A TrueMan’s Marriage
I just learned that February 7-14 is National Marriage Week. I guess it’s fitting, with Valentine’s Day and all those commercialized red hearts. Sort of cliche, if you ask me. But, nonetheless, it is a real thing. Even the US Catholic Bishops are behind this. I’m putting this out now, a few days ahead, so you can get thinking, planning, and doing!
I’m all for marriage. It is an incredible blessing to be a married man. It challenges me, no doubt… but at the end of the day, and hopefully at the end of my life, I will be sanctified because of it. There’s really nothing like giving your whole self to someone else for your entirety here on earth. Something to ponder, for sure.
To consider where you are with things in your marriage, or if you aren’t married, to maybe consider what you want in your future marriage, here’s a blurb from the USCCB website on National Marriage Week:
February: A Time To Celebrate Love And Marriage
It’s the month of romance! Here are a couple February events to celebrate love and marriage:
“Let’s Strengthen Marriage” is the theme of National Marriage Week, Feb. 7-14, 2012. National Marriage Week, now in its third year, is a collaborative effort to promote marriage as a benefit to husbands, wives and the community, as well as the best environment in which to raise children. Resources for couples and organizations who want to promote marriage are available on the website.
World Marriage Day will be observed on Sunday, February 12. For more than 30 years this Day has been promoted by Worldwide Marriage Encounter. If you’re looking for resources that your parish can use to celebrate World Marriage Day, check out the WWME website.
In honor of National Marriage Week and World Marriage Day, here are three FAQs that the website frequently responds to.
(1) We just got engaged. Do you have any suggestions for tools that can help us to deepen our relationship?
First, congratulations on your upcoming marriage! Try starting with the Personality Audit. It’s a great way to understand yourself and your fiance(e) better. Family of origin issues arise in many marriages. Take the Family of Origin exercise to discover how your experiences growing up were similar or different. Most of us tend to avoid topics that are sensitive, or where we think we might disagree with our spouse or fiance(e). Here are some ideas for those “Must-Have Conversations” on such topics as intimacy, finances, and commitment.
(2) How can we find a marriage education or marriage enrichment class in our area?
Many organizations—religious and others—offer programs to help couples improve their marital skills. These classes can cover everything from communication and conflict resolution to budgeting and time management. To find a program in your area, try starting with the Smart Marriages directory of programs. Also check out the list of classes on the National Marriage Week website.
Another possibility is to contact your diocesan Family Life Office. For contact information, go to the Family Life Office locator on the homepage. Finally, many couples at all stages of marriage have benefitted from a Marriage Encounter weekend. For information go to the Worldwide Marriage Encounter website.
(3) My spouse and I are experiencing problems in our marriage. Where can we go for help?
First of all, check out the article “Finding Help When Your Marriage in Trouble.” It explains a range of options for couples who are experiencing marital difficulties. If you’re looking for a counselor, try asking your pastor or parish staff member for a recommendation. Many parishes maintain lists of counselors who deal with various issues. The counselor should have specific training and experience in marriage counseling. Many diocesan Catholic Charities offices offer counseling or can refer you. Contact information for Catholic Charities is usually available on the diocesan website.
Couples with serious problems may consider making a Retrouvaille weekend. Retrouvaille has a solid record of bringing couples back from the brink of divorce. Information about local Retrouvaille weekends is available on their website.
TrueMan up!
Through Thick and Thin
February 18, 2011 by admin
Filed under Blog, cultural manliness, Faith, manliness, Scriptural Examples, Virtue
Thanks to my man Travis for sending this video along. Blew him away, so he sent it. Blew me away, so I’m posting it.
Chris Medina – I have no idea if you made it past the initial cuts, but that doesn’tmatter. You’re doin’ 
it right, bro. You made all the men who strive to serve their wives step up their service and love. Keep on.
Stories like this one should make us all stop and look at what we do and how we spend our days. We were created for something more than ourselves and for something better than we have currently. Striving for perfection, as Scripture instructs us, is so very hard. Living a life of service, as a man of God, is hard. Hard as it may be for Chris and his fiancée, I bet if you asked him if he’s happy, he’d tell you he’s more happy today than ever before. Maybe he’ll read this and let us know first-hand.
