In Response – Not the Point
I recently received a comment on one of my posts, “That Blue One’s the Boy One”. The commentor, as you can read below in red, misses the point.
The color examples don’t make any sense. Attributing color to gender is arbitrary. It’s not an instinct. It’s learned. Before the 20th century, most babies were dressed in white because it could withstand hot washes. In the 1920’s in the US, pink was for boys and blue was for girls. Pink was considered a watered down shade of red, think blood and blue was considered dainty because it was the color of the sky and water. The French dressed girls in pink and the Germans dressed boys in pink. It’s meaningless. Think dresses are for girls? Not in this country. Most boys wore dresses in the late 1800’s because fabric was scarce and they grew out of pants too quickly. As for your “men and women are different” arguments, the scientific research has shown that there are more within-group differences than between-group differences for men and women aside from a few physiological differences. The reason that there is a difference is because society has created different rules for different genders. From looking around your website, I guarantee what I am writing won’t make a difference and you probably won’t give it a second thought, but it goes against everything that we know about our society. This site seems to be a giant amalgamation of stereotypical and baseless opinions. It is well-designed though and the layout is phenomenal. I hope that some healthier examples of masculinity, fatherhood and mentoring make their way to your site in the future.
Allow me to respond to Jerrod. First off, thanks for the comment. Secondly, you’re missing the point in the first half of your comment. It wasn’t about the color, which I clearly stated in my original post. You bring up some other points that need clarification.
- The “men and women argument” isn’t my argument. I’m merely stating what others (namely, John Paul the Great; one of the greatest philosophers and peacemakers in human history) have already worked out extensively. To say that there are “more within-group differences than between-group differences” is quite simply, false. Your scientific research is flawed. If you’d like to email me personally, I’m happy to take a look at what you are using as your source(s).
- What you wrote is very important to me. What you wrote is, in part, why I have this website. I’m interested in bringing to light the truths of manhood so that our society can return to a properly functioning society. As of now, in our post-modern society, we do not function properly as a whole. This is mainly because males fail to live up to TrueManhood. I’m working to change that. You say that my website “goes against everything we know about our society.” You’re correct, I’m working to fight the culture we live in. Sin rules our world, and in order for society to thrive, we must fight our tendency toward sin. To say “what we know about our society” implies that what our society does/thinks is correct. What we think is correct, is not. Our society needs conversion of heart to the source of life – Jesus Christ.
- As for the site being a “giant amalgamation of stereotypes and baseless opinions”, I disagree. My articles are based in Catholic truth, the fullness of truth. That’s a giant topic, so I don’t guess we can get into it here. I’m fighting the stereotypes of what is expected of males in our society – just read any of the articles I write about commercials we see. I’m guessing you probably haven’t really read many of my articles, or maybe that you don’t understand them. My apologies. And yes, while my articles are opinion, they are not baseless. My opinions are in line with the Church (many bishops and priests support my website) and are rooted in the understanding of virtue as a way of life. If you’re interested in reading more about virtue, type VIRTUE in the search box and get to reading – there’s lots there. Specifically, you can check out “TrueManhood’s Guide to Virtue”.
- I appreciate the comments about the layout and design. I work hard to keep the sight going. (And, I’m always working on new stuff, and want more comments of what everyone is hoping for!)
- Finally Jerrod, from your last sentence, I’d like to know what you think is a “healthier example of masculinity, fatherhood and mentoring…” Thanks.
Man up!
A Dirty Conundrum
One of the mysteries of the Catholic faith is why Mass attendance on Ash Wednesday is so high. It truly baffles me. When attending Mass on Ash Wednesday, you see droves and droves of people coming to receive dirt on their foreheads. The dirt (actually ashes, created by burning last year’s palm leaves) signifies our mortality, and is a reminder of our sinfulness. Do people turn out in record number because they like dirt? Do they think it’s a holy day of obligation (opportunity)? Do they enjoy receiving something? Is there another reason? The baffling part about it is that they could faithfully receive the Eucharist each and every Sunday (an actual holy day), or everyday if they so desired… how much better is the Eucharist than Ash Wednesday ashes?!
Another element about the fair-weather crowds on Ash Wednesday is the assumption (or maybe ‘sense of entitlement’ is the better phrasing here) that they can receive the Eucharist. The Eucharist isn’t simply a snack, or a party favor. The Eucharist is Jesus Christ’s body, blood, soul and divinity! The Eucharist is reserved for Catholics, in the state of grace, who fully proclaim and live the truths of the Catholic faith.
