Encouraging Men to Get Involved

Here’s my latest article on iibloom.com, posted yesterday.

For some people, it’s a struggle to figure out why men aren’t involved at church and church-related events. When we take a look at a typical parish in the United States, we see a Church that is struggling to entice, encourage and strengthen men as leaders. Why is this? Is it the content, is it the timing, is it the other people in attendance? Is it something internal? Do they feel emasculated by it? Is it a lack of catechesis? Is there a power struggle? Or maybe even something else?

(Please note, this article is a generalization; please keep this in mind. Many men are fully engaged in the life of the Church and many parishes have a thriving men’s population. The point of this article is to find ways to help encourage men who aren’t involved to become involved.)

Men won’t get involved in “stuff” if they don’t see a value in it. Also, they aren’t likely to attend a new event, group or club unless they know someone else who is attending, and know them well. Another reason men won’t get involved is if they see the stuff as weak, lame or feminine. Unfortunately, many men see Mass, Church events, groups and retreats through this lens. On my website, I have mentioned that the Church is “by women, for women,” and this is a big reason why men aren’t involved. I say this because the vast majority of parishes in the US have a very lopsided attendance and volunteer demographic. The reason for this is because men fail to step up and into leadership and volunteer roles. 

Men shouldn’t be forced into praying like women pray, it doesn’t work for us. Men need to pray the way men were created to pray. Men shouldn’t be forced into activities that are similar to women’s activities, it does’t work for us. Men should participate in activities that they were created for. There’s a difference, and that difference is important.

The difference is, as the late Pope John Paul II often talked about, is that men and women were created equal in dignity, but different in role. In order for men to fulfill their role, their lives must be oriented correctly towards what they were created for. A great place to see what it is that men were created for is to read through the creation narrative in The Book of Genesis.

So how do you encourage men to participate? It’s tough to know, exactly. I think that a great way is to get to the heart of a man…that which God put deep inside each man. It’s different from anything else in the world, and hard to explain. See, men want to be rugged and tough. They want to shoot stuff, and fix stuff, and build stuff. They want to protect and defend, they want to love and be loved. They want to feel a purpose and be accomplished. Unfortunately, so many men don’t know how to do any of that stuff.

If we want men to participate, we have to encourage them, build them up and GIVE THEM A PERSONAL INVITATION. Personal invitations, from men they trust and respect, might just be the thing to get a man involved in the Life of the Church. The personal invitation should be in person, not over phone, texting or email. And once the invitation is extended, the event better not stink! Or be lame! And, it better not be associated with ‘sissiness’! If it does, he’ll never come back.

I encourage all the faithful, if they know a man who needs to be involved, to be like St Monica. St Monica, the mother of St Augustine, prayed unceasingly for her son. Augustine was a wandering-soul. He lived a life of incredible sin and his mother still prayed. He became one of the greatest saints and writers of the Church. That man who you know might just be the next St Augustine.

Click HERE for the article on iibloom’s site.

GUEST POST – from Dean Soto – “So What Do You Do?”

When I returned from a deployment to the war in Iraq that lasted from March of 2008 to March of 2009, several aspects of my life had changed. Even though my year stint was rather benign and uneventful, something unknowingly grew inside of me that affects the majority of men today.

For a year I had a fire growing inside of me in which I wanted to further my current career, start a new business, and help other Catholics to do the same. The problem was – it was all I could think about and talk about when I returned home. For months my wife endured emotional loneliness, my 1 and a half year-old daughter wanted nothing to do with me, and I was completely oblivious to it all. My work and aspirations consumed me to the point where my family felt closer to me while I was 5,000 miles away, than they did when I was with them.

Throughout history, but especially today, men have defined themselves – and their worth – by what they do. Think about when you meet someone new. Typically, the conversation starts off with the formality of finding out the person’s name and how they know so-and-so, but within minutes the conversation turns to, “So what do you do?” This is perfectly natural and expected, but our culture takes it to the extreme and ensnares us with 2 traps that Catholic men of earlier ages rarely faced: the lack of trust in divine providence and the loss of self-worth.

