The TrueManhood Podcast Episode 8 – The Ins and Outs of Starting a Men’s Group

Dave gives some practical suggestions to men who are considering starting a men’s group. Step 1 – decide what type of group you want to have. Step 2 – find 4 other men to help you. Step 3 – talk to your priest. Step 4 – Invite men, market, advertise, promote. Step 5 – kick off event. Good luck! Reach out to Dave for help – Dave@TrueManhood.com.

The TrueManhood Podcast – Episode 1! “What TrueManhood is All About”

The FIRST episode from The TrueManhood Podcast by Dave DiNuzzo Sr!

In this episode, Dave dives in to what TrueManhood is… from the definition of the words, to the ins-and-outs of the ministry that has been serving the Church for over a decade. TrueManhood is emulating Jesus Christ (True God and TrueMan).

The files will be downloadable from iTunes very soon.  Watch social media for updates.  Please like and subscribe, and share with the men in your life!

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: RSS

Making Sense of It

Allow me first to write that I am not a moral theologian.  I don’t speak from a substantial place of authority on this post (nor do I normally), but as usual, I want to share some thoughts on the topic from a manliness standpoint.

With the recent news of the killing of Osama Bin Laden, there has been a lot of talk on how one should respond.  I’ve heard of many different responses – some that I agree with, some that I disagree with (and that I’m opposed to) and some that are neutral.  Have you heard these responses?… “USA! USA! USA!” or “We should not rejoice in the death of a man.”  or “He had it coming!” or “Proverbs 11:10” or “I won’t lie and say I wasn’t excited about last night’s news.”  The list goes on and on.  Many responses get much worse.

First, in response to the outpouring of patriotism… we, as proud Americans, should always have an outpouring of patriotism, not just on July 4th, on Memorial Day, Veteran’s Day or on a day when one of the worst terrorist leaders and threats to America has been eradicated.  Do you always fly the stars and stripes, or only when it is fitting for celebration or your cause?  I proudly fly our flag every day.

Next, in response to “He had it coming” or other hate-filled responses.  Yes, the man was a terrorist and a militant one at that.  He was responsible for countless deaths, all across the globe.  I guess we could say, “Live by the automatic rifle, die by the automatic rifle.”  Nonetheless, the response should not be joy in his death.  Instead, I suggest going beyond the initial emotional response and thinking rationally about the situation.  (This is NOT to say that Bin Laden didn’t risk the sort of demise that he experienced.  Of course, in the militaristic fashion in which he lived, with nearly the entire world’s military forces looking for him, and with the excessive force that he displayed, there was a good chance that he was going to die in a fire fight.  And certainly, there is something to be said about our incredible troops going in and attempting to disarm and arrest Bin Laden so that he could be tried in a military court of law.)  It is hard for some of you reading to believe that there’s a better response to Bin Laden’s death than ecstatic rejoicing.  I challenge that idea by suggesting that we look at it in a different light.  (Note: this doesn’t take away what he did, what he was responsible for, who he instructed and what they might have done or will do, or any thing else.  It is merely the virtuous response.)

Here’s what I wrote on Facebook earlier today and some of the responses that my post got.  I wrote “I don’t know about anybody else, but considering that my brother, some of my friends and many other great Americans and Foreigners are in the middle east fighting for our freedom, we should rejoice not in the death of a man, but in the hope that the war may end and peace (which has never seen the light of day in the middle east) may come to all peoples.” I then commented, “Here is what the Church, our guide, says: “In the face of a man’s death, a Christian never rejoices, but reflects on the serious responsibilities of each person before God and before men, and hopes and works so that every event may be the occasion for the further growth of peace and not of hatred.” – Vatican Statement on the Death of Bin Laden”

These are the comments that followed:

