The Door Man; Above and Beyond

Here’s a feel-good story for you, and something to push you on.  It’s been around on the internet for a few years, but I just saw it recently and thought it was good fodder for discussion.  Watch this video about “The Door Man” and then read some of my reflections below.

Let’s take a look at the details in this video and see how they apply to TrueManhood.  First off… Josh lost his father as a child; a tragic death that impacted him immensely.  Every child needs their father.  Everyone experiences loss and hurt, at varying levels, and quite often never share it, talk about it, or heal from it.  These sorts of experiences are horribly detrimental to us and our psyche, not to mention our day to day interactions, thoughts, and choices.  We begin to believe lies about certain aspects of our lives, our circumstances, and ourselves.

The video also talked about bullies, and how Josh fought back.  Let’s just put this out there… whether you’re a child or a grown male, bullying at any stage is absolutely and positively not authentically masculine.  A TrueMan never exploits someone else to attempt to make himself feel better.  If you or someone you know is being bullied, or if you ever see someone being bullied, you are bound by the duty of your God-given masculinity to step in.

From all of this – the pain, the bullying, the emptiness, – came a loneliness, depression, and lack of self-worth for Josh.  Unfortunately, this is all too common in our culture.  Josh said: “I was sick and tired of being a “no one” and I wanted to be someone.”  Again, an all too common belief.  Even at a young age boys believe that they should be living “cultural manliness” so that they’re a “someone.”  No matter what’s going on around you, happening to you, or what you’re experiencing, your worth comes from God and that’s enough.  We must realize that our worth isn’t found in how others treat us, how we look, public prestige or applause, but only from God.  He created us and sustains our life because He loves us, and that love is the source of our worth.

They said in the video that it took a while for people to adjust to doors being held open, and although I wish this wasn’t the case, it’s amazing how so small a gesture is forgotten and now “odd” to so many.  The culture of the gentleman is lost, and needs to be reclaimed.  I remember once when I was about 18, I was in New York City, and I happened to see a woman pushing a stroller with a baby in it, with several bulging bags hanging from her hands.  She was attempting to move her giant stroller and bags through a door and no one was helping her.  I ran over to show a simple common courtesy and she was absolutely floored.  Fifteen years later I still remember that encounter because of how baffling it really is.  In the video, as Josh opened doors, it said that people started to open up to Josh – it doesn’t take much.  People want to be noticed, and wish that they had someone to listen to them.  They want someone to engage with them, and they’re waiting for an opening so that they themselves can open up.  It’s really not that difficult to make someone feel comfortable and welcome.

“Opening doors gives people hope that people care.”  said Josh.  “He set a good example for other students, and he changed things in the school.”  Something SO SIMPLE as holding a door can make a real impact in someone else’s life.  What are you doing EVERY DAY to make a difference in someone else’s life?

“I never expected to get an award.  I was just happy enough to make it through.”  Josh overcame a fear and gave himself to others, they relate to him that way, and he makes a difference.  Good on you, Josh.  I hope that you’ve continued to grow in courage, and that you haven’t stopped helping others.

TrueMan up!

My Alma Mater on National TV

This season of The Biggest Loser on NBC showcased the brother of a Benedictine College student and football player.  My alma mater, Benedictine College, is one of the finest small colleges in the country.  US News and World Report ranked it one of the best colleges in 2011.  Benedictine College was a place where my life radically changed.  I owe a great deal to the institution and especially to my BC friends.

In college, I was a lost young man.  I thought I knew everything.  My favorite saying was “Dave’s way or the wrong way.”  I had a very lax attitude and was quick to point fingers.  I was an angry rageaholic and alienated myself.  I used my intimidation factor to get what I wanted, whether I hurt someone along the way or not.  I was addicted to porn and took advantage of women.  I was a bully.

I left the Catholic Church because I thought I knew better.  I was living a double life; one way in public, another completely different way in private.  It was a downward spiral and I became very alone and fell into despair.  Luckily, I had men and women around me who loved me.  They lived the love of Christ with joy… it was enticing and I never wanted something so badly in my entire life.  I began asking questions, getting my doubts answered and along the way, became a man of prayer.  My prayer life, along with educating myself and asking tough questions, as well as working to right-wrongs, allowed me to get to a place where I could make logical and well-formed decisions.  Eventually, I returned to the Catholic faith and have never looked back.  All of my questions were answered in Sacred Scripture, and enlivened by Sacred Tradition.

In this clip, you will see a college campus that is not only beautiful, but authentically Catholic.  Behind the football field (where I suited up in the #48 black jersey and helmet, and where I ran lots of stairs) you can just barely grab a glimpse of the Benedictine Monk’s Abbey.

This video clip is about more than just The Biggest Loser or about football.  The clip is about what Adam is saying… it is like any tough journey or battle that we face in our lives.

He mentions many things, but the thing that strikes me the most is the ‘pay it forward’ theme.  Because of what I’ve been given, I try to give it back to others in need.  The reason why I do what I do is so that if a man is where I once was, I can help him out of it, or if a man has never been to where I was, I can help him never to go there.

TrueMan up!