What Makes Porn So Bad?!

So last post (Porn Gone Mobile) I said that I would talk about why porn is so bad.  The totality of the answer can’t fit into this post, so here’s what I’ve got for you today.  A great number of people, even those who do not currently look at, use, buy or sell porn, believe that there is nothing wrong with porn.  This is a sign of a culture that has completely lost its moral compass.  Not only has the moral compass been lost, it has since been replaced with a compass (better stated as a philosophy) that is so far from the truth that it actually denies that absolute truth exists!  This philosophy… moral relativism.  Relativism states that all things are relative.  If you really believe that the composition of the stuff that makes up the ocean is not H2O, but actually H3O7, then in relativism, H3O7 is “truth for you”.

Sure, that’s a silly example, but it can be extended onto any philosophical issue… any issue related to morals, ethics, virtue, choices, life, death… you name it.  You may believe that abortion isn’t murder of a human life, but that doesn’t make your belief true.  The problem with moral relativism is, well, everything.  It denies the absolute truth and leaves everything for the individual to determine.  Not a good place to start.  If relativism is true, then what Christ did on the cross doesn’t matter.  If relativism is true, then God isn’t the ‘unmoved Mover’.  If relativism is true, then there’s no definition to what manliness is.  So…

That brings us back to porn and why it IS so bad.  It’s not that porn is only bad for me and for some other select group of people.  It’s not that I’m ‘trying to force my morality on someone’.  It’s not that only certain kinds of porn are bad.  It’s all intrinsically evil.  Catechism of the Catholic Church, paragraph 2354, states: “It offends against chastity because it perverts the conjugal act… It does grave injury to the dignity of its participants… It is a grave offense.”  The production of, distribution of and/or the use of pornography damages the individual, causing them to enter into mortal sin, a total turning away from God.  It is a lie.  It is repulsive.

On another note, porn is intrinsically evil because it destroys our brain’s ability to function properly.  When porn is viewed/used, a chemical bond is created.  The chemical involved is a hormone, called oxytocin.  Oxytocin exists in both males and females.  One of the most commonly known occurrences of oxytocin is in child birth.  It is one of the bonding agents between a mother and a newborn child – a very powerful bond.  Oxytocin is also released in sexual orgasm, thus creating a bond.  When the bond is based on a fantasy, ie porn, the bond is incredibly detrimental.  This false bond distorts the understanding of the sexual act.  Once the distorted bond is in place, often times, the bond continues to deteriorate.  Many men choose to allow this bond into their life and then wonder why real intimacy and actual giving of oneself in marriage is so difficult.

If you haven’t been exposed to porn, I urge you to do everything in your power to stay away from it.  Porn is just like meth… it only takes one time.  If you have been exposed to porn, it will continue to bond you to the fantasy, to the sexual act, to the addiction.  If you’re a single man using porn, the distorted bond will damage your relationships, it will be a stumbling block to finding the right spouse, it will become your motivation.  If/When you get married, it will cause you to be selfish in regards to intimacy with your wife, not to mention in day-to-day activities and interactions.  If you’re a married man using porn, I’m almost 100% certain that the intimacy with your wife is distorted by your addiction.  Not only does it distort your relationship with your wife, it distorts the relationship you have with your children, friends and co-workers.

The good news, as stated before many times, is that freedom from porn exists!  I’m walking proof.  I had these distortions in my life.  It takes a ton of hard work to get over them, as well as daily prayer, the Sacraments and God’s grace.  You can do it!  Get rid of the porn today!

TrueMan up!

Scandal, Scandal Everywhere

Does anyone else feel like Satan is really attacking the Church hard the past few weeks?  And I don’t just mean his normal tactics; I’m talking huge attacks.  He’s shaking things up close to the foundation and doing major damage in the hearts and minds of many wayward Catholics around the world.  It seems like everywhere I look, every article that gets sent to me and every post about the Church on Facebook… it’s all slander, and scandal.  In the past day, I read about 12 Catholic priests in South America coming out in favor of ‘gay rights’, about a former Lutheran pastor (married, with 6 children) becoming a Catholic priest and about the controversial statements made by Cardinal Schonborn of Vienna, Austria.  These stories don’t shake my faith, but they spark doubt and confusion in the minds of many.

For those who don’t believe in Satan (the Prince of Lies), he exists.  You don’t have to believe in him in order for him to exist.  Actually, the more you don’t believe in him, the less you acknowledge his presence, the more work he can do in your life.  He’s attacking the Church now, I believe, because people’s faith is weak and moral relativism is at an all-time high.  Being aware of where you stand is essential in fighting Satan.