Why do I bring this up? Partly to vent, because it’s frustrating to me. But, more importantly, because we need to realize the importance of catechesis and of witnessing to non-Catholics and others we come in contact with. We have to be reminded of what’s happening to our Church, and as men, step up and lead others to a deeper understanding of Christ and His Church.
Man up!
Ask an Expert – Relationship with God, No Church?
My latest Ask an Expert response on iibloom.com:
QUESTION: Can I have a relationship with God without going to Church?
ANSWER: I know this question is on the hearts and minds of lots of folks, so thanks for stepping out and asking it. The short answer is, yes, you can have a relationship with God without going to Church. After all, He created you! However, that relationship is going to be a bad one. Think about it this way… imagine that you’re married and that you and your spouse have completely opposite schedules. You never talk, you never see each other. You never go on dates, you don’t snuggle at night and you never eat a meal together. What kind of marriage are you going to have? Not a good one. I DON’T think this is what you’re getting at.
Imagine now that you never become intimate with your spouse, that you never share or participate in their sacrifice for you. Imagine that you have barriers between you and your spouse that eliminate the ability to fully understand each other. What kind of marriage is this? An even worse marriage than the other. This, I think, IS what you’re getting at!
“Can I have a relationship with God without going to church?” Being in relationship with God is about much more than simply going to church. Being in relationship with God is about being involved in His life. God the Father sent His only Son, Jesus, to take on human flesh. Once Jesus became man, He gave fully of Himself in a sacrificial way. This sacrifice is what we celebrate at Mass, and is the “source and summit” of our faith. This sacrifice is The Most Holy Sacrament of the Altar, the Eucharist! When we receive Jesus in the Eucharist, we are more intimately connected with Him than at any other time in our lives. There is no other single way to be more closely related to Him than this! He dwells in us, physically, after we receive Him. What a great honor and privilege!!!
Previously, I stated that you could have a relationship with God without going to Church. I don’t actually believe that. In order to be in relationship, which means to be connected to someone else, you have to participate in their life. Jesus gave His all for His bride, the Church. His life was service to His spouse. If we’re going to be in relationship with Him, we have to participate in the life of the Church, the bride of Christ.
[If you read in the Gospel of John, Chapter 6, Christ institutes the Eucharist. These passages are vital for a Catholic understanding of what Christ did on the cross for us.]
Encouraging Men to Get Involved
Here’s my latest article on iibloom.com, posted yesterday.
For some people, it’s a struggle to figure out why men aren’t involved at church and church-related events. When we take a look at a typical parish in the United States, we see a Church that is struggling to entice, encourage and strengthen men as leaders. Why is this? Is it the content, is it the timing, is it the other people in attendance? Is it something internal? Do they feel emasculated by it? Is it a lack of catechesis? Is there a power struggle? Or maybe even something else?
(Please note, this article is a generalization; please keep this in mind. Many men are fully engaged in the life of the Church and many parishes have a thriving men’s population. The point of this article is to find ways to help encourage men who aren’t involved to become involved.)
Men won’t get involved in “stuff” if they don’t see a value in it. Also, they aren’t likely to attend a new event, group or club unless they
know someone else who is attending, and know them well. Another reason men won’t get involved is if they see the stuff as weak, lame or feminine. Unfortunately, many men see Mass, Church events, groups and retreats through this lens. On my website, I have mentioned that the Church is “by women, for women,” and this is a big reason why men aren’t involved. I say this because the vast majority of parishes in the US have a very lopsided attendance and volunteer demographic. The reason for this is because men fail to step up and into leadership and volunteer roles.
Men shouldn’t be forced into praying like women pray, it doesn’t work for us. Men need to pray the way men were created to pray. Men shouldn’t be forced into activities that are similar to women’s activities, it does’t work for us. Men should participate in activities that they were created for. There’s a difference, and that difference is important.
The difference is, as the late Pope John Paul II often talked about, is that men and women were created equal in dignity, but different in role. In order for men to fulfill their role, their lives must be oriented correctly towards what they were created for. A great place to see what it is that men were created for is to read through the creation narrative in The Book of Genesis.
So how do you encourage men to participate? It’s tough to know, exactly. I think that a great way is to get to the heart of a man…that which God put deep inside each man. It’s different from anything else in the world, and hard to explain. See, men want to be rugged and tough. They want to shoot stuff, and fix stuff, and build stuff. They want to protect and defend, they want to love and be loved. They want to feel a purpose and be accomplished. Unfortunately, so many men don’t know how to do any of that stuff.
