Ep.15 – How to Fight Lust

Dave discusses an article he recently read, suggesting that a person struggling with pornography should fight their anger – he disagrees. In this episode, he’ll give a better understanding of how to fight lust, or any other vice someone might struggle with. Dave also gives his parenting advice on the topic of teaching your kids expectations.

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The TrueManhood Podcast – Episode 10 The 5 Step Plan

Dave follows up his previous episode (on pornography) with an explanation of his “5 Step Plan for Overcoming an Addiction to Pornography & Masturbation.” The 5 steps are usable for other areas, and are encouraged (generically) as a way to grow in holiness. Contact Dave for assistance by emailing Dave@TrueManhood.com.

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The TrueManhood Podcast Episode 9 – Porn Addiction: Part 1

In this episode on pornography, part 1, Dave DiNuzzo opens up about his porn addiction, and a bit of how he overcame it, what porn is, why it’s bad, and how to help ourselves and our kids. Watch for part 2 coming soon, and watch for the upcoming episode on “The 5 Step Plan.” TrueMan up!

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Share Your Greatness

I recently saw a ridiculous commercial from PlayStation 4.  Watch:

I had no idea how big these Sony marketing efforts were (probably because I don’t watch much television or play video games) and didn’t realize until after I shot the short video (below) that this isn’t a new marketing scheme at all, but rather, it’s been out for a while and it is mainstream.  You’ll see that the video above has been viewed 12+ million times.  This doesn’t count the other commercials, the print ads, or the times it’s been seen on TV and other mediums.  It goes without saying, this version of greatness has been consumed.

It’s not in this video, but there are other PS4 commercials under the same “Greatness Awaits” slogan that talk about “epic” moves and actions, “first to greatness”, and “sharing your greatness.”  The idea is that when a gamer makes a successful play, a creative kill, or a “first of a kind” move in a video game, PS4 will save the video of that move and then post it for others to see on social media.  Is this all that we have?  Is this the best we can do?  This is false reality perpetuating false reality!  The false reality that is video games, to me, is astonishing in and of itself… and now this sort of marketing is applied.  All that we expect out of ourselves is a good move or play in a video game?  Lame.

I make some bold claims in the video. Some of the themes aren’t as developed as I’d maybe like, but I’ve never posted about this specifically, and want to at least get the ball rolling on this topic. We have a major epidemic of males (boys) running around when we need men. (FYI: The opposite of masculinity isn’t femininity, it is childishness.) We have a ‘culture of the young male’ that wastes incredible amounts of time sitting at a screen, pressing some buttons.  Since the advent of the Atari, it’s become worse and worse.  Many of our young males aren’t going on adventures. These young males aren’t pursuing noble causes. They don’t even go outside! Many of these same young males lack courage and the ability to ask a woman out on a date. They are missing out on life.  (Trust me, I’ve experienced this firsthand, on college campuses around the country, in high schools, and in society the past 15+ years.)

Men – if you find yourself as one of these males that play video games, I want to encourage you to get rid of them. Call it quits. Find a suitable alternative. (I name a few categorically in the video.) Strive for true greatness.

Women – if you are with a male who throws time down the garbage by playing video games, ask yourself if he’s what you deserve. Help him by expecting more from him.

Parents – if your children have video games, I’m not saying that they are intrinsically evil, but want to encourage everyone to take a step back and consider how much time is being spent in this false reality, and how much effort and money is going into a mindless and fleeting activity? Is this all that we can, should, or will expect of our children? This goes far beyond video games, and includes all of our use on screens of any kind. They are one of the devil’s gateways into our lives. I’m suggesting that you consider heavily the consequences of video games in your children’s lives.

As with all things in life, TrueManhood.com wants to relate what we do and what we should be doing to virtue.  The answer here is to strive for magnanimity.  St. Thomas Aquinas in the Summa described magninimity as “stretching forth the mind to great things.”  It is also, “Greatness of soul. It looks especially to honor and seeks to perform noble deeds. Its object is to perform actions that faith tells a person are great in the eyes of God, no matter what people may think of one’s conduct. “

TrueMan up!