I was trapped in a pit of despair that only Christ and my family could save me from. My wife made it clear that something needed to change, and change fast, before our marriage started to break apart. What happened over time was that I began to see that what I did, did not define who I was. In other words, just because I didn’t reach the goals that I wanted to as a businessman and entrepreneur (which were unreasonable to begin with), didn’t mean that I wasn’t worth something. My wife wanted to share my life, and could care less about how much I earned. My daughter had no clue what I did professionally, she only wanted her daddy to make her laugh. Through the grace of God – and ironically through a secular entrepreneur that I admire – I was able to let go. I allowed God to change my priorities to reflect what He would desire, and not what I thought was best.

I still have the fire in me to be successful, but how I view success is much different. As a Catholic man, God and my family come first – no exceptions. All of my ventures are done after my family has gone to bed. Success is not what I do, but who I am in Christ. Christ sacrificed himself for the Church, and the least I could do is sacrifice my desires for my family.

St. Thomas More, when faced with the prospect of losing everything, told his family that he would be just as happy begging in the streets with them as he would being comfortable in his house. What we do for a living does not define who we are. I am a Catholic man. My love for Christ, love for my family, and trust in a God that will never forsake me defines who I am.

Dean Soto is the author of productivecatholic.com, a blog designed to help Catholics find holiness in their work. He is also the owner of Pro Sulum, LLC, an IT consulting company, and Shiistr.com an online social network that aims to save people money on food. His primary mission is to help Catholics to use their professional talents and abilities to further the cause of the Church and their local parishes, and advocates a view that all Catholics should help the Church by doing what they are passionate about.

Upcoming Schedule for TrueManhood Ministry

Here’s some information on our upcoming schedule of events.  More events will be scheduled as they come up.  If you’re interested in booking Dave for your event, parish, school, retreat, conference or group, please email us at Info@TrueManhood.com and someone on our staff will get back to you soon!

November 18 – on Sirius Radio Channel 159 (XM 117) with “The Catholics Next Door“.  1120am EST (920am EST).  Topic TBD.

November 20 – in New Jersey at Montclair State University’s Annual Catholic Thanksgiving Party.  Including Ramapo College.  Topic: “The Battles We Face as Young Adult Catholics in the Modern World”.
December 17 – on with Joe McClane “The Catholic Hack“.

December 31 – in Florida at the FOCUS National Conference 2010.  Speaking to the Men at the Men’s Impact Sessions.  Topic: “Fighting for Manliness” – For men who want to dive into the realities of the battle for men’s souls.  What is manliness, why is it being attacked and how do we fight to save it?

January 8 – on with Mark Houck and Damian Wargo (The King’s Men) on Holy Spirit Catholic Radio in Philadelphia. Topic: Man stuff.

February 20 or 27 – @ St. Mary’s Catholic Parish in Littleton, CO.  Confirmation Retreat.

March 7 – USAFA TEC Retreat – Topic: Discipleship “Imitate Me as I Imitate Christ”

March/April DATE TBD – on with CatholicTV.  More details coming on this.

Fallible Blogma’s “Support a Catholic Speaker” Month

I agreed to write up a brief post on a Catholic speaker for Fallible Blogma‘s “Support a Catholic Speaker” Month.  Click HERE to see the entire list.  I chose to blog about Mr. Richard Lane.  Here’s his bio:

“Born in Detroit, Michigan to Mary O. Alexander, retired Educator for the Highland Park School system and the Late Dick “Night Train” Lane; National Football League Hall of Fame Cornerback, Mr. Lane, Jr. attended Morehouse College in Atlanta Georgia and also served honorably for nearly six years in the United States Army Military Police Corps in numerous domestic and international locations.

As a convert to the Faith in April 19, 2003, it was in early 2005 when Mr. Lane was lead to begin proclaiming the Gospel as a Street Corner Evangelist, sharing the Word of God, passing out Bibles, Crosses and other Religious items. Since that time Mr. Lane has been featured on “Catholic Answers Live”, Ave Maria Radio, Relevant Radio, Our Sunday Visitor, the National Catholic Reporter, Sports Review Magazine, as well as Eternal Word Television Network’s (EWTN) the “Journey Home” with Marcus Grodi and is the Co-Founder of Catholic Men for Christ Men’s Conference in St. Louis, Missouri which continues to draw thousands of men each year to hear the Powerful Message of the Gospel.”

