“Tuesdays with Daddy” are BACK!

In the early days of TrueManhood, going back to the earliest version of these posts in November of 2009, I began writing posts entitled “Tuesdays with Daddy”.  At the time, because I worked lots of nights and weekends, I was able to work my schedule so that I could stay home on Tuesdays, which afforded me special time with my children.  Back in 2009, my wife and I had our first two children; our young daughters… only 2 and 1 years old.  At that point, parenting – especially the aspect of being a great father – was foremost on my mind.  I was trying to figure out just how to parent and wanted to give my kids everything they could ever need, especially a spiritual foundation that was strong in our Lord Jesus Christ and His Church.  I wanted to be a super dad.  Now, nearly a decade later, I still want to give them everything, and I work hard to be a super dad, but it looks a bit different.

Experience. Wisdom.  Suspense.  Heartache. Frustration.  Exhaustion.  Trial and error; okay, maybe more error than anything. Lots of words can be used to describe parenting.  However we slice it, life comes at us hard and fast, and kids develop quickly, and as parents, we have to stay on top of our game.  These days, my four children are in such a cool place.  They are incredibly active (involved in great academic endeavors, playing numerous team sports, training in mixed martial arts, studying piano and voice, becoming young chefs, and open to all kinds of activities and experiences!), not to mention that they are all at the ages where we can begin to have deep conversations that are meaningful, formative, and long-lasting.  Their spiritual formation is “on point”, as the cool kids say, and they can reasonably make their way through questions of faith, apologetics, and morals.  They’re pretty young for those types of deep convos, but I embrace it and can’t wait to share more with you!  My wife tends to meet with counseling clients on Tuesday afternoons and evenings, and that means that I find myself back with some special time with them on Tuesdays!  Hence, “Tuesdays with Daddy” are back.  I likely won’t be posting every Tuesday, but when good content pops up, you’ll be the first to read about it.

This first-post-back, I don’t have a radical story from Tuesday.  Rather than take you through the daily grind, I want to share a few experiences that occurred recently and how we worked through them.  First off, my son turned 7 a few days ago, and he received Heely’s from Grandma in the mail.  (Heely’s are shoes with wheels in the soul, like one-wheel roller skate shoes.)  He wanted to take the little wheel-removal-tool and be able to swap the wheels in and out.  I “ixnayed” that quickly because I know that once those wheels come out, either 1. They’ll be lost or 2. They’ll never go back in quite right, rendering the shoe worthless.  But, he’s 7 and likes to push the limits, so… he asked me about three times if he could have the tool.  He then asked my wife where the tool was, “just in case I ever need it”, he said, and then after dinner, I spotted him looking for the tool again.  I called him over, and firmly gave him my clear expectations.  After I laid out numerous reasons why he would forfeit his shoes to me if he took the wheels out, I had him repeat back to me what I just told him.  He heard me, repeated it back verbatim, and I highly doubt that he’ll ever try to take the wheels out.  So, it’s not really about the shoes or the wheels.  It’s not about his age.  It’s not about letting him make mistakes on his own terms  For me, it was about him knowing that I set a clear expectation for him and that there would be a clear consequence should he break the rule.  

Over the decade-plus of my being a dad, I’ve realized that there are plenty of times to take a stand, and plenty of times to let things slide.  The hardest part is knowing the difference.  This brings me to another great parenting point… and I certainly didn’t coin it, but absolutely believe in this principle wholeheartedly… “rules without relationship will end in rebellion.”  If a child only receives rules and punishment when he breaks them, but doesn’t understand the reasoning behind the rules, or the reasoning behind it doesn’t come from a place of love, then they will inevitably rebel.  David Jr. knows from the relationship that we have, that “Daddy is hard on you but you can absolutely live up to the expectation because you are good, you are loved, and you are so stinkin’ awesome!”

Another event that happened on Tuesday was the simple opportunity to cuddle with my 5 year old.  Her name is Maria and she is the “baby of the family.”  She is so incredible, and all she wants is to cuddle into Daddy’s arms and talk, or watch a home improvement show, or just “be”.  To the dads out there who are reading this, are you giving your kids enough physical touch?  They are in serious developmental stages and physical touch is proven to improve their self-confidence, their ability to thrive academically, and their emotional well-being.  Evaluate yourself hard on this and step your game up, especially for that one troublesome child you have, that is hardest to love.  They are the one who needs it the most.

As “Tuesdays with Daddy” pick back up, I hope to bring some practical aspects of parenting to the table, and share our crazy-ish life, hopefully to help others, and perhaps just to make you crack a smile.

TrueMan up!

Out with the “Grey”, In with the “Old”

Undoubtedly, you’ve heard of the self-proclaimed “worldwide phenomenon”, “Fifty Shades of Grey.”  Whether it is in reference to the book series, various off-shoot parodies, re-enactments, productions, products, and so on, or the upcoming film, you’ve heard it.  I wonder, though, how many people actually know what all the hype is about.  If you’re not really up on the details, the facts will likely shock you.

