Share Your Greatness

I recently saw a ridiculous commercial from PlayStation 4.  Watch:

I had no idea how big these Sony marketing efforts were (probably because I don’t watch much television or play video games) and didn’t realize until after I shot the short video (below) that this isn’t a new marketing scheme at all, but rather, it’s been out for a while and it is mainstream.  You’ll see that the video above has been viewed 12+ million times.  This doesn’t count the other commercials, the print ads, or the times it’s been seen on TV and other mediums.  It goes without saying, this version of greatness has been consumed.

It’s not in this video, but there are other PS4 commercials under the same “Greatness Awaits” slogan that talk about “epic” moves and actions, “first to greatness”, and “sharing your greatness.”  The idea is that when a gamer makes a successful play, a creative kill, or a “first of a kind” move in a video game, PS4 will save the video of that move and then post it for others to see on social media.  Is this all that we have?  Is this the best we can do?  This is false reality perpetuating false reality!  The false reality that is video games, to me, is astonishing in and of itself… and now this sort of marketing is applied.  All that we expect out of ourselves is a good move or play in a video game?  Lame.

I make some bold claims in the video. Some of the themes aren’t as developed as I’d maybe like, but I’ve never posted about this specifically, and want to at least get the ball rolling on this topic. We have a major epidemic of males (boys) running around when we need men. (FYI: The opposite of masculinity isn’t femininity, it is childishness.) We have a ‘culture of the young male’ that wastes incredible amounts of time sitting at a screen, pressing some buttons.  Since the advent of the Atari, it’s become worse and worse.  Many of our young males aren’t going on adventures. These young males aren’t pursuing noble causes. They don’t even go outside! Many of these same young males lack courage and the ability to ask a woman out on a date. They are missing out on life.  (Trust me, I’ve experienced this firsthand, on college campuses around the country, in high schools, and in society the past 15+ years.)

Men – if you find yourself as one of these males that play video games, I want to encourage you to get rid of them. Call it quits. Find a suitable alternative. (I name a few categorically in the video.) Strive for true greatness.

Women – if you are with a male who throws time down the garbage by playing video games, ask yourself if he’s what you deserve. Help him by expecting more from him.

Parents – if your children have video games, I’m not saying that they are intrinsically evil, but want to encourage everyone to take a step back and consider how much time is being spent in this false reality, and how much effort and money is going into a mindless and fleeting activity? Is this all that we can, should, or will expect of our children? This goes far beyond video games, and includes all of our use on screens of any kind. They are one of the devil’s gateways into our lives. I’m suggesting that you consider heavily the consequences of video games in your children’s lives.

As with all things in life, TrueManhood.com wants to relate what we do and what we should be doing to virtue.  The answer here is to strive for magnanimity.  St. Thomas Aquinas in the Summa described magninimity as “stretching forth the mind to great things.”  It is also, “Greatness of soul. It looks especially to honor and seeks to perform noble deeds. Its object is to perform actions that faith tells a person are great in the eyes of God, no matter what people may think of one’s conduct. “

TrueMan up!

Tuesdays With Daddy – Times Gone By

A series of posts I used to write were called “Tuesdays with Daddy.”  [They’re in the blog archives under the Fatherhood tab.]  These posts were about my time at home, on Tuesdays, with my daughters.  At the time, I had two toddler daughters that I was lucky enough to be able to spend special time with on Tuesdays.  Today, I took the opportunity to stop working (I mostly work from home) and I went outside with them.  It was a beautiful day and I figured it would do us all some good.

Nowadays, it’s not just my two girls, I also have a one year old son, Dave Jr.  He’s really awesome, and we had a great time outside today.  (Maybe if I can get the video edited together quickly enough, I will post the video of him riding on his four-wheeler by himself!  Yes folks, he turned 1 last week and can ride the thing by himself!)  All three of them were all over our fields and sincerely enjoying the outdoors, the sunshine, and even the brisk breeze that was lightly blowing today.  I was running around with them, laughing and joking, holding them and hugging them, throwing them in the air, pushing them on the tree swing, watching them on the four-wheeler, playing t-ball, helping them ride their bikes, and showing them the old tractors.  What a way to rejuvenate!

