TrueManhood Podcast – Episode 13 Fatherhood, Leadership, and Gender Roles

Dave discusses the topic of fatherhood, leadership, and the roles of men and women. If you’re a Catholic, a husband, or a father, this episode is for you.

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TrueManhood Podcast – Episode 12 Crazy Family Life, Parenting in Mass, and Being Prepared in the Home

Dave describes the recent craziness in the DiNuzzo household, with ridiculous schedules, kid’s sports, and work-related juggling-of-tasks. He also spends some time talking about a grandfather disciplining a grandchild in Mass, and how we as men can be ready for whatever comes our way in the home.

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Onions: My Barrier to Holiness

Lent is intended to be a season of penance, of self-reflection, of growth, of personal introspection, and ultimately, we should be working to “die to self”.  I’m terrible at it.  Here’s a lame story.  Let’s call it the “onion-idiot story.”  I’m the onion-idiot.

Last Friday was the 1st Friday of Lent 2018, and my beautiful wife, Catherine, (who is a phenomenal chef!) made a meatless cheese and broccoli soup.  (It was even Keto-friendly, which we are currently utilizing as our fueling system.  Perhaps more on eating Keto in the future?)  The soup was VERY tasty.  The ingredients were fresh.  The flavor was amazing.  It probably wasn’t much of a Lenten sacrifice, other than the fact that it didn’t have bacon in it!  There was only one problem: onions.

I HATE ONIONS.

It’s not the taste.  It’s not the texture.  It isn’t even that they make you cry.  It’s the smell.  They stink.  Terribly.  Whenever I smell an onion, it is as if it embeds its stink in my nasal cavity, and won’t evacuate the premises for days on end.  It’s stench digs deep into my skin’s pores, and it won’t leave.  I hate onions.  [I apologize if you like onions… this has nothing to do with you, it’s my issue.]  And I’m assuming you’re seeing where this is going.

Catherine knows this about me, and hasn’t cooked onions (one of her favorite ingredients!) in our home for years – all because she knows, very explicitly, how I feel.  I’m very grateful.  And how do I show her how grateful I am?  I complain.  I make it known just how bad it smells in the house.  I put every sort of smell-good mechanism that we own directly in the ‘on’ position.  I turned on the vanilla-scented burners, sprayed the air freshener, and even opened up windows and doors on a cold February day.  The smell was still in the… well… everything. Yuck.

Saturday rolled around and Catherine wanted to eat leftovers.  She considered – again, because of how much she loves me – taking the soup leftovers over to her parent’s house to warm and eat it there, just so the onion smell wouldn’t be present in our home again.  I still complained.  I still made childish comments.  Then, in my only moment of reasonable interaction surrounding these onions, I got the leftovers out, pulled out the bowl, and warmed up the soup for her.

I had already failed miserably in terms of “dying to self”.  What a stupid thing, too.  Onions.  Onions are my barrier to holiness.  I need to learn to keep my mouth shut, bear difficulties with humility, and realize that onions (read that “my own preferences/wants/desires/me-me-me”) are keeping me from true holiness.  If we were to apply this to anything else, especially something that matters, we’d hopefully see that when we die to self, we love others.  When we love others, we fulfill who we are as men.  The culture is extremely interested in destroying the idea that men can love.  That love, which they reduce to a mere emotion, is feminine.  Love, in actuality, is so much more and is required for authentic masculinity.

There are countless exercises that we can all work on to die to self.  And some might think that because I’ve been in this thing we call the Christian journey for so long that I’d have this down, but I don’t.  Can you believe how ridiculous I am?! 

In order to get better at something, we need to practice it and rely on God’s grace! So, here’s what I’m going to do today to die to myself: first off, I’m going to go home and tell my wife that I love her, give her a big, meaningful hug and kiss, and ask her about her.  Nothing to do with me.  Next, I’m going to find 5 little ways (one per my wife and 4 children) to choose someone else’s preference and never make mention of it.  And, I’m going to try to sustain that every day… slowly working to lose my own preferences (ultimately, the goal is to become selfless in all things, and not selfish, ie: prideful) and offering up in prayer my ‘suffering’ for their sanctification.  If you struggle with dying to self, try it with me.

TrueMan up!

“Tuesdays with Daddy” are BACK!