Fifty Shades is, in a brief description, rape porn and BDSM porn.  BDSM, for those who may not know, is an acronym for Bondage, Discipline, Sadism, and Masochism.  This is also known by such names as slave porn, torture porn, domination porn, and so on.  [Any male believing that he is in control of reality, making a good decision, or ‘treating a woman right’ by these sorts of acts is greatly misled.]  Why then, is this series of books and now the upcoming movie (not to mention all of the “adult novelties” for sale based on the books) so popular, especially among women???  It boggles the mind, and clearly shows the broken nature of our world.  Folks are looking for authentic love, yet receiving a drastic counterfeit.

Does this definition sound like a free, total, faithful, fruitful gift of self to another, or something opposite?

I think it’s important to point out that “50” depicts violent porn as glamorous – a lie that most pornographers want the consumer to believe.  It’s ultimately the consumption of the lie of “Cultural Manliness” by women, believing that males like character Christian Grey are what they should be looking for in a man. I assure you, he is not.  “50” wants you to believe that what’s happening in the story (stalking, dominance, rape, and various other forms of dangerous and degrading sad0-masochistic sex) is normal, acceptable, and even beneficial to relationships.  How people believe these lies are beyond me, but obviously they do.

On February 14th, the Feast of St. Valentine, the movie form of “50” will be released in all markets.  I highly encourage all of my readers and supporters to 1. boycott the film and 2. have an open and concerned conversation with others in your life who may go to the film.  Support of this movie is in direct conflict with the Gospel Message.  Exploitation of individuals, especially women, and the degradation of human sexuality is absolutely sinful and should be avoided at all costs.  If you’re looking for an alternative, and want to support mainstream films that uphold human dignity and wholesome entertainment, please consider attending “Old Fashioned – the Movie” instead, also opening in theaters on February 14th.

I was recently invited to privately screen the film, and overall, I enjoyed it.  I made a date night out of the event with my wife, getting some of her favorite movie-foods, and creating a little “home theater” for us.  The film is a depiction of a man who, after turning away from a life of debauchery and exploitation, has chosen to have standards for himself and for any potential mate moving forward, for the goodness of his and her soul.  He is seen by other characters in the film as being “stuffy”, “prudish”, and, well… “old fashioned” (hence, the name of the film.)  I was impressed enough to encourage you to see it especially as an alternative against “50”.  Here’s the trailer:

Additionally, there is a responsibility here, for men to step to the plate and protect humanity.  Personally, should our local community-run theater choose to show this film, which I have already formally requested that they not do, I will likely be forced to take further action.  Let us pray that this does not happen.

For me and mine, we say “Out with the ‘Grey’, and In with the ‘Old’.”

TrueMan up!

If you or someone you know is struggling with an addiction to porn, download my “5 Step Guide to Overcoming an Addiction to Pornography & Masturbation” for free.

My Jesus Year

Jesus lived for 33 years.  During His time on earth, Jesus saved the world.  Pretty huge shoes to fill – impossible shoes to fill, actually.  I’ve just celebrated my 33^rd birthday.  During this, my “Jesus-year”… hopefully NOT my last year on earth… I will remain focused on true manhood.

During my life, I’ve been incredibly blessed.  I’m married to a great woman, the mother of my four incredible children.  I have, and have had many, a great job.  I’ve been to 49 of the 50 states in our spectacular country.  I’ve successfully completed 18 years of schooling.  I played college sports.  I’ve bought and sold homes and vehicles.  I’ve met countless numbers of awesome people, and have some of the world’s best friends.  I’ve spoken to thousands and thousands of people, been on numerous radio programs, and helped write a book.  Although these and so many others neat things have happened to me, none of it matters if I don’t attempt to fulfill God’s call for my life, the call to live true manhood.  It’s not about these worldly accomplishments; it’s about who I am and how I’ve lived.

Jesus was THE TrueMan.  Simply put, all that Christ did can be reduced to one simple concept… love.  That is the prevailing mark of a TrueMan… that he loves (verb).  In the most authentically masculine way, Christ loved.  That’s because He was, is, and always will be love.  This isn’t some lame modern-day version of teddy bears, glittery hearts, and boxes of chocolates.  This is the real version of love, to do the greatest good.  To give your life for your friends.  This is TrueManhood.

During this year, I pray that I’ll be able to grow as a husband first (my vocation), as a father, as a leader, and as an evangelist.  I also hope to accomplish some long-standing goals for this ministry.  To follow in Christ’s footsteps and make this year the best it can be.  My impact won’t save the world, but I hope that it, in even a small way, is able to positively influence the lives of men.  One of my goals is to expand TrueManhood’s retreat ministry.  I also have the goal of expanding our scope and reach, gaining back ground that was lost between 2011-2013.  The problems we discuss here are numerous, and there aren’t enough positive voices out there in this fight.  We’ll keep doing what we do, hopefully with “bigger and badder” videos, more impactful content, more frequent posts, more guest contributors, and a wide-array of resources to help men along their journey towards TrueManhood.

Regardless of how old we are, brothers, we are called to TrueManhood.  This call is something special, and the world depends on us to live up to the call.  As I go into my Jesus year, I’m praying for many things, but specifically, my prayer would be this: “Jesus, my Lord.  I love you.  Thank you for your example to me for what it means to be a man.  I ask for guidance, strength, discipline, and courage to pursue TrueManhood with my whole soul.  May my efforts be yours, may my will be yours, may my heart be yours.  Amen.”

