A Way for a Woman to Guard Her Heart

I was asked not too long ago what “guard your heart” really means.  The answer isn’t cut and dry, especially because each of us has different experiences, different relationships, different baggage, etc.  However, when asked this question, I attempted to answer with an analogy that I’d like to share with you now.  I told the young woman the following:

(For the Ladies) Imagine that your heart is inside a giant mansion.  Imagine that at the outskirts of the mansion there’s a guard tower with an armed guard inside.  Surrounding the mansion is a 15′-high electrified fence.  Inside the fence are several Dobermans who haven’t eaten lately.  On this side of the dogs is a large, triple-thick, rock wall with a gate that has a special code used to get in.  Inside the rock wall is a large bullet-proof metal door with 7 deadbolts.

Now imagine that you’re early in a relationship with a man.  Guarding your heart is prudently allowing the guard to take an extended leave of absence.  The fence is still electrified, the dogs are still there, the gate is still down and the door is still locked – 7 times no less.  The man gets a little closer to your heart, but still doesn’t have unlimited access.  Little by little you reduce the security and over time, through prudent thinking and decision making, you begin to allow the man closer to your heart and allow him to have more access to you.  He gazes into your heart from a distance… sort of like looking through the windows of the mansion… and from his gaze, he begins to learn about your heart.  Seeing into the heart is different than having unabated access to the heart.

For many people, it may seem too hard to guard their heart.  For many people, it may seem too late to guard their heart.  If pain from relationships-gone-bad, lack of trust after a break up (or after every break up) and utter disappointment in relationships in general is fun for you, then keep up the common mistakes and lack of protection for your heart.  If, however, you come to understand that your heart is worth guarding because you are a precious daughter of God and because you deserve only the best in life, then take the necessary steps to start guarding your heart now.  If a man in your life is too close to your heart (or maybe inside the mansion), do what’s best for you and ask him to take a few steps back.  It will be hard at first, and may even seem pointless, but in the long run, it will be a blessing.  Trust me.

The analogy is based on the context of a relationship, but we should each be guarding our hearts from evil, sin and unclean outside influences as well.

Men, if you are too close to a woman’s heart, or inside the mansion, do the respectable, virtuous thing and take some steps backward.  This is not to suppress your feelings, your love or your desire for her.  This behavior is to show her that she’s worth the very best.  At the right time, you take the proper steps to win over her heart fully.  Once married, hearts become one in the Sacrament.

TrueMan up!

Keep Fighting

Men, Whether you’ve been on the battle field for a long time or have just begun the fight, I want to encourage you to continue to fight! The devil is strategic in how he attacks you and a period of freedom (any amount of time) can at times play games with a man’s mind, allowing him a sense of “I’m done with this” – that’s called complacency.  No matter how long you’ve experienced freedom (1 day or 10 years), you can never let your guard down.  The path to holiness is paved by discipline and you must remain disciplined in order to successfully achieve holiness.  Holiness, a complete imitation of Christ, in Heaven is our goal.  If you’re reading TrueManhood for the first time, then you may not know what I’m talking about.  Here at TrueManhood, we directly attack the evils of the culture, one of those being a most grave evil – pornography.

For men who are reading this for the first time (or for someone who knows a man who has an addiction to pornography but hasn’t yet sought help), please visit the links posted below to get started in battling your addiction.  If you’ve already seen all these resources, it may be time to read them again.  Take back your life and strive for TrueManhood – a life of virtue in Christ Jesus.

• For “TrueManhood’s 5 Step Plan to Overcoming an Addiction to Pornography” Click HERE.
• To read other articles about the fight against pornography, type in ‘PORN‘ or ‘PORNOGRAPHY‘ in the search box towards the upper right.
• For Porn Addiction Resources, Click HERE.
• For “TrueManhood’s Guide to Virtue” Click HERE.
• To view videos of my talks against pornography addiction, Click HERE.
• For free anti-porn software, click HERE.
• If at anytime you need assistance with your battle, email me directly at Dave@TrueManhood.com.

TrueMan up!

He Lost It

Maybe you saw this video from about 10 days ago.  It’s video of a minor league hockey coach who goes ballistic on the referee about a bad call against one of his players.  The coach is Jim Playfair, which is sort of ironic, considering.  Be sure to watch the folks in the stands, as well as the players to the coach’s left laughing at him.  Take a look.

If you can’t view the video, click HERE.

