Tuesdays with Daddy – Selfishness Impedes Service

My daughter has been sick for several days.  Because she is a toddler, it is difficult to really pinpoint what’s happening with her, what hurts and how to make her better.  I’ve been at a loss for exactly what to do, and although we’re trying, she doesn’t seem to be getting better.  At least not as fast I my wife and I would hope.  As I’ve been observing her and contemplating solutions to this problem, I realized something today… selfishness impedes service.  What do I mean?

When you’re in charge of someone else, and their entire well-being stems from your actions, it’s plain to see that they not only rely on you to make good decisions, but to be at their service.  This isn’t to say that I wait hand-and-foot on my children, but it means that my daughters, especially when ill, need me to be selfless in regards to them.  And, I want to be a servant-leader for my family and for the world, which requires me to continually learn how to better serve them.  I look at my life and realize (quite often) how selfish I can be.  I like what I like, the way I like it, when I like it, how I like it.  This gets in the way of my ability to truly serve my family.

Where did my selfish tendencies come from?  Besides my fallen human nature, my tendency toward selfishness stems from my past pornography use.  It made everything I do, even serving my sickly little girl, about me.  Because of this revelation, I realized that the only way to do that is to look to the cross.  I must unite my failures in life to the struggle Christ experienced on the cross so that I am purified of my tendency toward comfort, self-pleasure and ease.  My little girl needs me to be one hundred percent committed to taking care of her and if I don’t watch it, I’ll put myself before her, falling into old patterns and losing sight of the cross.  If this happens, my selfishness has won and drastically impedes my ability to serve.

I urge everyone to take a step back, especially during Holy Week, to evaluate the areas in your life (vicious behavior) that require change.  Figure out how to change those things and continue to work on them until you possess the virtue that overcomes that vice.

Man up!

I Must Do These Things!

I’ve been dropping the ball in an area of my life… consistently and repeatedly.  I’ve been neglecting the one thing that should be my number one priority.  I recently wrote an article all about priorities, yet I wasn’t really heeding my own advice.  I didn’t realize what I was doing, or how my actions and lack of thoughtfulness were really affecting the situation.  What it all really comes down to is that I’m selfish.  I acknowledge this shortcoming and desire to work on it.  I know that if  I don’t work on being selfless, as opposed to selfish, I will ruin the things that are most important to me.  Words, as in most situations, mean nothing when unsubstantiated by actions.  My actions have been speaking volumes, and I am not proud of what they have been saying.

I’m speaking about my wife.  She should be my top priority, but I take her for granted.  She should be my motivation, but I only give her whatever time is left over.  She should be who I concentrate on when I’m making plans, but instead I think only of myself.  I could continue on with a hundred more examples of what I should be doing, but that would just be talking.  I must show my wife, consistently and repeatedly, that what I profess with my mouth is also, and most importantly, what I DO.  My wife deserves better and I intend to make amends, right the ship and continue on.  It’s never easy to admit that I am struggling with something, and quite difficult not to become defensive about what I’ve done… but I’m striving for TrueManhood and I MUST do these things!  I must continue on, but I must strive to be like Christ.  I’m far from Him and unworthy of being followed sometimes, yet there’s one person who I can’t lead astray, and that’s my wife.

I write all of this to show that we’re all on a journey and that each of us must continually strive to grow in TrueManhood and ultimately, in holiness.  Never give up.  Continue to strive for perfection, as our Heavenly Father is perfect.

Man up!

Cultural Manliness Catches Up With You

In this video, Tiger Woods issues a public apology for his actions.  Tiger was living a life of cultural manliness, living for money, power, sex and stuff.  It caught up with him, as it does every man who lives it.  His words ring true… he must show his remorse and his changed way of life not by speaking, but by his actions.  It appears to me, an untrained eye, that he is sincere.  He appears nervous and timid, and obviously, when you read a speech from paper, your demeanor is different than when you speak from the heart.  I don’t know that he’ll back up what he says, but I think that his tenacity and determination to be the best, which has made him so successful in golf and business, will aid him in succeeding in this journey towards being a leader, a role model, a good husband and an engaged, active and loving father.

Note: Tiger speaks about Buddhism towards the end of this clip.  Buddhism doesn’t hold the answers to life, however, Tiger is grasping for truth and something to guide him in life.  If I had the chance to speak with Tiger, I would challenge him to live a life for Christ, a life filled with joy, happiness and fulfillment.  If you can’t view the clip, click HERE.

