The Door Man; Above and Beyond

Here’s a feel-good story for you, and something to push you on.  It’s been around on the internet for a few years, but I just saw it recently and thought it was good fodder for discussion.  Watch this video about “The Door Man” and then read some of my reflections below.

Let’s take a look at the details in this video and see how they apply to TrueManhood.  First off… Josh lost his father as a child; a tragic death that impacted him immensely.  Every child needs their father.  Everyone experiences loss and hurt, at varying levels, and quite often never share it, talk about it, or heal from it.  These sorts of experiences are horribly detrimental to us and our psyche, not to mention our day to day interactions, thoughts, and choices.  We begin to believe lies about certain aspects of our lives, our circumstances, and ourselves.

The video also talked about bullies, and how Josh fought back.  Let’s just put this out there… whether you’re a child or a grown male, bullying at any stage is absolutely and positively not authentically masculine.  A TrueMan never exploits someone else to attempt to make himself feel better.  If you or someone you know is being bullied, or if you ever see someone being bullied, you are bound by the duty of your God-given masculinity to step in.

From all of this – the pain, the bullying, the emptiness, – came a loneliness, depression, and lack of self-worth for Josh.  Unfortunately, this is all too common in our culture.  Josh said: “I was sick and tired of being a “no one” and I wanted to be someone.”  Again, an all too common belief.  Even at a young age boys believe that they should be living “cultural manliness” so that they’re a “someone.”  No matter what’s going on around you, happening to you, or what you’re experiencing, your worth comes from God and that’s enough.  We must realize that our worth isn’t found in how others treat us, how we look, public prestige or applause, but only from God.  He created us and sustains our life because He loves us, and that love is the source of our worth.

They said in the video that it took a while for people to adjust to doors being held open, and although I wish this wasn’t the case, it’s amazing how so small a gesture is forgotten and now “odd” to so many.  The culture of the gentleman is lost, and needs to be reclaimed.  I remember once when I was about 18, I was in New York City, and I happened to see a woman pushing a stroller with a baby in it, with several bulging bags hanging from her hands.  She was attempting to move her giant stroller and bags through a door and no one was helping her.  I ran over to show a simple common courtesy and she was absolutely floored.  Fifteen years later I still remember that encounter because of how baffling it really is.  In the video, as Josh opened doors, it said that people started to open up to Josh – it doesn’t take much.  People want to be noticed, and wish that they had someone to listen to them.  They want someone to engage with them, and they’re waiting for an opening so that they themselves can open up.  It’s really not that difficult to make someone feel comfortable and welcome.

“Opening doors gives people hope that people care.”  said Josh.  “He set a good example for other students, and he changed things in the school.”  Something SO SIMPLE as holding a door can make a real impact in someone else’s life.  What are you doing EVERY DAY to make a difference in someone else’s life?

“I never expected to get an award.  I was just happy enough to make it through.”  Josh overcame a fear and gave himself to others, they relate to him that way, and he makes a difference.  Good on you, Josh.  I hope that you’ve continued to grow in courage, and that you haven’t stopped helping others.

TrueMan up!

Cultural Manliness – a Review

Back in 2011, I wrote this post to review “cultural manliness”.  I’m posting again because it’s important that people hear this term, understand this concept, and work to fight it.  I was recently at a large Catholic conference, and no matter who I talked to, they all agreed that cultural manliness is in fact rampant, and is in fact, a highly worth-while cause to fight.  I appreciate the support and ask that everyone work with me to explain this concept so that our men, young men, and our boys learn what it means to be authentically masculine, a TrueMan.

Cultural manliness, for those unfamiliar with the term (which I coined several years ago) is the idea that “the more power, money, sex and stuff a male has, the more manly he is.”  This idea is propagated in our culture virtually non-stop, whether on the television, on the internet, in movies, throughout magazines and newspapers, on billboards, in songs, in advertising and just about anywhere those areas don’t cover.  The idea is propagated for a few reasons: 1. men buy into this lie.  2. women buy into this lie.  3. children buy into this lie.  4. people make money off of this lie.  5. the devil wins souls through this lie.

Cultural manliness – being in pursuit of the things of this world – will kill a man.  Power, money, sex and stuff doesn’t win our salvation, but it certainly can keep us from it.  Cultural manliness easily gets in the way of a relationship with Christ.  Why does this matter?  Because Christ is the true example of manliness!  He is THE TrueMan.  He is the reason this site exists.  He is the reason why the site is called what it is called.  “Blessed be Jesus Christ, True God and TrueMan.”  Anything other than pursuing Christ is futile and unmanly.

The world wants to tell a man that he will be ‘happy’ if he has more power, more sex, more money and more stuff.  These things, in and of themselves are not bad, but they don’t bring happiness.  They may bring emotional counterfeits that men believe to be happiness, but they aren’t happiness.

