Changing a Man
Is it possible to change a person? Specifically, is it possible to change a man? I hear this topic brought up a lot, especially in the case of bad relationships. The question is frequently asked in regards to a man who isn’t doing what he’s supposed to be doing. The question is frequently coming after hindsight kicks in and someone recognizes that they picked a less-than-perfect-man to date, marry or befriend.
So, what do you think? Is it possible to change a person? Is it possible for a person with little-to-no-potential to change? I firmly believe so! Why do I believe so firmly in this? Because I changed! I change everyday, I strive to get better, I strive to change my ways – further away from my desires, interests and comforts, and more towards Christ Jesus! I think we all have the internal power to change for the better.
I write this post because I see situations regularly, and some very “close to home”, that cause me to wonder why people (men specifically) don’t change!?! There are so many wonderful things in life to experience, and so much good to be done, and so many people to influence for the positive… why do some people wallow in their filth? It boggles my mind.
I look at my life and notice that I desire change. If my wife isn’t happy with something I’m doing, I don’t become defensive and argumentative, I work on getting better! If my children aren’t responding to my parenting, I don’t blame them, I work to be a better father. If my prayer life isn’t as strong as I need it to be, I don’t get angry at God, I pray more. You see, in my life, I have learned that I must be the cause for the change I want to see. I can’t blame others for things I don’t like. I can’t sit around and stay stagnant. I can’t be okay with mediocre. I must work to grow, to change, to be the man that God created me to be. We all must do this!
One other thing here… If you know a guy who needs to change, give him the chance. Have really high expectations and don’t settle for second best. He has the potential to be better, he just might need to see that someone expects more out of him and that it really does matter how he lives, treats others and believes. However, if you’ve given someone a chance, and they constantly choose to make poor decisions, to wallow in their filth and refuse to grow, be careful how much you invest in them. I’m not telling you to stop investing in them, I’m merely suggesting that you be careful. Ladies – if you are dating a man who doesn’t want to change, be very weary to stay with him. You deserve a man who will strive to be the best he can be. Don’t expect marriage to make it better, it may in fact make it worse.
TrueMan up!
It is funny to mention this. Just on Friday, I could not sleep and got up early, and some my first thoughts were of what it means to be “Born Again”. There is a difference in the protestant/fundamentist and the Catholic definition. Well, as I thought we all, (eventually, I hope), have a “conversion of heart”, but the challenge comes in with truly letting go, to be “born again”, dying to one’s past. Then the LOH and morning prayers, hit me as well. Too many times, with myself included, I have reflected negatively and too much on the why’s I am a certain way or do certain things. This is the “self-pitying” crap that leads us down of the wrong path and only perperates our turning away.
St. Alphonsus in the 12 Steps to Holiness and Salvation, (so I don’t think AA coined the phrase!), writes with regard to “Meekness Towards Oneself”…”we must exercis meekness even towards ourselves. To be angry with oneself after committing a fault is not a sign of humility, but of secret pride; it shows that we do not regard ourselves as the weak and wretched creatures that we really are.” It is pride that makes us “unlovable” to ourselves, and therefore how can God love us.
My point is that we must first somehow strip away all the years of hurt, abuse, sin — the emotional baggage; then find and recognize our true and authentic man as the Imago Dei. Once we are able to recognize that we are created in the likeness of God, and we recognize that pearl in the field covered with years of mud, through much prayer and perserverance, we can realize our full and true nature as authentic sons of God and brothers in and with Christ. What has happened to us or what we have done in the past does not define us who we are in the present and more importantly who we will become in the future. There is alway the potential for change. PAX et vivat Iesus!