• “Thank you. I was kind of sickened at the reaction here, actually.”  (From a cadet at the Air Force Academy who witnessed her fellow cadets assembling in the middle of campus to celebrate the death of Bin Laden with cheers of excitement, dancing, loud music, chanting and so on.)
• I then responded, “I saw a video from last night at the Academy and thought I should post something. Although there is pride in being American, it should be there every day, not merely when we have a military victory and certainly should not be at the death of any man, woman or child.”
• “Thank you David for being the voice of reason. I have been very conflicted about this event since I learned of it last night during the Phillies game and the crowd started cheering “USA.” I couldn’t understand why people were so proud to have killed somebody–even a man responsible for the deaths of so many others.”
• “If we are going to stand up and say that all life is precious, we need to mean “all”. Even when we struggle to find forgiveness and compassion for a sinner.”
• “Right on, Dave”

Now, I’m sure that many others wanted to respond differently.  I understand, and can relate because of the many thoughts that ran through my head when I heard the news of Bin Laden’s death, to be glad that the hunt for Bin Laden is over.  I had shimmering hopes that maybe the war will come to an end sooner than planned.  I wondered if my brother, or anyone I know who is serving in the middle east, was a part of this mission.  I wondered what my father, a 30-year Air Force Veteran and Veteran of two tours in Viet Nam thought.  I even thought things in regards to Bin Laden’s Muslim Extremist faith and how all that might play out in the coming days, weeks and months.  None of that matters.  A man is dead and we, as Catholics, should mourn the fact that he did not know Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior.  Life is not about military victories, nor parties in the street, nor anything else.  Life is about achieving the ultimate gift of eternal life in Heaven with God.  Plain and simple.

This probably shouldn’t be the last time we discuss this topic, so if you’ve got thoughts, comments, or suggestions, leave them below in the comment section.

Again, here’s what the Catholic Church said today: “In the face of a man’s death, a Christian never rejoices, but reflects on the serious responsibilities of each person before God and before men, and hopes and works so that every event may be the occasion for the further growth of peace and not of hatred.”

TrueMan up!

Recapture Value in True Manhood

I saw this story because it’s a “buzz” word for me… my alerts send me anything that talks about “true manhood” on the internet.  I think it’s worth reading, so I posted it.  Although I don’t agree with everything Mr. Flurry says and does, I believe his take on where to find the definition to true manhood is in Scripture and that Christ is the perfect example of manliness for us.

July 21, 2010 | From theTrumpet.com by Gerald Flurry

Men today are suffering from gender confusion. Our society is now full of “soft”—and unhappy—males. Men’s encounter groups are springing up all over the world to help men deal with their intense sadness. Some are beating drums and dancing war dances to recapture their true manhood. What is true manhood anyway?

 Unfortunately, as writer Robert Bly puts it, we now live in the age of the “soft male.” In the early ’90s, he expressed his concerns about American men in a book titled Iron John, which contains some astute observations.

Mr. Bly states: “The male in the past 20 years has become more thoughtful, more gentle. … He’s a nice boy who pleases not only his mother but also the young woman he is living with. … But many of these men are not happy. You quickly notice a lack of energy in them. They are life-preserving but not exactly life-giving. Ironically, you often see these men with strong women who positively radiate energy. Here we have a finely tuned young man, ecologically superior to his father, sympathetic to the whole harmony of the universe, yet he himself has little vitality to offer” (pages 2-3).

Today, many men, young and old, have become confused as to what it means to be a man. Many are perplexed on how to behave in marriage, in the family or in society. To put it simply, men are suffering from serious gender confusion.

Our Upside-Down Society

What has caused gender confusion?

The women’s movement has led the pack in creating new roles for both sexes. Having almost complete access to a liberal press and television, the feminist movement has wielded considerable influence over the massive social changes taking place the last several decades. The traditional roles for men—leader, husband, father, provider, and protector—have become the focal point of criticism and ridicule in newspaper articles, books, movies and TV sitcoms. The “Dagwood” cartoon is a perfect example of such ridicule. Mr. Bumstead is portrayed as a bumbling idiot who must always be bailed out by a bright, intelligent—always on target—wife.

