Tuesdays with Daddy – Selfishness Impedes Service

My daughter has been sick for several days.  Because she is a toddler, it is difficult to really pinpoint what’s happening with her, what hurts and how to make her better.  I’ve been at a loss for exactly what to do, and although we’re trying, she doesn’t seem to be getting better.  At least not as fast I my wife and I would hope.  As I’ve been observing her and contemplating solutions to this problem, I realized something today… selfishness impedes service.  What do I mean?

When you’re in charge of someone else, and their entire well-being stems from your actions, it’s plain to see that they not only rely on you to make good decisions, but to be at their service.  This isn’t to say that I wait hand-and-foot on my children, but it means that my daughters, especially when ill, need me to be selfless in regards to them.  And, I want to be a servant-leader for my family and for the world, which requires me to continually learn how to better serve them.  I look at my life and realize (quite often) how selfish I can be.  I like what I like, the way I like it, when I like it, how I like it.  This gets in the way of my ability to truly serve my family.

Where did my selfish tendencies come from?  Besides my fallen human nature, my tendency toward selfishness stems from my past pornography use.  It made everything I do, even serving my sickly little girl, about me.  Because of this revelation, I realized that the only way to do that is to look to the cross.  I must unite my failures in life to the struggle Christ experienced on the cross so that I am purified of my tendency toward comfort, self-pleasure and ease.  My little girl needs me to be one hundred percent committed to taking care of her and if I don’t watch it, I’ll put myself before her, falling into old patterns and losing sight of the cross.  If this happens, my selfishness has won and drastically impedes my ability to serve.

I urge everyone to take a step back, especially during Holy Week, to evaluate the areas in your life (vicious behavior) that require change.  Figure out how to change those things and continue to work on them until you possess the virtue that overcomes that vice.

Man up!

Tuesdays with Daddy – A Kid Pouts, but a Man Shouldn’t

This morning, my oldest daughter woke up on the wrong side of the bed.  From her nap this afternoon, she woke up on the wrong side of the bed, again.  Nothing was right for her all day.  She didn’t want to play when playtime was suggested.  She didn’t want to eat, when meals were prepared.  She didn’t want to clean up, she didn’t want to nap, she didn’t want to play, she didn’t want to pray.  Then, to top it all off, a huge snow storm hit our region and is potentially preventing us from getting to the airport and flying to visit family – she was not happy about these details.  She reacts and her reaction is to pout, throw a tantrum and fuss.  A man shouldn’t react that way.

As a grown up (or as a “growing” up), we must realize that our reactions to tough situations should be even keeled.  More properly put, our reactions should be “ordered”.  I recently watched a program on prison inmates.  The inmates seemed pretty calm and easy to get along with while on camera, but unruly, defiant and violent when someone made them mad.  They looked like a little kid who wasn’t getting their way, and anyone in their way paid the price.  A TrueMan reacts differently.

When I was younger, my reactions to tough situations were pitiful.  As I’ve grown older with age, and as I’ve come out the other side of a really bad rage problem, it has become very clear to me that men of virtue, ie: TrueMen, don’t allow their emotions to determine how they act.  TrueMen act out of truth… with responsible reactions.  It’s a good thing to work on.

Man up!

Happy Feast of St. Joseph! The Man!

Happy Feast of St. Joseph!  Every year, I grow in deeper understanding of how great St. Joseph was.  The man was chosen to be the “Most Chaste Spouse” of Mary the Mother of God AND God-made-man’s adoptive father.  What a role to fill!  I looked back at what I wrote about St. Joseph last year and thought it would be good to post here again.  Enjoy the feast day!

“…Eliud, the father of Eleazar.  Eleazar became the father of Matthan, Matthan the father of Jacob, Jacob the father of Joseph, the husband of Mary.  Of her was born Jesus who is called the Messiah.”

Matthew Chapter 1 “The Genealogy of Jesus”.