In the early days of TrueManhood, going back to the earliest version of these posts in November of 2009, I began writing posts entitled “Tuesdays with Daddy”.  At the time, because I worked lots of nights and weekends, I was able to work my schedule so that I could stay home on Tuesdays, which afforded me special time with my children.  Back in 2009, my wife and I had our first two children; our young daughters… only 2 and 1 years old.  At that point, parenting – especially the aspect of being a great father – was foremost on my mind.  I was trying to figure out just how to parent and wanted to give my kids everything they could ever need, especially a spiritual foundation that was strong in our Lord Jesus Christ and His Church.  I wanted to be a super dad.  Now, nearly a decade later, I still want to give them everything, and I work hard to be a super dad, but it looks a bit different.

Experience. Wisdom.  Suspense.  Heartache. Frustration.  Exhaustion.  Trial and error; okay, maybe more error than anything. Lots of words can be used to describe parenting.  However we slice it, life comes at us hard and fast, and kids develop quickly, and as parents, we have to stay on top of our game.  These days, my four children are in such a cool place.  They are incredibly active (involved in great academic endeavors, playing numerous team sports, training in mixed martial arts, studying piano and voice, becoming young chefs, and open to all kinds of activities and experiences!), not to mention that they are all at the ages where we can begin to have deep conversations that are meaningful, formative, and long-lasting.  Their spiritual formation is “on point”, as the cool kids say, and they can reasonably make their way through questions of faith, apologetics, and morals.  They’re pretty young for those types of deep convos, but I embrace it and can’t wait to share more with you!  My wife tends to meet with counseling clients on Tuesday afternoons and evenings, and that means that I find myself back with some special time with them on Tuesdays!  Hence, “Tuesdays with Daddy” are back.  I likely won’t be posting every Tuesday, but when good content pops up, you’ll be the first to read about it.

This first-post-back, I don’t have a radical story from Tuesday.  Rather than take you through the daily grind, I want to share a few experiences that occurred recently and how we worked through them.  First off, my son turned 7 a few days ago, and he received Heely’s from Grandma in the mail.  (Heely’s are shoes with wheels in the soul, like one-wheel roller skate shoes.)  He wanted to take the little wheel-removal-tool and be able to swap the wheels in and out.  I “ixnayed” that quickly because I know that once those wheels come out, either 1. They’ll be lost or 2. They’ll never go back in quite right, rendering the shoe worthless.  But, he’s 7 and likes to push the limits, so… he asked me about three times if he could have the tool.  He then asked my wife where the tool was, “just in case I ever need it”, he said, and then after dinner, I spotted him looking for the tool again.  I called him over, and firmly gave him my clear expectations.  After I laid out numerous reasons why he would forfeit his shoes to me if he took the wheels out, I had him repeat back to me what I just told him.  He heard me, repeated it back verbatim, and I highly doubt that he’ll ever try to take the wheels out.  So, it’s not really about the shoes or the wheels.  It’s not about his age.  It’s not about letting him make mistakes on his own terms  For me, it was about him knowing that I set a clear expectation for him and that there would be a clear consequence should he break the rule.  

Over the decade-plus of my being a dad, I’ve realized that there are plenty of times to take a stand, and plenty of times to let things slide.  The hardest part is knowing the difference.  This brings me to another great parenting point… and I certainly didn’t coin it, but absolutely believe in this principle wholeheartedly… “rules without relationship will end in rebellion.”  If a child only receives rules and punishment when he breaks them, but doesn’t understand the reasoning behind the rules, or the reasoning behind it doesn’t come from a place of love, then they will inevitably rebel.  David Jr. knows from the relationship that we have, that “Daddy is hard on you but you can absolutely live up to the expectation because you are good, you are loved, and you are so stinkin’ awesome!”

Another event that happened on Tuesday was the simple opportunity to cuddle with my 5 year old.  Her name is Maria and she is the “baby of the family.”  She is so incredible, and all she wants is to cuddle into Daddy’s arms and talk, or watch a home improvement show, or just “be”.  To the dads out there who are reading this, are you giving your kids enough physical touch?  They are in serious developmental stages and physical touch is proven to improve their self-confidence, their ability to thrive academically, and their emotional well-being.  Evaluate yourself hard on this and step your game up, especially for that one troublesome child you have, that is hardest to love.  They are the one who needs it the most.

As “Tuesdays with Daddy” pick back up, I hope to bring some practical aspects of parenting to the table, and share our crazy-ish life, hopefully to help others, and perhaps just to make you crack a smile.

TrueMan up!

Porn – Out of Sight, Out of Mind?

I’m now a couple of weeks into my new career as a teacher.  I’m really enjoying it, and the kids are amazing.  We have great conversations about the faith, and I really believe that I’m reaching them.  As I consider each of my classes and each of my students, I haven’t yet breached the subject of pornography.  I’m working now to form bonds of trust and mutual respect, and want to work towards gaining moral authority with my students.  We’ll get there, and I don’t think it will take long.