TrueMan up!

Keep Fighting

Men, Whether you’ve been on the battle field for a long time or have just begun the fight, I want to encourage you to continue to fight! The devil is strategic in how he attacks you and a period of freedom (any amount of time) can at times play games with a man’s mind, allowing him a sense of “I’m done with this” – that’s called complacency.  No matter how long you’ve experienced freedom (1 day or 10 years), you can never let your guard down.  The path to holiness is paved by discipline and you must remain disciplined in order to successfully achieve holiness.  Holiness, a complete imitation of Christ, in Heaven is our goal.  If you’re reading TrueManhood for the first time, then you may not know what I’m talking about.  Here at TrueManhood, we directly attack the evils of the culture, one of those being a most grave evil – pornography.

For men who are reading this for the first time (or for someone who knows a man who has an addiction to pornography but hasn’t yet sought help), please visit the links posted below to get started in battling your addiction.  If you’ve already seen all these resources, it may be time to read them again.  Take back your life and strive for TrueManhood – a life of virtue in Christ Jesus.

• For “TrueManhood’s 5 Step Plan to Overcoming an Addiction to Pornography” Click HERE.
• To read other articles about the fight against pornography, type in ‘PORN‘ or ‘PORNOGRAPHY‘ in the search box towards the upper right.
• For Porn Addiction Resources, Click HERE.
• For “TrueManhood’s Guide to Virtue” Click HERE.
• To view videos of my talks against pornography addiction, Click HERE.
• For free anti-porn software, click HERE.
• If at anytime you need assistance with your battle, email me directly at Dave@TrueManhood.com.

TrueMan up!

7 Days of Super Bowl Stuff -SBXLIV- Day 5 “Discipline”

“You need to be that much more disciplined with what you’re doing and execution becomes that much more critical.”  – Drew Brees.

In this clip, Saint Head Coach Sean Payton, Quarterback Drew Brees and Running Back Reggie Bush demonstrate their knowledge of their formidable opponent, the Colts.  We see from their words their understanding of how good the other team is and especially in Brees’ section (:24-:44), he brings up an incredibly important topic of discipline.  Discipline for these men on the football field is essential.  Each player has a role, an assignment, a task.  On each and every play, if each player doesn’t perform their task, the rest of the team suffers.  It takes discipline, on every play, from everyone player, in order for their goal of the play to be successful.  The players may need to remain disciplined when it comes to their foot work, to their hand placement, to their form, to their route, to their fake, to their block, to their gap assignment, to their zone, to their man, etc. and so on.  Prior to each game, they must be disciplined with their workouts, their knowledge of the playbook, training, learning and taking care of their bodies.  Each player plays a pivotal role in the success of each play.

Click HERE for the YouTube link.

The same goes for us, in the spiritual life.  We must become and remain disciplined in regards to our spiritual practices.  We each have a specific role to play on our spiritual team, and when members of the team don’t perform, the rest of the team suffers.  This is why we are referred to as the body of Christ.  “…all the parts of the body, though many, are one body, so also Christ.” [Read: 1 Corinthians 12.] The discipline that we must have starts at the beginning of each day.  Discipline involves our actions, words and thoughts.  If we remain disciplined, our prayer lives are strong.  We fight temptations.  We make virtuous decisions.  We live as Christ demonstrated for us.  Discipline in the little things makes us disciplined in the big things.

If you’re struggling with discipline of a daily prayer life, I recommend that you focus on that.  I share in your struggle, because prayer can be tough some days.  Becoming disciplined in your prayer means that you spend time, daily, speaking to God.  If you’re a married man, imagine not speaking to your wife for a month, and see how good the relationship is at the end of the month.  Probably not very good.  God is the same way.  Open your heart to Him and speak.  However, God gave us two ears and only one mouth… listen twice as much as you speak.

Man up!

Fatherhood Friday – The Love of a Father

I have two daughters.  Lily and Emma.  They are amazing and sweet little children.  They mean the world to me.  I would do anything for them.  As I think about how I treat them… with such love and admiration, with kisses and hugs, snuggles and story time, prayer and discipline… I know, without a doubt, that my relationship with them is the most important relationship they will ever have.  This isn’t to toot my own horn!  Expand it in a broad sense: the most important relationship any young girl has is with her father.  I do not take this responsibility lightly.  At the foundation of all of their coming relationships (friendship/romantic/work/personal/professional) is the love that I show them.  The burden lies solely on my shoulders, to show them how wonderful and precious they are.  It’s my responsibility, as their protector and defender, to prepare them for the world.  I must encourage them and build them up.  I must help them to see the jewel that they are, the treasure that they are, the perfect creation that they are.  A huge part in showing them this love is by loving my wife in the way that proves to all three of them that my wife is a jewel, a treasure and a perfect creation.

It is my goal, in my relationship with my girls, to have them set their bar high, to never settle, to never feel inferior or to never doubt their abilities.  This is a monstrous goal.  It is a gigantic task.

Man up!