No, Ken Doll DOESN’T Make Metrosexual Cool

Maybe you’ve heard this… some people think that Ken (from Toy Story 3) makes being ‘metrosexual’ cool.  Ummm… well… no.  Being metrosexual isn’t cool.  More importantly, being metrosexual isn’t virtuous, so therefore, it’s not manly.

What is metrosexual?  From my research, there’s not one widely-agreed-upon definition.  Personally, I think Wikipedia actually got it right for once… “Metrosexual… a man who has a strong concern for his appearance or a lifestyle that displays attributes stereotypically associated with homosexual men, although he is not homosexual.”  Manicures, pedicures, facials, ridiculous hair treatments, eyebrow plucking, spray-on tanner, gossip magazines/sites… ugh.  Short-tempered.  Shallow and selfish – “Solid ride. Solid physique. Solid hair.  Solid.”

Please note, there is a drastic difference between being a metrosexual and a gentleman.  A gentleman is concerned with his appearance, but not overly concerned with it and never in a self-centered or conceited way.  A gentleman is prudent in his decisions, temperate in his actions, courageous in all things and seeks justice for all.  A gentleman lives an ordered life, not the disordered life of a metrosexual.  A gentleman is authentically masculine while a metrosexual is effeminate.  A gentleman praises others, while a metrosexual seeks praise as an end, in and of itself.  A gentleman always respects a woman and fights to defend her.  Sometimes, women are falsely drawn towards metrosexual men, often times because metros are more tender and understanding (all emotional)… see how Barbie feels about Ken initially in the video below.  These women typically end up hurt and alone because those characteristics wear off eventually, leaving the woman in pain and alone.

Back to Ken… the dolldude obviously has issues… attachment to worldly possessions, personal appearance and a desire for shallow and empty “swagger”.  “A whole room, just for trying on clothes.”  Come on, Ken.

TrueMan up!

“Womanpriests”, “Pope Joan”… and a side of PC

Lately, I’ve come across several stories, websites, conversations, etc. about ‘womanpriests’.  [Some of the websites claim to be in communion with the Roman Catholic Church.  They aren’t.  No matter their claims, they aren’t.]  One story is about a movie that’s out, exclusively in Europe right now, about the legend of a female Pope that lived during the 9th century.  This claim is unsubstantiated and completely fabricated.  One story, which I saw posted on Facebook, spoke of a ‘womanpriest’ from the St. Louis area who is pregnant.  “The first female Roman Catholic priest to be pregnant in history.”  What is the obsession with women being priests?!?!

I think the obsession is the false understanding of freedom in our culture, mixed with a heavy dose of moral relativism, topped with a false sense of equality… served with a side of PC.  In our culture, fairness has been turned into a “if they get one, I deserve one too” system.  Society completely distorts the understanding of gender, gender roles, equality, fairness and the intention of God in regards to gender and sexuality.  The world has turned everything into a competition and some people believe that in order to be considered ‘equal’, they must have the same opportunities as everyone else.  Think about that – it doesn’t make sense.

Why is it, that as soon as a man is allowed (created) to do something, some women automatically insist that they should be allowed to do the same?  The insistance includes many such things that are outside the scope of a woman’s role.  See, when a man is ordained a priest in the Catholic Church, he becomes the spouse of Mother Church.  Plain and simple.  No apologies here… politically correct or not.

Being politically correct is not Catholic.  It’s not charitable, it’s not what Jesus did, it’s not what we should do.  Being politically correct asks us to waterdown our faith, to become “tolerant” of everything that’s going on around us – whether morally acceptable or not.  No thanks.

As always, I’m not diggin’ on women.  I’m not trying to deify men.  What I’m saying is that we were each created for something great, as a man or as a woman.  Those things can be (and most likely are) different.

Stand up for the dignity of each person.  Respect life.  Respect what God created you for.  Stand up for Truth.  Stand up against the notion of tolerance.  Ruffle feathers, if that’s what it takes.  Christ wasn’t a fairweather prophet… He didn’t take the position of “acceptance”… See, what Christ did (which is what we are supposed to model our lives after) is that He loved sinners too much to allow them to stay where they were.

TrueMan up!

