Keep Your Cool, Dad

I recently witnessed a less-than-ideal situation between a father and his children, and thought I’d relay the story here so that everyone could think about it.  They were doing some yardwork.  His kids were helping with the mowing and edging.  At one point, the father became irrate because the equipment stopped working.  He began to scream at the both of them, as if it was their fault that the machine failed.  A few explitives flew, a few derogatory and demeaning things were said, and I’m sure, some confidence (in the kids) was shot.

OK, so why do I bring this story up?  Lots of reasons!  First of all… anytime I hear yelling and cursing near me, I begin to investigate.  Secondly, anytime I know that a child is being yelled at, I turn my attention to the situation.  The lie to “keep your nose out of other people’s business” isn’t something I subscribe to, and neither should you.  The care of women, children, and other men is always a TrueMan’s business.  Passivity must not be tolerated.   Also, I want to work to highlight not only bad behavior in men, but more importantly, the ways in which the rest of us can learn from the mistakes and shortcomings of other men around us.  Let’s not make the same mistakes as others.  It’s about a dad who’s unable to control his temper and who is misguided in how he deals with stress.

I was keeping an eye on the situation in the event that it got out of hand and needed my intervention.  It never came to that, thankfully.  Whether the dad made the switch on his own, or if he saw me and changed his tune because he knew I was nearby, or whether it was something else entirely, I was just glad to see that it stopped.  To my knowledge, he never hit or struck his kids – I most certainly would have stepped in.

Let’s consider how a TrueMan handles this situation as a father.  If you’re going to have your children helping you, with whatever you’re doing, make it about teaching them and forming them to perform their chores/work properly.  If they happen to break something while learning, realize that stuff breaks and – if you’ve done it correctly – they’ll have truly learned something!  Isn’t that the point?!  Explanations of how things work, processes to follow, safety standards… all good things.  Yelling at them and demeaning them is the wrong approach.  Teaching, forming, encouraging… those are the attributes of a man who can be proud of his parenting.

A TrueMan keeps his cool, in every situation.  This requires so many virtues, they are too numerous to mention here.  Namely, the virtues of temperance, prudence, and fortitude come to mind.  If you aren’t familiar with these words, or want more information on virtue, please check out our “TrueManhood’s Quick Guide to Virtue” under the Resources tab.  Dads, your kids want to be with you.  They want your time, your attention, your affection, your love.  They want you.  They want to be wanted by you.  Give them that.  Give them you!

On a personal note, I work to constantly be aware of my yelling and overall tone when dealing with my kiddos.  I’ve come a long way and still can be better.  I don’t always do the right thing, and I don’t always make the right choices, but my head is screwed on straight and I work to be cognizant of how what I say affects my kids.  And not just what I say, but how I say it.  When we say and do things to our children, it definintely affects them and stays with them.  It changes them.  Work to be aware of your words and actions, because your kids are watching and learning; they’ll become who you teach them to become.

TrueMan up!

Masculine Tears, From Days Gone By

When I saw this video clip, I was encouraged and inspired.  As a man, as a husband, as a lover, as a friend – I was challenged.  To see a man, whose courage and patriotism far surpass mine, was a firm reminder of what I’m shooting for.  AND… it all flies in the face of the hyper-masculine idea of manliness – cultural manliness.  Check the video out, then look below for more thoughts.

So, I wonder:

• When is the last time I wrote my wife a letter and mailed it to her?
• Have I shared my emotions with my wife?
• Am I confident enough to cry, and to let people see me cry?
• Do I mean the words I write?  Do I believe them?  Should the reader believe them?
• Am I working hard so that I have a 63+ year marriage?  This not only includes my love for my wife, but my physical health… will I live that long?  (I have 54+ years to go… that puts me at about 88 years old.  I think I can make it!)
• Am I in awe of my wife?  Do I feel lucky to call her mine?
• If my wife wasn’t here, would I feel that same heartache that he feels?
• Is our marriage/life an “incredible story”?
• Would my children and (future) grandchildren say the same things about me?
• Is there a true depth to the love we have in our marriage?
• Is my marriage inspiring to others?
• Does my marriage set a great example?

Some may watch this video and read this list and shrug it off.  I challenge you to, instead, take these questions and apply them to your life.  If you’re not married, substitute the words of wife or marriage for life, or Jesus, or family, or friends, and see what your answers are.

To this man, Bill Moore, and to our other heroes of “The Greatest Generation”, we owe you so much and are in awe of your sacrifice.  Thank you for setting an incredible example of manliness for us to strive for.

TrueMan up!

