Some of My Favorite Daddy Moments

A lot of what I write about is fairly heavy, and usually very serious.  I think that it’s important in all of the seriousness to take a step back from time to time and keep things in perspective.  When I allow myself to do this, it almost undoubtedly directs my thoughts to what’s really important in my life; my children.

Lately, I’ve been concentrating on being less of a nagging parent, being more positive in my speech to my children, and picking my battles.  Recently, I took my three oldest children to the local lake to go fishing.  It was the heat of the afternoon and we didn’t have the right bait.  We were fishing from the bank, and in an area with little to no habitat where fish like to live, move, and eat.  The odds were against us.  We fished (ie: practiced their casting and reeling skills – they got pretty good!) for over an hour, then the kids took their shoes off, waded into the water, and attempted to skip rocks.  It was a blast.  I enjoyed just being there with them, with no agenda, no plans, no rules, just fun.

Now that the weather is warmer, we’ve been doing a lot of this lately.  Playing outside with bikes and scooters, spending lots of time at local parks, and so on.  What I love about this time with them is that we’re making memories.  My kids will either remember how much I worked or how much time I played with them.  I want the work to be there, obviously it has to be, but I also NEED the play time to be there as well.  We’ve also been spending more time in prayer together, which has been awesome.  I instituted a new rule… whenever we see our friend (a true prayer warrior) over at the church, which we live across from, we’re going in too.  She’s there every. single. day. and so are we now.

As summer break gets ramped up, we have plans for more baseball, swimming, bike riding, camping (I’m most excited about camping!), and even some late spring-season turkey hunting.  I hope to update everyone on those as we go.

So dads… and men who desire to be a dad someday… don’t remove the seriousness of life and don’t abdicate your responsibilities, but make time for the fun things with your kids.  I constantly hear parents of older children (ie: grandparents) talking about “how fast time flies” and “how fast they grow up.”  I don’t want to wake up one day and have missed out.  This is my only chance.

PS: speaking of being a fun dad… check out the comedian @jimgaffigan, he’s hilarious and often talks about his kids.  A father of 5, he knows how to keep it light and fun.

TrueMan up!

Filling the Void in a Kid’s Life

It’s a sad situation when a child grows up without a father.  Unfortunately, we have a large segment of society living without their fathers… some because they’ve passed away, and some because the fathers fail to step up.  Both situations are difficult, but I submit that those that fail to step up are more detrimental to the lives of their kids, leaving a huge void – a void almost insurmountable.

I recently had the opportunity to go with my eleven year old nephew, Isaac, to his youth trap league.  We were accompanied by Isaac’s grandfather, but not by the boy’s father.  Isaac performed incredibly, especially in the face of adverse conditions.  It was cloudy, cold, and extremely windy, but he kept with it and shot really well.  The sun eventually came out, the winds calmed, and at the end of the day, Isaac had a lot to show for his performance.  I wanted to highlight him and his efforts because I’m so proud of him, but also felt the need to talk about the void that is present in his life and what I’m trying to do about it.

Have you heard or read the stats about children who grow up without a father and how they are set up for failure?  Well, Isaac is beating those odds!  Thanks to his mother who is strong and doing all she can, and thanks especially to Isaac’s Grandpa, he is succeeding in, despite his sitaution, and will continue to be supported and encouraged.  It is amazing to watch this young boy grow and overcome.

Isaac and his siblings are a prime example of growing up with the void of a father.  Yes, they have a father.  Yes, they see their father and are in his custody at times.  His kids need and deserve more.  That’s where other men MUST come in.  Maybe you know a kid like Isaac – another little kid who is fighting hard to beat the odds.  We can’t wait around and expect that dad to change, we have to step in and fill the void.  Along the way, we should also challenge the father to pick up the slack and change his behavior, but that may never pan out, so we invest in the child all that we can.