What’s amazing is that in our culture, this sort of behavior is glorified.  Although collectively, we think things such as “what a crazy man” or “that guy’s goin’ nuts”, we watch it and continually let it happen.  This particular video has been viewed over 555,000 times, and is merely one version of the incident.  The fact that this coach lost his cool like this shows that he’s not virtuous in the area of prudence, temperance or justice.  (A TrueMan is virtuous.)  I wonder what would happen at my office if someone acted this way.

I watched a few videos discussing this outburst, and one that caught my attention was a radio personality that said, something to the effect of, “this is a coach expressing emotion.  He’s defending his player, showing some emotion.  I don’t think it’s that big of a deal.”  In fact, the radio guy went on to call it “great”, that this coach did what he did.  Well, Mr. Smart-Radio-Personality-Guy, a TrueMan controls his emotions and doesn’t lash out like Mr. Playfair.  This was not great.

TrueMan Up!

For Women – Is He Mr. Right?

I recently came across an online article titled “Is He Mr. Right?”  I was curious what the article said, doubting that any of it was substantive or even remotely helpful.  The information was, well, eh.  The article had five main points, and if your “Mr. Next” met all five, then voilà!  “You’ve found Mr. Right!”  What do you think?

The first point was “He Listens to You”.  Huh?, what’s that?  Oh, sorry.  Although listening is a vital component to just about every human relationship, I don’t know that it’s essential in choosing Mr. Right.  The first point continues on, saying “you’ll know he listens to you when he shows genuine concern, consistently remembers things you’ve told him and offers emotional support in honest and thoughtful way.”  Well… I don’t think that the actions mentioned here are listening, although listening played a role.  The action is ‘showing’, ‘remembering’ and ‘offering’.  Listening doesn’t make things happen… doing does.  With that said, God gave us each 2 ears and only 1 mouth, meaning that we should probably listen twice as much as we talk.

The second point is rather silly… “He Connects with You.”  If a guy isn’t connecting with you, why are you dating him?

The third point is good, although not developed enough for my tastes… “He Wants the Real You.”  The author writes about a woman not giving up any part of her identity for a man, which is fine and good.  I think that when either person does that, it only leads to falsehood, and eventually, the truth comes out and problems come up.  I believe one of the best ways for the guy to really want the ‘real’ you, is for him to know you before you date.  This begins the topic of dating with a purpose, although we don’t have time for that here.

The fourth point is even better than the third.  Here it is, verbatim: “A relationship without trust is doomed from the start. But a relationship with abundant trust? A fabulous foundation for real and lasting love! Built over time, trust is based on the simple belief system that your partner has your best interests at heart and will never intentionally hurt you (and vice versa). If and when you discover that Mr. Next is 100 percent trustworthy, you’ll have no trouble giving your heart to him. In return, he’ll most likely give you his heart and pave the way for a lasting, loving relationship to unfold.”  Here’s my qualm with this on… be overly careful with who you give your heart to.  Just because he’s trustworthy, doesn’t make him worthy of your heart.  Be careful, please.

The fifth point isn’t all the great, at least not for the ‘all-encompassing’ characteristic that a man must have, blah blah blah.  “He Enriches Your Life.”  Is that the best this author can do?  What about virtue here?  What about how he treats you?  What about how compatible your life goals, dreams and aspirations are?  Again, as with the second point, this seems a bit silly for me.

I think the author is missing the boat, unless, of course, the point of dating is solely to have fun.  If that’s the case, then what’s the point in even caring about Mr. Right?  Why not just care about Mr. Right-Now?  The point should be that dating with a purpose is the only way that a relationship will truly last and truly bring happiness to both people.  These relationships, however, must have Christ at their center if they want that happiness.  Ladies, please know that you are incredible.  God created you for greatness and you have nothing stopping you from that.  You deserve the best and should never compromise for a counterfeit version of the best.  So many women attempt to find value in the things that happen to them (compliments, stares, successes at work, awards, etc.) instead of finding true value in the fact that you are a daughter of God.  He is the only place for true fulfillment.

Tuesdays with Daddy – Father’s Edition

To all the men who are fathers… today’s “Tuesdays with Daddy” is for you.  Unfortunately, my opportunity to be home with my girls on Tuesdays will be coming to an end in about a month.  I thought it would be a good idea to put forth a challenge to all the dads out there, to keep you thinking, to keep you purposeful in your parenting.  Read over these questions and be honest with yourself about the answers.  If something’s not up to par, make a change today.  I believe that we are all on a journey towards being the best father that we can be.  The journey requires us to always be moving forward, always toward being better.