The Prophet Isaiah wrote this about our current social values: “Woe unto them that seek deep to hide their counsel from the Lord, and their works are in the dark, and they say, Who seeth us? and who knoweth us? Surely your turning of things upside down shall be esteemed as the potter’s clay: for shall the work say of him that made it, He made me not? or shall the thing framed say of him that framed it, He had no understanding” (Isaiah 29:15-16). Isaiah criticizes our leaders—the men and women who influence our culture—by showing they are guilty of turning things upside down. “Upside down” is an apt description of our society and its values. It is a perfect description of many of today’s marriages and families. The new roles carved out for men and women today are not as God designed them to be.

But, the feminist movement does not share all of the blame for the plight of today’s men. There are several other conditions that are contributing to our “soft male” syndrome. The truth is, men have had their own part in creating this problem.

Women Rule Over Them

The majority of today’s families are suffering from absentee fathers. Because of selfishness, either as career pursuits or just plain pleasure-seeking, many men are shunning their responsibilities at home. How many fathers have allowed themselves to become mere shadows in the family? Think about this scenario. Tonight, how many homes will have a father either sleeping on a couch or absorbed in a sports program on TV, while the wife is assisting the children with homework or other activities? Far too many!

Men are capitulating their role as leader, energizer, and influencer to their wives. Our sons (and daughters) are growing up without a father actively involved with and guiding their young lives. Many wives have been forced to be both father and mother. Today’s sons are growing up under a heavy feminine influence. Many men have become soft because they are not being properly taught how to be men.

One other factor contributing to the effect of “soft males” is our high divorce rate. This has produced a large number of female-dominated, single-parent families. In other words, too many sons are growing up without any male role model in the home. Isaiah also wrote of our time, “As for my people, children are their oppressors, and women rule over them. O my people, they which lead thee cause thee to err, and destroy the way of thy paths” (Isaiah 3:12).

Think about this scripture. God holds heavy criticism for our modern society. God is upset with us for allowing children to oppress us and women to rule over us. But who is God upset with? Who is at fault? Certainly today’s women. We do now live in a female-dominated society. God says that this is definitely in error. However, it would be too easy to just place all the blame on today’s women. Shouldn’t we also criticize men for giving up their leadership role to women? Yes—a resounding, yes!

Combine all of these factors together: the feminist movement, the media ridicule of men, the lack of strong male role models, female-dominated families, and it becomes easy to see why we have “soft males” that must turn to mother for help when they face a crisis!

Although some thinking people recognize the weaknesses in today’s men, they do not realize the somber consequences if the problems are not corrected quickly. Robert Bly feels that men are just experiencing another saga in our evolution. But man is not a product of evolution. We cannot evolve our way out of society’s tragic problems.

We must learn what God reveals about this so we can live faithfully according to His revealed knowledge about men and the role men must play in marriage, in family and in society. Our society no longer knows how to value real manhood. Many men are suffering great unhappiness as a result. This article will show you how to recapture value in true manhood.

Man the Head

God designed men and women to function a certain way for a tremendous spiritual purpose. God reveals in Genesis, “And God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness: and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth. So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them” (Genesis 1:26-27). God’s supreme purpose is for men and women to be born into His own spirit Family. God planned this physical life to be the training ground for that eternal life. To qualify to live for eternity, men and women must first live as God devised physically. Modern men and women have rejected God’s revealed knowledge concerning the unique sex roles for men and women. A global disaster is about to strike this planet as a result. All mankind must learn to live as God intended. Human beings will never be happy until they live according to God’s revealed purpose. What does God reveal about His intended role for men?

Some scientists believe that the female evolved first. That piece of information does not square with your Bible. Paul instructed Timothy, “For Adam was first formed, then Eve” (1 Timothy 2:13). God created Adam first. Why? Was it because he was better? No. Adam was created first because God intended that he be the head, or leader, of the family. Paul explained to the Ephesians, “For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body” (Ephesians 5:23).

