My Jesus Year

Jesus lived for 33 years.  During His time on earth, Jesus saved the world.  Pretty huge shoes to fill – impossible shoes to fill, actually.  I’ve just celebrated my 33^rd birthday.  During this, my “Jesus-year”… hopefully NOT my last year on earth… I will remain focused on true manhood.

During my life, I’ve been incredibly blessed.  I’m married to a great woman, the mother of my four incredible children.  I have, and have had many, a great job.  I’ve been to 49 of the 50 states in our spectacular country.  I’ve successfully completed 18 years of schooling.  I played college sports.  I’ve bought and sold homes and vehicles.  I’ve met countless numbers of awesome people, and have some of the world’s best friends.  I’ve spoken to thousands and thousands of people, been on numerous radio programs, and helped write a book.  Although these and so many others neat things have happened to me, none of it matters if I don’t attempt to fulfill God’s call for my life, the call to live true manhood.  It’s not about these worldly accomplishments; it’s about who I am and how I’ve lived.

Jesus was THE TrueMan.  Simply put, all that Christ did can be reduced to one simple concept… love.  That is the prevailing mark of a TrueMan… that he loves (verb).  In the most authentically masculine way, Christ loved.  That’s because He was, is, and always will be love.  This isn’t some lame modern-day version of teddy bears, glittery hearts, and boxes of chocolates.  This is the real version of love, to do the greatest good.  To give your life for your friends.  This is TrueManhood.

During this year, I pray that I’ll be able to grow as a husband first (my vocation), as a father, as a leader, and as an evangelist.  I also hope to accomplish some long-standing goals for this ministry.  To follow in Christ’s footsteps and make this year the best it can be.  My impact won’t save the world, but I hope that it, in even a small way, is able to positively influence the lives of men.  One of my goals is to expand TrueManhood’s retreat ministry.  I also have the goal of expanding our scope and reach, gaining back ground that was lost between 2011-2013.  The problems we discuss here are numerous, and there aren’t enough positive voices out there in this fight.  We’ll keep doing what we do, hopefully with “bigger and badder” videos, more impactful content, more frequent posts, more guest contributors, and a wide-array of resources to help men along their journey towards TrueManhood.

Regardless of how old we are, brothers, we are called to TrueManhood.  This call is something special, and the world depends on us to live up to the call.  As I go into my Jesus year, I’m praying for many things, but specifically, my prayer would be this: “Jesus, my Lord.  I love you.  Thank you for your example to me for what it means to be a man.  I ask for guidance, strength, discipline, and courage to pursue TrueManhood with my whole soul.  May my efforts be yours, may my will be yours, may my heart be yours.  Amen.”

TrueMan up!

TrueManhood More Realistic with the Help of Good Women

I’m striving for TrueManhood.  TrueManhood is what all men are called to, a life of virtue as an imitation of Jesus Christ, the TrueMan.  It is the most fulfilling life a man can live.  I strive, but I am far from perfect.  I fail to live up to TrueManhood, and have a long road towards virtuous living.  This lifestyle is difficult, but it is realistic, and it is achievable.  To my point, TrueManhood is much more realistic with the help of good women.

This is my Mother’s Day post for 2014.  It has been interesting, for me, as I became a father and my children grow older, the shift that has taken place surrounding Mother’s Day.  The focus of Mother’s Day, for husbands of mothers of small children, is no longer on their own mother (although we are still grateful and appreciative – Happy Mother’s Day Mom!) but rather is derived from the family’s appreciation and admiration, thanksgiving for, and efforts of “Mommy.”  This focus, it seems to me, is led heavily by those things specifically from the father’s point of view.  The small children aren’t necessarily capable of intentionally creating, buying, or delivering thoughtful, sentimental, meaningful gifts or performing acts of gratitude, so the responsibility lands on that of the father.

I am notorious for getting the wrong gift, things my wife never asked for, indicated that she wanted, or has any use for.  (Not all of my gifts are horrible, just most of them!)  I lack originality and romance, sentimentality and thoughtfulness.  It is a crippling affliction.  This year, I’m writing this post as an attempt at a textual monument to my wife, the mother of my four beautiful children.  Words cannot begin to explain.  She is a true servant, compassionate, and tender, and incredibly thoughtful.  One of my favorite characteristics of my wife is her intentionality; everything she does has a plan and is thought out and most importantly, purposeful.  In addition to those, she is never self-centered.  She challenges me in so many good ways to raise my level of living, and I am so grateful.

Catherine – you work tirelessly to support me in my endeavors, and are relentless in the rearing of our children.  They are incredible because you make them incredible.  They are lucky little kids, having you as their mother.  I’m the lucky man that gets to call you wife, best friend, and soul mate.  Thank you for all you do for us, we can never live up to your example, but will try our hardest. 