Four Days For Fathers – Day 3

Day 2’s post brings to mind another topic about fathers and sons that should be addressed.  There are a great number of people, both men and women, that believe that men can’t be sentimental, affectionate or caring.  If they are, then they must be effeminate, homosexual or other.  These same people believe that a father shouldn’t have to tell his son that he loves him… that the boy should know merely by what his father does.  Usually, the father (in this sort of situation) ‘shows’ his love by his hard work, by his determination, by what he provides for his family.  What’s lacking, though, is the verbal communication between father and son.  Without this communication, a large gap can take place where the son is longing for affirmation and the father is scared to share his feelings, in fear of not appearing ‘manly enough’ for his child.

Usually, what a son wants most in life (at least at a young age) is to make his father proud of him.  When the son doesn’t receive the communication he desires from his father, it typically results in one of two scenarios.  1. He vows to be a different and better kind of father to his own children… or 2. he perpetuates the problem with his own children.

It’s a bit different between a father and his daughters – a sensitive father of daughters is looked at as if he’s doing it right.  Firm, with high expectations, yet loving, tender and caring.

I know that many of you reading this post have daddy-shaped-holes in your life.  I realize that reading about it and thinking about it may be difficult.  While that may be true, I know that a solid way to get over the problems is to bring them to the light, to discuss them and to try to move past them.  The only way to really get over them is to realize that God the Father is your loving father in Heaven and that He has plans for your welfare.  (Read Jeremiah 29:11.)

Also, I want to address a topic from my first paragraph.  Above, I wrote “There are a great number of people, both men and women, that believe that men can’t be sentimental, affectionate or caring.  If they are, then they must be effeminate, homosexual or other.” A TrueMan is not effeminate or homosexual, but is virtuous.  Virtue is the only way for a man to fully live out ‘manliness’.  Period.

Fathers – talk with your children, grown or young.  Set the example of how to love but also commit to saying the words “I love you” on a regular basis.  I recommend saying it every chance you get.

TrueMan up!

What Makes Porn So Bad?!

So last post (Porn Gone Mobile) I said that I would talk about why porn is so bad.  The totality of the answer can’t fit into this post, so here’s what I’ve got for you today.  A great number of people, even those who do not currently look at, use, buy or sell porn, believe that there is nothing wrong with porn.  This is a sign of a culture that has completely lost its moral compass.  Not only has the moral compass been lost, it has since been replaced with a compass (better stated as a philosophy) that is so far from the truth that it actually denies that absolute truth exists!  This philosophy… moral relativism.  Relativism states that all things are relative.  If you really believe that the composition of the stuff that makes up the ocean is not H2O, but actually H3O7, then in relativism, H3O7 is “truth for you”.

Sure, that’s a silly example, but it can be extended onto any philosophical issue… any issue related to morals, ethics, virtue, choices, life, death… you name it.  You may believe that abortion isn’t murder of a human life, but that doesn’t make your belief true.  The problem with moral relativism is, well, everything.  It denies the absolute truth and leaves everything for the individual to determine.  Not a good place to start.  If relativism is true, then what Christ did on the cross doesn’t matter.  If relativism is true, then God isn’t the ‘unmoved Mover’.  If relativism is true, then there’s no definition to what manliness is.  So…

That brings us back to porn and why it IS so bad.  It’s not that porn is only bad for me and for some other select group of people.  It’s not that I’m ‘trying to force my morality on someone’.  It’s not that only certain kinds of porn are bad.  It’s all intrinsically evil.  Catechism of the Catholic Church, paragraph 2354, states: “It offends against chastity because it perverts the conjugal act… It does grave injury to the dignity of its participants… It is a grave offense.”  The production of, distribution of and/or the use of pornography damages the individual, causing them to enter into mortal sin, a total turning away from God.  It is a lie.  It is repulsive.

On another note, porn is intrinsically evil because it destroys our brain’s ability to function properly.  When porn is viewed/used, a chemical bond is created.  The chemical involved is a hormone, called oxytocin.  Oxytocin exists in both males and females.  One of the most commonly known occurrences of oxytocin is in child birth.  It is one of the bonding agents between a mother and a newborn child – a very powerful bond.  Oxytocin is also released in sexual orgasm, thus creating a bond.  When the bond is based on a fantasy, ie porn, the bond is incredibly detrimental.  This false bond distorts the understanding of the sexual act.  Once the distorted bond is in place, often times, the bond continues to deteriorate.  Many men choose to allow this bond into their life and then wonder why real intimacy and actual giving of oneself in marriage is so difficult.