Challenge Accepted, ISIS

The barbaric Islamic cowards of ISIS have threatened our Holy Father, Pope Francis, and have vowed to “conquer Rome”.  The Pontifical Swiss Guard have accepted the challenge of defending him.  Threats from Muslims against Christianity, and specifically against the Papacy, certainly aren’t new.  Many have been actualized over the years, and many more will most assuredly come.  However, the Commander of the Swiss Guard isn’t backing down, and says that the Swiss Guard are on high alert and are ready.

Since the assassination attempt of St. John Paul the Great (Pope John Paul II) in 1981, the security measures of not only the Swiss Guard, but also of the Vatican Police, known as the Corps of Gendarmes, have been significantly heightened.  Slight changes were made when Francis was elected, but the world can be assured that the Swiss Guard are prepared.

TrueManhood requires that a man defend the common good.  It goes without saying that defending the Holy Father is a good thing, and these incredible elite soldiers who make up the Swiss Guard are assigned to a very good task.  When it comes to this good task, I wish I were younger, single, and Swiss – but alas, I’m older than the cutoff, married, and Italian (and Irish, Polish, & Czech).

The young men that make up the world’s smallest army must be between the ages of 19 and 30, at least 5’8.5″ tall, single, a practicing Catholic, and trained in the Swiss Army.  Don’t let their Renaissance-esque uniforms fool you – they are trained warriors and ready for the battle.  They train in unarmed combat, small arms, and are proficient with their pike and sword.  Here’s the oath they swear on May 6th (each time a recruit becomes a Swiss Guard):

“I swear I will faithfully, loyally, and honorably serve the Supreme Pontiff Francis and his legitimate successors, and also dedicate myself to them with all my strength, sacrificing if necessary also my life to defend them.  I assume this same commitment with regard to the Sacred College of Cardinals whenever the See if vacant. Furthermore I promise to the Commanding Captain and my other superiors, respect, fidelity and obedience. This I swear! May God and our Holy Patrons assist me!”

Sheer awesomeness – an oath of self-giving, self-sacrifice, and overflowing with the virtue of magnanimity!  And I can guarantee that these men don’t take this oath lightly – a true and holy honor to protect the Vicar of Christ. This sort of attitude flies in the face of cultural manliness and stands for authentic manliness – TrueManhood!  We here at TrueManhood are proud of these men and so grateful to have them among the ranks who will be the first to defend Mother Church and our Holy Father.

Click Here a news story from Catholic News Agency.

TrueMan up!

But How? Helping Men Overcome

One of the questions I’m asked most often is “If a man is addicted to porn, what can he do to overcome it?”  I’d like to tell you that there’s an “easy button” that a man can push and be done with it, but it’s definitely not that simple.  It’s such a frequent question because so many men are addicted and literally don’t know what to do.  Many will tell me that “I’ve tried everything but nothing worked.”  Some will say “I didn’t know what to do so I didn’t do anything.”  All of them know that they want out of the chains that bind them, and all of them know that something has to happen, but so few know what really works.

I have a “5 Step Plan” that could be a good starting point for you.  It’s worked for many men, I believe it can work for you as well.  There are some areas of the plan that are nuanced, the most important of those areas is accountability.  [I hope to create a video about accountability soon to help explain it further.]  There are plenty of other plans, programs, ideas, formats, resources, and approaches that you can find and try.  For men who are extremely troubled by their addiction and who need a full-on attack, some would suggest Sexaholics Anonymous groups, counseling, and/or reparative brain therapy.   You are obviously welcome to try them – do whatever you need to experience freedom.

Regardless of what method you choose, one thing is for sure… every man needs accountability.  The reason accountability is so important is because it forces us to be honest about our life, and forces us to take responsibility for our actions.  An accountability partner is someone very close to you, with whom you can be honest and forthright.  Failing to be 100% open and honest will result in failed accountability.  If you can’t be honest, don’t even start… you’re wasting everyone’s time.  Don’t get me wrong, I know that it’s extremely hard to be honest and that vulnerable.  It’s not a sign of weakness to be vulnerable, it’s a sign of wisdom.

For some, knowing what other men have done, tried, and what has worked or not is a great benefit.  Other men will want to blaze their own trail.  Either way, a man needs to do something, anything.  Be sure, accountability is not something that is okay or acceptable in the cultural manliness lifestyle, so not many will understand and few will encourage it.  Don’t let them get in your way.

Following Step 3 of the 5 Step Plan, you’ll see that you need to “find a brother”, meet as frequently as you need, and be deliberate about your approach.  Watch for the video on accountability, along with a still-to-come TrueManhood guide to accountability.  Another frequent question or road block I hear is about finding this brother for accountability…. so few men actually have male friends, let alone a man they feel comfortable to invite into this sort of relationship.  For those who need it, I offer my services to work through the beginning stages of accountability and beyond.  Contact me for more information.  ContactUs@TrueManhood.com.