When I came in the house, it was time to get back to work.  When I sat back down at my computer, I was so filled with joy, it was almost hard to sit still.  I took an hour out of my workday to be with the people who are the most important in my life.  Not only will they remember it, I will remember it.  Not only did it bring life to them today, it brought life to me today.  What a blessing my children are to me.

If you’re a father, and you’re like me, you often get bogged down in the “stuff that has to get done.”  Work, helping your wife, chores around the house, helping your wife, this meeting and that meeting, taking care of the vehicles, oh yeah don’t forget prayer, helping your wife, going to the bank, making money, helping your wife… on and on.  The “stuff” never stops.  But without a doubt, your kids grow up more and more each day.  Every once and a while, just drop what you’re doing and take your kids outside.  If your kids are anything like mine, and they probably are, they really don’t care what they get to do with Daddy, they just know that they get to be with Daddy!  Don’t let another day go by without spending this invaluable time with your kids.

Last thing… I have been really frustrated lately.  I plan to write more on this in a coming post.  My frustration stems from things that I see in our society, in the government, the 2012 presidential election, things that are happening in and to the Church and so on.  I have to remember, and ask you to consider, this… our world isn’t doomed.  Our world is set for joy, as long as we teach our kids how to live joyfully.  Once we and those who die before us are gone, our kids are in charge.  If they know how to live with joy, our world will be just fine.

TrueMan up!

Mentoring Boys into Virtuous Catholic Men

We concentrate our energy on forming and building men.  At Fraternus, a great Catholic apostolate, they concentrate on forming boys into men.  “Mentoring boys into virtuous Catholic men.”  That’s what they’re all about.

What’s happening in these boys’ lives is transforming, and will make an impact on them for years to come.  For boys, you have to engage them with the things that speak to their inner being – the things that make them wild, rough, adventurous and challenged.  This is the way Christ lived, that’s why it’s so appealing to boys.  It’s real, it’s authentically masculine and it’s really fun.

When you can reach a boy, you can teach him and form him.  When a boy is taught and formed properly, he becomes a great man.  Our world needs a lot of great men.

Please take a few moments to watch their video and visit their website.

TrueMan up!

A Message from Dads.org Founder, Steve Wood

Here’s the latest message from Dads.org Founder, Steve Wood…

Raising Boys to Men in an Effeminate Culture

I’d like to extend a special welcome to the three hundred new subscribers who recently signed up for this newsletter after seeing the re-broadcasts of my EWTN series The Carpenter’s Shop.

The re-broadcast of this series brought to mind my interview with Dr. Joseph Nicolosi, author of A Parent’s Guide to Preventing Homosexuality. Dr. Nicolosi, an orthodox Catholic psychologist, is the world’s leading expert in treating youth experiencing gender identity confusion, or struggling with homosexuality. This interview also sparked my desire to reprint one of my favorite articles that I’ve written over the years: Lessons for Dads from Secondhand Lions.

Lots of Christian parents who had assumed homosexuality could never strike a loved one in their family now realize how wrong they were to be complacent about this terrible threat.

If you think homosexuality can’t possibly strike any of your children, take note of a survey of 34,706 12-year-olds from Minnesota. The survey found that 25.9 percent of these kids weren’t sure whether they were homosexual or heterosexual. That’s astounding. However at the age of 12 a child isn’t suffering from homosexuality but rather a gender identity confusion, which is a fixable problem.

Much better than trying to fix a problem is preventing it. Dr. Nicolosi is crystal clear that the best way to prevent homosexuality is for a father to be lovingly involved in his son’s life. A son’s attachment to his father as he matures throughout boyhood and adolescence is the key for his healthy masculine development. To put it simply – it takes a man to make a man out of a boy.

I strongly recommend the following four steps to learn how a father (grandfather, uncle, coach, scout leader, or a mentor) helps a boy become a man:

Step 1 – Read the article below, Lessons for Dads from Secondhand Lions

Step 2 – Watch the movie, Secondhand Lions

Step 3 – Read A Parent’s Guide to Preventing Homosexuality

Step 4 – Watch Secondhand Lions a second time

The four-step plan outlined above is perfect for individual fathers and it is an ideal study plan for a men’s small group.

