Tuesdays with Daddy – Selfishness Impedes Service

My daughter has been sick for several days.  Because she is a toddler, it is difficult to really pinpoint what’s happening with her, what hurts and how to make her better.  I’ve been at a loss for exactly what to do, and although we’re trying, she doesn’t seem to be getting better.  At least not as fast I my wife and I would hope.  As I’ve been observing her and contemplating solutions to this problem, I realized something today… selfishness impedes service.  What do I mean?

When you’re in charge of someone else, and their entire well-being stems from your actions, it’s plain to see that they not only rely on you to make good decisions, but to be at their service.  This isn’t to say that I wait hand-and-foot on my children, but it means that my daughters, especially when ill, need me to be selfless in regards to them.  And, I want to be a servant-leader for my family and for the world, which requires me to continually learn how to better serve them.  I look at my life and realize (quite often) how selfish I can be.  I like what I like, the way I like it, when I like it, how I like it.  This gets in the way of my ability to truly serve my family.

Where did my selfish tendencies come from?  Besides my fallen human nature, my tendency toward selfishness stems from my past pornography use.  It made everything I do, even serving my sickly little girl, about me.  Because of this revelation, I realized that the only way to do that is to look to the cross.  I must unite my failures in life to the struggle Christ experienced on the cross so that I am purified of my tendency toward comfort, self-pleasure and ease.  My little girl needs me to be one hundred percent committed to taking care of her and if I don’t watch it, I’ll put myself before her, falling into old patterns and losing sight of the cross.  If this happens, my selfishness has won and drastically impedes my ability to serve.

I urge everyone to take a step back, especially during Holy Week, to evaluate the areas in your life (vicious behavior) that require change.  Figure out how to change those things and continue to work on them until you possess the virtue that overcomes that vice.

Man up!

Tuesdays with Daddy – My Primary Vocation & Responsibility

Sometimes it’s hard to clearly determine priorities.  What’s really number one in my life?  Why is it number one?  What else must occur in order for number one to stay number one?  As a husband and father, my primary vocation is to care for my wife and children, and this is where priorities get sticky for me.  In order to care for them, I need to be with them, but at the same time, I also need to provide shelter, clothing, food and safety – the essentials.  In order to provide the essentials, I have to earn money.  In order to earn money, I have to be away from them, either at my office, on the road speaking or at other locations outside the home.  Since I’m also studying for my master’s degree, my time is taxed heavily.  This isn’t even to mention upkeep of the house and vehicles, house chores and other necessary errands that must be completed.  How do I determine rankings of my responsibilities?

I’ve found that taking myself out of the equation is the best way to make the determinations.  What?  Here’s what I mean… I try to remove my desires, my wants, my preferences and instead, place my wife and children (and all of their needs, wants and desires) first.  When I do this, I find that my emotions are kept in check (even though I might want to be making money, hanging with my guy friends or watching a game).  When my emotions are kept in check, I am able to clearly determine what’s important.  Keep in mind, that making money isn’t bad, and hanging with your guy friends isn’t bad.  They are both goods things.  However, if making money, hanging out with your guy friends or any other activity/project/endeavor takes you away from your priorities, they become distractions and hindrances.

So, when determining priorities, I recommend removing yourself and your emotions from the decision making process.  Once you do that, your mind will be clear and you’ll be able to clearly make the right decisions.  Best of luck.

Man up!

A Month for Fathers

June  is here.  Father’s Day is coming up and I want to take this month to write frequently about fathers, about what a father should be and other topics that pertain to fatherhood.  Today’s topic will cover a sensitive issue of abortion.  Recently, we received the regular newsletter from our local Citizen’s For Life group.  Inside contained some startling information about a father’s role in the abortion process.  Here’s what it says:

FATHERS PLAY KEY ROLE IN ABORTION  – from LifeLine, June 2009

A study published in the International ‘Journal of Mental Health & Addiction’ has found that the relationship between women and their partners and the level of support provided by the fathers are important factors in whether or not the woman aborts their baby.

The study sample was drawn from hospitals in 16 cities around the country, which had high numbers of births to unmarried women.

The final sample was of families already having one child.  The study looked at the reasons women chose childbirth or abortion for their subsequent pregnancy, and examined the decision-making process in the context of her relationship with the father of the child.

No other research on abortion decision-making has taken the family context into account.

This is an especially important issue for our future consideration, since so many abortions are currently performed on women with other living children, implying the presence of the father of the children.

The results of the study indicated that the most important factors in determing the women’s choice to abort a second pregnancy were those associated with the father’s inability – or unwillingness – to provide assistance in rearing the first child.

It found that mothers who were married to the father were significantly more likely to deliver the baby.

The prevailing opinion that women abort because of poverty and financial considerations ran counter in this study.  Mothers, instead, based their decision on whether they would be supported in their role as a mother by a father.

Study results support the idea that it requires both a committed mother and father to assure the choice to deliver and care for a child.

[Excerpts from: LifeNews.com 1-16-09, Author Dr Wanda Franz]