TrueMan up!

The Door Man; Above and Beyond

Here’s a feel-good story for you, and something to push you on.  It’s been around on the internet for a few years, but I just saw it recently and thought it was good fodder for discussion.  Watch this video about “The Door Man” and then read some of my reflections below.

Let’s take a look at the details in this video and see how they apply to TrueManhood.  First off… Josh lost his father as a child; a tragic death that impacted him immensely.  Every child needs their father.  Everyone experiences loss and hurt, at varying levels, and quite often never share it, talk about it, or heal from it.  These sorts of experiences are horribly detrimental to us and our psyche, not to mention our day to day interactions, thoughts, and choices.  We begin to believe lies about certain aspects of our lives, our circumstances, and ourselves.

The video also talked about bullies, and how Josh fought back.  Let’s just put this out there… whether you’re a child or a grown male, bullying at any stage is absolutely and positively not authentically masculine.  A TrueMan never exploits someone else to attempt to make himself feel better.  If you or someone you know is being bullied, or if you ever see someone being bullied, you are bound by the duty of your God-given masculinity to step in.

From all of this – the pain, the bullying, the emptiness, – came a loneliness, depression, and lack of self-worth for Josh.  Unfortunately, this is all too common in our culture.  Josh said: “I was sick and tired of being a “no one” and I wanted to be someone.”  Again, an all too common belief.  Even at a young age boys believe that they should be living “cultural manliness” so that they’re a “someone.”  No matter what’s going on around you, happening to you, or what you’re experiencing, your worth comes from God and that’s enough.  We must realize that our worth isn’t found in how others treat us, how we look, public prestige or applause, but only from God.  He created us and sustains our life because He loves us, and that love is the source of our worth.

They said in the video that it took a while for people to adjust to doors being held open, and although I wish this wasn’t the case, it’s amazing how so small a gesture is forgotten and now “odd” to so many.  The culture of the gentleman is lost, and needs to be reclaimed.  I remember once when I was about 18, I was in New York City, and I happened to see a woman pushing a stroller with a baby in it, with several bulging bags hanging from her hands.  She was attempting to move her giant stroller and bags through a door and no one was helping her.  I ran over to show a simple common courtesy and she was absolutely floored.  Fifteen years later I still remember that encounter because of how baffling it really is.  In the video, as Josh opened doors, it said that people started to open up to Josh – it doesn’t take much.  People want to be noticed, and wish that they had someone to listen to them.  They want someone to engage with them, and they’re waiting for an opening so that they themselves can open up.  It’s really not that difficult to make someone feel comfortable and welcome.

“Opening doors gives people hope that people care.”  said Josh.  “He set a good example for other students, and he changed things in the school.”  Something SO SIMPLE as holding a door can make a real impact in someone else’s life.  What are you doing EVERY DAY to make a difference in someone else’s life?

“I never expected to get an award.  I was just happy enough to make it through.”  Josh overcame a fear and gave himself to others, they relate to him that way, and he makes a difference.  Good on you, Josh.  I hope that you’ve continued to grow in courage, and that you haven’t stopped helping others.

TrueMan up!

Out with the “Grey”, In with the “Old”

Undoubtedly, you’ve heard of the self-proclaimed “worldwide phenomenon”, “Fifty Shades of Grey.”  Whether it is in reference to the book series, various off-shoot parodies, re-enactments, productions, products, and so on, or the upcoming film, you’ve heard it.  I wonder, though, how many people actually know what all the hype is about.  If you’re not really up on the details, the facts will likely shock you.

Fifty Shades is, in a brief description, rape porn and BDSM porn.  BDSM, for those who may not know, is an acronym for Bondage, Discipline, Sadism, and Masochism.  This is also known by such names as slave porn, torture porn, domination porn, and so on.  [Any male believing that he is in control of reality, making a good decision, or ‘treating a woman right’ by these sorts of acts is greatly misled.]  Why then, is this series of books and now the upcoming movie (not to mention all of the “adult novelties” for sale based on the books) so popular, especially among women???  It boggles the mind, and clearly shows the broken nature of our world.  Folks are looking for authentic love, yet receiving a drastic counterfeit.

Does this definition sound like a free, total, faithful, fruitful gift of self to another, or something opposite?

I think it’s important to point out that “50” depicts violent porn as glamorous – a lie that most pornographers want the consumer to believe.  It’s ultimately the consumption of the lie of “Cultural Manliness” by women, believing that males like character Christian Grey are what they should be looking for in a man. I assure you, he is not.  “50” wants you to believe that what’s happening in the story (stalking, dominance, rape, and various other forms of dangerous and degrading sad0-masochistic sex) is normal, acceptable, and even beneficial to relationships.  How people believe these lies are beyond me, but obviously they do.