The most frequent parenting mistake I see is the failure to anticipate the needs of teenagers during early childhood. Another mistake is failing to anticipate the needs of young adults during the teenage years. Make no mistake: you have to be at least one or two steps ahead of your children. Take action now to prevent your children from getting caught up in the worldwide spread of homosexuality.

Lessons for Dads from Secondhand Lions

My movie recommendations are hopelessly obsolete since by the time I get around to seeing a movie it is usually about to leave theaters. So this article isn’t a preview, but a reflection on a fascinating film for fathers.

Secondhand Lions featuresWalter, a shy and awkward boy being raised by an irresponsible single mom with multiple boyfriends. Walter is abandoned for the summer when his mother drops him off at the rundown, rural Texas home of his great uncles.

At the difficult stage of life when a boy needs to mature into his manhood, Walter seems to have every conceivable strike against his healthy development. Yet Walter’s manhood miraculously matures as a result of his relationship with two cranky old men.

Garth and Hub (Michael Caine and Robert Duvall) are the gruff-talking, shotgun-toting, anti-social, rough-around-the-edges, great uncles. They sure don’t have Ph.D.’s in developmental psychology, and at first they don’t seem particularly interested in helping to make a man out of Walter. In fact, Garth and Hub seem like the worst possible father-substitutes for this semi-orphaned boy. Yet they do a marvelous job in helping Walter make the transition from boyhood to manhood.

Here are Garth and Hub’s secrets for turning this boy into a young man: Shoot, fish, eat, work, ride in the truck, and have lots of fun as guys – not really too complicated. They just did all this stuff together and, despite having every social strike against him, Walter grows into a well-adjusted man.

It takes a man to convey and confirm masculinity to a boy. It doesn’t come via auto-pilot. It doesn’t come from the most committed and talented mother, or female teacher. Dad, let me repeat this: It takes a man to help a boy develop his masculinity. I wrote this in The ABCs of Choosing a Good Husband:

“A young boy is naturally drawn into a close attachment to his mother. Being a ‘mama’s boy’ under seven years of age is fine and healthy. And yet for a boy to mature fully in his masculinity, he needs to ‘detach’ from Mom and form a closer attachment with his father throughout older boyhood and adolescence.

A boy matures into manhood through this close identification with his father. Once a young man has fully matured in this way, he’s ready for a close reattachment to a woman — his wife. But it’s extremely difficult for a boy to mature in his masculinity without the presence of a father.”

When boys don’t have men to help them mature, they turn out haywire – hoods and homosexuals are just two extreme types of boys who don’t make the transition to manhood.

The hoods in Secondhand Lions who pull switchblades and try (quite unsuccessfully) to rough up Robert Duvall were asserting their pseudo-masculinity. After the fight, Duvall befriends the hoods and takes them home. He recognizes that these young toughs have a deficiency of real manhood. So he gives them his “man talk” to help them become real men. After observing this, Walter wisely senses his own need for the “man talk” and desperately pleads for one.

Although frequently unacknowledged, homosexuality and gender-confusion also stem from the failure to make the successful transition from boyhood to manhood. Homosexuality is now a common phenomenon among Catholic teens and twenties.

What should Catholic parents of a homosexual or gender-confused child do? The last thing I would advise is heeding the document, “Always Our Children.” I also advise keeping your children far from anyone or anything associated with the National Association of Catholic Diocesan Lesbian and Gay Ministries . Homosexuality and gender confusion are serious problems requiring solid psychological advice.

Dr. Joseph Nicolosi is on my short-list of reliable Catholic psychologists. Every Catholic dad should read his book, A Parent’s Guide to Preventing Homosexuality.

Dr. Nicolosi, who has spoken with hundreds of homosexual men over the past fifteen years, says, “I have never met a single homosexual man who said he had a close, loving, and respectful relationship with his father. I have never known a single case of a homosexual man who was not wounded in his relationships within the male world.”

Dr. Nicolosi asserts, “Fathers make men.” He describes how boys have a critical developmental task that girls don’t. A boy needs “to disidentify from his mother and identify with his father” if he is to grow into a normal heterosexual man. “Every boy has a deep longing to be held, to be loved by a father figure, to be mentored into the world of men, and to have his masculine nature affirmed and declared good enough by his male peers, his male elders, and mentors.”