All of these things speak to the beauty of how men and women are complementary, and that complementarity works to build both sides.  For me personally, my wife’s complementarity is the greatest way for me to achieve TrueManhood.  She assists me, as my helpmate, to refine me, challenge me, and inspire me to be the man that I so badly want to be, and the man that she and my children deserve.  Because we are so intimately connected, as one flesh through our matrimony, her life is my life, and I am all the better because of it.

A single day for our mothers is almost a slap in the face, because there are no words, no amounts of gifts or money spent on them, nor thoughtfulness that we can put into anything for our mothers or for the mothers of our children that will even begin to compare to the love, sacrifice, and total self-gift that these women give, day in and day out.  As a small token, for all the mothers out there, please accept this small gesture of thanks.

TrueMan up!

Is a Bad Dad Better Than No Dad?

Recently, I had a discussion with a woman on the topic of fatherhood. During our conversation, she was adamant that a child having a bad father in the picture is better than no father.  I disagree with her, but understand at a basic level why she would believe this.  I also sympathize with her, aware that her situation was extremely difficult to bear.  Now that I’ve given it more thought, I think she may have been combining some thoughts together, associating a bad father with a father who is at least present.

If having a bad father in their life simply means that the child can feel a sense of acceptance and that someone desires them, then maybe I could agree with her.  However, being a child requires, and makes us yearn for, much more.  [Here’s a powerful clip from “The Fresh Prince of Bel Air” – the other videos in the playlist can’t be removed, sorry.]

Things to keep in mind: “bad” here is used not as an extreme word, but merely as a way to describe a man who is not living up to his role as father, even in the basic sense.  Call it judgmental (that would be a misuse of the word) or hateful, but at some point, we have to call a spade a spade.  A bad father isn’t present to his children, does not give them encouragement, nor inspiration, nor assistance, nor guidance, nor education.  A bad father lacks affection, affirmation, recognition, and compassion, and he shows no mercy.  Essentially, a bad father is the opposite of everything that God the Father is and that which a good father should strive for.

I wrote a post not too long ago, with a video, about my nephew (and his siblings.)  In the post, I discussed how his father was in the picture, but how his involvement is detrimental, and how these kinds of situations require other men to step in and be the father figures that children need.  Maybe there’s an element of timing in this discussion… for instance, the time in a child’s life may dictate whether or not a bad father’s presence is beneficial.  I’m sort of just writing my jumbled up thoughts right now because I really don’t know.  Maybe too, it depends on each kid.  Perhaps it is best that a bad father isn’t around in the teen years, but during the adolescent years?  (We should get this discussion going on the TrueManhood.com Facebook page.)

As I’ve written and said many times, our children learn from us, good or bad.  If we fail as fathers, our children will learn that fatherhood and/or masculinity is something other than what it actually is – believing that our failure is normal and acceptable.  I do not believe that we can substitute authentic masculinity when it comes to our children – they need to know it, be surrounded by it, and be taught it so that they are able to thrive in life.  TrueManhood is one of the most basic tenants of humanity, and literally as old as mankind.

So I pose a thought for you to consider… is it better for a child to have a bad father in their life or to have no father present at all?  I’m sure that we can all agree that children with great dads are always best off.  I’m certainly striving to be a great dad for my kids, won’t you strive to give that to your kids, too?

TrueMan up!

A TrueMan Fighting the Pro-Life Fight

There’s no question in my mind that abortion is a man’s issue.  I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again… if males were handling our business, women wouldn’t feel the need for abortion.  If we want the issue of abortion to go away, and for women, men, and children to receive healing, we must step up and fight.

One of my friends, my buddies, my other-brother-from-Our-Blessed-Mother is on the front lines of this battle, and I want to highlight him, his wife, his kids, and the people who are, literally, running along side him.  This man has a new role that he’s gearing up for as President of the Vitae Foundation, and on top of all of that, he is one of our nation’s heroes, an officer in the United States Air Force.

This man’s name is Lt. Col Pat Castle, PhD., and I’m blessed to know him and call him ‘brother’.  Several years ago, Pat and a few of his closest friends started a pro-life running ministry called “LIFE Runners“.  LIFE Runners has gone worldwide and has runners all over the place; running, praying, and raising money to end abortion.  It’s so powerful, they even convinced my non-running-self to run in the inaugural A+Cross America Relay.

Pat is relentless in his pursuits!  He is first and foremost a son of God, and a great husband, and a great father, and with great passion that never stops he is relentless in fighting the evil of abortion.  Vitae has honored him with the new role as President of the foundation, a great honor and a perfect spot for him to land after his long and illustrious Air Force career.  (Read about Pat and his VF role.)  Pat retires at the end of the month.