If we want men to participate, we have to encourage them, build them up and GIVE THEM A PERSONAL INVITATION. Personal invitations, from men they trust and respect, might just be the thing to get a man involved in the Life of the Church. The personal invitation should be in person, not over phone, texting or email. And once the invitation is extended, the event better not stink! Or be lame! And, it better not be associated with ‘sissiness’! If it does, he’ll never come back.
I encourage all the faithful, if they know a man who needs to be involved, to be like St Monica. St Monica, the mother of St Augustine, prayed unceasingly for her son. Augustine was a wandering-soul. He lived a life of incredible sin and his mother still prayed. He became one of the greatest saints and writers of the Church. That man who you know might just be the next St Augustine.
Click HERE for the article on iibloom’s site.
Air Force Officers
I’d like to congratulate all of the young men that I know who were commissioned as Officers last night and who graduated today from the Air Force Academy. Many of you have been incredibly inspirational in my life over the past four years. I’ve learned many things from you… and for that I’m grateful. Here are a couple of the reasons why I honor you, your service to our country and your manliness.
- You are men of faith. Your faith is what governs your lives and it is the compass by which you make your decisions. That is incredibly admirable and inspirational to many around you. Keep it up.
- You are hard working. A man is, by nature, a worker. You have embraced the tasks in your lives and completed them with excitement, fervor and excellence. Never lose your work ethic.
- You have ordered your lives towards service to God and Country. You do the unthinkable, and give of yourselves (some of you will give the ultimate sacrifice of your lives) for others who you do not know, will never meet and who might hate you. You are heroes to me.
- You have embraced God’s expectations of you to “shamar” your garden. Unlike Adam, the first man, you have made the conscious decision to actively and aggressively protect and defend yourselves, your families & friends and the Church. May God bless you for your humble service.
It’s easy to honor men who are deserving of honor. I am proud to know you. I am proud to call you my friends. May God be with you on your newest chapter in life.
Man up!
The People Only Make Up The Church…
The people only make up the Church, they don’t make it. Truth makes the Church. I have two examples in two days of people missing the boat on what “the Church” is all about. First example: I just watched a video of a pastor who spoke complete blasphemy about what the Church does. He said something like “the church is one of the biggest hindrances to conversion.” Obviously, this pastor is from a church that is wishy-washy and not centered in truth. (It appeared, from the video to be an amphi-theatre style mega-church where laser lights and smoke machines play the role of sacramentals.) His church, most likely, is centered on “whatever feels good” and “whatever it takes to “save” someone”. It’s sad, really. He’s missing the boat.
He told this story about a pastor who was fear-mongoring people into not having sex. The young lady that he took with him (a young, single mother in an extra-marital affair) wasn’t ready to hear that message, so this pastor was essentially blaming the Church for this poorly-delivered message, that most likely was “off” when it comes to sound doctrine. He’s aligning everything that one or more individuals may do with the Church as a whole and totally missing the point. See, Christ set up the Church to spread the Love of the Father, the Truth. He set it up to bring people to the Father, not to push them away from it. We grow closer to God through the Church.
Second example: yesterday, I was talking with a woman who said to me “I was raised Catholic, but I don’t go anymore. Is that bad?, it’s bad, isn’t it? I don’t like going because of all the hypocrisy… I’d see people there on Sunday and then they’d be talking bad about people the rest of the week.” This lady went on and on about it being “bad” that she doesn’t go any more. Then, she said to me “I used to like Fr. S0-and-So because his sermons were good. Once he left, I haven’t been back. Is that bad?” I said to her, the people only make up the Church, they don’t make it. If the people inside the Church are bad, it doesn’t mean that the Church is bad. You should go, give it a try again. It was very obvious to me that this lady doesn’t know what the Eucharist is.
It’s frustrating when people make condemning judgments (especially when they are made out of ignorance) like this that really affect the lives of others. In the first case, the pastor is going to have to answer for his blasphemy and how he led many people astray. The lady is going to have to answer for leading her kids astray, as well as herself. If you are reading this and understand what I’m saying, you realize that it’s a big responsibility to be a servant of the Lord. What are you saying or doing that may lead others closer to Christ? What are you saying or doing that make lead others away from Christ?
Man up!
