The TrueManhood Podcast – Episode 1! “What TrueManhood is All About”

The FIRST episode from The TrueManhood Podcast by Dave DiNuzzo Sr!

In this episode, Dave dives in to what TrueManhood is… from the definition of the words, to the ins-and-outs of the ministry that has been serving the Church for over a decade. TrueManhood is emulating Jesus Christ (True God and TrueMan).

The files will be downloadable from iTunes very soon.  Watch social media for updates.  Please like and subscribe, and share with the men in your life!

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: RSS

Onions: My Barrier to Holiness

Lent is intended to be a season of penance, of self-reflection, of growth, of personal introspection, and ultimately, we should be working to “die to self”.  I’m terrible at it.  Here’s a lame story.  Let’s call it the “onion-idiot story.”  I’m the onion-idiot.

Last Friday was the 1st Friday of Lent 2018, and my beautiful wife, Catherine, (who is a phenomenal chef!) made a meatless cheese and broccoli soup.  (It was even Keto-friendly, which we are currently utilizing as our fueling system.  Perhaps more on eating Keto in the future?)  The soup was VERY tasty.  The ingredients were fresh.  The flavor was amazing.  It probably wasn’t much of a Lenten sacrifice, other than the fact that it didn’t have bacon in it!  There was only one problem: onions.

I HATE ONIONS.

It’s not the taste.  It’s not the texture.  It isn’t even that they make you cry.  It’s the smell.  They stink.  Terribly.  Whenever I smell an onion, it is as if it embeds its stink in my nasal cavity, and won’t evacuate the premises for days on end.  It’s stench digs deep into my skin’s pores, and it won’t leave.  I hate onions.  [I apologize if you like onions… this has nothing to do with you, it’s my issue.]  And I’m assuming you’re seeing where this is going.

Catherine knows this about me, and hasn’t cooked onions (one of her favorite ingredients!) in our home for years – all because she knows, very explicitly, how I feel.  I’m very grateful.  And how do I show her how grateful I am?  I complain.  I make it known just how bad it smells in the house.  I put every sort of smell-good mechanism that we own directly in the ‘on’ position.  I turned on the vanilla-scented burners, sprayed the air freshener, and even opened up windows and doors on a cold February day.  The smell was still in the… well… everything. Yuck.

Saturday rolled around and Catherine wanted to eat leftovers.  She considered – again, because of how much she loves me – taking the soup leftovers over to her parent’s house to warm and eat it there, just so the onion smell wouldn’t be present in our home again.  I still complained.  I still made childish comments.  Then, in my only moment of reasonable interaction surrounding these onions, I got the leftovers out, pulled out the bowl, and warmed up the soup for her.

I had already failed miserably in terms of “dying to self”.  What a stupid thing, too.  Onions.  Onions are my barrier to holiness.  I need to learn to keep my mouth shut, bear difficulties with humility, and realize that onions (read that “my own preferences/wants/desires/me-me-me”) are keeping me from true holiness.  If we were to apply this to anything else, especially something that matters, we’d hopefully see that when we die to self, we love others.  When we love others, we fulfill who we are as men.  The culture is extremely interested in destroying the idea that men can love.  That love, which they reduce to a mere emotion, is feminine.  Love, in actuality, is so much more and is required for authentic masculinity.

There are countless exercises that we can all work on to die to self.  And some might think that because I’ve been in this thing we call the Christian journey for so long that I’d have this down, but I don’t.  Can you believe how ridiculous I am?! 

In order to get better at something, we need to practice it and rely on God’s grace! So, here’s what I’m going to do today to die to myself: first off, I’m going to go home and tell my wife that I love her, give her a big, meaningful hug and kiss, and ask her about her.  Nothing to do with me.  Next, I’m going to find 5 little ways (one per my wife and 4 children) to choose someone else’s preference and never make mention of it.  And, I’m going to try to sustain that every day… slowly working to lose my own preferences (ultimately, the goal is to become selfless in all things, and not selfish, ie: prideful) and offering up in prayer my ‘suffering’ for their sanctification.  If you struggle with dying to self, try it with me.

