TrueManhood’s Guide to Virtue
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LEARN VIRTUE, LIVE VIRTUE!
Man up!
Fr. Emil Kapaun – A TrueMan, and Great Example of Holiness
Father Emil Kapaun of Pilsen, Kansas died a hero at the young age of 35 in a North Korean POW camp in 1951. His message of hope and resolve to never give up still resonates today. The family of Chase Kear hoped that praying to Kapaun would help heal Chase, who was critically injured in 2008. Now the Vatican is investigating whether Chase Kear is a miracle, and whether Kapaun deserves to be a saint. Whether the Church officially canonizes Fr. Kapaun or not, we can all take many lessons from him. He was a true servant, always putting others and their needs before his own. He broke racial and religious barriers by being courageous enough to speak and live the Good News of Jesus Christ as Lord. May He rest in peace. Here is a good site to read more about Fr Kapaun, and now two trailers about a documentary that was made about Fr. Kapaun.
Version 1:
Version 2:
The TrueManhood Code
The singing cowboy, Gene Autry, had certain rules about what it takes to be a cowboy. I think what he had to say works not only for cowboys, but for all men.
If you’ll notice, Mr. Autry clearly stated that a cowboy ‘MUST’ do these things… they aren’t options. A TrueMan, too, doesn’t have the option to tell the truth or not, or to be a good worker only some of the time. A TrueMan can’t only respect women on occasion or have clean personal habits from time-to-time. In order to be a TrueMan, we work to possess the character of a real, authentic man, living out the role that God created us for, and we do it at all times. The life of a TrueMan isn’t simply a switch we turn on when we’re in public, or when we’re in a job interview, or when we’re trying to impress someone. It is a lifestyle, a complete and totally devoted lifestyle in which we surrender all unto the Lord, for He is our master and our purpose. The TrueManhood Code is a life of virtue.
May you always live virtue, and in all things, glorify God.
Man up!
Man-ifesto, Needs Context
A message about the Docker’s “Man-ifesto” came through my inbox today and I wanted to draw some attention to it. The point of what Dockers is trying to do comes across, however, I think it needs some explanation in order to make it better. This explanation sets the context of what manhood is, why it is vital and how a man can live TrueManhood.
I really like the parts about gentlemanly behavior. I tend to believe that chivalry is dying, but I know that it can be resurrected from the dead if men would take a few extra seconds here and there to help women out (it needs to then become a mindset) AND if women allow a man to be a gentleman. The loss of masculinity in our culture is overwhelming, which is a big reason why I operate this website. Males tend to give into societal pressures (vanity and pride are big here) and because of the idea of “cultural manliness” (if you don’t know what this is, you need to read more of my writings here! Use the search box to find CULTURAL MANLINESS!) are often rewarded for doing so. If you haven’t heard Brad Paisley’s song, “I’m Still a Guy”, he mentions lots of stuff about the decline of masculinity: “These days, there’s dudes gettin’ facials, manicured, waxed and botoxed. With deep spray on tans, and creamy-lotiony hands, you can’t grip a tackle box. With all of these dudes linin’ up get nudered it’s hip now to be feminized…” It’s funny, haha, but true. A way for us to gauge our own behavior and motivations is to look at the most manly men we know. This doesn’t mean Chuck Norris and Charleston Heston, this means TrueMen, like St. Joseph, St. Thomas More and Jesus Himself! These men exemplify manliness, they are our guides.
The Dockers Man-ifesto takes jabs at stuff like salad bars, misbehaved children and complacency, but it never answers the question ‘why’.
The term “wear the pants” is typically misconstrued and misused; typically the term means something similar to dominate, or rule over. This is NOT the role of a man. A TrueMan leads, yes, but not with an iron fist. A TrueMan makes decisions, but not by force. A TrueMan loves and honors and respects. (In the coming days, as soon as I have my voice back, I’m producing a video talking more about this topic.)
And let’s be clear, the “call to manhood” is to live virtue! In Latin, virtus means manliness!
I urge men and women to read through Docker’s Man-ifesto and determine what areas should be worded differently if it was the TrueMan-ifesto. Maybe I’ll do that too, and post my thoughts on it. Your comments are appreciated.
Man up!
No Idea Where to Take It
Since my first post about Tiger (nine days ago), an incredible amount of information has surfaced in this story. 
Obviously, we’ve all seen or heard at least some details. At this point, I have no idea where to take it. There’s so much to talk about, I don’t care to get into it. To me, Tiger has become another Lindsay Lohan/Britney Spears/A-Rod/John&Kate+8 tabloid star. In light of this, I probably won’t blog more about him or this situation unless something really sticks out to me.
In response to a comment I received, I’d like to clear up a few things. Here is the comment:
While I certainly do not condone his behavior, I think you are being a bit judgmental – especially when you state that “I won’t forget.” You are carrying a grudge against him and seem as though you are unwilling to forgive him for his transgressions. Hate the sin, not the sinner.
Tiger is at a low point in his life. He obviously has some major problems that he needs to deal with. On the news this morning, I heard reports of even more affairs and a possible addiction to pain killers.