Wood’s words are merely words, yet, he’s right.  He needs to live a life of integrity.  He let people down, and must make amends.  He led people, especially children, astray.  He knows that he needs help, and seems intent to continue to seek guidance and counseling.

I wish Tiger all the best.  “To whom much is given, much is expected.”

Man up!

Tuesdays with Daddy – I Just Want to Hold You

I noticed today, that for the most part, my children aren’t interested in being held by me.  It’s not that I scare them, or that I’m too rough, or that my beard is scruffy on their faces, or anything like that.  It’s that they have other stuff they want to be doing.  On occasion, when a head is bonked, or a toe is stubbed, or a toy is stolen by their sibling and just about every 2 hours or so when that hunger thing comes around, then they come running, arms wide open, running to their daddy asking for something in their time of need.

Consequently, I realized, because of my wonderful children, that many of us are that way with our Heavenly Father.  All He wants is for us to be connected with Him, to be united with Him, to love Him and to be with Him.  More often than not, we want the opposite.  We have other “stuff” we want to do, and we don’t include Him.  He’s going to be there waiting for us, the same way I’m always there waiting for my girls, but wouldn’t it be better for us to run to Him in the good times too, when we’re not in need of something from Him?  I challenge all of us, myself included, to give God our first-fruits.  To give to Him the perfect time, upfront, not just the leftovers.

Man up!

A Father’s Prayer

A Father’s Prayer by Douglas MacArthur

In early 1942, when heading out-numbered United States forces in the Philippines, the late General Douglas MacArthur prayed this prayer many times at morning devotions, according to Major General Courtney Whitney, his long-time military aide. This prayer for his son, Arthur, is a spiritual legacy any son would cherish.

“Build me a son, O Lord, who will be strong enough to know when he is weak, and brave enough to face himself when he is afraid; one who will be proud and unbending in honest defeat, and humble and gentle in victory.

Build me a son whose wishes will not take the place of deeds; a son who will know Thee-and that to know himself is the foundation stone of knowledge.

Lead him, I pray, not in the path of ease and comfort, but under the stress and spur of difficulties and challenge. Here let him learn to stand up in the storm; here let him learn compassion for those who fail.

Build me a son whose heart will be clear, whose goal will be high; a son who will master himself before he seeks to master other men; one who will reach into the future, yet never forget the past.

And after all these things are his, add, I pray, enough of a sense of humor, so that he may always be serious, yet never take himself too seriously. Give him humility, so that he may always remember the simplicity of true greatness, the open mind of true wisdom, and the meekness of true strength.

Then, I, his father, will dare to whisper, “I have not lived in vain.”

Man up!

Tuesdays with Daddy – My Primary Vocation & Responsibility

Sometimes it’s hard to clearly determine priorities.  What’s really number one in my life?  Why is it number one?  What else must occur in order for number one to stay number one?  As a husband and father, my primary vocation is to care for my wife and children, and this is where priorities get sticky for me.  In order to care for them, I need to be with them, but at the same time, I also need to provide shelter, clothing, food and safety – the essentials.  In order to provide the essentials, I have to earn money.  In order to earn money, I have to be away from them, either at my office, on the road speaking or at other locations outside the home.  Since I’m also studying for my master’s degree, my time is taxed heavily.  This isn’t even to mention upkeep of the house and vehicles, house chores and other necessary errands that must be completed.  How do I determine rankings of my responsibilities?

I’ve found that taking myself out of the equation is the best way to make the determinations.  What?  Here’s what I mean… I try to remove my desires, my wants, my preferences and instead, place my wife and children (and all of their needs, wants and desires) first.  When I do this, I find that my emotions are kept in check (even though I might want to be making money, hanging with my guy friends or watching a game).  When my emotions are kept in check, I am able to clearly determine what’s important.  Keep in mind, that making money isn’t bad, and hanging with your guy friends isn’t bad.  They are both goods things.  However, if making money, hanging out with your guy friends or any other activity/project/endeavor takes you away from your priorities, they become distractions and hindrances.

So, when determining priorities, I recommend removing yourself and your emotions from the decision making process.  Once you do that, your mind will be clear and you’ll be able to clearly make the right decisions.  Best of luck.

Man up!

Two Stories

I came across this story a while back, and actually used it at a retreat I ran to intro a talk on virtue.  I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.