On a recent live radio show with Dr. Nicolosi as my guest, we received a call from a concerned mother about her son’s masculine development. Dr. Nicolosi asked her, “How is your son’s relationship with his father?” She said, “Oh it’s great. They’re buddies, they play sports together all the time, and they hunt and fish together.” Dr. Nicolosi said, “Everything’s okay, there will be no problems.” The mother, not entirely convinced, went on to voice additional concerns when Dr. Nicolosi interrupted her and confidently predicted that this boy will turn out just fine thanks to his relationship with his father.

Secondhand Lions is an encouraging film for dads raising sons in our gender-confused and lack-of-genuine-manhood culture. If Garth and Hub, a pair of cranky and slightly crazy great-uncles, can lead Walter into his manhood, you can too. Garth and Hub weren’t perfect by a long shot, but they did share their lives and their manhood with Walter. It was a priceless gift.

Don’t let yourself be absorbed by your career and your personal sports and hobbies apart from your sons. You’ve got to be with your sons in order to share your manhood with them. Your wife can’t do this job for you. Expensive toys will not fill this void in your son. It takes you to lead your son into his manhood.

So, sweat with your sons while doing physical work together. Fish and go boating this summer. Shoot some skeet next fall. Maybe fix up an old truck and go places (boys really like going through dirt and mud). Finally, engage in some slightly risk-taking fun with them – deeply religious dads sometimes forget this vital “risky-fun” component of fathering sons. (My attorney advises me against giving specific recommendations, but I’m sure you can come up with something!)

Recapture Value in True Manhood

I saw this story because it’s a “buzz” word for me… my alerts send me anything that talks about “true manhood” on the internet.  I think it’s worth reading, so I posted it.  Although I don’t agree with everything Mr. Flurry says and does, I believe his take on where to find the definition to true manhood is in Scripture and that Christ is the perfect example of manliness for us.

July 21, 2010 | From theTrumpet.com by Gerald Flurry

Men today are suffering from gender confusion. Our society is now full of “soft”—and unhappy—males. Men’s encounter groups are springing up all over the world to help men deal with their intense sadness. Some are beating drums and dancing war dances to recapture their true manhood. What is true manhood anyway?

 Unfortunately, as writer Robert Bly puts it, we now live in the age of the “soft male.” In the early ’90s, he expressed his concerns about American men in a book titled Iron John, which contains some astute observations.

Mr. Bly states: “The male in the past 20 years has become more thoughtful, more gentle. … He’s a nice boy who pleases not only his mother but also the young woman he is living with. … But many of these men are not happy. You quickly notice a lack of energy in them. They are life-preserving but not exactly life-giving. Ironically, you often see these men with strong women who positively radiate energy. Here we have a finely tuned young man, ecologically superior to his father, sympathetic to the whole harmony of the universe, yet he himself has little vitality to offer” (pages 2-3).

Today, many men, young and old, have become confused as to what it means to be a man. Many are perplexed on how to behave in marriage, in the family or in society. To put it simply, men are suffering from serious gender confusion.

Our Upside-Down Society

What has caused gender confusion?

The women’s movement has led the pack in creating new roles for both sexes. Having almost complete access to a liberal press and television, the feminist movement has wielded considerable influence over the massive social changes taking place the last several decades. The traditional roles for men—leader, husband, father, provider, and protector—have become the focal point of criticism and ridicule in newspaper articles, books, movies and TV sitcoms. The “Dagwood” cartoon is a perfect example of such ridicule. Mr. Bumstead is portrayed as a bumbling idiot who must always be bailed out by a bright, intelligent—always on target—wife.

The Prophet Isaiah wrote this about our current social values: “Woe unto them that seek deep to hide their counsel from the Lord, and their works are in the dark, and they say, Who seeth us? and who knoweth us? Surely your turning of things upside down shall be esteemed as the potter’s clay: for shall the work say of him that made it, He made me not? or shall the thing framed say of him that framed it, He had no understanding” (Isaiah 29:15-16). Isaiah criticizes our leaders—the men and women who influence our culture—by showing they are guilty of turning things upside down. “Upside down” is an apt description of our society and its values. It is a perfect description of many of today’s marriages and families. The new roles carved out for men and women today are not as God designed them to be.

