Catholic Men’s Conference at FUS
This past weekend, I attended a men’s conference at the Franciscan University of Steubenville. I’d like to share a few thoughts from the weekend and a few challenges that correspond.
First off, we are all sinners. No matter how long you’ve been involved in your faith, or how many ministry ‘things’ you attend, or the number of men you’ve spoken to at conferences or how old you are… we all have room to grow. Keep working on getting better! It’s a daily thing, not just a 60 minute thing on Sundays.
Secondly, the vast majority of the Catholic population doesn’t live for Christ. They live for themselves. We all must turn away from sin and have a conversion. On Friday night of the conference, the evening’s speaker spoke of how St. Paul wrote about baptism. The imagery that St. Paul used showed that the waters of baptism are not waters of life (as most believe), but actually waters of death. These waters of death kill off the old self and require us to be born anew in Christ Jesus. The coming out of the waters requires us to live differently. This different way of life is radically different from what the world tells us life is all about. The reward of this life is not of this world, but of life eternal with God in Heaven.
Lastly, I want to convey the incredible need for additional men’s ministry programs around the country. We need to have a men’s ministry program everywhere and need to reach out to more men. No one man can do it all. So, if you are in an area that doesn’t have anything for men, then get started! I can get you the resources needed to start small faith formation groups, or to start a men’s conference, or do to weekend retreats, or whatever it may be that you’re looking for. The important element here… if there’s a need, then step up and fill the gap.
TrueMan up!
What Makes Porn So Bad?!
So last post (Porn Gone Mobile) I said that I would talk about why porn is so bad. The totality of the answer can’t fit into this post, so here’s what I’ve got for you today. A great number of people, even those who do not currently look at, use, buy or sell porn, believe that there is nothing wrong with porn. This is a sign of a culture that has completely lost its moral compass. Not only has the moral compass been lost, it has since been replaced with a compass (better stated as a philosophy) that is so far from the truth that it actually denies that absolute truth exists! This philosophy… moral relativism. Relativism states that all things are relative. If you really believe that the composition of the stuff that makes up the ocean is not H2O, but actually H3O7, then in relativism, H3O7 is “truth for you”.
Sure, that’s a silly example, but it can be extended onto any philosophical issue… any issue related to morals, ethics, virtue, choices, life, death… you name it. You may believe that abortion isn’t murder of a human life, but that doesn’t make your belief true. The problem with moral relativism is, well, everything. It denies the absolute truth and leaves everything for the individual to determine. Not a good place to start. If relativism is true, then what Christ did on the cross doesn’t matter. If relativism is true, then God isn’t the ‘unmoved Mover’. If relativism is true, then there’s no definition to what manliness is. So…
That brings us back to porn and why it IS so bad. It’s not that porn is only bad for me and for some other select group of people. It’s not that I’m ‘trying to force my morality on someone’. It’s not that only certain kinds of porn are bad. It’s all intrinsically evil. Catechism of the Catholic Church, paragraph 2354, states: “It offends against chastity because it perverts the conjugal act… It does grave injury to the dignity of its participants… It is a grave offense.” The production of, distribution of and/or the use of pornography damages the individual, causing them to enter into mortal sin, a total turning away from God. It is a lie. It is repulsive.
On another note, porn is intrinsically evil because it destroys our brain’s ability to function properly. When porn is viewed/used, a chemical bond is created. The chemical involved is a hormone, called oxytocin. Oxytocin exists in both males and females. One of the most commonly known occurrences of oxytocin is in child birth. It is one of the bonding agents between a mother and a newborn child – a very powerful bond. Oxytocin is also released in sexual orgasm, thus creating a bond. When the bond is based on a fantasy, ie porn, the bond is incredibly detrimental. This false bond distorts the understanding of the sexual act. Once the distorted bond is in place, often times, the bond continues to deteriorate. Many men choose to allow this bond into their life and then wonder why real intimacy and actual giving of oneself in marriage is so difficult.
If you haven’t been exposed to porn, I urge you to do everything in your power to stay away from it. Porn is just like meth… it only
takes one time. If you have been exposed to porn, it will continue to bond you to the fantasy, to the sexual act, to the addiction. If you’re a single man using porn, the distorted bond will damage your relationships, it will be a stumbling block to finding the right spouse, it will become your motivation. If/When you get married, it will cause you to be selfish in regards to intimacy with your wife, not to mention in day-to-day activities and interactions. If you’re a married man using porn, I’m almost 100% certain that the intimacy with your wife is distorted by your addiction. Not only does it distort your relationship with your wife, it distorts the relationship you have with your children, friends and co-workers.
The good news, as stated before many times, is that freedom from porn exists! I’m walking proof. I had these distortions in my life. It takes a ton of hard work to get over them, as well as daily prayer, the Sacraments and God’s grace. You can do it! Get rid of the porn today!
TrueMan up!