Advent is a time of forgiveness and repentance. We need to forgive him. Tiger needs to repent. Pray that he understands the ramifications of his actions and that he is able to deal with these issues head on (repent).
I’ve discussed the topic of “judgmental” before, but I’ll clear up the confusion. Typically, the term ‘judgmental’ is misused in our society. Although I may receive some flack for this, to be judgmental is good… we judge actions of individuals to determine whether or not they would be good friends. As a parent, I judge the actions of individuals to determine whether or not they can have contact with my children. We judge decisions, records and work-ethic of political figures to determine whether or not we should vote for them. We judge moral decisions. We judge a great deal of things. In this case, I was judging Tiger’s actions. The confusion, I believe, comes when judgmental is used in place of “condemning”. When we condemn others, we put ourselves in the place of Christ, taking the position of “you’re going to hell because of…”. Condemning others is not our place, nor will it ever be. Judgment is a virtue, in fact, you can read about it in the Catechism of the Catholic Church, paragraph 1806, under the heading of Prudence.
I’m not “unwilling to forgive” Tiger, nor am I carrying a grudge. My point in the previous post about Tiger was that he is in the lime light and can’t simply turn that off because he made some mistakes. His actions (morally right, wrong or indifferent) will have lasting effects on society. You may say I’m stretching it here, but there will be men who think to themselves, and some who actually say the words out loud, “Tiger did it, it’s okay for me to do it too”. His influence is (was) too powerful for that not to happen.
Also mentioned was the topic of forgiveness. Yes, we are in Advent; it’s not a time of forgiveness or repentance, as stated in the comment. Advent is a time of preparation and expectancy for the coming birth of the Christ child. So, let’s look at this in the context of the Tiger situation, how does Advent play a role in how we look at everything? First off, it’s not my place to forgive him, he has not trespassed against me… that’s for God and Tiger’s wife Elin. Next, it was necessary that Jesus came into this world, to unite us to the Father because of our failings. Our (mankind’s) sins were so grave that God Himself HAD to take human form, lowering Himself to human status, in order to redeem us. Tiger, the same as all of us, needs God’s grace, His forgiveness and His mercy. In this time of suffering and struggle for Tiger, I wish him healing. I pray for a conversion of his soul. Tiger obviously needs God, he might not know it yet, but he needs him. And yes, you’re right, “hate the sin, love the sinner”.
I highly recommend that we all take a break from this tabloid saga and concentrate on more important things, like manning up!
Man up!
In Response – Great Questions
I recently received a comment with some great questions about my last post “Relationships Relationships“. I would like to respond here and also encourage everyone to post comments so we can increase the communication on the site! Keep asking great questions! (At the bottom of every post is the comment box, called “SPEAK YOUR MIND”, like the box you see to the left.)
THE COMMENT: Dave – how do you effectively date with a purpose (towards marriage discernment) without putting undue pressure/stress on the relationship? I’ve been in a spot before where the constant evaluation of the question of “Is she the one?” gets in the way of enjoying a simple ice cream cone, kind of like being scrupulous and dwelling on it too much. It is hard to describe the feeling, but at some points it can feel like you’re viewing the other person as a means to an end, rather an end in and of themselves, and as Kant would say “Act in such a way that you treat humanity, whether in your own person or in the person of any other, always at the same time as an end and never merely as a means to an end.” I know Kant wasn’t a church father but I think there’s a lot of value in that quote. In other words – sometimes I want to enjoy the company of my girlfriend as a fellow human being, enjoying either an ice cream cone or a game of poker, without stressing too much about the call to marriage.
Also – should there not be at least a certain respect/reason for the duration between engagement and marriage, in the sense of acknowledging the accepted commitment (of engagement) while also admitting the need to further understand the churches teachings on marriage (which perhaps wasn’t rigorously necessary while dating) such as NFP, the vocation/sacrament of marriage, etc? I imagine the wait can be very frustrating but I think it also has value.
Also, I mostly agree with you on arguments, but I do think you can still have disagreements on politics etc., and that’s ok and can make for fruitful discussion still. Also, hard to explain, but I think an argument can be okay now and then – if only in the sense that while no one directly wants to pursue argument/conflict, neither side wants to be a pushover either, always trying to avoid confrontation. It’s tricky though.