But, the feminist movement does not share all of the blame for the plight of today’s men. There are several other conditions that are contributing to our “soft male” syndrome. The truth is, men have had their own part in creating this problem.

Women Rule Over Them

The majority of today’s families are suffering from absentee fathers. Because of selfishness, either as career pursuits or just plain pleasure-seeking, many men are shunning their responsibilities at home. How many fathers have allowed themselves to become mere shadows in the family? Think about this scenario. Tonight, how many homes will have a father either sleeping on a couch or absorbed in a sports program on TV, while the wife is assisting the children with homework or other activities? Far too many!

Men are capitulating their role as leader, energizer, and influencer to their wives. Our sons (and daughters) are growing up without a father actively involved with and guiding their young lives. Many wives have been forced to be both father and mother. Today’s sons are growing up under a heavy feminine influence. Many men have become soft because they are not being properly taught how to be men.

One other factor contributing to the effect of “soft males” is our high divorce rate. This has produced a large number of female-dominated, single-parent families. In other words, too many sons are growing up without any male role model in the home. Isaiah also wrote of our time, “As for my people, children are their oppressors, and women rule over them. O my people, they which lead thee cause thee to err, and destroy the way of thy paths” (Isaiah 3:12).

Think about this scripture. God holds heavy criticism for our modern society. God is upset with us for allowing children to oppress us and women to rule over us. But who is God upset with? Who is at fault? Certainly today’s women. We do now live in a female-dominated society. God says that this is definitely in error. However, it would be too easy to just place all the blame on today’s women. Shouldn’t we also criticize men for giving up their leadership role to women? Yes—a resounding, yes!

Combine all of these factors together: the feminist movement, the media ridicule of men, the lack of strong male role models, female-dominated families, and it becomes easy to see why we have “soft males” that must turn to mother for help when they face a crisis!

Although some thinking people recognize the weaknesses in today’s men, they do not realize the somber consequences if the problems are not corrected quickly. Robert Bly feels that men are just experiencing another saga in our evolution. But man is not a product of evolution. We cannot evolve our way out of society’s tragic problems.

We must learn what God reveals about this so we can live faithfully according to His revealed knowledge about men and the role men must play in marriage, in family and in society. Our society no longer knows how to value real manhood. Many men are suffering great unhappiness as a result. This article will show you how to recapture value in true manhood.

Man the Head

God designed men and women to function a certain way for a tremendous spiritual purpose. God reveals in Genesis, “And God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness: and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth. So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them” (Genesis 1:26-27). God’s supreme purpose is for men and women to be born into His own spirit Family. God planned this physical life to be the training ground for that eternal life. To qualify to live for eternity, men and women must first live as God devised physically. Modern men and women have rejected God’s revealed knowledge concerning the unique sex roles for men and women. A global disaster is about to strike this planet as a result. All mankind must learn to live as God intended. Human beings will never be happy until they live according to God’s revealed purpose. What does God reveal about His intended role for men?

Some scientists believe that the female evolved first. That piece of information does not square with your Bible. Paul instructed Timothy, “For Adam was first formed, then Eve” (1 Timothy 2:13). God created Adam first. Why? Was it because he was better? No. Adam was created first because God intended that he be the head, or leader, of the family. Paul explained to the Ephesians, “For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body” (Ephesians 5:23).

The man’s God-ordained role as leader of the family is markedly evident throughout the Bible. Paul stated it this way to the Corinthians: “But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God” (1 Corinthians 11:3). What does Paul mean when he uses the word head?

In these two verses Paul used the Greek word kephale for head. The Strong’s Concordance number for this word is 2776. Thayer’s shows that this word means “anything supreme, chief, prominent, of persons, master lord … of a husband in relation to his wife.” In today’s language we could use the word president, chancellor, prime minister, king or captain in place of head. In other words, Paul taught that Adam was given seniority over Eve. By extension then, married men hold seniority over their wives.