I invest in my nephew because I know it will make him better.  If I can first live by example, then help lead him into manhood through extra effort, I believe that my efforts will be rewarded.  I believe it will effect his younger siblings in a positive way, too.  Think about the kids in your life that have a void and figure out a way you can step in and cover some of that gap.  If you don’t, who will?

TrueMan up!

REPOST: She Thinks We’re Just Fishin’

I’m reposting this story from about three years ago.  Fishing season is upon us, and my daughters are anxious to get out again soon.  And, if that wasn’t enough, my oldest daughter is growing up so quickly.  She absolutely rocked out a solo tonight at her school choir concert, and it made me think of the times we spent singing the song that I talk about later in the post.  Here goes:

“This morning, I took my daughters fishing.  They have experienced a bit of fishing before, but this was their first time with me.  Just the three of us went; 2yr old Emma, 3yr old Lily and Daddy.  We drove about 7 minutes to the local lake.  I taught them how to put the rods together, then switched the lefty reel to a righty.  We then baited a hook (lure) and I showed them how to cast and reel.  They took turns and ultimately, had a great time.  We didn’t stay long.  They were more interested in their ice cold water and snack that waited for them in my truck and not so much in casting and sitting still in the hot summer sun.  It was all good.

I had prepared them for this “fishing trip” the night before.  They woke up excited and were ready to go fairly early.  They thought we were going to catch huge fish, but I knew better.  I wasn’t using the right lures and the rods were way too big for them.  Again, it was all good.

It wasn’t about catching fish.  [If it was, they’d call it ‘catching’ instead of ‘fishing’.]  It was about my daughters having time with their father, and it was about their father having time with his daughters.  Time, that’s really all.  And memories.  When’s the last time you took time to make memories with your children?  Your godchildren?  Your nephews/nieces?  Your grandkids?  Go make memories.  Oh, and on the way home from fishing… we stopped in at the adoration chapel at our church for a few minutes of silent prayer with Jesus.  Overall, it was a great morning.

Trace Adkins has a great song that became “Lily’s song”, and I sing it to her all the time.  Here’s the video.  Speaks to what I’m talking about here.  Thanks, Trace.”

TrueMan up!

Men Leading Boys, Not Boys Leading Boys

 

Dads, this post is for you.  On the heels of St. Joseph’s Feast Day, I wanted to talk about what I believe is an important topic regarding fathers and their sons.  As you read in the title of this post, I wrote “men leading boys, not boys leading boys.”  This idea has come up a lot for me, especially of late, in regards to things that take place in and around our world.  Three specific areas that I’ll mention are 1. Scouting 2. Catholic Schools and 3. Firearms.

 The concept of boys learning how to be men from men might seem like an unnecessary one to hash out.  Unfortunately, I believe that we have a crisis of masculinity because boys have been learning how to be men from other boys.  This simply doesn’t work.  Keep in mind that the opposite of masculinity is not femininity, but rather, childishness.  Both boys and men are males, but not all males are or become men.  (Some dogs are males too, that doesn’t make them men.)  Some males may never reach manliness – this would be due to their actions, choices, and attitudes.

This opens the doorway to many criticisms of this idea, such as fathers who have abandoned their children, fathers who are divorced and estranged from their families, boys whose fathers may have simply been a “donor”, and sadly for some, boys whose fathers have passed away.  (Most of these scenarios, as you can see, involve a party other than the boy himself, making a choice that negatively impacts the boy and his development.  I would put the ‘fathers who have passed away’ in a different category altogether for my argument.)  Unfortunately, the common response is “we can’t expect fathers to be with their sons because so many boys don’t have fathers who are present.”  This is the wrong response, and probably a major factor of why we are in the predicament of a fatherless culture.  Let’s stop making excuses, and save what good we have, and fix the bad.  If you have a boy (or many boys) in your life – family, friends, neighbors, your children’s classmates, etc. – who don’t have a father in their life, be that man to him as much as you can. Regarding scouting: there has been a big push, especially among Catholics, to leave the Boy Scouts of America organization because of choices and changes they have made, areas of morality they have compromised, and unsafe environments that have gone unregulated, to name a few.  I’ve engaged in the conversation several times with various folks and have come to the conclusion that whatever our boys do, the fathers MUST be involved!  Whether the boy is in scouts, (Check out Dr. Taylor Marshall’s Catholic option) or in sports, how can we expect one man, and sometimes a woman, (ie: the scout leader or the coach) to form every young boy he has under his care?  That’s crazy to think that it will happen.  Even with a few leaders or a few coaches, the journey from boyhood to manliness won’t occur properly without each boy’s father being present.

