TrueManhood More Realistic with the Help of Good Women

I’m striving for TrueManhood.  TrueManhood is what all men are called to, a life of virtue as an imitation of Jesus Christ, the TrueMan.  It is the most fulfilling life a man can live.  I strive, but I am far from perfect.  I fail to live up to TrueManhood, and have a long road towards virtuous living.  This lifestyle is difficult, but it is realistic, and it is achievable.  To my point, TrueManhood is much more realistic with the help of good women.

This is my Mother’s Day post for 2014.  It has been interesting, for me, as I became a father and my children grow older, the shift that has taken place surrounding Mother’s Day.  The focus of Mother’s Day, for husbands of mothers of small children, is no longer on their own mother (although we are still grateful and appreciative – Happy Mother’s Day Mom!) but rather is derived from the family’s appreciation and admiration, thanksgiving for, and efforts of “Mommy.”  This focus, it seems to me, is led heavily by those things specifically from the father’s point of view.  The small children aren’t necessarily capable of intentionally creating, buying, or delivering thoughtful, sentimental, meaningful gifts or performing acts of gratitude, so the responsibility lands on that of the father.

I am notorious for getting the wrong gift, things my wife never asked for, indicated that she wanted, or has any use for.  (Not all of my gifts are horrible, just most of them!)  I lack originality and romance, sentimentality and thoughtfulness.  It is a crippling affliction.  This year, I’m writing this post as an attempt at a textual monument to my wife, the mother of my four beautiful children.  Words cannot begin to explain.  She is a true servant, compassionate, and tender, and incredibly thoughtful.  One of my favorite characteristics of my wife is her intentionality; everything she does has a plan and is thought out and most importantly, purposeful.  In addition to those, she is never self-centered.  She challenges me in so many good ways to raise my level of living, and I am so grateful.

Catherine – you work tirelessly to support me in my endeavors, and are relentless in the rearing of our children.  They are incredible because you make them incredible.  They are lucky little kids, having you as their mother.  I’m the lucky man that gets to call you wife, best friend, and soul mate.  Thank you for all you do for us, we can never live up to your example, but will try our hardest. 

All of these things speak to the beauty of how men and women are complementary, and that complementarity works to build both sides.  For me personally, my wife’s complementarity is the greatest way for me to achieve TrueManhood.  She assists me, as my helpmate, to refine me, challenge me, and inspire me to be the man that I so badly want to be, and the man that she and my children deserve.  Because we are so intimately connected, as one flesh through our matrimony, her life is my life, and I am all the better because of it.

A single day for our mothers is almost a slap in the face, because there are no words, no amounts of gifts or money spent on them, nor thoughtfulness that we can put into anything for our mothers or for the mothers of our children that will even begin to compare to the love, sacrifice, and total self-gift that these women give, day in and day out.  As a small token, for all the mothers out there, please accept this small gesture of thanks.

TrueMan up!

3 Most Damaging Words? – Nope

Have you seen the PSA style video “The Mask You Live In”?  It talks about boys in our culture, and stereotypes of how boys handle the stresses of growing up male, in addition to the struggles of living up to the standards the culture and peers place on them.  There are truths in the video, but I disagree with their take on “the 3 most destructive words you could say to a boy.”  Here’s the video:

The suggestion is made that telling a boy to “Be a Man” is detrimental to him.  If we’re speaking from the context of cultural manliness, then sure, I could see that.  If, however, we’re speaking from the context of authentic masculinity (ie: TrueManhood), then this is absolutely what we should be telling our boys!  We should be encouraging them, teaching them, forming them, and exemplifying for them what it means to be a man so they are able to set a goal and become what they were created to be.  A TrueMan!

We must, unequivocally, call, lead, and guide our boys into true manhood.  We must expect it, and set our boys up to meet the expectation.  If we do not, they will land somewhere on either extreme.  On the one hand, we have a “hyper-masculinity” (other negative words have been associated with this, such as “macho man or machismo”, “bravado”, “meathead”, “jock”, etc.) and on the other, we have an effeminate version of masculinity (which doesn’t even make sense), which is incredibly disordered.  In fact, both versions are a false, counterfeit version, and are incredibly disordered.