It is also interesting to note that kephale indicates that the headship must be seized, or taken hold of. Where do most men fail today? How did Adam fail? Adam failed by not taking hold of or seizing his God-given authority. Study for yourself the incident in Genesis 3. Although Bible scholars and today’s educators see Adam and Eve’s story as allegory, we must see it as divine revelation. Chapters 1 and 2 make it clear that Adam was the appointed leader, the one in charge. Eve was to be his helper (Genesis 2:18). But who took charge? Eve. She ate of the wrong tree and led Adam to do so. Adam sinned by eating of the wrong tree. However, he was not deceived into eating (1 Timothy 2:14). He allowed Eve to lead him into this sin. Adam allowed Eve to make the decision. By following Eve, he disobeyed God’s direct command to him alone (Genesis 2:16-17). Eve had not been created yet. Adam should have taught her God’s command. Who committed the greater sin? Clearly it was Adam.

Christ the Perfect Example

Some men fail today in marriage and family life because they will not take hold of or seize their God-ordained authority. Some men prefer that women assume the role of leader and decision maker. This is a serious sin before God. Paul wrote, “But I suffer not a woman … to usurp authority over the man …” (1 Timothy 2:12). Men must be careful not to fall into Adam’s sin. Women must learn not to repeat Eve’s sin. The lesson from Genesis is a tough one. When a man is weak or when a woman commandeers a man’s authority, tragic events take place. Generally, children suffer the most. Genesis records Adam and Eve’s tragic family problems that arose as a result of their sin. Remember, their firstborn son killed his brother. Adam and Eve’s decision to reject God’s revealed knowledge has brought much suffering into the life of mankind ever since.

There is another side to men’s problems with leadership. Those willing to lead have not known how to lead! When Adam and Eve ate of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, they began to decide for themselves what was right and wrong. Cut off from God’s revelation, men have been experimenting with their authority ever since.

Since Adam’s time, most men have been trying to decide for themselves what leadership means. History is full of examples of wrong leadership. In past ages, men made women slaves—mere property. Even today, some men expect their wives to fulfill their every whim. Over time, men have been despotic tyrants, dictators, and absolute rulers who abuse power. This is not as God intended. If a man is considered a king, then his wife is the queen. Although a man and woman do not share equal authority, they should be equal in dignity. In our modern times, too many women and wives have been physically and verbally abused. God is going to severely punish men for committing such crimes.

How then should a man “seize” his authority?

Jesus Christ is the perfect example. Men should lead their wives as Christ leads the Church. Paul’s statement to the Ephesians is worth repeating here. “For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the savior of the body” (Ephesians 5:23). How does Christ lead the Church? He leads it by love and service! Men should lead their wives and families by loving and serving them. “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it” (verse 25).

A man who is Christ-like in his marriage will exhibit outgoing concern for his wife and her welfare. It is true that a woman was created to be a man’s helper. But a husband who understands what it means to be a leader will lovingly serve his wife’s and family’s needs. Paul wrote the Colossians, “Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them” (Colossians 3:19). Christ takes care of the Church’s needs in love. A husband who has Christ’s character is kind, considerate, affectionate and giving. He does not treat his wife with bitterness or resentment.

Husband—Savior

As Head of the Church, Christ leads by saving it. Christ rescues, saves and helps the Church. A husband should also be a type of savior toward his wife. Jesus Christ has so much love for the Church that He willingly gave Himself for it as the supreme sacrifice. Jesus Christ gives instead of trying to get. The husband, as a leader, must follow Christ’s example.

As a type of savior, husbands have been given an exalted position. Men should not let that go to their heads. With this position comes grave responsibility. In referring to leadership, Christ taught the disciples, “But he that is greatest among you shall be your servant” (Matthew 23:11). A husband must have the attitude of a servant toward his wife and family.

Jesus Christ said this of Himself, “Even as the Son of man came not to be ministered unto, but to minister, and to give his life a ransom for many” (Matthew 20:28). Jesus Christ did not “lord it over” the disciples. He does not “lord it over” the Church. He served the disciples and now serves the Church. Men should not “lord it over” their wives.

Many men have trouble with the words submission and authority. Some have fallen into the trap of thinking that they must make all of the decisions all of the time. Jesus Christ does not even do this with the Church (Matthew 16:19). God created women to help men in the decision-making process. There are many times when a wife’s input is necessary. There will be times when a husband and wife will disagree. This does not mean that the wife is rebellious. But both husband and wife should realize that Christ has given final authority in the decision process to the man. Men must use wisdom and outgoing concern when making decisions.