True Devotion to Jesus, Through Mary
Today is the feast day of St. Louis de Montfort. St. Louis lived in the 17th and 18th centuries and his greatest contribution to the faith
was that of perseverance in the face of critique and encouragement of the Church to be devoted to Jesus through Mary. For many, this Catholic teaching is hard because they may see devotion to Mary as an unnecessary practice, and in some cases, as blasphemous. Others may see devotion to Mary as something less-than-manly. On the contrary! Devotion to Mary, which St. Louis stressed in both writings, words and deeds, is the way to grow incredibly close to her son, our Lord, Jesus. As men, we have a great deal to learn about obedience and can learn a lot from Mary’s example.
First, the Maryology… there’s too much that would go into giving a dissertation on Mary here, however, I will draw attention to her place in salvation history. Mary accepted God’s will in her life and enthusiastically followed. Through her ‘yes’, Christ came into the world. Christ means King, and Mary therefore is the Queen Mother. The Queen Mother sits with the King petitioning for His loyal servants. (1 Kings 1:19.) By her ‘yes’, we reap the benefits of our Saviour.
St. Louis shows us that the theological virtues are the way to TrueManhood. He set a great example for us to achieve the virtues of faith, hope and love. The world attempts to tell men that these virtues are feminine and unnecessary. Take a look at just about any piece of media and you will see a direct attack against these virtues. St. Louis demonstrated great courage in the face of opposition and persecution to strive for faith, hope and love.
Lastly, a brief word of encouragement in regards to the Rosary. Faithful Catholics don’t just ‘say’ the Rosary, we ‘pray’ the Rosary. The Rosary is a mixture of reciting communal prayers (Our Father, Hail Mary, Glory Be, etc.) AND a deep meditation (simultaneously, mind you) of the mysteries of the Rosary. The mysteries point directly to Christ’s life and ministry, culminating in His saving work of dying on the cross for our sins – the greatest example of manliness we have! Pray on!
The Rosary is our sword in the battle of Good vs. Evil.
TrueMan up!
Earth Day 2010 – Nature’s Greatest Gift
Congrats to Brian Burch and the folks at CatholicVote.org for putting together an awesome Pro-Life marketing movement, using Earth Day as the catalyst… and for encouraging Americans to think about nature’s greatest gift. These posters have been plastered on buses, subways and trains in numerous large cities around the country, including Chicago, San Francisco, Seattle and Los Angeles.
Check out the video they put together getting folk’s thoughts on the street. Click HERE if you can’t view the video.
Tomorrow, Thursday, April 22, 2010, is Earth Day. I challenge you to take a good look at how you view Earth, nature, creation. Do you value it as the incredible gift that God has given to you or do you take advantage of it? Squander it? Disrespect it? Heck, don’t only do that on Earth Day, do that every day.
TrueMan up!
For Women – Is He Mr. Right?
I recently came across an online article titled “Is He Mr. Right?” I was curious what the article said, doubting that any of it was substantive or even remotely helpful. The information was, well, eh. The article had five main points, and if your “Mr. Next” met all five, then voilà! “You’ve found Mr. Right!” What do you think?
The first point was “He Listens to You”. Huh?, what’s that? Oh, sorry. Although listening is a vital component to just about every human relationship, I don’t know that it’s essential in choosing Mr. Right. The first point continues on, saying “you’ll know he listens to you when he shows genuine concern, consistently remembers things you’ve told him and offers emotional support in honest and thoughtful way.” Well… I don’t think that the actions mentioned here are listening, although listening played a role. The action is ‘showing’, ‘remembering’ and ‘offering’. Listening doesn’t make things happen… doing does. With that said, God gave us each 2 ears and only 1 mouth, meaning that we should probably listen twice as much as we talk.
The second point is rather silly… “He Connects with You.” If a guy isn’t connecting with you, why are you dating him?
The third point is good, although not developed enough for my tastes… “He Wants the Real You.” The author writes about a woman not giving up any part of her identity for a man, which is fine and good. I think that when either person does that, it only leads to falsehood, and eventually, the truth comes out and problems come up. I believe one of the best ways for the guy to really want the ‘real’ you, is for him to know you before you date. This begins the topic of dating with a purpose, although we don’t have time for that here.
The fourth point is even better than the third. Here it is, verbatim: “A relationship without trust is doomed from the start. But a relationship with abundant trust? A fabulous foundation for real and lasting love! Built over time, trust is based on the simple belief system that your partner has your best interests at heart and will never intentionally hurt you (and vice versa). If and when you discover that Mr. Next is 100 percent trustworthy, you’ll have no trouble giving your heart to him. In return, he’ll most likely give you his heart and pave the way for a lasting, loving relationship to unfold.” Here’s my qualm with this on… be overly careful with who you give your heart to. Just because he’s trustworthy, doesn’t make him worthy of your heart. Be careful, please.
