The TrueManhood Podcast – Episode 10 The 5 Step Plan

Dave follows up his previous episode (on pornography) with an explanation of his “5 Step Plan for Overcoming an Addiction to Pornography & Masturbation.” The 5 steps are usable for other areas, and are encouraged (generically) as a way to grow in holiness. Contact Dave for assistance by emailing Dave@TrueManhood.com.

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But How? Helping Men Overcome

One of the questions I’m asked most often is “If a man is addicted to porn, what can he do to overcome it?”  I’d like to tell you that there’s an “easy button” that a man can push and be done with it, but it’s definitely not that simple.  It’s such a frequent question because so many men are addicted and literally don’t know what to do.  Many will tell me that “I’ve tried everything but nothing worked.”  Some will say “I didn’t know what to do so I didn’t do anything.”  All of them know that they want out of the chains that bind them, and all of them know that something has to happen, but so few know what really works.

I have a “5 Step Plan” that could be a good starting point for you.  It’s worked for many men, I believe it can work for you as well.  There are some areas of the plan that are nuanced, the most important of those areas is accountability.  [I hope to create a video about accountability soon to help explain it further.]  There are plenty of other plans, programs, ideas, formats, resources, and approaches that you can find and try.  For men who are extremely troubled by their addiction and who need a full-on attack, some would suggest Sexaholics Anonymous groups, counseling, and/or reparative brain therapy.   You are obviously welcome to try them – do whatever you need to experience freedom.

Regardless of what method you choose, one thing is for sure… every man needs accountability.  The reason accountability is so important is because it forces us to be honest about our life, and forces us to take responsibility for our actions.  An accountability partner is someone very close to you, with whom you can be honest and forthright.  Failing to be 100% open and honest will result in failed accountability.  If you can’t be honest, don’t even start… you’re wasting everyone’s time.  Don’t get me wrong, I know that it’s extremely hard to be honest and that vulnerable.  It’s not a sign of weakness to be vulnerable, it’s a sign of wisdom.

For some, knowing what other men have done, tried, and what has worked or not is a great benefit.  Other men will want to blaze their own trail.  Either way, a man needs to do something, anything.  Be sure, accountability is not something that is okay or acceptable in the cultural manliness lifestyle, so not many will understand and few will encourage it.  Don’t let them get in your way.

Following Step 3 of the 5 Step Plan, you’ll see that you need to “find a brother”, meet as frequently as you need, and be deliberate about your approach.  Watch for the video on accountability, along with a still-to-come TrueManhood guide to accountability.  Another frequent question or road block I hear is about finding this brother for accountability…. so few men actually have male friends, let alone a man they feel comfortable to invite into this sort of relationship.  For those who need it, I offer my services to work through the beginning stages of accountability and beyond.  Contact me for more information.  ContactUs@TrueManhood.com.

TrueMan up!

You Can’t Fight Based on Fear

Over the years, in dealing with my addiction to pornography, I’ve realized some pretty profound things.  Things about myself, about addiction, the pornography industry and how to overcome this incredible evil.  [If you haven’t read through my 5 Step Plan to Overcoming an Addiction to Porn, please click HERE before you continue reading this post.  – We’ll wait.]  As you know, I liken this sin to a battle, an incredible fight that we enter into with evil.  A man must enter into this fight aggressively in order to come out victorious.  A thought I’ve had lately is that we can’t fight out of fear.

We can’t fight an addiction to porn (or any addiction) because we fear things – the fear of being caught, the fear of ruining a relationship, the fear of having to confess our sins (again), the fear of our work finding inappropriate material on their computer, the fear of failing, the fear of giving in to the temptation, etc.  A soldier doesn’t go into battle fearful – he goes in confident in his training, his abilities and his leadership.  He knows that because of the work he’s put in up to this point (the training), that he’ll prevail.  He trusts his leadership to guide him through this tough time, quite possibly the hardest thing he’s ever done, or ever will do.  We’re the same way, except here, our salvation is on the line.

Fight aggressively, fight with honor, fight for your life.  Go into this battle knowing that you have God on your side, that you can accomplish all things through Him (Philippians 4:13) and that YOU WILL BE VICTORIOUS!

There is a fear that is healthy for us, in this battle… the fear of offending God.  The use of pornography (and typically the sexual behavior that stems from its use) is sin – mortal sin.  We greatly offend God; through our actions, we turn away from God’s love.  We lose all trust in God.  Sin is a real thing, a serious thing.  Sin removes charity from our heart and separates us from God.  Fearing the loss of salvation (by our choices and actions) is a healthy fear to have.

Man up!