Tuesdays with Daddy – Their Life in My Hands

As I’ve mentioned before, I have the distinct honor and pleasure of staying home each and every Tuesday with my two young daughters.  I plan to make my time with them a regular theme of my posts on Tuesdays because so much happens in a day’s time that a good amount of it is blog-worthy.

Today, something that struck me in a way it never had before, is the fact that my daughter’s lives are in my hands.  It is my responsibility to give them the love they need, that they desire and that they deserve.  This idea of “what they deserve” keeps resonating with me because I could easily fail to give them that.  I could easily slack off and be lazy and do the bare-minimum.  If I do, their lives will be forever altered because of it.  I simply can’t (and won’t) take that chance.  So, when I find myself doing less than my best, I have to remember that I can’t do less than 100%; they need 100%, the deserve 100%.

I know lots of fathers and lots of great examples of men who strive for this 100%-self-giving love.  You know at least one great dad in this world, hopefully your own.  Take a minute over the next few days to give him (or them) a pat on the back for the good job they do or have done.

Man up!

Smokin’ in a Blizzard

It’s been pretty cold here the last few days.  The cold and snow typically get people to bundle up and only go out when they have to.  Yesterday, however, I drove past a car with the driver’s side window down.  At first, I thought it was because the driver was smoking, which turned out to be the case, but as I took a closer look, I noticed that a young boy was sitting in his car seat in the backseat of the car.  Now, this blog isn’t about telling people not to smoke – smoking is gross and everyone already knows that.  If someone chooses to smoke, they’ve already given up.  What this blog IS about is challenging males to be better, to be TrueMen.

In the case of this father (the assumption here is that the man driving the car is the child’s father), not only was he smoking around his child, which is statistically proven to [enormously] increase the chances of his son smoking, starting at a young age, but more importantly he was playing freeze-out with his two year old in order to smoke!  Yesterday’s high was around 28 degrees Fahrenheit!  Does it sound to you like the father has his child’s best interest at heart?  Or, as it appears to me, does the father have his nicotine addiction as his number one priority?

It’s pretty simple to see what the virtuous thing to do here is.  Yes, quitting smoking would be a virtuous thing.  However, the virtue of prudence is what this man should be striving for.  Prudence would tell him that he 1. shouldn’t be smoking around his child and 2. that he should wait until he’s not in the car to smoke, thus not having to roll his window down when it’s freezing outside and his child is in the backseat of the car.  C’mon, brother, put your kid’s needs and best interest before your cancer-sticks.

Man up!

The Tragedy of a Fatherless Child (Cont.)

As I’ve been thinking about my last post, I feel as if I did this topic no justice.  Obviously, it would take pages and pages of writing to even hit the surface of the effects on a child without a father, yet I want to go just a bit deeper than I originally did. 

The tragedy of a fatherless child – these words don’t even make sense.  It’s an oxymoron, to say that a child doesn’t have a father.  It’s against nature, as we all know.  The effects of these words are evident.  A child without a father is like a pilot without a flight plan, a builder without blueprints, a quarterback with no game plan or signal coach.  Every child needs guidance, discipline, clear expectations and help, just to mention a few things.  When a child goes through life without guidance and direction, they cling to what society shows them will bring them happiness.  Many times, the happiness they find is actually a smoke screen, an illusion of happiness.  Without guidance and direction, a child clings to what they believe will replace their father, or in some cases, they cling to what is opposite of their father as a way of revenge against the father not being present during adolescence. 

What happens to many fatherless children is that they perpetuate this cycle, as we’ve already discussed many times.  It takes strong individuals, who make wise decisions, to break the cycle.  When the cycle is broken, (or in the rare-case where the cycle never started) we see glimpses of hope and change.  Please note, just because a father is present doesn’t mean that a child will automatically turn out great.  On the contrary, it requires a strong man (and his wife) to educate, influence and guide their children through every step of adolescence and youth.

Man up!

A Father Breaking the Cycle

Often times, what I blog about are bad experiences that I have of males who aren’t holding up their end of the deal in society.  Typically, they’re making bad decisions, exemplifying “cultural manliness” and slacking on being a TrueMan.  Today, I’m going to change things up and speak about a man that is Breaking the Cycle.

This TrueMan is a national hero, a firefighter who has unselfishly put himself in harm’s way to protect others for well over 20 yrs.  He is a Captain at a well-known Marine base near Washington D.C.  He influences the young men in the firehouse, not only in the ways of firefighting, but also in life.  The biggest impact he has though (not at all to discount his years of service nor his honors & accolades) is the impact he has on his family. 

The father of three, this TrueMan knows well that a father’s impact is long lasting and the most important relationship in the lives of his children. 

This man had a childhood with a father that was a workaholic.  To quote him, “My Dad didn’t have 5 minutes for me, a year.”  Not only did the father neglect his only son, he was abusive and left physical scars to prove it.  In speaking with him the other day, he said something that really struck me.  He said “I won’t be like my father was. Not a a chance.”  It struck me not only because he’s breaking the cycle of what his father showed him, but because he means it.  He’s convicted, in the deepest part of his heart, to give his children the attention, devotion and love that he never received.  It’s not out of spite or out of pity, it’s out of love.  The love he has for them resonates deeply with me because his children are my godchildren, and needless to say, are very important to me. 