On February 14th, the Feast of St. Valentine, the movie form of “50” will be released in all markets.  I highly encourage all of my readers and supporters to 1. boycott the film and 2. have an open and concerned conversation with others in your life who may go to the film.  Support of this movie is in direct conflict with the Gospel Message.  Exploitation of individuals, especially women, and the degradation of human sexuality is absolutely sinful and should be avoided at all costs.  If you’re looking for an alternative, and want to support mainstream films that uphold human dignity and wholesome entertainment, please consider attending “Old Fashioned – the Movie” instead, also opening in theaters on February 14th.

I was recently invited to privately screen the film, and overall, I enjoyed it.  I made a date night out of the event with my wife, getting some of her favorite movie-foods, and creating a little “home theater” for us.  The film is a depiction of a man who, after turning away from a life of debauchery and exploitation, has chosen to have standards for himself and for any potential mate moving forward, for the goodness of his and her soul.  He is seen by other characters in the film as being “stuffy”, “prudish”, and, well… “old fashioned” (hence, the name of the film.)  I was impressed enough to encourage you to see it especially as an alternative against “50”.  Here’s the trailer:

Additionally, there is a responsibility here, for men to step to the plate and protect humanity.  Personally, should our local community-run theater choose to show this film, which I have already formally requested that they not do, I will likely be forced to take further action.  Let us pray that this does not happen.

For me and mine, we say “Out with the ‘Grey’, and In with the ‘Old’.”

TrueMan up!

If you or someone you know is struggling with an addiction to porn, download my “5 Step Guide to Overcoming an Addiction to Pornography & Masturbation” for free.

“I Know My Rights!”

In my last post, I wrote about being on trial, as a defendant, for First Amendment issues.  A lawsuit was brought against me by the owner of a string of adult stores on claims that were beyond ridiculous.  These claims (surrounding peaceful assembly) all had to do with my rights granted me from the First Amendment of the Constitution of the United States of America.

On the morning of Monday, January 12, I appeared in Federal court with my co-defendants, expecting to select a jury and begin this epic trial between good and evil.  Instead, what happened was fairly lackluster.  The plaintiff counsel called a meeting with our defense counsel and told them, “We don’t have a case.”  Essentially, they caved.  It was over before it started.  All of us involved knew that they never had a case, we just wish it wouldn’t have burdened us for the past 3.5 years; costing us time, money, and being a royal pain in the rear.  But, in the end, a victory is a victory and we were happy to stand for the truth, for justice, and for goodness.

The First Amendment rights that you and I (hopefully) appreciate, were upheld.  The right to peacefully assemble, the right to free speech, and the right to freedom of religion.  Now, in this case, some people have brought up the question about the adult store’s “rights” to perform free commerce and their “rights” to free speech and free press in terms of pornography. Heck, it was even written in their language in the original lawsuit documents! Make it known… the business owner who sued me is engaged in illegal activity, and his business practices are NOT protected by the First Amendment.  What?!

You read that correctly… the activity taking place in that store (and MANY others like it all across the country) are engaged in illegal activity.  This business, in particular, is guilty of at least two counts: 1. The distribution of hardcore pornography.  (A felony in the United States of America.) and 2. The operation of pornography viewing booths.  With #1, I bet you didn’t know that the production and distribution of hardcore pornography was against the law!  Yep, it sure is.  (Here’s the proof.)  But why is there so much of it being produced and distributed?  BECAUSE THE LAW ISN’T BEING UPHELD!  And viewing booths lead to illegal and illicit behaviors and have been outlawed in many states, including the one I was sued in.  Without getting into specific details here, we have evidence to believe that there were not only drugs being sold and consumed within these booths, but also lewd and heinous (hetero and homo) sexual acts were taking place, including prostitution.  Isn’t it ironic that the criminal enterprise that brought suit against us was (is) involved in much more damaging and negative activity than they claimed we were!

So here’s how this thing ends:

The lawsuit was filed — we went round and round with the courts and their proceedings — we spent time and money — our lives were negatively affected for 3.5 years — and so on.  What now?  Do we step away from this fight because we were sued once?  No!  Whether it’s peaceful protest outside of a pornography shop, standing with love outside of an abortion mill, or writing blog posts that expose corrupt and illegal behavior, we mustn’t stop standing up for our rights.  Rights give us freedom FOR things, not freedom from things.  We have these rights so that we can be free for goodness and honesty, for clean communities, for wholesome businesses with wholesome practices, and free for giving and receiving love.  That’s what it’s all about.

TrueMan up!

PS: If you struggle from addiction with or a pension for pornography and you need help getting out, contact us today.  Email us at info@TrueManhood.com.

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