The fifth point isn’t all the great, at least not for the ‘all-encompassing’ characteristic that a man must have, blah blah blah. “He Enriches Your Life.” Is that the best this author can do? What about virtue here? What about how he treats you? What about how compatible your life goals, dreams and aspirations are? Again, as with the second point, this seems a bit silly for me.
I think the author is missing the boat, unless, of course, the point of dating is solely to have fun. If that’s the case, then what’s the
point in even caring about Mr. Right? Why not just care about Mr. Right-Now? The point should be that dating with a purpose is the only way that a relationship will truly last and truly bring happiness to both people. These relationships, however, must have Christ at their center if they want that happiness. Ladies, please know that you are incredible. God created you for greatness and you have nothing stopping you from that. You deserve the best and should never compromise for a counterfeit version of the best. So many women attempt to find value in the things that happen to them (compliments, stares, successes at work, awards, etc.) instead of finding true value in the fact that you are a daughter of God. He is the only place for true fulfillment.
Tuesdays with Daddy – Selfishness Impedes Service
March 31, 2010 by admin
Filed under Blog, Fatherhood, Tuesdays with Daddy, Virtue
My daughter has been sick for several days. Because she is a toddler, it is difficult to really pinpoint what’s happening with her, what hurts and how to make her better. I’ve been at a loss for exactly what to do, and although we’re trying, she doesn’t seem to be getting better. At least not as fast I my wife and I would hope. As I’ve been observing her and contemplating solutions to this problem, I realized something today… selfishness impedes service. What do I mean?
When you’re in charge of someone else, and their entire well-being stems from your actions, it’s plain to see that they not only rely on you to make good decisions, but to be at their service. This isn’t to say that I wait hand-and-foot on my children, but it means that my daughters, especially when ill, need me to be selfless in regards to them. And, I want to be a servant-leader for my family and for the world, which requires me to continually learn how to better serve them. I look at my life and realize (quite often) how selfish I can be. I like what I like, the way I like it, when I like it, how I like it. This gets in the way of my ability to truly serve my family.
Where did my selfish tendencies come from? Besides my fallen human nature, my tendency toward selfishness stems from my past pornography use. It made everything I do, even serving my sickly little girl, about me. Because of this revelation, I realized that the only way to do that is to look to the cross. I must unite my failures in life to the struggle Christ experienced on the cross so that I am purified of my tendency toward comfort, self-pleasure and ease. My little girl needs me to be one hundred percent committed to taking care of her and if I don’t watch it, I’ll put myself before her, falling into old patterns and losing sight of the cross. If this happens, my selfishness has won and drastically impedes my ability to serve.
I urge everyone to take a step back, especially during Holy Week, to evaluate the areas in your life (vicious behavior) that require change. Figure out how to change those things and continue to work on them until you possess the virtue that overcomes that vice.
Man up!
Ask an Expert – Relationship with God, No Church?
My latest Ask an Expert response on iibloom.com:
QUESTION: Can I have a relationship with God without going to Church?
ANSWER: I know this question is on the hearts and minds of lots of folks, so thanks for stepping out and asking it. The short answer is, yes, you can have a relationship with God without going to Church. After all, He created you! However, that relationship is going to be a bad one. Think about it this way… imagine that you’re married and that you and your spouse have completely opposite schedules. You never talk, you never see each other. You never go on dates, you don’t snuggle at night and you never eat a meal together. What kind of marriage are you going to have? Not a good one. I DON’T think this is what you’re getting at.
Imagine now that you never become intimate with your spouse, that you never share or participate in their sacrifice for you. Imagine that you have barriers between you and your spouse that eliminate the ability to fully understand each other. What kind of marriage is this? An even worse marriage than the other. This, I think, IS what you’re getting at!
“Can I have a relationship with God without going to church?” Being in relationship with God is about much more than simply going to church. Being in relationship with God is about being involved in His life. God the Father sent His only Son, Jesus, to take on human flesh. Once Jesus became man, He gave fully of Himself in a sacrificial way. This sacrifice is what we celebrate at Mass, and is the “source and summit” of our faith. This sacrifice is The Most Holy Sacrament of the Altar, the Eucharist! When we receive Jesus in the Eucharist, we are more intimately connected with Him than at any other time in our lives. There is no other single way to be more closely related to Him than this! He dwells in us, physically, after we receive Him. What a great honor and privilege!!!
Previously, I stated that you could have a relationship with God without going to Church. I don’t actually believe that. In order to be in relationship, which means to be connected to someone else, you have to participate in their life. Jesus gave His all for His bride, the Church. His life was service to His spouse. If we’re going to be in relationship with Him, we have to participate in the life of the Church, the bride of Christ.
[If you read in the Gospel of John, Chapter 6, Christ institutes the Eucharist. These passages are vital for a Catholic understanding of what Christ did on the cross for us.]