My second area of concentration on this topic is within our Catholic schools.  Hopefully, if you’re a father of a child in school, you not only know their teachers, administrators, and coaches, but you know their friends and the parents of their friends.  Knowing the teachers and administrators means more than simply knowing their names and faces, but actually knowing their philosophy and certainly their theology.  (I’m guilty of not knowing enough about this with my own children.)  My point is this… if the father is void of this vital time, or simply “lets mom do it”, our kids will suffer.  Fathers must be active in the education and formation of their children.  Again, it seems unnecessary to say it, but it is so true and utterly ridiculous to think that our boys will become men from the other boys they are around at school.  The other boys in school might be watching inappropriate movies, shows, and listening to inappropriate music.  They may also have misguided “world views”, or beliefs that are contrary to Catholicism.  Many of these boys are already addicted to porn, engaged in sexual behavior, using alcohol and drugs, and involved in unlawful acts.  Are these the boys you want your boys being formed by?

 My parenting philosophy here is not to simply lock my children in the basement and keep them in a Catholic bubble, but rather, to properly form them, instilling virtue into their lives, so that when faced with tough life decisions, peer pressure, or sin-in-general, they make the right decision.  Get in there and be the leader your kid needs!

I thought I’d also throw in the third area – firearms – because I continue to hear so much untruth surrounding them.  Yes, I am a gun-guy.  I have a bunch of firearms and I enjoy them thoroughly.  I talk about them with my kids, show them how they function, how to load them, how to clean them, proper stance for various shooting positions, and include various tactics and methods.  I take them hunting with me (they are not of hunting age themselves, but may accompany me) and to the range or country to shoot.  Along the way, their formation is heavily involved because I don’t leave things at surface level, but rather, dive into serious topics and scenarios with them.  We’ve discussed the ethics and morality in relation to hunting, requiring us to be smart, safe, and legal.  We’ve discussed the reality of the danger of firearms when used incorrectly, with the devastating effects that they can have, including the reality of death.  We talk about a lot of things regarding firearms – they are a part of our lives.  Heck, many nights, the food we eat is due to the firearms that I have and have used.  I don’t shy away from having them, using them, or showing them to my kids like my firearms are some sort of evil-doer or monster.  We embrace them as a tool and just like my hammers, screwdrivers, drills, and wrenches, I teach my kids how to utilize them properly.  How else would I expect them to learn?

I guess I’ll end with this: if we want out boys to remain boys, and never reach TrueManhood (a life of virtue modeled after Jesus Christ), then we should let the culture raise them.  If, however, we want our boys to reach TrueManhood (and ideally, as soon as possible), then we should raise them.  This means being heavily involved in every aspect of their life, at all times, without compromise.

 I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again… we’ve all heard the saying “If I don’t do it, nobody will.”  I’ll see your bet and raise you eternity… “If I don’t do it, the devil will.”  Think about it.

 TrueMan up!

Example to the Example – St. Joseph

Happy Feast of St. Joseph!  As you’ll hear in this vlog (below), St. Joseph is my favorite saint.  He is such an incredible example to us, and for me personally, has played a huge role in me growing into the man I am today.  St. Joseph is so complex, and has so many dimensions, it is hard to decide what to discuss!

I titled this post “example to the example” because it forces us to look a level or two deeper than we normally look.  St. Joseph is not merely a saint.  Not merely Mary’s husband.  Not merely the most chaste spouse.  St. Joseph is the example by which Jesus – the perfect example of masculinity –  learned to be a man.  Whoa!  What a huge role that was.