TrueMan up!

Los Levantadores – A Culture of Fit, Hard-working Men

I recently watched an awesome documentary put out by Rogue Fitness titled “Levantadores – The Basque Strongman.”  It’s only about 30 minutes – I think it’s well worth your time.

My good friend and fellow strongman Jared Zimmerer posted about it and shared many good thoughts (click this link or the photo above for his post), so I’m going to point you to his post instead of simply repeating everything he’s already said.  What I will write about to catch your attention are the following points:

1. I am highly intrigued by the father-son relationships that take place in this culture of the Levantadores.  The fathers pass on the lifestyle of being a strongman, which means much more than simply how much a man can lift.
2. These men are not only strong, they are determined, exude perseverance, and are faithful.  Without knowing these men personally, able to watch them, and judge their daily actions, it’s clear to me that they are tending towards virtue.
3. At the heart of this culture is faith and family.
4. Their culture isn’t self-serving or self-centered… they are united in common bond, for the greater good, and the improvement of one another.
5. Their strength is incredible.
6. Their fitness is functional, meaning that it’s usable and they use it!  This is what I strive for with my workouts through CrossFit.  Functional fitness for a healthy lifestyle.

Here’s the video.  Enjoy!

After you watch the documentary, please send me your thoughts on social media comments or via email. Dave@TrueManhood.com.

TrueMan up!

‘Sexy’ Pressure for Girls at Halloween – an Article Primarily for Dads

The concept of ‘sexy pressure’ for girls at Halloween had never crossed my mind before my wife sent me a NY Times “parent blog” article – here it is – but now it’s resonating with me.  Makes me think about 10 years from now… what’s life going to be like for our little ones?  (Please read the article so that you understand what I’m talking about.  And not, I certainly don’t prescribe to what the author of the article is saying, but simply bringing it up as a point of discussion.)  I’m a father of 3 daughters, and although they are young, I’m aware of the pending pressure that’s coming – but apparently not aware enough.

In the article, you can sense that the pressure on girls comes mostly from other girls.  They didn’t talk about whether or not the guys thought they were ‘too sexy’, but the pressure stemmed almost exclusively from what the other girls perceived.  (I assert, too, that the pressure they feel isn’t so much real as it is only a perception, and the one quote shows that, when she says, essentially, “it’s not discussed but everyone knows it.”)  I’ve always found this to be true; the guys aren’t aware enough, most of the time, or don’t care enough, to make a big deal out of girl’s clothing.  Although there is that aspect when a girl is dressed in a “slutty” manner (per the article) when guys notice and begin to pay attention to her.  This is age-old.

What’s the big deal here?  Isn’t this just adolescent development, trial-and-error, and growing pains?  No, I don’t think so.  It’s a big deal because of the culture around our kids.  They see particular things online, on TV, in movies, in music videos, etc. and whatever is “it” MUST be emulated.  At least in their minds.  Whatever’s hip, cool, newest, biggest, baddest, and those things that push the moral lines, is what is desired.  Again, this is age-old.  The shiny thing that grabs attention is what becomes so sought after.  So, with our young women, and this idea of “dressing sexy for Halloween”, what do we do?  Fathers… where are you?

Here’s what we do.  I’ve written about this before, I speak about this all the time, I teach my kids in class this concept in all we do.  It’s not a new concept… it too is age-old.  We teach our kids that they are intrinsically good and that God loves them, and that we love them.  We instill in them a self-worth that is so strong that it can stand up against any cultural phenomenon, any peer pressure, any moral dilemma and come out victorious.  Without this self-worth, without this knowledge that they have a dignity that is deserving of only the greatest, they will fall into the pressure of the world to find their happiness, self-worth, and coolness factor from other things.  In the end, those other things won’t bring happiness, only emptiness.