Today (March 19) is the Feast of St. Joseph.  St. Joseph was Jesus’ earthly foster father, the husband of Mary (Jesus’ mother) and a faithful Jewish man.  We don’t know much about St. Joseph from Sacred Scripture, but we can deduce many things about his character, his demeanor and his effect on the world.  For men, we should strive to be like St. Joseph – holy, upright, honest, hardworking and just.  He was also a faithful man, a man of prayer and he allowed the Lord to work through his life.  Can you imagine being selected by God to be the foster father of the Messiah?  Obviously, Mary was selected as special by God to be the God-bearer (theotokos), why would God not also select a special man to be her husband and the protector of the God-bearer?  He knew the role he was undertaking and accepted it whole-heartidly.  He never failed to set the example of manliness for his son, Jesus.  As we look to Christ to learn what He taught us, we must believe that He learned a great deal of what He knew from his earthly father, Joseph; therefore, telling us a great deal about Joseph.

As a father, I see characteristics in St. Joseph that I know I must possess.  His example of virtue is second to none.  In order to pass on faith, tradition and a legacy, I must first act out of love – setting the bar high for my children – so that my actions always precede my words and never contradict them.  St. Joseph, the model for men – father, husband, man of faith and prayer, worker, protector, servant to the Lord.  St. Joseph, pray for us.

Man up!

RMCMC 2010 – One Day Away

The 2010 Rocky Mountain Catholic Men’s Conference is only one day away.  Saturday, March 20, 2010 proves to be an epic event and I encourage any local (Colorado) men to make it a priority.  There are plenty of seats available and you can pay at the door.  The event takes place at the Pikes Peak Center in downtown Colorado Springs… merely an hour’s drive from Denver from the north or Pueblo from the south.  Here’s why an event like this is important.

1. As men, we thrive off brotherhood.  Brotherhood may be considered, simply, when men spend time together, preferably doing manly things.  Imagine what boys growing up together do – then make it relevant to adulthood and things that actually matter… that’s what this conference (and hopefully all men’s conferences around the country) are about.  Together, as men of faith, we encourage one another to grow in holiness, Sacramental behavior, daily prayer, and hopefully, to be better men.
2. Men need encouragement.  Think of this like an over-sized team huddle, when your team is in a vital spot and really needs to score a touchdown, or that gigantic defensive stop to win the game.  The quarterback or defensive leader should be trying to pump his team up so they pull off the incredible play.  The encouragement from the speakers, vendors, priests and bishops and the other men in attendance can be just the thing that most of us need to get our act together and win in the game of life.
3. Men need to continue to grow in holiness.  No matter where a man is in his faith journey, he can be a better man.  Events like a men’s conference show us the path to holiness, especially if we’re open to what the Holy Spirit is doing in our lives.

I encourage all of us to think about at least one man that we know that needs an invitation to something like this, and then make the invitation.  If you’re a man who’s attending a men’s conference, just extend the invitation.  If you’re a woman who knows of a man who needs to attend an event like this, it would be best to have another man extend the invitation at your request.  An invitation isn’t pressure to go, it’s a simple way of showing encouragement and extending a friendly hand.  Don’t be weak in your invitation and don’t be a power-monger either.  Be genuine and see what happens… it can’t hurt to ask.  Maybe you don’t live in Colorado and can’t get to the Rocky Mountain Catholic Men’s Conference, that’s okay.  There’s an event like this somewhere near you, and if there isn’t, I want to know!  (I’ll work to get something there!)  A men’s conference may be the thing that encourages a man to change his life for Christ.

To see more info, click HERE to go to the conference website.

Man up!