What are we to do about these attacks?  How can one man, a guy like me, do anything to ‘right wrongs’ in the Church?  How can I make a large enough impact to justify doing even one small thing?  The answer starts at home.  You MUST be living as an authentic disciple of Christ.  If you are married, you must be encouraging your wife to do the same.  If you have children, you must raise them in the faith.  This is not a faith of ‘pick-and-choose’… your faith must be solid and unwaivering.  Our faith isn’t individual to us.  It is universal, to the entire Church.  That prevents us from thinking we can make decisions of faith and morals on our own.  If you’re living the faith at home, it translates into living it in the workplace, during leisure time and on vacation (at least it should.)  If we live authentic lives for Christ, others will see and will want the joy that we have.  This may seem too simplistic for some, but the truth of the matter is that arguing with people about scandals in the Church rarely allows for conversion, and only distances their desire for God.

With all of the scandals hitting the news lately, I encourage all of us to pray heartily for the Church.  It is times such as these that we must remain faithful and firm in our resolution to defend against evil.

TrueMan up!

Where are the Men? Part 2

In the last post, I mentioned how while attending a Saturday evening Vigil Mass at a local parish, I noticed that only 4 of 31 servant-leadership roles were filled by men.  Of those 4 positions of service, 1  was a young boy altar server, 2 were Extraordinary Ministers of Holy Communion and 1 was in the happy happy clap clap band.  The problem is not the women, the problem is the men.  Here’s why…

When men are absent from servant-leadership (in anything, not just at Mass) the ‘thing’ does not function properly.  When a father is absent from his family, when a husband is absent from his wife, when a priest is absent from his parish, when a coach is absent from his team, when a boss is absent from his employees, when a commander is absent from his troops… the family, marriage, parish, team, company and unit do not function correctly.  At Mass, specifically, we must correct the dysfunctions because they are widespread and have a large scope of influence.  The way to correct the dysfunction is to encourage and challenge men to act in the way in which God created them to be.  To grasp this picture, let’s look at the creation account in the Book of Genesis.

God created Adam.  From Adam’s side, He created Eve.  Adam was commanded by God to “shamar” the garden.  Shamar is Hebrew for cultivate, protect, care for, etc.  It was Adam’s job to cultivate the land, protect the garden, his wife and all of creation, but from the onset, Adam dropped the ball.  When the serpent convinced Eve to eat of the fruit, where was Adam?  Gone in another place in the garden?  No.  Was he over at some buddy’s house drinking a cold one, watching the big game?  No.  He was right beside her!  [After all, she turned and handed him the fruit that she had just eaten from.]  He was neglecting to protect the garden and his wife and failed to do what God created him to do.  The Fall = Adam’s fault!  When this sort of behavior (when men fail to cultivate, protect and care for) continues to prevail, the Church suffers greatly.

The choices Adam made are, in some way, the same decisions that many Catholic men today are making.  Instead of cultivating the Church, protecting the Church and caring for the Church, men sit back and allow women to ‘do’.  If you look at parishes and/or dioceses that are incredibly strong, that have great priests, that have large properly-functioning families and they have large numbers of seminarians, you’ll see that it is almost undoubtedly because men are involved as leaders!

The problem with men sitting back and allowing women (who are willing and ready to step in) to fill the gap is that the general population of men either don’t attend Mass or simply lose interest, although their backside is filling a spot in the pew.  This sort of behavior teaches children that men don’t need faith and that faith is a ‘woman’s thing’.  Many men believe that faith, religion, prayer, devotion, etc. is feminine and actually, anti-masculine.  They couldn’t be further from the truth.  As I have stated many times before, being manly means that a man is virtuous.  Faith, Hope and Love, the Theological Virtues, are the real signs of manliness.  In an upcoming post, I will continue with the thought of what happens when men and women don’t fulfill their roles and how it affects the Church as a whole, titled “The Church: By Women, For Women.”

TrueMan up!

Where Are The Men?

Tonight, we went to Mass at a local parish we had never been to.  I’ve been wanting to go to a Mass there because I know several people who are parishioners at the parish who really like it.  After tonight, I’m confused as to why.  Besides the typical architectural disaster that this building was, the misplacement of the tabernacle and the lack of Catholic art (good statues, stained glass, etc.), the sense of what was about to happen was not Mass… it wasn’t sacred… it wasn’t important… it was just a thing.  That’s what I got when I first walked in.

As Mass started, I was highly disappointed in what was taking place… a jazz concert masked by the appearance of a worship service.  Between the really obnoxious singers (all mic’d up individually, ouch!) and the electronic drum set, I couldn’t figure out what was happening… was it about the music group? or about the Mass?  In my mind, the music was winning, although it didn’t have much of a following in the congregation.  As Mass continued, I realized what the problem was.  It was shouting at me loud and clear…

There were virtually NO MEN in servant-leadership roles!  The vast majority of the servant-leaders were women, which has almost nothing to do with the women, and everything to do with the men.  When men don’t actively serve in parish life, specifically in the Mass, a parish is going to suffer.  Here’s the scenario at this parish; these numbers are typical for most parishes around the country.