Fathers: if you’re not the most loving, caring, compassionate, uplifting source of goodness in your daughter’s life, then why not?!  She needs your attention, your affection, your love, your discipline, your care, your concern.  NEEDS it like she needs water, food, oxygen, and shelter.  An absolute necessity.  If you’ve failed her in this area up to this point, work to fix your mistakes.  You’ve got 10 days before Halloween, it’s not too late.  And let’s be real, Halloween isn’t the issue, but it certainly accentuates the issue.

TrueMan up!

Cultural Manliness – a Review

Back in 2011, I wrote this post to review “cultural manliness”.  I’m posting again because it’s important that people hear this term, understand this concept, and work to fight it.  I was recently at a large Catholic conference, and no matter who I talked to, they all agreed that cultural manliness is in fact rampant, and is in fact, a highly worth-while cause to fight.  I appreciate the support and ask that everyone work with me to explain this concept so that our men, young men, and our boys learn what it means to be authentically masculine, a TrueMan.

Cultural manliness, for those unfamiliar with the term (which I coined several years ago) is the idea that “the more power, money, sex and stuff a male has, the more manly he is.”  This idea is propagated in our culture virtually non-stop, whether on the television, on the internet, in movies, throughout magazines and newspapers, on billboards, in songs, in advertising and just about anywhere those areas don’t cover.  The idea is propagated for a few reasons: 1. men buy into this lie.  2. women buy into this lie.  3. children buy into this lie.  4. people make money off of this lie.  5. the devil wins souls through this lie.

Cultural manliness – being in pursuit of the things of this world – will kill a man.  Power, money, sex and stuff doesn’t win our salvation, but it certainly can keep us from it.  Cultural manliness easily gets in the way of a relationship with Christ.  Why does this matter?  Because Christ is the true example of manliness!  He is THE TrueMan.  He is the reason this site exists.  He is the reason why the site is called what it is called.  “Blessed be Jesus Christ, True God and TrueMan.”  Anything other than pursuing Christ is futile and unmanly.

The world wants to tell a man that he will be ‘happy’ if he has more power, more sex, more money and more stuff.  These things, in and of themselves are not bad, but they don’t bring happiness.  They may bring emotional counterfeits that men believe to be happiness, but they aren’t happiness.

What then makes a man, if it’s not power, money, sex and stuff?  Virtue!  Prudence, Justice, Fortitude and Temperance – Faith, Hope and Love.  Learn them, live them, be a TrueMan!  (Read the “TrueManhood Guide to Virtue” here.)

If you’d like to read more on the topic, do a search (in the white box on the upper right portion of each page of this site) for “cultural manliness”.  You’ll have plenty of reading material.  Or, go to the blog page and click the “cultural manliness” tab.  I’d like to know your thoughts on this topic – leave a comment.

TrueMan up!

3 Most Damaging Words? – Nope

Have you seen the PSA style video “The Mask You Live In”?  It talks about boys in our culture, and stereotypes of how boys handle the stresses of growing up male, in addition to the struggles of living up to the standards the culture and peers place on them.  There are truths in the video, but I disagree with their take on “the 3 most destructive words you could say to a boy.”  Here’s the video:

The suggestion is made that telling a boy to “Be a Man” is detrimental to him.  If we’re speaking from the context of cultural manliness, then sure, I could see that.  If, however, we’re speaking from the context of authentic masculinity (ie: TrueManhood), then this is absolutely what we should be telling our boys!  We should be encouraging them, teaching them, forming them, and exemplifying for them what it means to be a man so they are able to set a goal and become what they were created to be.  A TrueMan!

We must, unequivocally, call, lead, and guide our boys into true manhood.  We must expect it, and set our boys up to meet the expectation.  If we do not, they will land somewhere on either extreme.  On the one hand, we have a “hyper-masculinity” (other negative words have been associated with this, such as “macho man or machismo”, “bravado”, “meathead”, “jock”, etc.) and on the other, we have an effeminate version of masculinity (which doesn’t even make sense), which is incredibly disordered.  In fact, both versions are a false, counterfeit version, and are incredibly disordered.