What then makes a man, if it’s not power, money, sex and stuff?  Virtue!  Prudence, Justice, Fortitude and Temperance – Faith, Hope and Love.  Learn them, live them, be a TrueMan!  (Read the “TrueManhood Guide to Virtue” here.)

If you’d like to read more on the topic, do a search (in the white box on the upper right portion of each page of this site) for “cultural manliness”.  You’ll have plenty of reading material.  Or, go to the blog page and click the “cultural manliness” tab.  I’d like to know your thoughts on this topic – leave a comment.

TrueMan up!

What We Do

From the beginning of TrueManhood Men’s Ministry in 2008, the purpose has been the same… to 1. Fight Pornography, 2. Fight “Cultural Manliness” (the idea the world sells about what “being manly” is all about), and 3. Teach Virtue.  Virtue is the key to the Christian life, and when we strive to grow in virtue, we “become like God”, as we read in the Catechism paragraph 1803.  Males (and females) are being bombarded with information about what masculinity is, and the vast majority of this info is dead wrong!

At TrueManhood, our goal is to help men stuck in addictions to pornography and masturbation out of those addictions, while challenging their ideas, concepts, and actions related to authentic masculinity, while giving men a real, tangible, and applicable approach to implementing virtue in their lives.

Founder Dave DiNuzzo Sr. lives out the mission of this ministry by speaking to thousands of youth, college students, young adults, and adults each year, while also writing, and appearing on radio stations, as well as by executing dynamic retreats.  All of Dave’s talks are flexible, as are the retreats.  Generally, retreats are outdoor based and speak to the wildness of a man’s heart.  Please visit the “Dynamic Retreats” page for more info.

Come on this journey with us!  We want you.  We need you.  We want to help.  TrueMan up!

3 Most Damaging Words? – Nope

Have you seen the PSA style video “The Mask You Live In”?  It talks about boys in our culture, and stereotypes of how boys handle the stresses of growing up male, in addition to the struggles of living up to the standards the culture and peers place on them.  There are truths in the video, but I disagree with their take on “the 3 most destructive words you could say to a boy.”  Here’s the video:

The suggestion is made that telling a boy to “Be a Man” is detrimental to him.  If we’re speaking from the context of cultural manliness, then sure, I could see that.  If, however, we’re speaking from the context of authentic masculinity (ie: TrueManhood), then this is absolutely what we should be telling our boys!  We should be encouraging them, teaching them, forming them, and exemplifying for them what it means to be a man so they are able to set a goal and become what they were created to be.  A TrueMan!

We must, unequivocally, call, lead, and guide our boys into true manhood.  We must expect it, and set our boys up to meet the expectation.  If we do not, they will land somewhere on either extreme.  On the one hand, we have a “hyper-masculinity” (other negative words have been associated with this, such as “macho man or machismo”, “bravado”, “meathead”, “jock”, etc.) and on the other, we have an effeminate version of masculinity (which doesn’t even make sense), which is incredibly disordered.  In fact, both versions are a false, counterfeit version, and are incredibly disordered.

Some of the buzz words used, and my thoughts:

• “Don’t cry.”  Men, you can cry.  God wouldn’t have given us emotion and tear ducts if He didn’t want us doing it.  And oh yeah, Jesus wept.
• “Pick yourself up.”  Yes, we’re going to fall.  Pick yourself up and get back on track.
• “Respect.”  Respect is earned.  Give it, and you will likely gain it in return.
• “Proving masculinity.”  Yes, this has to happen.  This is how we grow in virtue, by proving our masculinity.  This is very different from the view the video takes, which is speaking about becoming violent or using violence to be the proof.
• “Closeness.”  This is very hard for males in our society!  It is vital, essential, critical that fathers have a closeness with their sons!  Hugs, kisses, embracing, physical closeness, as well as emotional closeness and a spiritual closeness are all so important between fathers and sons.  (Thanks Dad, for always being close when I was a kid, and now.)
• “Vulnerability.”  Our culture tells men that being vulnerable is feminine.  Vulnerability actually requires strength.
• “Hyper-masculine.”  When masculinity is distorted, it will appear to be either side of the extremes, but never what it should be.

What I don’t like about the video is that it generalizes all of the negative aspects of masculinity overall, as if there is or needs to be some redefined version of masculinity out there.  No, there are two versions of masculinity: 1. The truth. 2. The lie.  That’s why TrueManhood.com exists, to perpetuate the truth, and to help get rid of the lie.  The truth is that a man (a human being with an XY chromosomal makeup) has the God-given ability, and the responsibility, to live up to what he was created for – to live virtuously.  The lie is cultural manliness; the more power, money, sex, and stuff a male has, the more manly he is.  Let’s work together, not at the loss of the truth, but together so that the truth can be proclaimed!