St. Joseph – I ask you to intercede for me.  Take my needs to your son, The King, and beg Him, on my behalf, for the grace necessary to be the man, the husband, and the father He is calling me to be.  Thank you for your example to me, and the daily reminder you give me through my wife and children.

TrueMan up!

Here’s an old video that I was asked to help with, back in 2011, to help promote the movie “Courageous”.  In this video, I speak about being a chaste spouse.  [This project was a St. Joseph Novena – a video a day, leading up to Father’s Day.]  (Disregard dates, my title, etc. – the information is outdated.)

State Champs; Young Gentlemen on Their Way to TrueManhood

Congratulations to the young men on the basketball team from our ‘small school in the middle of nowhere’ as they were crowned State Champions in Kansas Boys State 1A Basketball!  I write this post partially to talk about sports, but more so to discuss the young men that make up this team and our high school.  We haven’t lived in our small rural farming town for long (only 6 months at this point) but I’ve been impressed with these young men countless times already, and am so happy to highlight them in a post.

The basketball team was led by my college friend (Benedictine College) basketball Head Coach (and Husband, Father, and County Sheriff’s Deputy) Lance Bergmann.  These young men have been really impressive on the field and court this season.  In football (8-man) and in basketball, they have played with an intensity that is rare.  While watching my first-ever 8-man football game back in September, I was literally blown-away by their tenacity, drive, and determination.  They played with a speed and ferocity that I have rarely seen with high schoolers.  On the basketball court, they play the same way, but with the finesse that basketball requires, while also being scrappy and resolute.  They finished as State Runner-up in football, falling just short of the title of “Champs.”  [I’m writing vaguely about who these young men are because there are only about 20 high school boys in the entire school and, from what I’ve seen, they come as a packaged deal.  A good slogan for these young men could be “all for one and one for all.”  For the few who don’t play sports (absolutely fine in my book, btw), they are involved in other endeavors and contribute to the athletes in the form of virtuous friendship and support.  This is a complete-package sort of win for everyone at St. John’s in Beloit.]

Not only have they experienced success in sports, four of these same scholar-athletes were recently crowned State Champions in Scholar’s Bowl, a number of them were on the State Championship Math Relays Team, and they all succeed widely in their classroom endeavors.  They are pro-life activists, TV/radio stars, and servants to the community.  But it still goes deeper for me.

I concentrate not on the mere accomplishments of a man, nor his degrees, his occupation, the size of his home, nor the make/model/year of his vehicle, but rather on the life the man leads.  I focus on  who he is.  These young men are well on their way to living TrueManhood, and for that, they should be proud.  I see these young men in Mass on a weekly (and many, on a daily) basis.  They serve, read, sing, and usher.  They are present in prayer.  Their Catholic faith is core to who they are.  They are sponges soaking up knowledge, learning from some great educators that devote their lives to our kids.  And quite possibly one of the most impressive attributes that I’ve seen in these young men… the leadership that is offered to them by their fathers.  It is truly beautiful to see sons encouraged, properly formed, trained, and supported by fathers who are second-to-none in work ethic, morality, and ultimately in their roles as husbands.  For most, the attributes of TrueManhood have been passed down for generations; performed as God originally intended.

To these young gentlemen – I’m extremely impressed.  I see you hold open doors, take care of the “little kids” (including my own children), honor your parents, respect the young ladies in our school, work extremely hard, and do all of this, and more, with smiles on your faces.  You have an incredible opportuity to positively impact our world for good.  Strive for holiness by living out virtue.  You are well on your way to becoming the TrueMen that God has created you to be.  Do not buy the lie that the world is selling… it is counterfeit, empty, and will lead to eternal death.  Choose the path that Christ set out for us, and journey with me and others, as we strive for TrueManhood.

To learn more about our awesome school and the faithfulness which we strive to uphold, check out this recent episode of EWTN’s “Life on the Rock”.

