3 Most Damaging Words? – Nope

Have you seen the PSA style video “The Mask You Live In”?  It talks about boys in our culture, and stereotypes of how boys handle the stresses of growing up male, in addition to the struggles of living up to the standards the culture and peers place on them.  There are truths in the video, but I disagree with their take on “the 3 most destructive words you could say to a boy.”  Here’s the video:

The suggestion is made that telling a boy to “Be a Man” is detrimental to him.  If we’re speaking from the context of cultural manliness, then sure, I could see that.  If, however, we’re speaking from the context of authentic masculinity (ie: TrueManhood), then this is absolutely what we should be telling our boys!  We should be encouraging them, teaching them, forming them, and exemplifying for them what it means to be a man so they are able to set a goal and become what they were created to be.  A TrueMan!

We must, unequivocally, call, lead, and guide our boys into true manhood.  We must expect it, and set our boys up to meet the expectation.  If we do not, they will land somewhere on either extreme.  On the one hand, we have a “hyper-masculinity” (other negative words have been associated with this, such as “macho man or machismo”, “bravado”, “meathead”, “jock”, etc.) and on the other, we have an effeminate version of masculinity (which doesn’t even make sense), which is incredibly disordered.  In fact, both versions are a false, counterfeit version, and are incredibly disordered.

Some of the buzz words used, and my thoughts:

• “Don’t cry.”  Men, you can cry.  God wouldn’t have given us emotion and tear ducts if He didn’t want us doing it.  And oh yeah, Jesus wept.
• “Pick yourself up.”  Yes, we’re going to fall.  Pick yourself up and get back on track.
• “Respect.”  Respect is earned.  Give it, and you will likely gain it in return.
• “Proving masculinity.”  Yes, this has to happen.  This is how we grow in virtue, by proving our masculinity.  This is very different from the view the video takes, which is speaking about becoming violent or using violence to be the proof.
• “Closeness.”  This is very hard for males in our society!  It is vital, essential, critical that fathers have a closeness with their sons!  Hugs, kisses, embracing, physical closeness, as well as emotional closeness and a spiritual closeness are all so important between fathers and sons.  (Thanks Dad, for always being close when I was a kid, and now.)
• “Vulnerability.”  Our culture tells men that being vulnerable is feminine.  Vulnerability actually requires strength.
• “Hyper-masculine.”  When masculinity is distorted, it will appear to be either side of the extremes, but never what it should be.

What I don’t like about the video is that it generalizes all of the negative aspects of masculinity overall, as if there is or needs to be some redefined version of masculinity out there.  No, there are two versions of masculinity: 1. The truth. 2. The lie.  That’s why TrueManhood.com exists, to perpetuate the truth, and to help get rid of the lie.  The truth is that a man (a human being with an XY chromosomal makeup) has the God-given ability, and the responsibility, to live up to what he was created for – to live virtuously.  The lie is cultural manliness; the more power, money, sex, and stuff a male has, the more manly he is.  Let’s work together, not at the loss of the truth, but together so that the truth can be proclaimed!

TrueMan up!

Where are the Men? Part 2

In the last post, I mentioned how while attending a Saturday evening Vigil Mass at a local parish, I noticed that only 4 of 31 servant-leadership roles were filled by men.  Of those 4 positions of service, 1  was a young boy altar server, 2 were Extraordinary Ministers of Holy Communion and 1 was in the happy happy clap clap band.  The problem is not the women, the problem is the men.  Here’s why…

When men are absent from servant-leadership (in anything, not just at Mass) the ‘thing’ does not function properly.  When a father is absent from his family, when a husband is absent from his wife, when a priest is absent from his parish, when a coach is absent from his team, when a boss is absent from his employees, when a commander is absent from his troops… the family, marriage, parish, team, company and unit do not function correctly.  At Mass, specifically, we must correct the dysfunctions because they are widespread and have a large scope of influence.  The way to correct the dysfunction is to encourage and challenge men to act in the way in which God created them to be.  To grasp this picture, let’s look at the creation account in the Book of Genesis.

God created Adam.  From Adam’s side, He created Eve.  Adam was commanded by God to “shamar” the garden.  Shamar is Hebrew for cultivate, protect, care for, etc.  It was Adam’s job to cultivate the land, protect the garden, his wife and all of creation, but from the onset, Adam dropped the ball.  When the serpent convinced Eve to eat of the fruit, where was Adam?  Gone in another place in the garden?  No.  Was he over at some buddy’s house drinking a cold one, watching the big game?  No.  He was right beside her!  [After all, she turned and handed him the fruit that she had just eaten from.]  He was neglecting to protect the garden and his wife and failed to do what God created him to do.  The Fall = Adam’s fault!  When this sort of behavior (when men fail to cultivate, protect and care for) continues to prevail, the Church suffers greatly.