If you haven’t been exposed to porn, I urge you to do everything in your power to stay away from it.  Porn is just like meth… it only takes one time.  If you have been exposed to porn, it will continue to bond you to the fantasy, to the sexual act, to the addiction.  If you’re a single man using porn, the distorted bond will damage your relationships, it will be a stumbling block to finding the right spouse, it will become your motivation.  If/When you get married, it will cause you to be selfish in regards to intimacy with your wife, not to mention in day-to-day activities and interactions.  If you’re a married man using porn, I’m almost 100% certain that the intimacy with your wife is distorted by your addiction.  Not only does it distort your relationship with your wife, it distorts the relationship you have with your children, friends and co-workers.

The good news, as stated before many times, is that freedom from porn exists!  I’m walking proof.  I had these distortions in my life.  It takes a ton of hard work to get over them, as well as daily prayer, the Sacraments and God’s grace.  You can do it!  Get rid of the porn today!

TrueMan up!

Cultural Manliness Takes Its Toll

I made a point tonight to watch the Jesse James interview on ABC’s Nightline.  Jesse was going to be speaking about his marriage-gone-bad and his acts of infidelity and I thought it would be some decent fodder for the site.  Jesse has been in the spotlight, limelight and tab-light ever since the news of his infidelity hit the wires.  Jesse is married to “America’s Sweetheart”, Sandra Bullock.  The divorce papers have been filed.

During the interview, Jesse appeared embarrassed, ashamed and scared.  He seemed to mix his ‘bad boy’ persona with, what I believe to be his real persona, honesty.  I don’t believe that this interview will ‘reinstate’ him, but I believe that there are a few points worth mentioning.

1. Jesse appeared honest.  He didn’t attempt to sugarcoat what he had done, he took responsibility and ownership of his horrible choices and knows that he has to deal with those consequences.
2. Jesse appeared to understand the pain and tragedy that he has caused both Sandra and, more devastating than that, his children.  I believe that he showed that his children are important to him and that he knows he messed up royally.  At the time of his acts of indiscretion, he was unconcerned with the effects of his actions.  Now, however, it appears that he realizes just how much his actions effect those around him.  I don’t think the choked-up tears were a show.
3. Jesse is missing something huge in his life.  [I hate to make this assumption, but it was pretty clear to me, after watching the interview that…]  Jesse is missing God in his life.  There’s a huge gap, a gap that can only be filled by the Father’s love.  If Jesse has a relationship with God, it wasn’t apparent in any of his actions or words.
4. Jesse is a walking testament that Cultural Manliness takes its toll on a man.  Going after power, money, sex and stuff will only leave you empty.  The allure of Cultural Manliness is that it appears so enjoyable, so laid-back, so tempting.  Jesse spoke about how perfect his life was, yet he gave into the temptation of what the world tells us is manly.  It left him wanting more.  Jesse admitted that he had many extra-marital affairs, and that “it could have been a million women.”  His point was that even one act of infidelity was too much.  He, obviously, is correct in his thinking.  By giving into the temptations of Cultural Manliness, Jesse found himself nearly at the end of his rope.
5. Jesse spoke about being physically and emotionally abused as a child.  Although I sympathize with abused persons, it does not justify poor, or even abusive, behavior.  Jesse cannot hide behind his past experiences of abuse.  He must continue to own his actions and encourage other victims of abuse to do the same.

In closing, I partially feel bad for Jesse James and I also am disgusted by him.  Cultural Manliness left the guy empty and alone.  He made some mistakes and although it’s unlikely, he could change.  He could come to know Christ and become a faithful Catholic.  On the other hand, he knew what was right and wrong the entire time and decide to throw it all away for some sex.  He had (and still has) a great deal of influence on our world and I believe he took that for granted.

TrueMan up!

GUEST POST – Guarding Your Heart, Women’s Edition Part 2

Here’s Part 2 from Haley’s post the other day about guarding your heart, from a woman’s perspective.  For Part 1, click HERE.