The man’s God-ordained role as leader of the family is markedly evident throughout the Bible. Paul stated it this way to the Corinthians: “But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God” (1 Corinthians 11:3). What does Paul mean when he uses the word head?

In these two verses Paul used the Greek word kephale for head. The Strong’s Concordance number for this word is 2776. Thayer’s shows that this word means “anything supreme, chief, prominent, of persons, master lord … of a husband in relation to his wife.” In today’s language we could use the word president, chancellor, prime minister, king or captain in place of head. In other words, Paul taught that Adam was given seniority over Eve. By extension then, married men hold seniority over their wives.

It is also interesting to note that kephale indicates that the headship must be seized, or taken hold of. Where do most men fail today? How did Adam fail? Adam failed by not taking hold of or seizing his God-given authority. Study for yourself the incident in Genesis 3. Although Bible scholars and today’s educators see Adam and Eve’s story as allegory, we must see it as divine revelation. Chapters 1 and 2 make it clear that Adam was the appointed leader, the one in charge. Eve was to be his helper (Genesis 2:18). But who took charge? Eve. She ate of the wrong tree and led Adam to do so. Adam sinned by eating of the wrong tree. However, he was not deceived into eating (1 Timothy 2:14). He allowed Eve to lead him into this sin. Adam allowed Eve to make the decision. By following Eve, he disobeyed God’s direct command to him alone (Genesis 2:16-17). Eve had not been created yet. Adam should have taught her God’s command. Who committed the greater sin? Clearly it was Adam.

Christ the Perfect Example

Some men fail today in marriage and family life because they will not take hold of or seize their God-ordained authority. Some men prefer that women assume the role of leader and decision maker. This is a serious sin before God. Paul wrote, “But I suffer not a woman … to usurp authority over the man …” (1 Timothy 2:12). Men must be careful not to fall into Adam’s sin. Women must learn not to repeat Eve’s sin. The lesson from Genesis is a tough one. When a man is weak or when a woman commandeers a man’s authority, tragic events take place. Generally, children suffer the most. Genesis records Adam and Eve’s tragic family problems that arose as a result of their sin. Remember, their firstborn son killed his brother. Adam and Eve’s decision to reject God’s revealed knowledge has brought much suffering into the life of mankind ever since.

There is another side to men’s problems with leadership. Those willing to lead have not known how to lead! When Adam and Eve ate of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, they began to decide for themselves what was right and wrong. Cut off from God’s revelation, men have been experimenting with their authority ever since.

Since Adam’s time, most men have been trying to decide for themselves what leadership means. History is full of examples of wrong leadership. In past ages, men made women slaves—mere property. Even today, some men expect their wives to fulfill their every whim. Over time, men have been despotic tyrants, dictators, and absolute rulers who abuse power. This is not as God intended. If a man is considered a king, then his wife is the queen. Although a man and woman do not share equal authority, they should be equal in dignity. In our modern times, too many women and wives have been physically and verbally abused. God is going to severely punish men for committing such crimes.

How then should a man “seize” his authority?

Jesus Christ is the perfect example. Men should lead their wives as Christ leads the Church. Paul’s statement to the Ephesians is worth repeating here. “For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the savior of the body” (Ephesians 5:23). How does Christ lead the Church? He leads it by love and service! Men should lead their wives and families by loving and serving them. “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it” (verse 25).

A man who is Christ-like in his marriage will exhibit outgoing concern for his wife and her welfare. It is true that a woman was created to be a man’s helper. But a husband who understands what it means to be a leader will lovingly serve his wife’s and family’s needs. Paul wrote the Colossians, “Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them” (Colossians 3:19). Christ takes care of the Church’s needs in love. A husband who has Christ’s character is kind, considerate, affectionate and giving. He does not treat his wife with bitterness or resentment.