• Do you tell your children, not just everyday, but every chance you have, that you love them?
• Do your actions match up with your words?
• Do you love your wife?
• Does your love (action!) match up with your “I love yous”?
• Do your children see you loving your wife?
• Do your children have a healthy and realistic understanding of love, or is it what they see on television, in movies and online?
• Do you prioritize your life well?  Or do you give one (or more) part more attention and neglect the other things you ought to be doing?
• Are you addicted to anything?  Porn?  Alcohol?  ESPN?  Work? etc.
• Are you working to overcome your addiction?  (Ask me if you need resources… Dave@TrueManhood.com)
• Do you strive to grow in virtue?
• Are you faithful to a daily prayer life?  To a Sacramental life?
• Do your children know that you pray?
• Do you pray with your children everyday?
• Are you actively involved in the spiritual formation of your children daily?
• Do you pass on responsibilities and place them on your wife and/or childcare provider?
• Do you rejoice in your children?
• What else do you need to work on?

Man up!

“Our lives change when our habits change.”  – Matthew Kelly

Opening Day 2010

Today marks the start of the 2010 Major League Baseball season.  Best of luck to all the teams out there, especially to my Pirates, who need lots of help!  There’s something about heading out to the ballpark on a summer day, at least for those of us who like baseball.  If you aren’t a baseball fan, that’s fine… this post isn’t about baseball, per se.  Here at TrueManhood, we wanted to do a “compare and contrast” between baseball and manliness.

• Baseball is a game.  Manliness isn’t.
• Baseball is played during the summer.  Manliness is always.
• Baseball players can “mess up” 7 out of 10 times at bat over their entire career and be considered a Hall of Famer.  Manliness can’t sustain those numbers.
• Baseball is about trying to win most of the time.  Manliness strives to “win” all the time.  (“Win” here means to be a TrueMan.)
• Baseball allows men to throw tantrums, kick dirt, scream, cuss, chew and throw drink coolers.  Manliness never stands for that sort of behavior.

We could continue on for hours with this sort of thing.  I’ve got nothing against baseball, I enjoy baseball, especially when I get to play the game.  I grew up playing from an early age into my adult life, I take my family to the ballpark regularly and I really enjoy the playoff season.  What we need to be careful about, and this goes for everything in life (other sports, the Hollywood mentality, the online community, etc.) is to take baseball in using moderation.  Manliness, however, we should take in with excess!  (Remember, manliness means living a virtuous life!)

Man up!

True God and TrueMan

The Easter Triduum is an incredible celebration within our Church’s liturgical calendar.  The Triduum is the time from Holy Thursday until Easter Day, which includes so many incredible elements to our faith, such as: The Institution of the Eucharist at the Last Supper!  The Institution of the Priesthood, Christ humbling Himself (as our example, especially for men) as a servant-leader with the washing of the feet, Christ’s Passion, Christ’s death on the cross as the Paschal Lamb – the Passover fulfillment, and tomorrow, the celebration of His Resurrection!  What a rich and humbling tradition of redemption we have!

We should see Christ as our model.  He is the perfection of manliness.  He is all virtue.  He is sacrificial, even to the point of death.  He is a servant leader.  It is these characteristics that we should be striving for.  In the Divine Praises, we pray the following statement… “Blessed be Jesus Christ, true God and true man.”  This verse has become the tagline for our ministry here at TrueManhood (scroll down this page to see!), and for good reason.  We’re all asking the question, “what does it mean to be a real man?”  The answer lies with Christ.  When you get up in the morning, throughout the entire day, and again before you go to bed, I recommend that you immerse yourself in the life of Christ so that you can learn what He did while He walked this earth and also, so that you learn what He continues to do, as He sits at the right hand of the Father in Heaven.  This means, first and foremost, that you are praying continually!  A daily, fervent prayer life will aid you greatly.  [Don’t know how to pray?… shoot me an email and we’ll chat.  Dave@TrueManhood.com.]  Next, I recommend that you gaze upon Christ on the cross.  His sacrifice is there and present on the cross.  The image of Christ on the cross reminds us of what and who He is and why He did what He did for us, all of us.  Stare at Him.  Unite your suffering to Him.  Serve as He served.  Lead as he led.  Love as He loved.

I pray that your Lenten experience was fruitful this year.  Be aware that you can give up things (this is called fasting) anytime (not on Sundays)… it doesn’t have to be only during Lent.  Work to control your will, so that by saying ‘no’ in the little things, you can say ‘no’ to the big temptations.  Practicing what the Church suggests for us during Lent is good to continue throughout the entire year.

Man up!

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