If you want to be inspired, and encouraged as a man who is willing to fight abortion, I’d get involved with Vitae, join LIFE Runners, and get Pat’s emails.  Everytime I hear from him, see something he posts, or see the aftermath that he leaves behind (GOOD aftermath!), I am undoubtedbly inspired.  Pat’s energy and efforts are effective.  There is no wasting time, no messin’ around… he gets the job done.

For all that you do and especially for the TrueMan that you are, HIGH FIVE to you, Pat!

TrueMan up!

Some of My Favorite Daddy Moments

A lot of what I write about is fairly heavy, and usually very serious.  I think that it’s important in all of the seriousness to take a step back from time to time and keep things in perspective.  When I allow myself to do this, it almost undoubtedly directs my thoughts to what’s really important in my life; my children.

Lately, I’ve been concentrating on being less of a nagging parent, being more positive in my speech to my children, and picking my battles.  Recently, I took my three oldest children to the local lake to go fishing.  It was the heat of the afternoon and we didn’t have the right bait.  We were fishing from the bank, and in an area with little to no habitat where fish like to live, move, and eat.  The odds were against us.  We fished (ie: practiced their casting and reeling skills – they got pretty good!) for over an hour, then the kids took their shoes off, waded into the water, and attempted to skip rocks.  It was a blast.  I enjoyed just being there with them, with no agenda, no plans, no rules, just fun.

Now that the weather is warmer, we’ve been doing a lot of this lately.  Playing outside with bikes and scooters, spending lots of time at local parks, and so on.  What I love about this time with them is that we’re making memories.  My kids will either remember how much I worked or how much time I played with them.  I want the work to be there, obviously it has to be, but I also NEED the play time to be there as well.  We’ve also been spending more time in prayer together, which has been awesome.  I instituted a new rule… whenever we see our friend (a true prayer warrior) over at the church, which we live across from, we’re going in too.  She’s there every. single. day. and so are we now.

As summer break gets ramped up, we have plans for more baseball, swimming, bike riding, camping (I’m most excited about camping!), and even some late spring-season turkey hunting.  I hope to update everyone on those as we go.

So dads… and men who desire to be a dad someday… don’t remove the seriousness of life and don’t abdicate your responsibilities, but make time for the fun things with your kids.  I constantly hear parents of older children (ie: grandparents) talking about “how fast time flies” and “how fast they grow up.”  I don’t want to wake up one day and have missed out.  This is my only chance.

PS: speaking of being a fun dad… check out the comedian @jimgaffigan, he’s hilarious and often talks about his kids.  A father of 5, he knows how to keep it light and fun.

TrueMan up!

REPOST: She Thinks We’re Just Fishin’

I’m reposting this story from about three years ago.  Fishing season is upon us, and my daughters are anxious to get out again soon.  And, if that wasn’t enough, my oldest daughter is growing up so quickly.  She absolutely rocked out a solo tonight at her school choir concert, and it made me think of the times we spent singing the song that I talk about later in the post.  Here goes:

“This morning, I took my daughters fishing.  They have experienced a bit of fishing before, but this was their first time with me.  Just the three of us went; 2yr old Emma, 3yr old Lily and Daddy.  We drove about 7 minutes to the local lake.  I taught them how to put the rods together, then switched the lefty reel to a righty.  We then baited a hook (lure) and I showed them how to cast and reel.  They took turns and ultimately, had a great time.  We didn’t stay long.  They were more interested in their ice cold water and snack that waited for them in my truck and not so much in casting and sitting still in the hot summer sun.  It was all good.

I had prepared them for this “fishing trip” the night before.  They woke up excited and were ready to go fairly early.  They thought we were going to catch huge fish, but I knew better.  I wasn’t using the right lures and the rods were way too big for them.  Again, it was all good.

It wasn’t about catching fish.  [If it was, they’d call it ‘catching’ instead of ‘fishing’.]  It was about my daughters having time with their father, and it was about their father having time with his daughters.  Time, that’s really all.  And memories.  When’s the last time you took time to make memories with your children?  Your godchildren?  Your nephews/nieces?  Your grandkids?  Go make memories.  Oh, and on the way home from fishing… we stopped in at the adoration chapel at our church for a few minutes of silent prayer with Jesus.  Overall, it was a great morning.

Trace Adkins has a great song that became “Lily’s song”, and I sing it to her all the time.  Here’s the video.  Speaks to what I’m talking about here.  Thanks, Trace.”

TrueMan up!

Men Leading Boys, Not Boys Leading Boys

 

Dads, this post is for you.  On the heels of St. Joseph’s Feast Day, I wanted to talk about what I believe is an important topic regarding fathers and their sons.  As you read in the title of this post, I wrote “men leading boys, not boys leading boys.”  This idea has come up a lot for me, especially of late, in regards to things that take place in and around our world.  Three specific areas that I’ll mention are 1. Scouting 2. Catholic Schools and 3. Firearms.