Husband—Savior

As Head of the Church, Christ leads by saving it. Christ rescues, saves and helps the Church. A husband should also be a type of savior toward his wife. Jesus Christ has so much love for the Church that He willingly gave Himself for it as the supreme sacrifice. Jesus Christ gives instead of trying to get. The husband, as a leader, must follow Christ’s example.

As a type of savior, husbands have been given an exalted position. Men should not let that go to their heads. With this position comes grave responsibility. In referring to leadership, Christ taught the disciples, “But he that is greatest among you shall be your servant” (Matthew 23:11). A husband must have the attitude of a servant toward his wife and family.

Jesus Christ said this of Himself, “Even as the Son of man came not to be ministered unto, but to minister, and to give his life a ransom for many” (Matthew 20:28). Jesus Christ did not “lord it over” the disciples. He does not “lord it over” the Church. He served the disciples and now serves the Church. Men should not “lord it over” their wives.

Many men have trouble with the words submission and authority. Some have fallen into the trap of thinking that they must make all of the decisions all of the time. Jesus Christ does not even do this with the Church (Matthew 16:19). God created women to help men in the decision-making process. There are many times when a wife’s input is necessary. There will be times when a husband and wife will disagree. This does not mean that the wife is rebellious. But both husband and wife should realize that Christ has given final authority in the decision process to the man. Men must use wisdom and outgoing concern when making decisions.

A husband must set the example in Christian character as well. Men must set the example in prayer, Bible study and fasting. Men should set an example of submission and obedience to God’s Word.

Husband—Provider

A husband must provide for his wife. In other words, he must rescue, help and save his wife physically. Every man naturally sees to his own needs. He must provide for hers as well. Paul instructed the Ephesians, “So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church” (Ephesians 5:28-29). If we truly cherish our wives, we will see that they are nourished and taken care of physically.

Paul wrote Timothy, “But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel” (1 Timothy 5:8). In comparison to a woman’s body, a man’s body and cell structure was designed to handle hard physical labor. Men were designed to be the providers.

As men, we should be hard working so that we can provide for the needs of our wives and family. Our society is full of men who are just too lazy to work. Too many men are on the take. They are leaving it to the government or other family members to provide for their families. Many women today are working outside of the home because their husbands are not.

Yes, economically it is very difficult today. Some families’ needs require that both husband and wife work. If there are small children at home, if at all possible, the wife should not work. Whether a wife works or not is a serious decision. If a wife goes to work because a husband will not, God says that man has “denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.” That is a very serious condemnation.

What should a man do if he loses his job? He should work eight hours a day to get another job! Until he finds a job, he should also be willing to work several part-time jobs. What if a man cannot find a job in his area of training? He should seek the proper education or retraining to obtain a job. Having a good work ethic is a large part of developing strong Christian character in men. Some men in the Church in Paul’s day were not working as they should. Here is what he said to them: “For even when we were with you, this we commanded you, that if any would not work, neither should he eat” (2 Thessalonians 3:10 ).

Husband—Teacher

A husband has responsibility to provide for his wife’s spiritual development as well. Peter wrote, “Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered” (1 Peter 3:7). A man owes his wife honor and respect. He must provide for her physical needs. But he must also realize that she is an heir of eternal life. A man must ensure that his wife has the time and opportunities to attain the Kingdom of God.

The most significant job Christ performs as Head of the Church is that of teacher. “That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish” (Ephesians 5:26-27). Jesus Christ desires a bride who is beautiful because of righteousness (Revelation 19:7-8). Christ is going to ensure the Church’s future beauty through His teaching. He is washing it now through the His Word.

A man must also teach his wife. “And if they will learn any thing, let them ask their husbands at home: for it is a shame for women to speak in the church” (1 Corinthians 14:35). A husband should know his Bible well enough so that he can guide his wife and family spiritually. He should be ever watchful over the spiritual needs of his wife and family—making sure they have time to pray and study, to fast without interruption from himself or the children. He should take the time to patiently answer his wife’s Bible questions and conduct family Bible studies. Are we ashamed to do these things? Jesus Christ warns us, “For whosoever shall be ashamed of me and of my words, of him shall the Son of man be ashamed, when he shall come in his own glory, and in his Father’s, and of the holy angels” (Luke 9:26). Great shame will come upon us men if we do not teach our wives and families.