The choices Adam made are, in some way, the same decisions that many Catholic men today are making.  Instead of cultivating the Church, protecting the Church and caring for the Church, men sit back and allow women to ‘do’.  If you look at parishes and/or dioceses that are incredibly strong, that have great priests, that have large properly-functioning families and they have large numbers of seminarians, you’ll see that it is almost undoubtedly because men are involved as leaders!

The problem with men sitting back and allowing women (who are willing and ready to step in) to fill the gap is that the general population of men either don’t attend Mass or simply lose interest, although their backside is filling a spot in the pew.  This sort of behavior teaches children that men don’t need faith and that faith is a ‘woman’s thing’.  Many men believe that faith, religion, prayer, devotion, etc. is feminine and actually, anti-masculine.  They couldn’t be further from the truth.  As I have stated many times before, being manly means that a man is virtuous.  Faith, Hope and Love, the Theological Virtues, are the real signs of manliness.  In an upcoming post, I will continue with the thought of what happens when men and women don’t fulfill their roles and how it affects the Church as a whole, titled “The Church: By Women, For Women.”

TrueMan up!

The Female Version of Cultural Manliness

Have you seen the trailer for the upcoming [atrocity] “Sex and the City 2”?  I’ve unfortunately seen the trailer 3 or 4 times now andhave been more and more disgusted by it every time.  I can proudly say that I haven’t seen the first movie (although I know it did really well at the box office) and I never intend to watch it.  The trailer, as well as the name of the movie/show, tells me plenty.  What it tells me is that the characters in the movie are out for, what I’m going to refer to as, “Cultural Femininity”.  For those who may not know, I use a term coined “Cultural Manliness” to describe the world’s view of manliness… that the more power, money, sex and stuff a male has, the more manly he is.  On all levels, I tear this idea down, showing that it is riddled with emptiness, loneliness, despair and sorrow.  The same goes for “Cultural Femininity”.

The trailer depicts the characters in the movie gallivanting around the world, searching for meaningless sex, pleasure and anything else that seems ‘fun’.  The trailer attempts to glorify promiscuity, drunkenness, infidelity, homosexuality and the glamor and allure of money.  A tag line used in the trailer says “Discover how much fun forbidden can be.”  The trailer tells me that many people (women and men) will have their view of marriage ‘shaken up’ a bit… which is most definitely not needed in our culture.  The four women in the movie are female versions of “cultural manliness”.  In the same way that “cultural manliness” ends in emptiness, loneliness, despair and sorrow, so too does “cultural femininity.”

Movies like this make this behavior seem ‘normal’, as if ‘everyone is doing it’, and in fact, many people live like this.  Movies like this degrade women, encourage all the poor behavior mentioned above and highly encourage men to be “culturally manly”.  It really is a shame.

TrueMan up!

Supposed To Do

I just returned from a weekend trip to a private midwestern university where I gave a talk on manliness and Christian brotherhood.  I mentioned the topic of Adam from the creation story in Genesis.  In the story, Adam disregards the command that God gave to him to “shamar” the garden.  From his neglect, sin entered the world.  This, naturally, led to discussion about gender roles.  During the Q&A session, a young man in the front row asked me “what do you mean when you say ‘what a man should do’ and ‘what a woman should do’?”  I think it’s a great question and deserves some explanation and distinction here on the site.

When I say one of those statements (‘what a man (or woman) should d0’), what I mean is that men and women have been called to a specific role in humanity.  (For instance, fatherhood, or motherhood.)  The young man wanted to know if I thought that women shouldn’t work, or be in leadership or do anything outside of mothering children, cleaning and cooking.  Obviously, I am not of that opinion.  I can understand the question though, because our society tells us constantly that it’s either one, but not both.

Being called to a specific role in humanity means that a male or a female is embracing their nature.  Men are naturally designed to protect, guard and care for.  We are more rugged.  Our bodies are made for laborious tasks.  Women are naturally more nurturing, motherly and tender.  These differences aren’t pointed out to say one is better than the other, only that they are different.  John Paul II said many times, “Men and women were created equal in dignity, but different in role.”  This is an important distinction.

For men to be TrueMen, we must embrace what is naturally placed on our hearts by God and follow the commands that God has given to us.

TrueMan up!