Some of the buzz words used, and my thoughts:

• “Don’t cry.”  Men, you can cry.  God wouldn’t have given us emotion and tear ducts if He didn’t want us doing it.  And oh yeah, Jesus wept.
• “Pick yourself up.”  Yes, we’re going to fall.  Pick yourself up and get back on track.
• “Respect.”  Respect is earned.  Give it, and you will likely gain it in return.
• “Proving masculinity.”  Yes, this has to happen.  This is how we grow in virtue, by proving our masculinity.  This is very different from the view the video takes, which is speaking about becoming violent or using violence to be the proof.
• “Closeness.”  This is very hard for males in our society!  It is vital, essential, critical that fathers have a closeness with their sons!  Hugs, kisses, embracing, physical closeness, as well as emotional closeness and a spiritual closeness are all so important between fathers and sons.  (Thanks Dad, for always being close when I was a kid, and now.)
• “Vulnerability.”  Our culture tells men that being vulnerable is feminine.  Vulnerability actually requires strength.
• “Hyper-masculine.”  When masculinity is distorted, it will appear to be either side of the extremes, but never what it should be.

What I don’t like about the video is that it generalizes all of the negative aspects of masculinity overall, as if there is or needs to be some redefined version of masculinity out there.  No, there are two versions of masculinity: 1. The truth. 2. The lie.  That’s why TrueManhood.com exists, to perpetuate the truth, and to help get rid of the lie.  The truth is that a man (a human being with an XY chromosomal makeup) has the God-given ability, and the responsibility, to live up to what he was created for – to live virtuously.  The lie is cultural manliness; the more power, money, sex, and stuff a male has, the more manly he is.  Let’s work together, not at the loss of the truth, but together so that the truth can be proclaimed!

TrueMan up!

Share Your Greatness

I recently saw a ridiculous commercial from PlayStation 4.  Watch:

I had no idea how big these Sony marketing efforts were (probably because I don’t watch much television or play video games) and didn’t realize until after I shot the short video (below) that this isn’t a new marketing scheme at all, but rather, it’s been out for a while and it is mainstream.  You’ll see that the video above has been viewed 12+ million times.  This doesn’t count the other commercials, the print ads, or the times it’s been seen on TV and other mediums.  It goes without saying, this version of greatness has been consumed.

It’s not in this video, but there are other PS4 commercials under the same “Greatness Awaits” slogan that talk about “epic” moves and actions, “first to greatness”, and “sharing your greatness.”  The idea is that when a gamer makes a successful play, a creative kill, or a “first of a kind” move in a video game, PS4 will save the video of that move and then post it for others to see on social media.  Is this all that we have?  Is this the best we can do?  This is false reality perpetuating false reality!  The false reality that is video games, to me, is astonishing in and of itself… and now this sort of marketing is applied.  All that we expect out of ourselves is a good move or play in a video game?  Lame.

I make some bold claims in the video. Some of the themes aren’t as developed as I’d maybe like, but I’ve never posted about this specifically, and want to at least get the ball rolling on this topic. We have a major epidemic of males (boys) running around when we need men. (FYI: The opposite of masculinity isn’t femininity, it is childishness.) We have a ‘culture of the young male’ that wastes incredible amounts of time sitting at a screen, pressing some buttons.  Since the advent of the Atari, it’s become worse and worse.  Many of our young males aren’t going on adventures. These young males aren’t pursuing noble causes. They don’t even go outside! Many of these same young males lack courage and the ability to ask a woman out on a date. They are missing out on life.  (Trust me, I’ve experienced this firsthand, on college campuses around the country, in high schools, and in society the past 15+ years.)

Men – if you find yourself as one of these males that play video games, I want to encourage you to get rid of them. Call it quits. Find a suitable alternative. (I name a few categorically in the video.) Strive for true greatness.

Women – if you are with a male who throws time down the garbage by playing video games, ask yourself if he’s what you deserve. Help him by expecting more from him.

Parents – if your children have video games, I’m not saying that they are intrinsically evil, but want to encourage everyone to take a step back and consider how much time is being spent in this false reality, and how much effort and money is going into a mindless and fleeting activity? Is this all that we can, should, or will expect of our children? This goes far beyond video games, and includes all of our use on screens of any kind. They are one of the devil’s gateways into our lives. I’m suggesting that you consider heavily the consequences of video games in your children’s lives.

