men being brought up by society, and what our times goes to and how we treat women… all on point.

Thanks to Jonathan for sharing this link.

TrueMan up!

“Courageous” Opens Tomorrow

VERY RARELY do I get excited about a movie debuting in the theaters.  To put my theater-movie-watching in perspective, the last two movies I’ve seen in the theater have been “Tangled”, which I took my oldest daughter to as a special daddy-daughter date and the 4th Indiana Jones.  (That one came out in the summer of 2008.)  So, you can see that I don’t frequent the movie theater.  Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy movies, but I struggle terribly to find time to go to the theater and I struggle even more with paying ticket prices for movies nowadays!  (Tangled was a matinee with a coupon, and someone gave me free passes for Indiana Jones.)

BUT… I must say that I am VERY excited about an upcoming movie that is making its way to the big screen tomorrow (Friday, September 30, 2011).  The movie is called “Courageous”.  The producers of this film also produced the movie “Fireproof” (and a few others), which I thought was a good movie.  If “Fireproof” was good, “Courageous” is great!  I had the privilege of pre-screening the movie with my colleagues at our office and have the honor of being part of The King’s Men, one of the ministry-resources for men after they see the movie.

For the pre-screening, I went in very skeptical.  I went in believing that Sherwood Pictures was going to make the movie cheesy with Bible innuendos and very heavy, to the point of burdensome, like they did in “Fireproof”.  Not so.  “Courageous” was very well done and had just the right amount of the “Jesus-factor” so as to still be relate-able as a tool for evangelization purposes with men who are non-believers.  This movie has action, drama, suspense, thrills, excitement and a host of other great characteristics.  I cannot recommend this movie high enough.  Go see it, even at current ticket prices, and show Hollywood that Americans want good, wholesome entertainment and not the garbage they have been spewing for years.

This movie is real.  It is about real men, attempting to live through some real life issues and situations.  It’s very practical and very helpful.  The acting is top notch, the storyline is right on and the cinematography is great.  Again, I cannot recommend this movie enough. (The trailer is located on our homepage on the right side.)

After you see the movie, you may want to get involved.  If you desire to follow in the example of the men in the movie, and become part of a small men’s group, I have a turn-key solution for you.  I’m happy to recommend a format for a men’s small group meeting that is easily duplicated, dynamic, and proven.  We do not charge dues, have no membership and offer incredible support to our leaders.  Don’t try to reinvent the wheel – we have the track record of  a program that works.  Men’s lives are changed because of it.  Men who invest themselves into a men’s small group experience extreme growth and positive change.  Don’t wait another day!  If your parish/church/group/city/area gather enough men together, I can personalize a leader’s training workshop for you and train all of your facilitators in a day-long training session, complete with resource manual and all the how-to’s and nuts and bolts you could ever need.

If we don’t currently have any groups nearby, maybe this is the day you step up and start one.  Contact me for all the resources and support you need.  Info@TrueManhood.com.

TrueMan up!

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