I hope you’re not sick of the analogy, yet, because Part One was just the beginning!  To return to our castle…

If you have a moat, you’ve got to have a drawbridge, right?  So at the drawbridge of my heart-castle, I’d place two stately bronze lion statues to guard the entrance; they represent a trusted friend and/or spiritual director, with whom I can share when I have a crush on someone or when a guy stands knocking at the door of my heart. The eyes of the lions might seem to follow anyone who approaches, but their interventions would be unknown to visitors. A woman’s “guard” (trusted spiritual director or closest friend) would question any guest’s intentions, asking whether he might be manipulating her with shows of affection, or whether his intentions seem trust-worthy. The same guard would also caution her about fantasizing about a guy she has a crush on, or sharing the deepest desires of her heart too freely amongst other friends and acquaintances. Her emotions would remain safely inside and in check, and everyone who approached would be examined reasonably.

High above our heart-castle stands a crenellated minaret, in which an archer waits hidden from any curious eyes lingering below.  This archer keeps watch over what’s taking place both within and without. We can assume his marksmanship is legendary, and that he’s been known to stop a man in his tracks with a well-placed arrow in the toe of a riding boot. The archer would also be on the lookout for what’s being brought in to fill up the larders of the castle, for how can a woman guard her heart if she’s on a steady diet of chick flicks and other such fantasies?  To draw a coarse parallel: if men are easily seduced by pornography, then women are easily seduced by fairy tales and chick flicks.  The romance presented to us by the movies stirs our hearts, and it’s no coincidence!  Hollywood is well aware of what we desire: a man to rescue us, find us beautiful, and sweep us off on the adventure of a lifetime.

These desires aren’t bad, they’re natural and good!  However, ultimately, we must place our confidence in One Man—the One who rescued us from death and invites us on an eternal adventure…the One who created us in His own image, and finds us priceless, beautiful, and worthy of His love.  If we spend more time fixated on the newest leading man then we spend contemplating the New Adam—Christ!—then our hearts will be compromised [1].  Recently, I’ve been fascinated with Caryll Houselander’s “Reed of God”, a meditation on Mary and spiritual virginity. She explains how we’re meant to be empty vessels who are filled by the Blood of Christ, not with unrealistic tales, fleeting pursuits, and the busy distractions of the world [2].

I think these natural desires of the feminine heart are the areas in which the devil most likes to attack us (which I mentioned in the previous post).  Our trusty archer must also be on the lookout for an aerial assault: arrows sent straight into the core of our hearts—lies from the devil, himself.  From personal experience and the stories of other women, I think he lies to us like this: ”You’re not beautiful. You’re not desirable. You’re not loveable.” Think about it; do you know many women who are deeply conflicted by lies like these: “You’re not funny. You’re not patient. You’re not aware of the feelings of those around you”?  No, of course not!  He presents lies that feed on our deepest desires!   Why wouldn’t he?  They’re so darn effective!  It’s only been in the last year or two that I’ve become aware of this insidious assault on my heart and have started recognizing the lies placed there by the devil, himself.  It’s so freeing just to name them to yourself whenever you catch one!  A spiritual director or a trusted, well-formed friend can help you start to recognize these falsehoods planted in your imagination by the evil one.  (On that note, remember that God never promised our lives would be a Tom-Hanks-and-Meg-Ryan-romp-in-the-park!  Don’t let the devil convince you that if it isn’t, it’s not worth living.  He’s a big, fat liar, so keep a look-out for him!)

That’s about as far as I’ve imagined the analogy.  I’m sure we could expand it much further, but for now, I hope it’s been helpful!  And I hope some of you will share your own thoughts about this topic in the comments.

Haley

_______________

[1] “Christ speaks to women about the things of God, and they understand them; there is a true resonance of mind and heart, a response of faith. Jesus expresses appreciation and admiration for this distinctly ‘feminine’ response, as in the case of the Canaanite woman (cf. Mt 15:28)” (Mulieris Dignitatem, 15).