A husband must set the example in Christian character as well. Men must set the example in prayer, Bible study and fasting. Men should set an example of submission and obedience to God’s Word.

Husband—Provider

A husband must provide for his wife. In other words, he must rescue, help and save his wife physically. Every man naturally sees to his own needs. He must provide for hers as well. Paul instructed the Ephesians, “So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church” (Ephesians 5:28-29). If we truly cherish our wives, we will see that they are nourished and taken care of physically.

Paul wrote Timothy, “But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel” (1 Timothy 5:8). In comparison to a woman’s body, a man’s body and cell structure was designed to handle hard physical labor. Men were designed to be the providers.

As men, we should be hard working so that we can provide for the needs of our wives and family. Our society is full of men who are just too lazy to work. Too many men are on the take. They are leaving it to the government or other family members to provide for their families. Many women today are working outside of the home because their husbands are not.

Yes, economically it is very difficult today. Some families’ needs require that both husband and wife work. If there are small children at home, if at all possible, the wife should not work. Whether a wife works or not is a serious decision. If a wife goes to work because a husband will not, God says that man has “denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.” That is a very serious condemnation.

What should a man do if he loses his job? He should work eight hours a day to get another job! Until he finds a job, he should also be willing to work several part-time jobs. What if a man cannot find a job in his area of training? He should seek the proper education or retraining to obtain a job. Having a good work ethic is a large part of developing strong Christian character in men. Some men in the Church in Paul’s day were not working as they should. Here is what he said to them: “For even when we were with you, this we commanded you, that if any would not work, neither should he eat” (2 Thessalonians 3:10 ).

Husband—Teacher

A husband has responsibility to provide for his wife’s spiritual development as well. Peter wrote, “Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered” (1 Peter 3:7). A man owes his wife honor and respect. He must provide for her physical needs. But he must also realize that she is an heir of eternal life. A man must ensure that his wife has the time and opportunities to attain the Kingdom of God.

The most significant job Christ performs as Head of the Church is that of teacher. “That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish” (Ephesians 5:26-27). Jesus Christ desires a bride who is beautiful because of righteousness (Revelation 19:7-8). Christ is going to ensure the Church’s future beauty through His teaching. He is washing it now through the His Word.

A man must also teach his wife. “And if they will learn any thing, let them ask their husbands at home: for it is a shame for women to speak in the church” (1 Corinthians 14:35). A husband should know his Bible well enough so that he can guide his wife and family spiritually. He should be ever watchful over the spiritual needs of his wife and family—making sure they have time to pray and study, to fast without interruption from himself or the children. He should take the time to patiently answer his wife’s Bible questions and conduct family Bible studies. Are we ashamed to do these things? Jesus Christ warns us, “For whosoever shall be ashamed of me and of my words, of him shall the Son of man be ashamed, when he shall come in his own glory, and in his Father’s, and of the holy angels” (Luke 9:26). Great shame will come upon us men if we do not teach our wives and families.

No Drum Beating

Many men have become very unhappy with the state of men in this world. Men are beginning to recognize that being “soft” is not solving society’s problems. Some recognize that men and society need to understand true manhood. Men need to be men. Men’s encounter groups are springing up all over the world to attempt to deal with the intense loss and sadness that men are feeling about themselves. In these encounter groups, men beat drums and dance war dances to try to recapture their lost manhood. Some men’s groups are studying mythology to recapture true manhood.

But these methods will never work. The understanding of true manhood can only be found in the pages of your Bible. Let’s be men. Let’s recapture the value in true manhood. Let’s study our Bibles and ask God to make us the men we need to be! – END

Stop Saying “Boys will be Boys”

I’m flabbergasted that the following stories (links provided below) are happening, but then I remind myself that parents just haven’t been parenting.  The only way this sort of stuff goes on is when – 1.) Kids are poorly formed.  2.) Kids are unsupervised. (This includes their unsupervised cell phones, emails, facebooks and all other forms of technology.)  3.) The poorly formed kids influence the other kids.  4.) Older siblings influence younger.  5.) No one pays attention to what’s happening in the ‘personal’ lives of kids.