Abortion Funding Showdown

I recently received this letter from Supreme Knight, Carl Anderson.  Brother Anderson is the head of the Knights of Columbus based out of New Haven, CT.  We have a chance to do something, to stand up for a social (in)justice and to push the truth.  If this bill goes through, it will be the most devastating assault on pro-life since Roe v. Wade in 1973.  Here is what Brother Anderson wrote last week:

The debate on health care legislation has now reached its final and most critical stage, with final votes expected in Congress within the next two weeks.  The legislation is being fast-tracked through Congress using a rare parliamentary maneuver known as “reconciliation.”  This procedure will push the bill through Congress over the objections of a bipartisan group of lawmakers in the House of Representatives that wants to remove abortion funding from the bill.

Very soon the House will be asked vote on a Senate bill containing provisions that would overturn the thirty-year federal policy against tax-dollar funding of abortion. If the Senate bill is approved by the House, it goes immediately to the President’s desk and will be enacted into law. A second “reconciliation” bill will then be voted on by both houses to make changes to the new law. These changes will not amend the abortion mandates enacted through the Senate bill.

The American Catholic bishops oppose the Senate bill, calling it “deficient” because it contains multiple pro-abortion provisions and federal subsidies for abortion. It allows for federal dollars to flow to abortion providers in community health centers; it allows for federal subsidies for overall health plans that cover abortion. Lastly, it provides no conscience protection for those who refuse to participate in abortion.  A bipartisan group of lawmakers, including brother Knight Congressman Bart Stupak (D-MI), is working to ensure that health care legislation contains language that would ban abortion funding. They need the support of brother Knights from across the United States.

I urge you to encourage every Knight in your state to contact their representatives in Congress. Ask them to go to the Knights of Columbus homepage at www.kofc.org for instructions on contacting Congress.  Your immediate action is critical. If the Senate bill becomes law, it will be the largest expansion of abortion in our country since Roe v. Wade.

Carl A. Anderson

Supreme Knight

In Response – Not the Point

I recently received a comment on one of my posts, “That Blue One’s the Boy One”.  The commentor, as you can read below in red, misses the point.

The color examples don’t make any sense. Attributing color to gender is arbitrary. It’s not an instinct. It’s learned. Before the 20th century, most babies were dressed in white because it could withstand hot washes. In the 1920’s in the US, pink was for boys and blue was for girls. Pink was considered a watered down shade of red, think blood and blue was considered dainty because it was the color of the sky and water. The French dressed girls in pink and the Germans dressed boys in pink. It’s meaningless. Think dresses are for girls?  Not in this country. Most boys wore dresses in the late 1800’s because fabric was scarce and they grew out of pants too quickly. As for your “men and women are different” arguments, the scientific research has shown that there are more within-group differences than between-group differences for men and women aside from a few physiological differences. The reason that there is a difference is because society has created different rules for different genders. From looking around your website, I guarantee what I am writing won’t make a difference and you probably won’t give it a second thought, but it goes against everything that we know about our society. This site seems to be a giant amalgamation of stereotypical and baseless opinions. It is well-designed though and the layout is phenomenal. I hope that some healthier examples of masculinity, fatherhood and mentoring make their way to your site in the future.

Allow me to respond to Jerrod.  First off, thanks for the comment.  Secondly, you’re missing the point in the first half of your comment.  It wasn’t about the color, which I clearly stated in my original post.  You bring up some other points that need clarification.