Mr. Lane and I are represented by the same booking agency, CMG Booking.  CMG Booking is the premier source for Catholic speakers.  To book Mr. Lane for your next event, click HERE.  If you would like to book me to speak at your next event, please click HERE.

Man up!

"Today’s Women are Expected to Pine Over Break-Dancers Who Own Hair Dryers & Wear Skinny Jeans”

I saw this on Facebook and had to post it:

Charlton Heston v. Zac Efron: Is ‘The Pill’ Making Masculinity a Thing of the Past?
by Katie Walker 
Washington, D.C. (08 October 2009) – A British researcher has added to the growing body of evidence showing the link between the birth control pill and the rise of the effeminate heartthrob.

Dr. Alexandra Alvergne, of the University of Sheffield, says the hormones in the pill and other hormonal contraceptives suppress a woman’s interest in masculine men and make boyish men more attractive, reports the UK’s Daily Mail.

According to the theory, the Pill could contribute to the rising popularity of effeminate men in the last 40 years.

“We’ve gone from 1940s and 50s manly heroes Charlton Heston and Sean Connery to today’s baby-faced heartthrobs like Zac Efron and Johnny Depp,” said Katie Walker, American Life League’s communications director. “More reasons to never, ever go on the pill.”

The research confirms an August 2008 study from scientists at the University of Liverpool showing that “when the women started taking the pill, their preferences shifted towards the scent of men with more similar genes to their own.”

ALL’s project director for “The Pill Kills Day,” Marie Hahnenberg, reported on the potential hazards this places on relationships.

“There is mounting evidence that the pill can seriously disturb a woman’s healthy, natural tendency to be drawn toward a mate with different immune system genes. This, in turn, can lead to having a genetically similar mate, which increases the risk of infertility and miscarriages. It also means that the pill can change a woman’s love interest so much that she could end up in a relationship with someone to whom she normally wouldn’t be attracted.”

American Life League’s “Pill Kills” project is dedicated to exposing the hidden emotional and physical ramifications of the birth control pill.  In August 2008, ALL’s Michael Hichborn also released a video reporting on the hormonal phenomenon of “Pill Googles.”

“While previous generations of women dreamt about rugged intellectuals carrying them off into the sunset, today’s women are expected to pine over break-dancers who own hair dryers and wear skinny jeans,” Walker said. “Give me Charlton Heston any day.”

American Life League was cofounded in 1979 by Judie Brown. It is the largest grassroots Catholic pro-life organization in the United States and is committed to the protection of all innocent human beings from the moment of creation to natural death.  Visit their website at www.all.org.

Man up!

How Men Were Created To Pray

In response to a comment, stemming from a recent post: The question was asked, “How were men created to pray?”  Please note, this post, as with all my posts, comes from my experiences and may or may not take into account every aspect of the topic.  If you have additional thoughts, questions, doubts or replies, please write them in a comment below.

I believe that men were created to pray in a manner that is wild, unrelenting and strong.  What do I mean by that?  I mean that a man has to pray in the same way that he was created.  It doesn’t make sense to do it any other way.  We were created, as evidenced in the creation story in The Book of Genesis, to protect, defend and guide.  (See Genesis chapter 2, specifically verse 15).  Adam was instructed by God to do all these things as the man, the one who has dominion over the earth and the creatures of the land, air and sea.  This was no small task.  Adam was given a great amount of responsibility.  Until the fall, Adam relied totally on God to direct and guide him.  We should take this as a guide – that in all things, we should ask God to direct and guide us.  After the fall, Adam was distanced from God and he toiled in the fields.  This is where we find ourselves today.  We toil, in whatever profession we have, and specifically, we toil in a real way when it comes to our conversations with God.  Why is this?

The Catechism of the Catholic Church, in paragraph 397, explains this clearly.  It says, “Man, tempted by the devil, let his trust in his Creator die in his heart and, abusing his freedom, disobeyed God’s command.”  We do this daily!  No wonder it’s so hard to pray!