 The concept of boys learning how to be men from men might seem like an unnecessary one to hash out.  Unfortunately, I believe that we have a crisis of masculinity because boys have been learning how to be men from other boys.  This simply doesn’t work.  Keep in mind that the opposite of masculinity is not femininity, but rather, childishness.  Both boys and men are males, but not all males are or become men.  (Some dogs are males too, that doesn’t make them men.)  Some males may never reach manliness – this would be due to their actions, choices, and attitudes.

This opens the doorway to many criticisms of this idea, such as fathers who have abandoned their children, fathers who are divorced and estranged from their families, boys whose fathers may have simply been a “donor”, and sadly for some, boys whose fathers have passed away.  (Most of these scenarios, as you can see, involve a party other than the boy himself, making a choice that negatively impacts the boy and his development.  I would put the ‘fathers who have passed away’ in a different category altogether for my argument.)  Unfortunately, the common response is “we can’t expect fathers to be with their sons because so many boys don’t have fathers who are present.”  This is the wrong response, and probably a major factor of why we are in the predicament of a fatherless culture.  Let’s stop making excuses, and save what good we have, and fix the bad.  If you have a boy (or many boys) in your life – family, friends, neighbors, your children’s classmates, etc. – who don’t have a father in their life, be that man to him as much as you can. Regarding scouting: there has been a big push, especially among Catholics, to leave the Boy Scouts of America organization because of choices and changes they have made, areas of morality they have compromised, and unsafe environments that have gone unregulated, to name a few.  I’ve engaged in the conversation several times with various folks and have come to the conclusion that whatever our boys do, the fathers MUST be involved!  Whether the boy is in scouts, (Check out Dr. Taylor Marshall’s Catholic option) or in sports, how can we expect one man, and sometimes a woman, (ie: the scout leader or the coach) to form every young boy he has under his care?  That’s crazy to think that it will happen.  Even with a few leaders or a few coaches, the journey from boyhood to manliness won’t occur properly without each boy’s father being present.

My second area of concentration on this topic is within our Catholic schools.  Hopefully, if you’re a father of a child in school, you not only know their teachers, administrators, and coaches, but you know their friends and the parents of their friends.  Knowing the teachers and administrators means more than simply knowing their names and faces, but actually knowing their philosophy and certainly their theology.  (I’m guilty of not knowing enough about this with my own children.)  My point is this… if the father is void of this vital time, or simply “lets mom do it”, our kids will suffer.  Fathers must be active in the education and formation of their children.  Again, it seems unnecessary to say it, but it is so true and utterly ridiculous to think that our boys will become men from the other boys they are around at school.  The other boys in school might be watching inappropriate movies, shows, and listening to inappropriate music.  They may also have misguided “world views”, or beliefs that are contrary to Catholicism.  Many of these boys are already addicted to porn, engaged in sexual behavior, using alcohol and drugs, and involved in unlawful acts.  Are these the boys you want your boys being formed by?

 My parenting philosophy here is not to simply lock my children in the basement and keep them in a Catholic bubble, but rather, to properly form them, instilling virtue into their lives, so that when faced with tough life decisions, peer pressure, or sin-in-general, they make the right decision.  Get in there and be the leader your kid needs!

I thought I’d also throw in the third area – firearms – because I continue to hear so much untruth surrounding them.  Yes, I am a gun-guy.  I have a bunch of firearms and I enjoy them thoroughly.  I talk about them with my kids, show them how they function, how to load them, how to clean them, proper stance for various shooting positions, and include various tactics and methods.  I take them hunting with me (they are not of hunting age themselves, but may accompany me) and to the range or country to shoot.  Along the way, their formation is heavily involved because I don’t leave things at surface level, but rather, dive into serious topics and scenarios with them.  We’ve discussed the ethics and morality in relation to hunting, requiring us to be smart, safe, and legal.  We’ve discussed the reality of the danger of firearms when used incorrectly, with the devastating effects that they can have, including the reality of death.  We talk about a lot of things regarding firearms – they are a part of our lives.  Heck, many nights, the food we eat is due to the firearms that I have and have used.  I don’t shy away from having them, using them, or showing them to my kids like my firearms are some sort of evil-doer or monster.  We embrace them as a tool and just like my hammers, screwdrivers, drills, and wrenches, I teach my kids how to utilize them properly.  How else would I expect them to learn?

I guess I’ll end with this: if we want out boys to remain boys, and never reach TrueManhood (a life of virtue modeled after Jesus Christ), then we should let the culture raise them.  If, however, we want our boys to reach TrueManhood (and ideally, as soon as possible), then we should raise them.  This means being heavily involved in every aspect of their life, at all times, without compromise.

 I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again… we’ve all heard the saying “If I don’t do it, nobody will.”  I’ll see your bet and raise you eternity… “If I don’t do it, the devil will.”  Think about it.

 TrueMan up!

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