True Devotion to Jesus, Through Mary

Today is the feast day of St. Louis de Montfort.  St. Louis lived in the 17th and 18th centuries and his greatest contribution to the faith was that of perseverance in the face of critique and encouragement of the Church to be devoted to Jesus through Mary.  For many, this Catholic teaching is hard because they may see devotion to Mary as an unnecessary practice, and in some cases, as blasphemous.  Others may see devotion to Mary as something less-than-manly.  On the contrary!  Devotion to Mary, which St. Louis stressed in both writings, words and deeds, is the way to grow incredibly close to her son, our Lord, Jesus.  As men, we have a great deal to learn about obedience and can learn a lot from Mary’s example.

First, the Maryology… there’s too much that would go into giving a dissertation on Mary here, however, I will draw attention to her place in salvation history.  Mary accepted God’s will in her life and enthusiastically followed.  Through her ‘yes’, Christ came into the world.  Christ means King, and Mary therefore is the Queen Mother.  The Queen Mother sits with the King petitioning for His loyal servants. (1 Kings 1:19.)  By her ‘yes’, we reap the benefits of our Saviour.

St. Louis shows us that the theological virtues are the way to TrueManhood.  He set a great example for us to achieve the virtues of faith, hope and love.  The world attempts to tell men that these virtues are feminine and unnecessary.  Take a look at just about any piece of media and you will see a direct attack against these virtues.  St. Louis demonstrated great courage in the face of opposition and persecution to strive for faith, hope and love.

Lastly, a brief word of encouragement in regards to the Rosary.  Faithful Catholics don’t just ‘say’ the Rosary, we ‘pray’ the Rosary.  The Rosary is a mixture of reciting communal prayers (Our Father, Hail Mary, Glory Be, etc.) AND a deep meditation (simultaneously, mind you) of the mysteries of the Rosary.  The mysteries point directly to Christ’s life and ministry, culminating in His saving work of dying on the cross for our sins – the greatest example of manliness we have!  Pray on!

The Rosary is our sword in the battle of Good vs. Evil.

TrueMan up!

Encouraging Men to Get Involved

Here’s my latest article on iibloom.com, posted yesterday.

For some people, it’s a struggle to figure out why men aren’t involved at church and church-related events. When we take a look at a typical parish in the United States, we see a Church that is struggling to entice, encourage and strengthen men as leaders. Why is this? Is it the content, is it the timing, is it the other people in attendance? Is it something internal? Do they feel emasculated by it? Is it a lack of catechesis? Is there a power struggle? Or maybe even something else?

(Please note, this article is a generalization; please keep this in mind. Many men are fully engaged in the life of the Church and many parishes have a thriving men’s population. The point of this article is to find ways to help encourage men who aren’t involved to become involved.)

Men won’t get involved in “stuff” if they don’t see a value in it. Also, they aren’t likely to attend a new event, group or club unless they know someone else who is attending, and know them well. Another reason men won’t get involved is if they see the stuff as weak, lame or feminine. Unfortunately, many men see Mass, Church events, groups and retreats through this lens. On my website, I have mentioned that the Church is “by women, for women,” and this is a big reason why men aren’t involved. I say this because the vast majority of parishes in the US have a very lopsided attendance and volunteer demographic. The reason for this is because men fail to step up and into leadership and volunteer roles. 

Men shouldn’t be forced into praying like women pray, it doesn’t work for us. Men need to pray the way men were created to pray. Men shouldn’t be forced into activities that are similar to women’s activities, it does’t work for us. Men should participate in activities that they were created for. There’s a difference, and that difference is important.

The difference is, as the late Pope John Paul II often talked about, is that men and women were created equal in dignity, but different in role. In order for men to fulfill their role, their lives must be oriented correctly towards what they were created for. A great place to see what it is that men were created for is to read through the creation narrative in The Book of Genesis.

So how do you encourage men to participate? It’s tough to know, exactly. I think that a great way is to get to the heart of a man…that which God put deep inside each man. It’s different from anything else in the world, and hard to explain. See, men want to be rugged and tough. They want to shoot stuff, and fix stuff, and build stuff. They want to protect and defend, they want to love and be loved. They want to feel a purpose and be accomplished. Unfortunately, so many men don’t know how to do any of that stuff.

If we want men to participate, we have to encourage them, build them up and GIVE THEM A PERSONAL INVITATION. Personal invitations, from men they trust and respect, might just be the thing to get a man involved in the Life of the Church. The personal invitation should be in person, not over phone, texting or email. And once the invitation is extended, the event better not stink! Or be lame! And, it better not be associated with ‘sissiness’! If it does, he’ll never come back.

I encourage all the faithful, if they know a man who needs to be involved, to be like St Monica. St Monica, the mother of St Augustine, prayed unceasingly for her son. Augustine was a wandering-soul. He lived a life of incredible sin and his mother still prayed. He became one of the greatest saints and writers of the Church. That man who you know might just be the next St Augustine.

Click HERE for the article on iibloom’s site.