If we know that we must trust God and that we must have reckless abandonment to God’s commands, then it will help us to pray.  If we know that we were created to protect, defend and guide others, it will help us to pray.  Now, some practicals:

• Find what works for you.  We’re all different and there are many different ways to pray.  Whatever your preference, do it often!
• Remember that prayer is a relationship with God.  It takes two; God always does His part.  Are you doing yours?
• Make your life a prayer.  Every chance you get, talk/listen to God.  (Guess what, you’ve got lots of chances to do this during your day!)
• A Man was created with a wildness within his heart – live wildly for God.  Your prayer can be wild, rugged and intense.
• Do it often.  Did I mention this already?
• Prayer is NOT an emotional thing; emotions may come about during/after prayer, but prayer itself is not emotional.  Our prayer is based on our faith – if our faith is founded on the Truth, then it is stable and unchanging and our prayer must follow that model.  If our faith isn’t founded on the Truth, then our faith (belief in God and His dominion over us) can change as quickly as the wind.
• Use helpful “tricks” to guide your prayer.  One easy one is ACTS – Adoration Contrition Thanksgiving Supplication.  Adoration is praising God, adoring Him, fervent worship of Him and His glory.  Contrition is asking for forgiveness for our sins; NOT in place of Confession!  Thanksgiving is thanking God for the blessings in our lives.  Supplication is asking God for the things that we need in life.

I suggest that you read up on men of the Bible, as well as Catholic saints, to get more ideas on how men pray.  Find one of these men that you share similarities with and try to emulate him and his style of prayer.  These men came before us and succeeded (and sometimes failed) in order to pave the way for us.

Man up!

A Fireside "Discussion"

Last night I was up in the mountains with a great group of young Catholics.  We had a great little (easy) hike into a waterfall, played some horseshoes (in the dark) and had a nice meal cooked by our priest.  Somehow [I’m still not certain how exactly] we began discussing the topic of women as altar servers.  I have some pretty firm beliefs on the subject, and stemming from those beliefs, we began to discuss the current state of the Church – all from an opinion/experience standpoint.

I firmly believe that the modern, American Catholic Church is, as I’ve put it before, “by women, for women”.  Yes, the “leaders” are Bishops, Priests and Deacons, but my point is that the lay-portion of the Church is the “for women” part.  This caught some of the young women off guard and immediately put them on the defensive.  This was NOT my intention.  I intended to explain that the problem is not what the women are doing, or their involvement or their faithfulness or anything of the sort… I intended to explain that in order to fix the problem, men must step up and fulfill the call from God to be protectors, defenders, leaders and TrueMen!

Allow me to explain the statement “by women, for women”.  If you look at a typical Catholic parish in America, 80%+ participation and involvement is middle-aged and older women, as well as children.  The liturgies are filled with female volunteers, the events are orchestrated and attended by females and the typical style of worship is geared toward female spirituality – rightly so, since 80%+ in attendance are female.  The problem with this is multi-faceted: First (and FOREMOST) MEN ARE NOT PRESENT.  Men are slacking on their responsibilities and are failing to fulfill their calling as men.  Secondly, when men fail to fulfill their role, women tend to step in and attempt to fulfill the men’s role for them.  This doesn’t work because the male role(s) are meant to be fulfilled by men, and women simply can’t fulfill (rightly) a man’s role.  In the same way, a man cannot successfully fulfill a woman’s role.  If this occurs, the relationships and the fulfillment of the responsibilities are skewed, or disordered.

Another part to the problem is the idea of, an oxymoron, “The Fatherless Family”.  If men are non-existent in the Church, the Church (which is similar to a family unit) will suffer greatly.  This, in my opinion, is the current state of affairs.  The solution to these problems is men stepping up, leading and fulfilling their responsibilities.  As God commanded Adam in the garden, modern men must “shamar” the garden – they must protect, defend and cultivate their world.  My hope is that men begin to learn what it means to live a truly manly lifestyle, within the context of the Life of Faith, as fathers, husbands, sons and friends and that the Church can return to a well-ordered way of operating.  More to come on this.

Disclaimer: This is a generalization.  There are many men, in many parishes, in many dioceses, that are fulfilling their responsibilities and are living well-ordered lives.  There, the Church is strong.  There, the Church is thriving.

Man up!

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