TrueMan up!

Cultural Manliness Vlog – Get Your Gear On

Happy Lent 2014.  Ok, well maybe it’s not happy… it’s not supposed to be.  Either way, I’m pumped about Lent this year!  I’m ready to dive into my Lenten devotions so that I can work on growing in virtue, specifically through personal discipline and self-control.

Here’s a vlog on Cultural Manliness, encouraging men to be counter-cultural and to “get your gear on, and pack up.”

TrueMan up!

“The Club” = Cancelled

With great excitement, I write to tell that NBC’s “The Playboy Club” has been cancelled!  After only three episodes, NBC chose to quietly cancel the show.  It goes to show that those of us with concern for conservative values can still cause good things to happen in this country.  The show was cancelled due to low ratings and lack of sponsorship; sponsors were dropping left and right after receiving lots of feedback from concerned Americans.  They did the right thing and pulled their ads.  Thanks to organizations like The War on Illegal Pornography, headed up by Morality in Media, this is a victory.

I continue to receive lots of criticism for writing about this show and asking for support in helping shut it down.  People have been complaining left and right about it and quite frankly, I couldn’t disagree more with their comments.  This show was garbage and propagated the exploitation of women.  It glamorized clubbing and pornography, casual sex and money.  This show highlighted the “cultural manliness” lifestyle.  Those in support of this show and others like it need to take a long hard look at the garbage they are ingesting.  You are welcome to write more comments to me in favor of this show, where you try to tell me how ridiculous I’m being and so on.  They won’t be approved, so I recommend you don’t waste your time.

You cannot disregard moral issues by simply saying “If you don’t like it, don’t watch it.”  That doesn’t cut it.  That doesn’t answer the problem.  That’s moral relativism to the nines.  We get that kind of feedback when we protest sexually oriented businesses.  In fact, I got it the other day from a lady driving by in a minivan, with children in her backseat.  She said to me from the turning lane, “Are you guys serious?  Haven’t you guys heard of the saying ‘If you don’t like it, don’t watch it?'”

I responded, “Ma’am, do you have kinds in your van?”  She said yes.  I said, “Protect them from pornography, please!”  She asked again, “Why don’t you just not watch it?”  I said, “That’s not enough.  Pornography is an insidious problem, this is real and this is important.  Are you against drugs?”  I asked her.  She responded, “Of course.”  I said, “Then I couldn’t possibly say to you to tell your children, ‘Then just don’t use drugs’.”  They are more problematic than that.  There is no place for them in our society.  (Same with porn and crap like “The Playboy Club”.)  Anyway, she drove off and I yelled out, “Please protect your children from porn!”

And then I prayed for her.

TrueMan up!

Fire House Evangelization

Very recently, I became a member of the local volunteer fire company in our new hometown here in Pennsylvania.  I attended my first training session last night and was fairly impressed with the skills, knowledge and welcoming nature of the men who were there and am happy to finally be living out a childhood dream to be a firefighter.  (My Grandfather Anthony was a volunteer firefighter and ever since I learned that about him, I wanted to do it too.)  But, my work is cut out for me at the fire house.

You see, at the fire house, the apparent need to be macho is very prevalent.  ‘Cultural Manliness’ in full swing.  It’s been a while since I’ve been around this sort of behavior in this sort of context, but it certainly isn’t new to me.  I played sports my entire childhood life, even up into college (FB and Rugby at BC) and it was very prevalent there, too.  The idea that the more smack I talk, or the better zinger I can dish out, or the more raunchy the joke or the more foul the language, then the more manly I am.  Obviously, if you’ve ever read this blog before, you know where I stand on this issue.  These behaviors and characteristics don’t make you more manly, in fact, they diminish a man’s ability to live TrueManhood.

So, as I look forward to getting fire calls, attending training and potentially saving property and lives, I look forward also to the sort of impact I can make in the lives of my fellow brother firefighters.  I plan to make in-roads with men individually and once a relationship is forged and I gain trust and moral authority with them, I will begin to challenge them to not act like the rest of the guys.  We are a small fire company, but have great potential due to our leadership and equipment.  This will be the true test of my ability to live the faith and set a good example.  Most of the men who were present last night did not come off at first glance as being believers, but as with every man, their core is good.  A little refinement (I continue to need LOTS of refinement) will do them some good and they in turn will do even more good than that!

I turn this around on you… where in your life are you surrounded by cultural manliness?  Are there men around you that act like this?  Maybe you’re a firefighter, athlete, military serviceman, salesman, waiter, CEO, construction worker, missionary, or some other profession… where can you make an impact and live as a TrueMan instead of a cultural man?

TrueMan up!

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