• When we walked in, three women greeted us, no men were to be found. 0-3.
• There were 3 altar servers, 2 were young girls.  1-5.
• In the rockin’ jazz/pop/r&b, happy happy clap clap band there was 1 man, 7 women.  2-12.
• There were 4 ushers… all women!  2-16.  (Men weren’t even ushering, ahhh!!!)
• Out of the excessive 9 Extraordinary Ministers of Holy Communion, 2 were men.  4-23.
• The ‘commentator’, lectors and cantor were all women.  4-27.
• Oh yeah, the priest was a man.  5-27.

So, out of 32 servant-leadership positions, (31 really, when you remove the priest from the list) only 4 were filled by men!  And one of those 4 was a 12 year-old boy altar server!  This is despicable.  Again, this has nothing to do with the women, and everything to do with the men!  I’ll explain myself in more detail, in the next post… you’ve got to come back!

TrueMan up!

“Into the Wild” Weekend Retreat with The King’s Men

My friends Mark Houck and Damian Wargo over at The King’s Men put on an awesome (and manly!) weekend retreat in the wilderness of eastern Pennsylvania called “Into the Wild”.  I highly suggest that if you’re in the area, or if you can make it to eastern PA for one of these upcoming weekends, that you make this weekend happen.

Here’s what they have to say about it:

Rugged Outdoor Men’s Retreat!
The King’s Men are sponsoring a retreat for men called “Into the  Wild” at French Creek State Park on June 10-13th.  This experiential weekend features fishing, orienteering, outdoor cooking, archery, and faith presented in a masculine  modality.  No experience is necessary and space is limited.  “Into the Wild” is excellent for single or married men as well as fathers and sons.  More information at www.intothewildweekend.com or call Damian Wargo at  215-906-8878.  Financial aid is available.

TrueMan up!

Plain and Simple

One of my favorite websites to follow is RealCatholicTV.com.  Michael Voris does an incredible job of saying things as they are, in plain and simple language.  He is unafraid of conflict, disagreement and nay-sayers.  Michael stands for the Truth.  May blessings and grace abound for him.

I wanted to post today’s video because I believe exactly what Michael has to say.  He is a strong witness for the faith.  A TrueMan, unafraid to speak the truth and stand up for it.

I recommend you check out other videos from Michael, there are lots to choose from.  For today’s video, click HERE.

Vocational Discernment

Something that I’ve been discussing lately at the Air Force Academy among some of the faithful Catholic cadets is the topic of vocational discernment.  For those who may not know, a vocation is a calling.  (From the Latin, vocare.)  The world would like to suggest that our calling is to something like an occupation; something we are drawn to and enjoy.  Vocations, however, are much deeper than this.  Vocations are about the call from God that will bring us fulfillment and happiness in life, to prepare us for life eternal with God in Heaven.  The discernment part is how someone goes about listening to the call and applying that call in their life.

Many of the young men I have been discussing vocations with lately seem to know that they are called to the priesthood – however, they are all in different places with their decision making process.  One young man is denying his call.  Another is preparing to leave to enter seminary in a few months.  Another wants badly to leave and enter a religious order, yet, doesn’t have the support from important family members.  They are all journeying towards Christ.  In this journey, they will find their way if they keep their eyes on Christ.

If you are currently discerning your vocation – married, religious or consecrated single life -, I recommend you take the following steps.

1. Have an active, daily Sacramental and prayerful life.
2. Seek a qualified spiritual director and meet with him regularly.
3. Read good quality, orthodox, Catholic spiritual books.
4. Talk to lots of people – priests, religious, seminarians, married men, married fathers and single men.  Gather that information and prudently process it.  (Ask lots of questions.)
5. Spend at least 2 minutes per day gazing at a crucifix contemplating Christ’s example of love.

A word to family and friends of men discerning their vocation.  I urge you to support them, whether you agree or not with their decisions.  If a young man chooses the priesthood, via a call from God, don’t think that it’s an abrogation of life, or life as you know it.  The priesthood is an incredible calling and must be respected and supported.  Many believe that the priesthood is suppressing reality and suppressing sexuality and suppressing the desire to have a family.  This is simply not true.  Please, refrain from being a stumbling block in a man’s discernment.  Support him, love him, answer his questions, attempt to guide him.  In the end, however, it’s the man’s decision, not yours.

Here’s a short clip called “Fishers of Men” from the Vocations Office in NYC.  Click HERE if you can’t see the video below.

TrueMan up!

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