MY RESPONSE: in response to the first part of the comment about “undue pressure on the relationship”, I recommend getting to know the person you are thinking about dating before you start dating them. This doesn’t always work, but in most cases I think it is what’s best. For instance, if you are trying to figure out what sort of girl she is, observe her in public, with her friends and with strangers. [A great tool for knowing how she treats others is to go out to eat and witness her interaction with the server.] You can do this by spending time together in groups, at events, parties, whether with her friends, your friends or both. It takes pressure off at the beginning of the friendship, instead of putting pressure on during the middle of one. During this time of observation, you are being yourself, open and honest and living your life – hopefully she is too. DO NOT EMOTIONALLY DATE THIS GIRL!!! If you want to take her out, then Man up! and ask her out. By learning who she is before you ask her out, you can make a realistic determination whether or not she is the type of woman you can see yourself in a relationship with. By jumping into a relationship without knowing her, you are taking a chance later in the relationship. This is why you “date with a purpose”, which actually starts LONG BEFORE you ever start dating someone. Your public, private, spiritual and emotional life should be in order before you invite someone into it, and vice versa. There’s a reality about dating with a purpose, that this relationship is going to end… it may end in break up, or it may end in marriage! (funny, huh?!) This doesn’t mean that you can’t go out and have fun, but I caution you against being in a relationship with someone simply because they are fun, or you have fun with them. Certainly, fun/happiness/joy is a huge part of a relationship, but this girl isn’t your drinking buddy or the guys you go shoot hoops with. She may very well be the mother of your children… that requires a lot of thought and virtue on your part!
In response to the second part of the comment about “engagement”, yes, you are correct to say that the time during engagement can be purposeful and valuable. However, engagement is NOT a time to discern! The discernment happens prior to the asking and accepting. An understanding of the Sacrament and of the married life is important to have, preferably prior to the relationship but if not, then prior to engagement. It’s not a “shot in the dark”, this is a for-sure decision… you’d better be certain about what’s happening. So, for some couples, they’re going to need a full year, which most diocese/churches require for marriage prep. Some other couples simply do not need that time. I believe that it comes down to the couple’s formation and understanding of what they are about to embark on. For my wife and I, we were ready and understood fully what we were embarking on. Our engagement was about seven months long . I know other couples that needed longer than 12 months. As for NFP preparation, a woman can learn her cycle by charting (or whichever method the couple is going to utilize) after about three months. Obviously, not every woman is going to have an experience like this. I recommend that young women who are dating with a purpose start charting before engagement. This doesn’t only tell them their fertile/unfertile days, it explains a lot about the female psyche, behavior, attitude and so on. Again, I recommend that each couple decide with their marriage prep facilitators/priest where they are and how long they should be engaged. Sometimes, the decision is made for you, depending on certain outside factors (deployments, graduations, moving, leases, family issues, jobs, etc.)
And in response to the third part of the comment about “disagreements and arguments”, I need to clarify what I mean by disagreements and arguments. I do not mean differing in viewpoint, opinion or the like. What I mean is when a couple is angry, frustrated, upset, etc. and they don’t care to look at the other point of view or to put the other person’s needs first. Again, selfishness takes over in this case. Yes, a couple is welcome to have differing opinions on things, and that can be healthy. I think couples that have been together for at least a little while can determine the difference here and know what’s what. Once a person understand love more fully (the greatest virtue, by the way!) they begin to look at life, their goals, their spouse, their kids, in a whole new light!
Kant was quoted earlier, but I want to quote John Paul II, “Love is the unification of persons.” (Love and Responsibility).
If a man is unified with his spouse, his love will win out over disagreements and arguments. We should all strive for this.
Thanks for your time on this one today!
Man up!
What We Should Be Most Thankful For
Happy Thanksgiving 2009 everyone! It’s quite easy for us to forget about things in our life that we are (or that we should be) thankful for. It’s easy to go through life taking for granted the wonderful blessings we have. Sometimes, especially when it seems like the entire world is falling apart around us, we can’t see the blessings. I tend to think that we can’t see those things because we can’t get past our own wants and desires and our attitude gets in our own way.
What we should be most thankful for is the perfect blessing, the greatest gift… the Eucharist. Did you know that the world eucharist means thanksgiving? When you’re down and out, struggling and allowing your poor attitude to get in your own way, do you run to the Eucharist? When you’ve got everything going for you, and you are striving for holiness, do you run to the Eucharist? No matter where you are in life, or how good or bad your day has been, the Eucharist should be your stronghold. I think that men sometimes struggle with the teachings of the Eucharist because men are called to submit fully to Christ and this gift. Typically, men don’t like to submit; submission is a sign of weakness and loss of control. In this case, submission to Christ in the Eucharist is key! If you want to grow in TrueManhood and you want to live the virtue of love (the GREATEST VIRTUE!), run to the Eucharist!!!
Christ instituted this gift, a pure gift of Himself, to sustain us and to guide us. The Eucharist is the one part of our faith that unites us most intimately with Christ. We give thanks for this “bread from Heaven”, what the Church refers to as “the source and summit”. We tend to think of movie characters like William Wallace or Maximus Decimus Meridius when we think of leadership, sacrifice and real manliness. Christ outshines them; this gift was an incredibly hard sacrifice to make… the hardest ever. Christ lead the Church towards His Father through this miraculous gift. I invite you to learn about the Eucharist and then, as I stated above, run to the Eucharist!
For those who either aren’t Catholic or who aren’t educated Catholics, I want to encourage you to read what the Catholic Church teaches about the Eucharist. This is the MOST IMPORTANT ASPECT OF OUR FAITH and many believers don’t know about it nor could they explain it. To start learning, please click this link for more info.
Man up!
