Mentoring Boys into Virtuous Catholic Men

We concentrate our energy on forming and building men.  At Fraternus, a great Catholic apostolate, they concentrate on forming boys into men.  “Mentoring boys into virtuous Catholic men.”  That’s what they’re all about.

What’s happening in these boys’ lives is transforming, and will make an impact on them for years to come.  For boys, you have to engage them with the things that speak to their inner being – the things that make them wild, rough, adventurous and challenged.  This is the way Christ lived, that’s why it’s so appealing to boys.  It’s real, it’s authentically masculine and it’s really fun.

When you can reach a boy, you can teach him and form him.  When a boy is taught and formed properly, he becomes a great man.  Our world needs a lot of great men.

Please take a few moments to watch their video and visit their website.

TrueMan up!

Fire House Evangelization

Very recently, I became a member of the local volunteer fire company in our new hometown here in Pennsylvania.  I attended my first training session last night and was fairly impressed with the skills, knowledge and welcoming nature of the men who were there and am happy to finally be living out a childhood dream to be a firefighter.  (My Grandfather Anthony was a volunteer firefighter and ever since I learned that about him, I wanted to do it too.)  But, my work is cut out for me at the fire house.

You see, at the fire house, the apparent need to be macho is very prevalent.  ‘Cultural Manliness’ in full swing.  It’s been a while since I’ve been around this sort of behavior in this sort of context, but it certainly isn’t new to me.  I played sports my entire childhood life, even up into college (FB and Rugby at BC) and it was very prevalent there, too.  The idea that the more smack I talk, or the better zinger I can dish out, or the more raunchy the joke or the more foul the language, then the more manly I am.  Obviously, if you’ve ever read this blog before, you know where I stand on this issue.  These behaviors and characteristics don’t make you more manly, in fact, they diminish a man’s ability to live TrueManhood.

So, as I look forward to getting fire calls, attending training and potentially saving property and lives, I look forward also to the sort of impact I can make in the lives of my fellow brother firefighters.  I plan to make in-roads with men individually and once a relationship is forged and I gain trust and moral authority with them, I will begin to challenge them to not act like the rest of the guys.  We are a small fire company, but have great potential due to our leadership and equipment.  This will be the true test of my ability to live the faith and set a good example.  Most of the men who were present last night did not come off at first glance as being believers, but as with every man, their core is good.  A little refinement (I continue to need LOTS of refinement) will do them some good and they in turn will do even more good than that!

I turn this around on you… where in your life are you surrounded by cultural manliness?  Are there men around you that act like this?  Maybe you’re a firefighter, athlete, military serviceman, salesman, waiter, CEO, construction worker, missionary, or some other profession… where can you make an impact and live as a TrueMan instead of a cultural man?

TrueMan up!

“Winner at Home”

I saw this on the Father’s For Good website and thought it would be good to post here as well.  Great job, Trever Miller!

“Cardinals’ lefthander, a Knight of Columbus, has challenges on and off the field”

By Brian Caulfield

“As he begins his 12th season as a major league pitcher, Trever Miller is familiar with baseball’s performance measurements: earned run average, strikeout-walk ratio, winning percentage, saves and a dozen other metrics. A lanky lefty reliever with the St. Louis Cardinals, who specializes in retiring left-handed batters in late innings, he even holds a major league record for consecutive mound appearances without a win or loss decision. Having pitched for five teams, the 37-year-old hurler’s lifetime record is a respectable 18-16.

But as a father of a child who was born with two holes in her heart and a genetic disorder so rare that it doesn’t have a name, Miller measures success in life in more basic ways these days – the next breath, a winning smile, a new movement from his daughter Grace. She was not supposed to leave the hospital after birth yet turns a miraculous 7 years old in June.

“Faith goes with the territory,” Miller said last month during the Cardinals’ spring training in Florida. “Grace is my hero and my inspiration. She has overcome more physical tests than I ever have in a lifetime of baseball.”

Miller is a member of the Knights of Columbus’ Our Lady of the Rosary Council 8104 in Land o’ Lakes, Florida. He was brought into the fraternal Order by his father, Terry Miller, who serves as financial secretary for the same council. Father and son are both Fourth Degree Knights in Fr. Malachy Hugh Maguire Assembly 2741.

“I grew up Catholic, went to Catholic school” in Louisville, Kentucky, said the younger Miller. He attends Mass each Sunday and when Mass is offered in the Cardinals’ clubhouse through an arrangement with the group Catholic Athletes for Christ.

One of Kentucky’s all-time great baseball stars at Trinity High School, Miller was drafted by the Detroit Tigers after graduating. He spent a few years in the minors before breaking into the big leagues in 1996.

A year earlier, he married Pari, his wife of 16 years, and they have three children: Tyler, 14, who is a member of the Columbian Squires; McKenzie, 13, and Grace. After his youngest child was born, he and his wife had a choice to make about her treatment. The couple opted for life and hope by approving surgery to close the holes in her tiny heart.