In one class specifically, but in all seven of my classes generally, I’ll be diving into the topic of The Theology of the Body, and when we dive into that topic, we must (absolutely MUST) discuss the topic of pornography.  So I’ve been thinking about how I’m going to breach the subject, and how I’m going to deal with the responses.  I’ve presented to middle and high school kids plenty of times on the topic, but never in the classroom setting… always in retreat and/or talk situations.  This is going to be much different.

This got me thinking… if parents don’t fail with pornography use themselves, and also don’t know whether or not their children do, does the topic ever cross their mind?  Is pornography an “out of sight, out of mind” problem?  I know it crosses mine because I’m aware of the realities in my own life (past use), as well as the realities of the industry and the prevalence.  Here are some distinct groups when it comes to porn awareness.

1. Users: obviously, they’re highly aware of porn and are abusing it frequently.  It’s on their mind, if not constantly, very regularly.
2. Those fighting: highly aware and trying to create awareness in others.
3. Those in recovery: depending on the length of recovery, it may not be a frequent awareness, but they’re aware.
4. Those oblivious: have no knowledge of the topic, aren’t aware at all.
5. Those in denial: refusal to believe that porn is actually a problem.

What group do you fall in?  Are you a man using porn?  Does it rule your life?  What are you doing about it if this is you?  Or, are you in recovery?  Perhaps you’re oblivious and don’t know much about porn.  (You’ve come to a good site to learn more about the truths of pornography!  Just do a search in the white box.)  Are you a parent who is in denial of how bad pornography is and how likely your child is using it?  Wherever you might be, please continue to educate yourself on the matter and realize that, even if porn is “out of sight”, it can’t be “out of mind.”

I hope to be creating some good new resources for parents on the topic of fighting pornography, and I want to get them out to you very soon.  In the meantime, please look through my site for help.  Email info@truemanhood.com for specific questions.

TrueMan up!

Why I Hunt

The fall 2015 hunting season is just around the corner.  I’ve been putting in some time preparing for the season, and thought that the topic lent itself to the discussion of manliness, so I’m writing about why I hunt.  No, to be clear here, hunting doesn’t make a male a man.  No, you don’t have to hunt in order to be considered a TrueMan.  There are no pre-requisites in this article, simply my heart.  Here are some of the reasons why I hunt.

1. For Provision.  I hunt to provide food for my family.  No, it’s not our only source of food, but meat has definitely become the largest consumed food group over the past year.  Previously, our main consumption was probably grains; we’ve cut those dramatically.  Besides the purchase of local beef and pork – wild venison, dove, pheasant, turkey, and hog have become mainstays in our freezers.  My children thoroughly enjoy meat, prepared in various ways – usually grilled – and are growing lean muscles because of it.
2. For Bonding with my children.  My children, from very young ages, have demonstrated a desire to hunt with me.  We’ve spent time reading, watching, learning, and discussing hunting.  In my opinion, this is an absolute win-win situation for me.  I am able to have a hobby, that brings me life, that allows me to provide for my family, while also spending time with my kiddos doing something that we mutually enjoy.  Just a few weeks ago, my 7yr old daughter asked (unsolicited, I might add) if for her birthday this year, I could take her hunting.  Absolutely!  September 23rd I’m hoping to bag a deer with her!
3. For Education of my children.  Being in the wilderness with children offers countless educational opportunities.  It’s a great time to talk one-on-one, with no distractions.  It’s a great science lesson.  It’s a great opportunity to ask them to talk about God, His creation, and His love for us.  It’s perfect timing to talk about ethics (in hunting, and life in general), laws/regulations, and weapon safety.
4. To Rejuvenate.  Some might call this ‘to recreate’.  Either way, any time I have the opportunity to go out into the woods and the fields, it brings a sense of rejuvenation to me that being in town (even our small farm town) cannot provide.  Typically, the cell signal is low or out, you’re on your own and have to be self-reliant, and for me, those factors make me come alive!  A weapon in my hand, just waiting for the opportunity.
5. To Remain Mentally Sharp.  If you’ve never hunted, this one might seem obscure, but there’s something profound about waiting absolutely still, and quiet, in full camouflage, for that perfect opportunity to harvest a wild animal.  Your mental aptitude is tested, and between scouting out your location properly, to understanding the ins-and-outs of the particular game you’re hunting, it can be mentally exhausting. The wrong decision, movement, or noise can ruin your chances.  You should have a game plan, and backups, and that takes preparation.
6. To Hone My Skills of Survival.  Some would call me a conspiracy theorist, others might call me paranoid, still others would say that I’m not prepared enough.  Regardless of what your beliefs are about Muslim invasions, economic downturns, government oversteps, or terroristic attacks, one thing remains true… having the skills to live on your own may come in handy some day.  I need to know that I can harvest and cook food on a fire I created, and protect myself and family.  Being in the wilderness regularly helps me in that preparation.  Having skills with weaponry helps me in that preparation as well.