Wow.
TrueMan up!
Relationships Relationships
It’s been requested by a frequent reader (I’m fairly certain that she checks the site daily from her RSS subscription!) for some
relationship advice, encouragement and/or help. Since we have several friends either newly married or soon-to-be married, I thought it was a good time to introduce some ideas about relationships. [Thanks for the suggestion!]
No matter what stage of your life you’re in (single, dating, engaged, married), it’s important for us to all strive to be better. Make today better than yesterday and make tomorrow better than today. Personally, I tend to be very selfish (something I work on daily) and I often let my wife down in this area… an area in my life that keeps me from fully obtaining TrueManhood. However, I know that it’s a weakness and I work on it. I try to put her needs first, to think outside the normal day-to-day “to do list” box to go out of my way to show her how much I love her. When I don’t do that, I fail in my role as her husband. When I fail as a husband, I fail to fulfill TrueManhood. If today I make some mistakes, I’ll work very very hard to not make those mistakes again tomorrow.
Our marriage is strong (one of the strongest I’ve ever come across) because we both strive to be better each and every day. We have our off days, sure. We also have incredibly strong days. What’s great about my wife and me (and I can brag because 1. it’s true and 2. it’s my website!) is that we both desire to continue to grow. We’re never okay where we are. Striving for excellence and perfection in the Lord is our daily goal. (In a spousal way, at work, with our kids, as siblings and in public. Everywhere.) No matter what stage of your life you’re in, strive to be better each and every day.
When we dated, the relationship worked well for us because we were both very grounded in the fact that we wanted to be married with children. We had both had numerous relationships that all went asunder and we weren’t investing in a long term relationship to “just have fun”. We were dating with a purpose. The purpose for us was marriage. If you’re in a dating relationship, I highly encourage you to date with a purpose. You’ve probably heard it before, but I can’t stress enough the importance of having that purpose in dating. It orients your entire being, your will, your mind toward the vocation that you’ve been called to by God. Protect yourself by being in a relationship only with a person you can foresee marrying. If you can’t see them being the parent of your children, and you can’t see yourself growing old with them, or they really really annoy you in a million different ways, then get out! Call it off. Dating isn’t about settling on the person you’ve been dating the longest, it’s about finding the right person for you. If you listen hard enough, God will reveal the person He created just for you. Once you find that person, you’ll know. It’s an incredible thing.
Recently, my wife spoke at a college women’s event. There was a “man panel” where the women could ask the men questions and get frank answers in return. Although the guys tried (sorry guys, you missed the boat here), Catherine told me that they just didn’t get it. When asked, “Tell us about your ideal date”, not a single man on the panel said anything about the girl. They never mentioned doing anything that she liked, or finding out her favorite restaurant, or trying to make the date special for the girl. I tell this little story to illustrate an important point in dating… do what the other wants to do! Be sacrificial. Bite the bullet. Put the other’s needs and wants before your own. Think outside yourself, it will bring great joy to both of your lives.
If you’re engaged, all I can say is, BUMP THE DATE UP AS SOON AS POSSIBLE!!! Engagement was literally an earthly-purgatory for me. I hated it. The worst part of engagement is that you’ve made the commitment (minus the vows and Sacrament) and you want to be with this person all the time. The saying goodnight and driving home at 2:00am. The waiting. The wedding planning. Yuck. I am so glad I’ll never go through that again. If you’re in this stage, embrace it and go with the flow. It’ll be over at some point.
I have a theory (for all stages of relationships)… it’s about arguments/fights/disagreements. I am 100% convinced that in order for an argument, fight or disagreement to take place, one or both parties is acting or speaking out of selfishness. Don’t be selfish! Selfishness kills relationships. Don’t do it! (If you can think of an example where an actual argument, fight or disagreement has taken place where at least one of the people involved wasn’t selfish, I’d like to know about it. Email me at Dave@TrueManhood.com.)
As I’ve written about before, Catherine and I have a saying we use in our marriage. It’s like our motto. It’s simple, really. 
“Always Make the Choice to Love.” If you want to read more about this, check out an article I wrote for www.iibloom.com by clicking this link.
Man up!