THE FIRST STORY: Many years ago, Al Capone virtually owned Chicago. Capone wasn’t famous for anything heroic. He was notorious for enmeshing the windy city in everything from bootlegged booze and prostitution to murder.  Capone had a lawyer nicknamed “Easy Eddie.” He was his lawyer for a good reason. Eddie was very good! In fact, Eddie’s skill at legal maneuvering kept Big Al out of jail for a long time.

To show his appreciation, Capone paid Eddie very well.  Not only was the money big, but Eddie also got special dividends.  For instance, he and his family occupied a fenced-in mansion with live-in help and all of the conveniences of the day. The estate was so large that it filled an entire Chicago City block.

Eddie lived the high life of the Chicago mob and gave little consideration to the atrocities that went on around him.  Eddie had a soft spot, however. He had a son that he loved dearly. Eddie saw to it that his young son had clothes, cars, and a good education. Nothing was withheld. Price was no object. And, despite his involvement with organized crime, Eddie even tried to teach him right from wrong. Eddie wanted his son to be a better man than he was. Yet, with all his wealth and influence, there were two things he couldn’t give his son; he couldn’t pass on a good name or a good example.

One day, Easy Eddie reached a difficult decision. Eddie wanted to rectify wrongs he had done.  He decided he would go to the authorities and tell the truth about Al “Scarface” Capone, clean up his tarnished name, and offer his son some semblance of integrity. To do this, he would have to testify against The Mob, and he knew that the cost would be great.

So, he testified. Within the year, Easy Eddie’s life ended in a blaze of gunfire on a lonely Chicago Street. But in his eyes, he had given his son the greatest gift he had to offer, at the greatest price he could ever pay.  Police removed from his pockets a rosary, a crucifix, a religious medallion, and a poem clipped from a magazine. The poem read: The clock of life is wound but once, And no man has the power to tell just when the hands will stop at late or early hour. Now is the only time you own. Live, love, toil with a will. Place no faith in time. For the clock may soon be still.

THE SECOND STORY: World War II produced many heroes. One such man was Lieutenant Commander Butch O’Hare. He was a fighter pilot assigned to the aircraft carrier Lexington in the South Pacific. One day his entire squadron was sent on a mission. After he was airborne, he looked at his fuel gauge and realized that someone had forgotten to top off his fuel tank. He would not have enough fuel to complete his mission and get back to his ship. His flight leader told him to return to the carrier. Reluctantly, he dropped out of formation and headed back to the fleet.

As he was returning to the ship he saw something that turned his blood cold: a squadron of Japanese aircraft were speeding their way toward the American fleet. The American fighters were gone on a sortie, and the fleet was all but defenseless. He couldn’t reach his squadron and bring them back in time to save the fleet. Nor could he warn the fleet of the approaching danger.

There was only one thing to do. He must somehow divert them from the fleet. Laying aside all thoughts of personal safety, he dove into the formation of Japanese planes. Wing-mounted 50 caliber’s blazed as he charged in, attacking one surprised enemy plane and then another. Butch wove in and out of the now broken formation and fired at as many planes as possible until all his ammunition was finally spent. Undaunted, he continued the assault. He dove at the planes, trying to clip a wing or tail in hopes of damaging as many enemy planes as possible and rendering them unfit to fly.

Finally, the exasperated Japanese squadron took off in another direction.  Deeply relieved, Butch O’Hare and his tattered fighter limped back to the carrier. Upon arrival, he reported in and related the event surrounding his return. The film from the gun-camera mounted on his plane told the tale.  It showed the extent of Butch’s daring attempt to protect his fleet. He had, in fact, destroyed five enemy aircraft.

This took place on February 20, 1942, and for that action Butch became the Navy’s first Ace of W.W.II, and the first Naval Aviator to win the Congressional Medal of Honor.  A year later Butch was killed in aerial combat at the age of 29.

His home town would not allow the memory of this WW II hero to fade, and today, O’Hare Airport in Chicago is named in tribute to the courage of this great man. So, the next time you find yourself at O’Hare International, give some thought to visiting Butch’s memorial displaying his statue and his Medal of Honor. It’s located between Terminals 1 and 2.

SO WHAT DO THESE TWO STORIES HAVE TO DO WITH EACH OTHER?

Butch O’Hare was “Easy Eddie’s” son!

Man up!

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