GUEST POST – Guarding Your Heart, Women’s Edition Part 2

Here’s Part 2 from Haley’s post the other day about guarding your heart, from a woman’s perspective.  For Part 1, click HERE.

I hope you’re not sick of the analogy, yet, because Part One was just the beginning!  To return to our castle…

If you have a moat, you’ve got to have a drawbridge, right?  So at the drawbridge of my heart-castle, I’d place two stately bronze lion statues to guard the entrance; they represent a trusted friend and/or spiritual director, with whom I can share when I have a crush on someone or when a guy stands knocking at the door of my heart. The eyes of the lions might seem to follow anyone who approaches, but their interventions would be unknown to visitors. A woman’s “guard” (trusted spiritual director or closest friend) would question any guest’s intentions, asking whether he might be manipulating her with shows of affection, or whether his intentions seem trust-worthy. The same guard would also caution her about fantasizing about a guy she has a crush on, or sharing the deepest desires of her heart too freely amongst other friends and acquaintances. Her emotions would remain safely inside and in check, and everyone who approached would be examined reasonably.

High above our heart-castle stands a crenellated minaret, in which an archer waits hidden from any curious eyes lingering below.  This archer keeps watch over what’s taking place both within and without. We can assume his marksmanship is legendary, and that he’s been known to stop a man in his tracks with a well-placed arrow in the toe of a riding boot. The archer would also be on the lookout for what’s being brought in to fill up the larders of the castle, for how can a woman guard her heart if she’s on a steady diet of chick flicks and other such fantasies?  To draw a coarse parallel: if men are easily seduced by pornography, then women are easily seduced by fairy tales and chick flicks.  The romance presented to us by the movies stirs our hearts, and it’s no coincidence!  Hollywood is well aware of what we desire: a man to rescue us, find us beautiful, and sweep us off on the adventure of a lifetime.

These desires aren’t bad, they’re natural and good!  However, ultimately, we must place our confidence in One Man—the One who rescued us from death and invites us on an eternal adventure…the One who created us in His own image, and finds us priceless, beautiful, and worthy of His love.  If we spend more time fixated on the newest leading man then we spend contemplating the New Adam—Christ!—then our hearts will be compromised [1].  Recently, I’ve been fascinated with Caryll Houselander’s “Reed of God”, a meditation on Mary and spiritual virginity. She explains how we’re meant to be empty vessels who are filled by the Blood of Christ, not with unrealistic tales, fleeting pursuits, and the busy distractions of the world [2].

I think these natural desires of the feminine heart are the areas in which the devil most likes to attack us (which I mentioned in the previous post).  Our trusty archer must also be on the lookout for an aerial assault: arrows sent straight into the core of our hearts—lies from the devil, himself.  From personal experience and the stories of other women, I think he lies to us like this: ”You’re not beautiful. You’re not desirable. You’re not loveable.” Think about it; do you know many women who are deeply conflicted by lies like these: “You’re not funny. You’re not patient. You’re not aware of the feelings of those around you”?  No, of course not!  He presents lies that feed on our deepest desires!   Why wouldn’t he?  They’re so darn effective!  It’s only been in the last year or two that I’ve become aware of this insidious assault on my heart and have started recognizing the lies placed there by the devil, himself.  It’s so freeing just to name them to yourself whenever you catch one!  A spiritual director or a trusted, well-formed friend can help you start to recognize these falsehoods planted in your imagination by the evil one.  (On that note, remember that God never promised our lives would be a Tom-Hanks-and-Meg-Ryan-romp-in-the-park!  Don’t let the devil convince you that if it isn’t, it’s not worth living.  He’s a big, fat liar, so keep a look-out for him!)

That’s about as far as I’ve imagined the analogy.  I’m sure we could expand it much further, but for now, I hope it’s been helpful!  And I hope some of you will share your own thoughts about this topic in the comments.

Haley

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[1] “Christ speaks to women about the things of God, and they understand them; there is a true resonance of mind and heart, a response of faith. Jesus expresses appreciation and admiration for this distinctly ‘feminine’ response, as in the case of the Canaanite woman (cf. Mt 15:28)” (Mulieris Dignitatem, 15).

[2] Our late Holy Father speaks of vocational virginity in Mulieris Dignitatem, which I think is a helpful reflection for single ladies: “In this wider context, virginity has to be considered also as a path for women, a path on which they realize their womanhood in a way different from marriage. In order to understand this path, it is necessary to refer once more to the fundamental idea of Christian anthropology. By freely choosing virginity, women confirm themselves as persons, as beings whom the Creator from the beginning has willed for their own sake. At the same time they realize the personal value of their own femininity by becoming ‘a sincere gift’ for God who has revealed himself in Christ, a gift for Christ, the Redeemer of humanity and the Spouse of souls: a ’spousal’ gift” (#20). Our ability to be gifts can be found in our emptiness, and in the means by which we are formed into vessels…or so Houselander would say. I can’t recommend her reflections on this in “Reed of God” highly enough!