If you’ve never been in to hunting, but you want to get started, I’d ask these questions first.  1. What weaponry do you own?  (Shotgun, rifle, BB gun, bow, etc.  The weapon often dictates the game you’re able to hunt.)  2. Are you proficient with your weapon(s)?  (If not, practice practice practice.)  3. Where do you live and what are your local regulations?  (You have to know what education, licensure, and tags/permits are required, where you can use them, and when.  Learn this stuff online.)  4. Do you have any close contacts for people who can help teach you?  (Most true hunters would love the opportunity to hunt with someone new.  They can be your ticket into the hunting world!)  5. What source of educational materials do you have access to? (Online videos, YouTube, hunting channels, magazines, books, etc. are great sources to learn from.)

As always, if you have any needs or questions, don’t hesitate to contact us.  Email me at Dave@TrueManhood.com!

TrueMan up!

REPOST – Ditch the Fantasy

I received yet another invitation to play Fantasy Football this year.  That makes, well, several invitations.  Because it was such a big article for me last year, and because I think it needs addressed again, I’m reposting my article “Ditch the Fantasy.”

Brothers, can I be honest with you?  Really?  I mean, can I really lay something out on the table and call you to task?  Bros… it’s time to ditch the fantasy football leagues.  Playing football… awesome.  (Especially local pick-up games at the park.  I played ball as a kid up into college.  It taught me teamwork, hard work, discipline, tenacity, perseverance, and so many other great characteristics.  It even – significantly – helped me pay for undergrad!)  Watching football… fine.  (I thoroughly enjoy it myself.  It’s always been something we do in my family… gathering us together like nothing else can.  Literally like nothing. else. can.  Eating, talking, enjoying one another.  It’s awesome.)  Fantasy football… nah.

I’ve been getting jazzed for this season of late and excited about the Steelers’ run for their 7th championship (stop – don’t send hate mail!)  In watching some stuff about the NFL and listening to some sports talk radio on my long commutes, and following a few threads here and there, I keep getting bombarded with the fantasy talk.  I even went to a game recently (pre-season Vikings vs. Chiefs at Arrowhead – thanks Jeff!) and heard it there.  Over the loud speaker, on the jumbotron, on posters.  It boggles my mind that grown men get so into this garbage.  Don’t you have better things to spend your time on?  Can’t you find something productive to do?  Sure, a lot of us spend time poorly on occasion.  Sometimes it’s leisure, recreation, relaxation, etc.  Sometimes, it’s just blatant idiocy.  I have to be frank about this, even the name evokes the shear viciousness that is fantasy football.

For those who don’t know what fantasy football is, there are countless places to learn about it, but you won’t find that on TrueManhood.com.  Sorry.

If you find yourself ready to attempt to justify fantasy to me, stop yourself, think through it, and ponder this: it is a fantasy.   Fake. Fantasies lend themselves to sinfulness – idle behavior, sloth, selfishness, and deeper fantasy.  We need to live in reality, not in fantasy.  If you look up the definition of fantasy online, it will tell you that it’s “imagination – to the point of being improbable or impossible.”  This is what you spend countless hours on each week?  This is what gets you hot and bothered?  Don’t tell me that you might win a $1,000 if you win your league.  Don’t tell me about bragging rights over your brothers, co-workers, or poker buddies.  Require more out of your life than fantasy.  Our wives and children deserve more than fantasy.  Our world deserves much more than fantasy.

Why do I care?  ‘If I don’t like it, I don’t have to do it.’  Right?  How many of you are thinking that right now?  Guess why I care… because men have too many responsibilities that are going undone because we waste our lives on crap like fantasy football.  To me, this isn’t much different than porn.  Porn is a fantasy land.  Unreality that leads to viciousness.  If you don’t think it effects you and me, you’re wrong.  When men don’t live lives of virtue, they’re living lives of viciousness.  There’s no two-ways about it.  We have tons of males running around like boys, playing games all day long, wasting away the good opportunities to be something, and to do something.  Get it together, bros!

So, what are you going to do instead of fantasy football this year?  I’d suggest anything along the lines of… anything but fantasy.

TrueMan up!

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