Some of the buzz words used, and my thoughts:

• “Don’t cry.”  Men, you can cry.  God wouldn’t have given us emotion and tear ducts if He didn’t want us doing it.  And oh yeah, Jesus wept.
• “Pick yourself up.”  Yes, we’re going to fall.  Pick yourself up and get back on track.
• “Respect.”  Respect is earned.  Give it, and you will likely gain it in return.
• “Proving masculinity.”  Yes, this has to happen.  This is how we grow in virtue, by proving our masculinity.  This is very different from the view the video takes, which is speaking about becoming violent or using violence to be the proof.
• “Closeness.”  This is very hard for males in our society!  It is vital, essential, critical that fathers have a closeness with their sons!  Hugs, kisses, embracing, physical closeness, as well as emotional closeness and a spiritual closeness are all so important between fathers and sons.  (Thanks Dad, for always being close when I was a kid, and now.)
• “Vulnerability.”  Our culture tells men that being vulnerable is feminine.  Vulnerability actually requires strength.
• “Hyper-masculine.”  When masculinity is distorted, it will appear to be either side of the extremes, but never what it should be.

What I don’t like about the video is that it generalizes all of the negative aspects of masculinity overall, as if there is or needs to be some redefined version of masculinity out there.  No, there are two versions of masculinity: 1. The truth. 2. The lie.  That’s why TrueManhood.com exists, to perpetuate the truth, and to help get rid of the lie.  The truth is that a man (a human being with an XY chromosomal makeup) has the God-given ability, and the responsibility, to live up to what he was created for – to live virtuously.  The lie is cultural manliness; the more power, money, sex, and stuff a male has, the more manly he is.  Let’s work together, not at the loss of the truth, but together so that the truth can be proclaimed!

TrueMan up!

Bought with a Price

I am profoundly excited to bring you a great anti-pornography resource, a revised edition of a Pastoral Letter from Bishop Paul Loverde from the Diocese of Arlington, Virginia.  This pastoral letter originally came out eight years ago, but has been reissued because of the severe and overwhelming need.  “Bought with a Price” – Every Man’s Duty to Protect Himself and His Family from a Pornographic Culture.  It includes a new foreword from anti-porn leader, Matt Fradd.

The intended re-release of this letter is March 19, 2014 – the Feast of St. Joseph, patron saint of fathers.  I highly encourage everyone to read this letter and put what you read into action.

“Today’s father must protect himself and his children from the relentless assault of an increasingly pornographic culture; moreover, mothers share this sacred task.  Every home now stands in the pathway of this attack on our children’s innocence and purity.  If we are not vigilant, our sons and daughters will pay a steep and heartrending price.” p.6

Fathers – it is critical that we work to protect ourselves and our families from the evils of pornography.  First, ourselves, and then those around us and under our care. 

In a future post, I will write on the topic of “helping parents protect their children from the internet” – a talk that I give about the harms of the internet and how to practically handle the situation.  One of the most important aspects of this topic is to have conversations with our children.  If you think that your child isn’t or won’t be affected by pornography, you are wrong.  If your children have internet accessible devices and you don’t know that they can (and probably do) access pornography, you are naïve.  How then do you handle this?  You talk about it!  And it’s never too early to talk about it… when done properly, prudently, and age-appropriately.  (Note: the average age of first exposure to pornography in America is now 8 years old and dropping rapidly!)

Do you expect your child to understand mathematics on their own, with no instruction?  What about anatomy, biology, history?  Certainly not.  The old adage, “having the sex talk” is a misnomer, implying that parents should only speak to their children one time about sex.  Simply check a box and it’s handled.  This does not work.  We should instruct our children on a properly ordered understanding of sexuality, and instruct them often.  I start imparting knowledge on the topic very early with my children… even before they can truly understand.  It sets the tone, and creates a solid foundation for them to grow upon.  As each child gets older, the topic broadens, the seriousness increases, and the formation I desire heavily to provide to my children is strengthened. 

Take the time and read this pastoral letter from Bishop Loverde, then act on it!

TrueMan up!

Next Page »