No Drum Beating

Many men have become very unhappy with the state of men in this world. Men are beginning to recognize that being “soft” is not solving society’s problems. Some recognize that men and society need to understand true manhood. Men need to be men. Men’s encounter groups are springing up all over the world to attempt to deal with the intense loss and sadness that men are feeling about themselves. In these encounter groups, men beat drums and dance war dances to try to recapture their lost manhood. Some men’s groups are studying mythology to recapture true manhood.

But these methods will never work. The understanding of true manhood can only be found in the pages of your Bible. Let’s be men. Let’s recapture the value in true manhood. Let’s study our Bibles and ask God to make us the men we need to be! – END

How Men Were Created To Pray

In response to a comment, stemming from a recent post: The question was asked, “How were men created to pray?”  Please note, this post, as with all my posts, comes from my experiences and may or may not take into account every aspect of the topic.  If you have additional thoughts, questions, doubts or replies, please write them in a comment below.

I believe that men were created to pray in a manner that is wild, unrelenting and strong.  What do I mean by that?  I mean that a man has to pray in the same way that he was created.  It doesn’t make sense to do it any other way.  We were created, as evidenced in the creation story in The Book of Genesis, to protect, defend and guide.  (See Genesis chapter 2, specifically verse 15).  Adam was instructed by God to do all these things as the man, the one who has dominion over the earth and the creatures of the land, air and sea.  This was no small task.  Adam was given a great amount of responsibility.  Until the fall, Adam relied totally on God to direct and guide him.  We should take this as a guide – that in all things, we should ask God to direct and guide us.  After the fall, Adam was distanced from God and he toiled in the fields.  This is where we find ourselves today.  We toil, in whatever profession we have, and specifically, we toil in a real way when it comes to our conversations with God.  Why is this?

The Catechism of the Catholic Church, in paragraph 397, explains this clearly.  It says, “Man, tempted by the devil, let his trust in his Creator die in his heart and, abusing his freedom, disobeyed God’s command.”  We do this daily!  No wonder it’s so hard to pray!

If we know that we must trust God and that we must have reckless abandonment to God’s commands, then it will help us to pray.  If we know that we were created to protect, defend and guide others, it will help us to pray.  Now, some practicals:

• Find what works for you.  We’re all different and there are many different ways to pray.  Whatever your preference, do it often!
• Remember that prayer is a relationship with God.  It takes two; God always does His part.  Are you doing yours?
• Make your life a prayer.  Every chance you get, talk/listen to God.  (Guess what, you’ve got lots of chances to do this during your day!)
• A Man was created with a wildness within his heart – live wildly for God.  Your prayer can be wild, rugged and intense.
• Do it often.  Did I mention this already?
• Prayer is NOT an emotional thing; emotions may come about during/after prayer, but prayer itself is not emotional.  Our prayer is based on our faith – if our faith is founded on the Truth, then it is stable and unchanging and our prayer must follow that model.  If our faith isn’t founded on the Truth, then our faith (belief in God and His dominion over us) can change as quickly as the wind.
• Use helpful “tricks” to guide your prayer.  One easy one is ACTS – Adoration Contrition Thanksgiving Supplication.  Adoration is praising God, adoring Him, fervent worship of Him and His glory.  Contrition is asking for forgiveness for our sins; NOT in place of Confession!  Thanksgiving is thanking God for the blessings in our lives.  Supplication is asking God for the things that we need in life.

I suggest that you read up on men of the Bible, as well as Catholic saints, to get more ideas on how men pray.  Find one of these men that you share similarities with and try to emulate him and his style of prayer.  These men came before us and succeeded (and sometimes failed) in order to pave the way for us.

Man up!