Today, she cannot walk or talk, and a simple cold can mean a trip to the emergency room to prevent fluid from filling her lungs. Still, Grace attends school as often as she can and receives regular therapy.

“She’s a battler, she’s tough,” said Terry Miller, her grandfather. “She’s the only child with her condition who has lived beyond one year, so nothing would surprise me, even if she started talking one day. I’m sure she’d have a lot to tell us.”

Trever Miller tells of dark days a few years ago when he was angry with everyone, including God, over his daughter’s condition.

“We were stunned, we didn’t understand,” he recalled. “We had to stress acceptance, and as a father I wanted to fix her situation and I couldn’t. It was a helpless feeling.”

As a man who makes his living by his physical abilities, acceptance has been difficult. “Dads are looked to as Mr. Fix It, but no matter what I couldn’t fix this. It was tough that I couldn’t control this.”

He now pours his frustration into running, completing two 26.2-mile marathons and wearing a t-shirt that reads: “26 for Grace, .2 for me.”

“I think our faith in God and his running was his saving,” his wife said.

Miller agrees. “One thing all this has done is to keep our family praying,” he said. “Because of this, Grace has so many other people praying for her too.”

Trever Miller is hoping for a stellar year with the Cardinals, but he knows that his biggest wins will be at home with his family.”

Eyes on the Cross

Men… this Easter, I urge you to look towards the ultimate example of manliness – Jesus Christ.  He exemplifies all of the traits that we innately desire… courage, strength, prudence, wisdom.  He is our guide.  He is our model.  He is our way.  His sacrificial gift on the cross doesn’t end, it goes on.

If you ever have trouble praying, or simply want to attempt to prevent distraction and daydreaming in prayer, I suggest that you get a well-made crucifix or a well-done painting/picture of Jesus.  Gaze upon the crucifix and allow the reality of His sacrifice to sink in.  Personally, I used to carry around a very special St. Benedict crucifix that was gifted to me from a friend who attended the Toronto World Youth Day and had it blessed by Pope John Paul II.  (I say “used to” because all the time in my pocket, day-in and day-out, wore the metal of the crucifix down and the corpus of Jesus became distorted, so instead of continuing to damage it, I stopped carrying it.)  On my home office desk, I have a crucifix statue that stands near my laptop.  In every room in our home, we have a crucifix.  At all times, I carry a Rosary in my pocket with the crucifix.  Why?  So that I can, at any time, gaze upon the man I want to be like.  I want to serve like He served.  I want to be strong like He was strong.  I want to love as He loved.

For many of us, we’ve heard “Keep your eye on the ball.”  or, “Keep your eyes on the prize.”  I say, Keep your eyes on the Cross.

TrueMan up!

PS: If I get a request from at least 3 readers, I’ll explain more about the significance of the St. Benedict crucifix that was purchased for me at WYD in Toronto.  Send them via the comment section below or via email!

More Embarrassing Than Anything Else?

This story has been in the news a significant amount over the past 11 months or so, but I thought it good to discuss it here on, apparently, the last stage of the case.  Lawrence Taylor, former NFL Linebacker for the NY Giants, was indicted on several counts of sexual misconduct, prostitution, having sex with an underage female, etc. etc. in May of 2010.  (For the entire case file and details, google or youtube videos for more specifics.)  Yesterday, Taylor was in court for his sex offender hearing.

There are lots of details to this case, but I want to focus on his response on this FOX News show.  Watch it then read below.

If you watched closely, you may have seen some of the glaring problems that I saw.  For instance, LT tried to justify his actions.  He seemed to shrug off the gravity of his actions.  He attempted to answer several of the questions, but as he proceeded, he seemingly realized that his honest answer would “get him in trouble” at home with his wife and he backed off.  As he stumbled through his answers, you could tell from both his body language and his stuttering that he was trying to give the political answer instead of owning up to what he did.  (From the start, LT’s story changed.  Originally, he said he never had sex with the prostitute, a 16 year old girl.  Then he admitted to pieces of the story, then eventually, he admitted – after taking a plea deal – to all of the charges.)  LT, you should have been honest from the start.  Better yet, you shouldn’t have been looking to a pimp to find you a woman to fornicate with.

And, what’s the deal with “then it’s all clean”???  Prostitution isn’t clean.  It does mess with emotions, with the chemical makeup, with relationships.  It’s not clean at all.

And another thing… yes, some of us are trying to shut down the sex trafficking industry!  One by one, 10 by 10, whatever it takes.

And no, Mr. Taylor, not everyone goes to prostitutes.  In fact, most of us don’t.  Please don’t speak for the rest of us.

Beyond the first interview, (in part 2) LT talks about his 5 year old son.  He appears to believe that his son will be a better man because of what he (LT) has gone through.  Let me tell you something… it doesn’t work like that.  Little boys act like their daddies, whether good bad or indifferent.  For the bad daddies, unless someone, hopefully their daddy himself, intervenes and sets a better example, the little boy is prone to bad behavior.  That’s painting the picture with broad strokes, but it’s the statistics.