As with all things in life, TrueManhood.com wants to relate what we do and what we should be doing to virtue.  The answer here is to strive for magnanimity.  St. Thomas Aquinas in the Summa described magninimity as “stretching forth the mind to great things.”  It is also, “Greatness of soul. It looks especially to honor and seeks to perform noble deeds. Its object is to perform actions that faith tells a person are great in the eyes of God, no matter what people may think of one’s conduct. “

TrueMan up!

“Skirt Covering the Knees, Leg Warmers, Boots, a Half-Sleeved Shirt…”

These are words that have never come out of my mouth as to something I was wearing.  Other than the boots part.  Skirt?  Leg Warmers?  Geez.  I thought this story was a joke when I first saw it about two weeks ago, but apparently, it’s not.  This guy actually exists.  I looked up his “art”… very disturbing.  I don’t recommend it.  In fact, I suggest you don’t.  It’s a bit pornographic and very sacrilegious.  There are very clear and problematic issues with this male’s stance… it is the same problem that we see often in our culture; the oxymoron of feminine-men and masculine-women.  Put plainly, when men and women lose their gender roles and responsibilities, there is a disorder happening and things get all out of whack.  As I’ve written several times before, our Church and many of Her leaders (including Blessed John Paul II) emphatically teach “equal in dignity, difference in roles.”  It’s the only thing that makes sense.

I’m glad the Vatican stands up to this sort of behavior.  If an institution in America did this, they’d be sued, all over the lib-media and denounced as intolerant and judgmental.  The Vatican plays by different rules.  Thank goodness.  Here’s the story…

“Mumbai-based artist Julius Macwan has felt strongly about women’s causes for a long time — in solidarity of which he wears skirts, a statement that he feels underlines his connection with and sympathies for the fairer sex. But this very ‘rule breaking’ got him into a bit of a conundrum in Rome last week.

Julius, a Roman Catholic by birth, inspired by Italy’s greats Michelangelo and Bernini in his art, named after Roman emperor Julius Caesar was ironically stopped at the very gates he was longing to pass through for a very long time — he was forbidden from entering the Vatican because he was in a skirt.

“I was in a state of shock, my mind was numb,” Macwan, now back in Mumbai, recalled. “My most famous work is inspired by the Pieta, it is also called the Pieta/The Death of Magic. I wanted to see the Pieta in the Vatican, had dressed formally for the occasion — skirt covering the knees, leg warmers, boots, a half- sleeved shirt. You can say my outfit was inspired by Roman warriors of the past.”

It might be interesting to note that Macwan’s Pieta/The Death of Magic depicts a self portrait of Julius himself, in a skirt, holding the body of a woman in a bikini, representative of the magic of womanhood dying in a male-controlled world. Macwan’s Pieta is now part of Harsh Goenka’s collection.

The original Pieta, (which has four versions, the most famed being in the Vatican) sculpted by Italian genius Michelangelo depicts the Virgin Mary distraught as she holds the body of Christ.

Despite his knees being covered, Macwan was stopped at the gates and asked if he were Scottish (because his attire resembled the kilt).

“I didn’t know till I reached the Vatican that the dress code requires shoulders and knees to be covered. Mine were covered, though I was in a skirt, but when I said I wasn’t Scottish, the person at the gate wouldn’t let me through,” he said. The person seemed to be a priest – he was in a white buttoned smock. “I was thrilled to be at the Vatican, I’m Roman Catholic, named after the Roman Caesar, I was in his city, my work deals with the Pieta, I was wearing Roman-inspired clothing, thinking in this visit, destiny completes itself.” Clearly, it was not to be. The person at the gate pointed to his skirt, and said, ‘You cannot go in. If you argue, I’ll call the police.”

Macwan didn’t go in. He feels, however, that “more than racist, the episode was chauvinistic.” “I was stopped because I wore a skirt, not because I was showing my knees. There was another guy going in later, in what appeared to be swimming trunks, his knees were showing. But he was let in.”

Though he didn’t get to see the Pieta, Macwan says he feels ‘strangely empowered’ by the incident. “I was in a skirt, I was not allowed in – my work deals with this theme.” And he is not registering any complaints against what he calls the ‘fundamentalism’ of religion. “Though I was humiliated, I am not complaining.” Macwan will instead, channel his experience into another Roman inspired work of art – this time depicting the scene outside the Vatican!”