Here’s the article from NY Times writer Maureen Dowd… CLICK HERE.

Here’s a Catholic follow up to it from US Catholic.org… CLICK HERE.

Come on parents, get involved in your kid’s lives.  Spend some time with them.  Know what they are doing.  Get excited about what your kid is excited about (as long as it’s positive!).  Invest in them and this sort of crap will stop.  To the men… if you’re a father, or hope to be one day, you MUST take an active role in your children’s lives.  If you don’t know what that means, but want to work on it, then email us at Info@TrueManhood.com.  Do it today.

TrueMan up!

In Response – Not the Point

I recently received a comment on one of my posts, “That Blue One’s the Boy One”.  The commentor, as you can read below in red, misses the point.

The color examples don’t make any sense. Attributing color to gender is arbitrary. It’s not an instinct. It’s learned. Before the 20th century, most babies were dressed in white because it could withstand hot washes. In the 1920’s in the US, pink was for boys and blue was for girls. Pink was considered a watered down shade of red, think blood and blue was considered dainty because it was the color of the sky and water. The French dressed girls in pink and the Germans dressed boys in pink. It’s meaningless. Think dresses are for girls?  Not in this country. Most boys wore dresses in the late 1800’s because fabric was scarce and they grew out of pants too quickly. As for your “men and women are different” arguments, the scientific research has shown that there are more within-group differences than between-group differences for men and women aside from a few physiological differences. The reason that there is a difference is because society has created different rules for different genders. From looking around your website, I guarantee what I am writing won’t make a difference and you probably won’t give it a second thought, but it goes against everything that we know about our society. This site seems to be a giant amalgamation of stereotypical and baseless opinions. It is well-designed though and the layout is phenomenal. I hope that some healthier examples of masculinity, fatherhood and mentoring make their way to your site in the future.

Allow me to respond to Jerrod.  First off, thanks for the comment.  Secondly, you’re missing the point in the first half of your comment.  It wasn’t about the color, which I clearly stated in my original post.  You bring up some other points that need clarification.

1. The “men and women argument” isn’t my argument.  I’m merely stating what others (namely, John Paul the Great; one of the greatest philosophers and peacemakers in human history) have already worked out extensively.  To say that there are “more within-group differences than between-group differences” is quite simply, false.  Your scientific research is flawed.  If you’d like to email me personally, I’m happy to take a look at what you are using as your source(s).
2. What you wrote is very important to me.  What you wrote is, in part, why I have this website.  I’m interested in bringing to light the truths of manhood so that our society can return to a properly functioning society.  As of now, in our post-modern society, we do not function properly as a whole.  This is mainly because males fail to live up to TrueManhood.  I’m working to change that.  You say that my website “goes against everything we know about our society.”  You’re correct, I’m working to fight the culture we live in.  Sin rules our world, and in order for society to thrive, we must fight our tendency toward sin.  To say “what we know about our society” implies that what our society does/thinks is correct.  What we think is correct, is not.  Our society needs conversion of heart to the source of life – Jesus Christ.
3. As for the site being a “giant amalgamation of stereotypes and baseless opinions”, I disagree.  My articles are based in Catholic truth, the fullness of truth.  That’s a giant topic, so I don’t guess we can get into it here.  I’m fighting the stereotypes of what is expected of males in our society – just read any of the articles I write about commercials we see.  I’m guessing you probably haven’t really read many of my articles, or maybe that you don’t understand them.  My apologies.  And yes, while my articles are opinion, they are not baseless.  My opinions are in line with the Church (many bishops and priests support my website) and are rooted in the understanding of virtue as a way of life.  If you’re interested in reading more about virtue, type VIRTUE in the search box and get to reading – there’s lots there.  Specifically, you can check out “TrueManhood’s Guide to Virtue”.
4. I appreciate the comments about the layout and design.  I work hard to keep the sight going.  (And, I’m always working on new stuff, and want more comments of what everyone is hoping for!)
5. Finally Jerrod, from your last sentence, I’d like to know what you think is a “healthier example of masculinity, fatherhood and mentoring…”  Thanks.

Man up!

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