TrueMan up!

The Case for Sainthood

The Catholic Church has a process by which She determines whether or not a man or woman should be named a saint.  The process can be long and tedious and involves loads and loads of paperwork, proof, documentation, etc.etc.  The “case” is reviewed and then a determination is made.  (For more on this process, click HERE.)  One such man, Fr. Emil Kapaun, has a case being sent to the Vatican as we speak.  The story of Fr. Kapaun is close to my heart, as he was from Wichita, Kansas and a military man.  I grew up just 6 miles south of Wichita and as many of you know, have a long and extensive family (and even a personal) history with the military.  My Father, Tony, just told me about the opportunity that he and my mother had of attending this special Mass that was held at the Cathedral in Wichita on July 1.  We’ll pick up with an Al Kresta story…

“Fr. John Hotze, episcopal delegate for the office of Fr. Kapaun’s beatification and canonization, said the event marks the culmination of years of work and also celebrates the “gift” of Fr. Kapaun.

“The fact that we, unlike any other diocese in the United States, in the world, have been blessed by the example of this saintly man, Father Emil Kapaun, boggles my mind,” he said in a June 30 statement. “How can we do anything less than give praise to God for this gift and strive to follow the example of Father Kapaun’s selfless giving.”  Fr. Kapaun, a native of Pilsen, Kansas, served in the Korean War. He courageously rescued wounded soldiers from the battlefield, risking his own life to prevent their execution at the hands of the Chinese.  He was captured by North Korean and Communist Chinese forces after he volunteered to stay behind on a battlefield with the injured.  The priest’s service to his fellow prisoners has become legendary among those who knew of him. Scores of men attributed their survival to his work tending the starving and the sick.

Fr. Kapaun died in a prison camp hospital on May 23, 1951. The Diocese of Wichita has investigated his life since 2001 and officially opened the cause for his beatification on June 29, 2008.

Andrea Ambrosi, a lawyer investigating the case for the Vatican, told the Wichita Eagle he thinks Fr. Kapaun has a good chance to be raised to the altars.  “He showed that there was not just a devil working on the battlefields of the war, but something else.”  The investigator said Kapaun’s candidacy is unique compared with the hundreds of other cases he has investigated because it is so full of action and detailed. While most cases involve “very holy” priests and nuns who have miracles attributed to them, Fr. Kapaun’s story involves far more deeds of heroism, sacrifice and action.

Ambrosi has investigated two alleged miracles involving prayers for Fr. Kapaun’s intercession.  In 2006 Avery Gerleman, then 12 years-old, was near death for 87 days. She recovered after her parents prayed to Kapaun.  In October 2008 Chase Kear, a college track athlete, inexplicably survived a severe pole vaulting accident. His skull was fractured from ear to ear and caused some bleeding on his brain. Doctors said he would likely either die in surgery or from a post-surgery infection.  However, family and friends joined in petitions to Fr. Kapaun. Kear survived the surgery and left the hospital only a few days after the incident.  Doctors said both recoveries were medically inexplicable.  Ambrosi said the intensity of the priest’s devotees is “incredible.”  Several Catholic parishes and many parishioners pray for Fr. Kapaun’s intercession every week at Masses and many call upon him when loved ones become ill.

Fr. Hotze said that the diocese has finished collecting information that will “hopefully, with the grace of God, prove Father Kapaun worthy of beatification and then canonization as a saint of the Catholic Church.”  Ambrosi and other investigators must now closely study 8,268 documents about the chaplain’s deeds and sacrifices in the Korean War. Those documents are being sent to Rome.  If canonized, the priest would become the third American-born saint.”

Clearly, Fr. Kapaun was an incredible man!  What a TrueMan!  Living virtue at every turn.  I wrote another story about him previously, which also includes some video trailers of a film that was made about his life.  Click HERE for that story.  We hope he is elevated to the distinction of “blessed”!

Fr. Emil Kapaun – Pray for us!

TrueMan up!

« Previous Page — Next Page »