1. The “men and women argument” isn’t my argument.  I’m merely stating what others (namely, John Paul the Great; one of the greatest philosophers and peacemakers in human history) have already worked out extensively.  To say that there are “more within-group differences than between-group differences” is quite simply, false.  Your scientific research is flawed.  If you’d like to email me personally, I’m happy to take a look at what you are using as your source(s).
2. What you wrote is very important to me.  What you wrote is, in part, why I have this website.  I’m interested in bringing to light the truths of manhood so that our society can return to a properly functioning society.  As of now, in our post-modern society, we do not function properly as a whole.  This is mainly because males fail to live up to TrueManhood.  I’m working to change that.  You say that my website “goes against everything we know about our society.”  You’re correct, I’m working to fight the culture we live in.  Sin rules our world, and in order for society to thrive, we must fight our tendency toward sin.  To say “what we know about our society” implies that what our society does/thinks is correct.  What we think is correct, is not.  Our society needs conversion of heart to the source of life – Jesus Christ.
3. As for the site being a “giant amalgamation of stereotypes and baseless opinions”, I disagree.  My articles are based in Catholic truth, the fullness of truth.  That’s a giant topic, so I don’t guess we can get into it here.  I’m fighting the stereotypes of what is expected of males in our society – just read any of the articles I write about commercials we see.  I’m guessing you probably haven’t really read many of my articles, or maybe that you don’t understand them.  My apologies.  And yes, while my articles are opinion, they are not baseless.  My opinions are in line with the Church (many bishops and priests support my website) and are rooted in the understanding of virtue as a way of life.  If you’re interested in reading more about virtue, type VIRTUE in the search box and get to reading – there’s lots there.  Specifically, you can check out “TrueManhood’s Guide to Virtue”.
4. I appreciate the comments about the layout and design.  I work hard to keep the sight going.  (And, I’m always working on new stuff, and want more comments of what everyone is hoping for!)
5. Finally Jerrod, from your last sentence, I’d like to know what you think is a “healthier example of masculinity, fatherhood and mentoring…”  Thanks.

Man up!

The Death of Masculinity Article

I came across this post and thought it would be good to post.  (Find it HERE.)  It backs up what I write.  Virtue men, virtue!

Man up!

The Death of Masculinity

Masculinity is dying a quick death. It is attacked from all sides, for example:

-Radical feminists say that being masculine is anti-woman.

-The feminized man is esteemed (esp. those who have a same sex attraction).

-Fathers are portrayed as blundering idiots in media.

It doesn’t help that some modern cultures (e.g., China , Muslim countries, etc) revere the masculine to the detriment of women, just as our own did not so long ago. This is a macho-only kind of mentality which is truly harmful (warning: graphic images) to women and girls.

So, what is a man to do? Our modern world swings between two extremes that both tear down true masculinity – on the one side is the overly-macho crap and on the other is the emasculated feminization of masculinity.

The answer lies in the root of the problem, which started “in the beginning.”

Adam was given the commission by God to “to cultivate and care for” the Garden of Eden and all that was in it (Gen 2:15). Adam messed up soon after. He fails to protect his wife, because he is a coward. He then blames his wife and in doing so he relinquishes his masculinity. Notice that after giving up his masculinity he quickly falls into lusting after his wife, which is why they have to cover themselves – to protect themselves from the lust of the other.

We still suffer from the same issues.

The modern man has also relinquished his masculinity by failing to have self-control. The modern man is an emasculated macho fool who has given in to his pornified passions and lives a sterile and contracepted life – he bears no fruit, literally and figuratively.

These issues are not only killing masculinity, they are also killing femininity. Because only when masculinity is truly lived properly will femininity flourish.

So, where do we start? We start with discovering what a real man is NOT:

A real man is not emasculated ninny.

Neither is a real man a testosterone infused sack of passions.

A real man is this -> a man who desperately seeks to follow in the footsteps of THE MAN.

He will be courageous in the face of danger.

He will fight for and maintain self control.

He will put to death his lusts.

He will be in control of his emotions and yet not afraid of them.

He will find himself in losing himself.

He is humble, but sure of the gifts God has given him.

He is gentle when he should be and rough when necessary.

He is a man of strength of character and his word means something.

He fulfills his promises.

He isn’t ashamed of his Lord or either of his mothers.

He will put life in the proper order – 1 – God; 2 – His wife (if he has one); 3 – His children (if he has them) 4 – Others; 5 – Himself

A real man isn’t afraid of his masculine traits, but embraces them as a gift from God. He doesn’t abuse them, but understands the way to use them in service of God and others.

It is time we men resurrect true masculinity.

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