In the end, I’m not saying there’s no hope for this guy.  I’m not saying that he won’t make it through.  I’m not saying that he’s going to use prostitutes again, or that his son is hopeless, or that a conversion to our Lord isn’t possible.  What I’m saying, similar to what I said about Tiger Woods, is that men like this, who have loads of influence and power, are detrimental to manliness because of their lack of knowledge and implementation of virtue.

TrueMan up!

Good For You, Young Man

Have you heard of this story?  A young man from Iowa, named Joel Northrup, declined to wrestle a young lady in the Iowa High School State Wrestling Tournament.  He lost by default and the young lady he was supposed to wrestle, who won by default, moved on in the tournament.  This was the first time in the 85 year history  that a female wrestled in the state tournament in Iowa.  This year, not only one girl, Cassy, but two girls made it.  The other young lady was named Megan.

Joel said that he didn’t believe that boys should wrestle girls.  I agree with him.  It’s inappropriate.   He said, “I have a tremendous amount of respect for Cassy and Megan and their accomplishments.”  For Northrup, it doesn’t appear to be a fear thing; he’s not afraid of these girls.  He was 35-4 in matches this year and has already had success in Iowa in previous years.  It’s a matter of principle for him.

“Wrestling is a combat sport and it can get violent at times,” said Northrup. “As a matter of conscience and my faith I do not believe that it is appropriate for a boy to engage a girl in this manner. It is unfortunate that I have been placed in a situation not seen in most other high school sports in Iowa.”

Here’s a bit from his coach…

What does he mean by a “matter of my faith?”  What does being a Christian man have to do with not wrestling a woman?  (Just writing that sentence seems silly to me.)  I’d say that it goes back to our creation as men.  It speaks to the heart of a man.  Deep inside every man is a sense of wildness, a rugged “warrior” drive and our natural inclination towards adventure.  There’s nothing natural inside a man that says “I should my brute strength to pin a woman to the floor to win a tournament.”  In the history of wrestling, dating back to the ancient Greeks, men and women never wrestled one another.  In fact, women never wrestled at all.  Females wrestling is a pretty new invention.

It’s a weird proposition, having to wrestle a girl.  I should know… I wrestled two girls in middle school.  Unfortunately, I didn’t have the courage that Joel had, to say “I default”.  The young ladies that I wrestled in middle school were sweet girls, and pretty feminine, they also happened to like to wrestle.  I’m not really sure why.

Some people would then ask, “Dave, what if your daughters came to you and said, “Daddy, I want to wrestle.”?”  What would I say? I’d say no.  It’ll be a ‘no’ if they come and ask me to be a boxer.  It’ll be a ‘no’ if they come and ask me to be an altar server at Mass.  It would be ‘no’ to a lot of questions.  It’s not authentically feminine for women to do things men are naturally inclined to do.  I’ve written about this a lot – we (men and women) were created with equal dignity, but separate roles.  It’s NOT a bad thing, it’s a GREAT thing!  When men do what they were created for and women do what they were created for IT WORKS!  If that gets all screwed up, everything falls apart.

When I write posts like these, I typically get at least one feminist email spewing hate towards me and this view point (which isn’t solely mine – but that of the Church as well).  I get called all sorts of names and get blamed for being a chauvinist and hateful and harsh and intolerant and so forth.  I welcome those emails because it creates good dialogue.  It’s not about some notion of equality, that a woman should be able to do whatever a man can do.  It’s about the notion of order.  So, if you read this and disagree, let me know.

TrueMan up!

“What Do You Want Your Dash to Represent?”

I just saw this ESPN Documentary about Tim Tebow.  It’s going to be on ESPN in a just a little bit (5pm Mountain Time), but if you’re not reading this right away (which most of you won’t be), I’m sure that ESPN will replay it.

It looks interesting, but I don’t have ESPN, so I won’t be able to see it right now.  As I watched the trailer, I had an eerie feeling in my gut, especially when they were showing him in the stadium after a game and the band girl screamed “I touched him!” as if his “cloak” was able to heal.  The trailer really depicted him as some sort of savior.  Seems to be a weird mix of Tim Tebow’s dedication and determination, even against extreme odds, and an idolization of him as a super-human.  Watch the trailer below and let me know if you felt the same way.

Tim Tebow is a good man.  He is devoted to his walk with Christ and does great things for the community.  He inspires many and is a ray of hope in our world.  Good job, Tim.

He has an awesome quote in there, “what do you want your dash to represent?”  This quote is important for all of us to think about.  He was saying that each of our tombstones will have the year we were born and then will have the year we died.  In between these numbers will be a dash.  The dash represents the years of our life.  “What do you want your dash to represent?” is really asking the question “What is your life all about?”  That’s why I posted this video.  It’s a great question to ask yourself.  Are you a man of great integrity and character?  Are you a man of virtue?  A you a holy and devoted man?  Are you constantly trying to get better?  Are you constantly trying to grow?  What sort of legacy are you leaving?  If yes, your dash will represent greatness.  If not, it may represent something else.

This would be a great video and topic to segment into another post about “cultural manliness”, but that’ll have to wait.

TrueMan up!

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