[2] Our late Holy Father speaks of vocational virginity in Mulieris Dignitatem, which I think is a helpful reflection for single ladies: “In this wider context, virginity has to be considered also as a path for women, a path on which they realize their womanhood in a way different from marriage. In order to understand this path, it is necessary to refer once more to the fundamental idea of Christian anthropology. By freely choosing virginity, women confirm themselves as persons, as beings whom the Creator from the beginning has willed for their own sake. At the same time they realize the personal value of their own femininity by becoming ‘a sincere gift’ for God who has revealed himself in Christ, a gift for Christ, the Redeemer of humanity and the Spouse of souls: a ’spousal’ gift” (#20). Our ability to be gifts can be found in our emptiness, and in the means by which we are formed into vessels…or so Houselander would say. I can’t recommend her reflections on this in “Reed of God” highly enough!

New Bishop, Great Example

I just became aware of a new bishop for the Diocese of Springfield, Illinois.  His name is Bishop Thomas John Paprocki.  At the Illinois Catholic Prayer Breakfast last Friday, Bishop Paprocki addressed the crowd with the words found below.  I firmly believe that we need more bishops like Bishop Paprocki, who will stand for the truth and will, if needed, give his life for the faith.

As you may know, Pope Benedict XVI has appointed me to serve as the ninth Bishop of Springfield in Illinois. As the date of my Installation Mass, I have chosen June 22nd, the Feast of the English martyrs, Saints Thomas More and John Fisher. This day is appropriate because St. John Fisher was a Bishop, while St. Thomas More is a special patron saint for me not only because I am named Thomas and I served as Chancellor, as Thomas More did, but also because Thomas More is the patron saint of lawyers and politicians. I think his intercession will be vitally needed in my pastoral ministry as shepherd of our state capital.

My favorite movie of all time is “A Man For All Seasons,” about the life of St. Thomas More. In the screenplay written by Robert Bolt, there is a very poignant scene towards the end of the story of the trial of Thomas More, who was charged for High Treason for his refusal to sign the Act of Supremacy, making King Henry VIII the head of the Church of England. Sir Richard Rich has just perjured himself on the witness stand by giving false testimony by which More would surely be convicted. Before Sir Richard leaves the witness stand, More says, “I have one question to ask the witness. That’s a chain of office you are wearing. May I see it?” Rich allows More to examine the medallion, whereupon More says, “The red dragon.” More then asks Cromwell, who is conducting the interrogation, “What’s this?” Cromwell answers, “Sir Richard is appointed Attorney-General of Wales.”  More we are told, looks into Rich’s face with pain and amusement and asks, “For Wales? Why Richard, it profits a man nothing to give his soul for the whole world . . . But, for Wales!” 

Unfortunately we live in a time when many other politicians are quite willing to give their souls for even less than Wales! As we gather for this Holy Sacrifice of the Mass preceding the Illinois Catholic Prayer Breakfast, we pray for the intercession of Saints Thomas More and Bishop John Fisher, that politicians and all government officials may follow their courageous example of faithful adherence to the teachings of the Catholic Church.

Today’s Mass is celebrated as a Memorial of Pope St. Pius V, who lived during the time of Saints Thomas More and Bishop John Fisher. The pontificate of Pope Pius V was one of the most glorious of the 16th century. He enforced the decrees of the Council of Trent, published the Roman Catechism and revised the Missal and Breviary. We pray for his intercession as well. Our liturgy today also continues the celebration of the Easter season. Our first reading from the Acts of the Apostles tells us of the life of the early Christian community. Then, as now, courtroom trials depended on the testimony of courtroom witnesses. Conviction or acquittal can depend on what a person has experienced and how credibly the person expresses that experience to a judge or jury. If we expect people to believe in the resurrection of Jesus, there have to be credible witnesses. St. Paul cites the companions of Jesus as witnesses to the resurrection. He passes on their testimony as well as their own. We are called to bear witness to Jesus as the way, the truth and the life. Jesus shows us how to live by His example of selfless sacrifice. He teaches us the truth

about God, about ourselves, and about the world. He gives us eternal life through faith and the living of our sacramental life. Everything we say and do should convince people of the Gospel message. The Eucharist we are about to receive fills us with the presence of Christ so that we may be credible witnesses to the good news of eternal life with our Risen Lord.

May God give us this grace.

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