Matt Fradd’s “Rules for Men to Break”

Today, for the first time in maybe 6 or 8 years, I sat in the crowd of a men’s conference merely as a participant.  I wasn’t a speaker at the event, nor was I running a vendor table.  It was relaxing, encouraging, and gave me some good thoughts about areas I would like to write/speak on, as well as some tips/hints where I can improve my speaking.  Overall, the day went very well and I think the 1,500 men in the room walked away inspired and enthusiastic.

Matt Fradd was one of the keynote speakers, as he often is at men’s conferences.  He did an outstanding job.  He is very good at the art of public speaking.  I’d like to recount his “5 Rules That Every Man Should Break”, and then give some thoughts of my own on the topic.

The 5 Rules:

1. Never get into a fight.
2. Never think about sex.
3. Never give into peer pressure.
4. Never risk it all.
5. Never ask for directions.

I’m happy to say that I’ve broken all of these rules!  Number 1: Although in my youth, I used to get into physical altercations frequently (sorry if you didn’t know that, Mom!), I now fight for things much more important – like the innocence of my children.  I fight for truth.  I fight the evils of pornography.  Getting into these sorts of fights… for goodness, and justice… is a good thing!  In fact, men are called to this.  To be effective, however, we must be educated, courageous, and prudent.

Number 2 is so important for us to understand.  Sex is a good thing!  Similarly to fire, sex needs to be contained, and looked at in context.  Fire, raging out of control, is bad.  It can destroy, and kill.  Sex, out of context and out of control, will ultimately destroy love and will kill us.  (For more on this, search out and read anything by Christopher West on the topic of Blessed John Paul II’s “Theology of the Body”.  Especially reference any time that West refers to the “fast food diet vs. the starvation diet” of sex for more understanding of the correct Catholic view of sex.)

Number 3 can be tricky… we should give into peer pressure when the pressure of our peers is good and properly ordered.  This requires work on our part, and discipline, to put ourselves in good places with good people.  How many of us have solid, well-formed friends that we spend our time with?  Not only, however, that we spend our time with, but also that challenge us to live better, and hold us accountable to the standard that we want and are called to uphold?  If you don’t, you need to seek out these kinds of people and get to work!

Number 4 comes down to courageousness.  The courage to risk it all is within you!  If you’re a man and have been with a suitable woman for the right amount of time, don’t wait!  “Risk it all” and ask her to marry you already!  If you’re considering the priesthood, don’t sit around and waste time “discerning” more… make a decision and do it!  (Please don’t take my use of discernment as though I don’t believe in it.  I use it emphatically here b/c of how skewed it has become, and how it allows men to hide behind it like a mask, easily shucking any form of responsibility.)  Decisiveness is a virtue; a sub-virtue of prudence.

Number 5 takes our minds automatically to the road, but I’d prefer to take it deeper.  How about linking this to spiritual direction?  Accountability?  Obedience to our priests?  Taking directions from trusted, wise, and faithful men can be the difference between success and failure in life.

Thanks to Matt Fradd for this good list of rules to break.  Let’s step outside of the “norm” and be dangerous men for the Lord!  How many do you break?

TrueMan up!

Archbishop Promotes Fight Against Porn

Great work, Archbishop Naumann!  This is my favorite quote, from a great Shepherd!  “We fail our people if we’re not courageous in preaching about chastity, as well as offering opportunities to help those seeking to live chastely.” – Archbishop Joseph Naumann.  Read below.

Kansas City archbishop promotes fight against porn

By T. Baklinski.  KANSAS CITY, January 28, 2011 (LifeSiteNews.com) – Archbishop Joseph Naumann of Kansas City has developed a website (http://www.loveisfaithful.com/) that promotes the archdiocese’s My House Initiative, a program devoted to protecting families and healing couples from pornography.

The website invites people to become aware of the teachings of the Catholic Church about love and sexual intimacy through John Paul II’s Theology of the Body.