I could continue on for many more paragraphs, but I think my point is easy to understand and doesn’t require repeating.  By the way, he’s a great husband too.

Thank you, Captain TLW.  You’re a great man. 

Man up!

Happy Father's Day

Happy Father’s Day to all the fathers out there!  I hope that you took the opportunity to be with your children, and children, I hope you took some time to be with your Dad today.  May God bless all fathers and encourage them to be a great dad today.  Let us pray for all the father-child relationships out there that are in turmoil, struggling or estranged.  Let us pray for children who have lost their father.  Let us pray for the males who haven’t taken responsibility for their children.  Let us pray in thanksgiving for all the great dads of the world.  Let us pray that everyone would learn to see God the Father as a loving Daddy.

The image (left) depicts St Joseph; he is our best saintly guide to what True Fatherhood and TrueManhood is all about.  After all, the child Jesus learned everything he knew from his earthly father.  Joseph was incredibly virtuous, especially possessing the virtues of faith and love.  In this picture, we can see the tender and loving touch that he has for his child.  He is carrying lilies in this case, instead of his normal carpenter’s (worker’s) tools.  He carries lilies to signify his purity; we refer to St Joseph as “The Most Chaste Spouse” of the Blessed Virgin Mary.  Take some time to learn more about St Joseph so that you can learn more about what manliness is all about.

I’ve had an absolutely great day (weekend, actually!).  On Saturday, we went to Mass, my wife cooked my favorite Italian food, gave me some gifts (Steelers’ tickets!!!) and planned a bike trip to one of our favorite parks in the city.  Today was absolutely beautiful with warm sunny blue skies.  Everyone should be as lucky as me.

 

 

Here’s a little cartoon I found.  I hope your dad is like this kid’s dad and I hope your kids see their dad like this kid sees his dad.

Man up!

"Take Time to Be a Dad Today"

Today, I was running at the gym and saw a commercial on ESPN for the National Fatherhood Initiative.  I was really impressed, especially to see it on ESPN – a channel dedicated to sports and encouraging men to sit and watch them every hour of the day (boooo).  I came home and searched for it, finding the website and some commercial clips.  Check out the main National Fatherhood Initiative site.  To see the commercials, click Public Service Announcements.  (Note: they’ve gotta be great, considering that the voice overs are from Darth Vadar’s voice – James Earl Jones and from Magnum P.I. – Tom Selleck.)  They’ve got a great slogan: “Take Time to Be a Dad Today”.  Sometimes, that’s all it takes – time.

Here are two of them:

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t5bcsR74oUI]

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MpFPI2gATnw]

Man up!

A Father's Example

I was walking to my truck today in a parking lot, carrying my youngest daughter.  We had just had a nice, leisurely stroll through a store – looking at all sorts of neat things.  As we proceeded to our vehicle, a small car was backing up.  The driver continued backing up, apparently not seeing me walking behind him, or so I thought.  He proceeded to shout something out, throwing in an F-Bomb and getting very agitated that someone happened to be walking behind him while he attempted to back out.  He said, and I quote: “(insert expletive #1 here), don’t walk behind a car when it’s (f-bomb-ing; expletive #2 here) backing up.  (Expletives #’s 3,4 & 5 here)… and so on.”  As I passed his little car, I heard his profane outburst and turned around to look at him, myself agitated that he’d use such language around my daughter.  The woman in the passenger seat saw me staring him down and quickly told the driver to “shut up and get out of here”.  He continued on with his second rant, cut short when he himself turned around and saw me staring him down. 

Now, I didn’t want to have to stare him down, after all, I was carrying my eight-month old daughter.  I figured in this situation that a quick, hard glance might scare him just enough to rethink what he had done.  What made me so frustrated with this guy was that there were little kids (two young boys, no older than eight years old) in the back seat.  I know this because I saw this foursome in the check-out line next to me inside the store.  His behavior inside the store was just as bad as it was in the parking lot, maybe worse.

Here’s my beef with this guy: he doesn’t realize the influence he has on those young boys.  I’m assuming he’s their dad, which is even more upsetting.  These little guys are going to grow up thinking that foul language, anger, aggressive behavior and who knows what other negativity is acceptable and normal.  They’re going to grow up believing that “if I want to be a man, I need to do as Daddy does”.  They’ll be mistaken and will continue to perpetuate the epidemic of males not being TrulyManly.

The reason I write these articles is precisely because of incidents like today’s.  Men everywhere are blowing it.  They’re dropping the ball and passing on incredibly detrimental characteristics to the coming generations.  I applaud the men who are TrueMen that are stopping the cycle and living out manhood the way God intended it.  It’s not easy being a father and having the responsibilities that come with it, yet it’s a must, we have no other choice.

By the way… “old Dave” (the guy I used to be) wanted to yell back, forcefully drag this lame excuse for a man out of his car and pound him until he figured it out.  That wouldn’t have worked out as well.  I think writing about it was a good alternative.

Man up!

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