The site contains information including internet accountability software,  testimonies, Theology of the Body small groups contact info, counseling resources, support groups, men’s and women’s ministries, and other resources to help families and couples.

“When I was a child, there were social barriers that protected the young from pornography,” Archbishop Naumann told the Catholic World Report (CWR). “But in this age of personal computers and cable television, we have an entirely different environment.”

“People say that pornography is a victimless sin. But that’s not true,” continued Archbishop Naumann. “Many are exploited in the porn industry and we know it causes devastation in marriages.”

The website refers readers to an article by former porn actress April Garris, who, speaking from personal experience in the porn industry, now works to unmask “the deception of pornography, exposing the lie, and bringing all of these myths crashing to the ground.”

Titled “10 Myths Exposed,” Garris’ article brings to light the horrific realities of the pornography industry.

“If you have held to one or more of these myths,” Garris writes, “then you have been sucked into the deception of porn. I hope that laying out these myths has opened your eyes to the reality of porn … a reality that is dark, disgusting, and destructive.”

A video presentation of the My House Initiative has been shown in nearly all of the 110 churches in northeast Kansas, according to the diocesan office. The video and the My House Manual were sent to every U.S. diocese in 2007. This resulted in six dioceses adopting the program, with 36 others expressing interest.

The website calls attention to other aspects of Archbishop Naumann’s fight against porn, including a billboard on the 18th Street Expressway near Kansas Ave, sponsored by donations and viewed over 18,000 times per day; a prayer service to be held near a porn store (Cirilla’s, located at 7528 State Ave.) on February 3, 2011, 4:00 – 5:00 pm; a downloadable handout called 7 Steps to Protect your Family from Pornography; and many other resources.

“We pray that the information on this site will continue to spread to other families, churches, and individuals,” the My House Initiative website states. “We also pray that the thousands of people who are waiting to be rescued from the pornography industry will find hope and healing.”

Archbishop Naumann told CWR that he believes priests have an obligation to promote the virtue of chastity, particularly among the young, while being sensitive to the ages and individual circumstances of their congregations.

“We fail our people if we’re not courageous in preaching about chastity, as well as offering opportunities to help those seeking to live chastely,” Archbishop Naumann said. “When we live chaste lives, we are witnesses of our faith in the world. Chastity also frees us from those things that can enslave us and leave us feeling isolated and sad.”

Tools and Resources

TrueManhood Men’s Ministry offers various tools and resources for men.  If you don’t see something on this site, but are curious if we have anything for you, please ask.  Find us on social media, or email us at Info@TrueManhood.com.

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Regarding pornography addiction: There are numerous resources available for men (and women) who have addictions to pornography.  The essential element in dealing with an addiction is that the FIRST STEP towards recovery takes place.  The next important step is the continual work.  The journey is long and hard but the freedom that comes from breaking the chains of an addiction to pornography is almost overwhelming.  I highly recommend checking out TrueManhood’s Guide called “5 Step Plan” and then determine what sort of resource(s) you need to make your plan effective.  Here are just a few ideas, and a few resources.

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• Serious prayer and a life full of the Sacraments!
• Your PLAN is essential, figure out what it needs to be, then put it into action.
• Accountability with your accountability partner.  This person needs to be a man and should not be your female friend, sister, girlfriend, fiancée, or wife.
• Spiritual Direction with a priest.  I recommend seeing a priest regularly so that you can obtain necessary graces from the Sacrament of Reconciliation.
• Sexaholics Anonymous – check your local area for locations and times.
• Counseling/Coaching (Email us at ContactUs@TrueManhood.com for more information.)  Group Counseling may be a good option as well.
• Support Groups/Men’s Groups
• Books, Prayer Guides, DVDs, CDs, Podcasts, Websites, etc.
• Internet filters, software and firewalls.

I also highly recommend installing Covenant Eyes on all of your devices (including each and every device you have access to).  For a reasonable monthly fee, Covenant Eyes offers accountability and filtering.  Click HERE to receive a free month of Covenant Eyes.

TrueMan up!