GUEST BLOGGER: “Two Stories” by Ryan Kraeger

Ryan Kraeger was born in upstate New York, second of seven children, raised on a farm and homeschooled from first grade to highschool. He graduated at seventeen and joined the military the same week, choosing the MOS (Military Occupational Specialty) of Combat Engineer because he thought the video looked cool (it was primarily composed of explosions). Since then he has done many and varied things in the Army, including loading baggage on planes in Fort Hood Texas, spending a year in the Republic of Korea, patrolling and raiding in Iraq, and building bridges and uncovering IED’s in Afghanistan. Currently he is in training to be a Green Beret, learning his target language, Korean, before going on to the world’s finest and most intensive medic course.  Ryan is also an avid reader and amateur writer, you can read more of his writing at his website.

Two Stories:  Stories bump, stories merge, stories permeate each other. Stories can even unite. Only God can keep track of all the stories and how they interact. It is a vast, complex, multi-dimensional web, a tapestry of infinite complexity and beauty. The work of God in each life is not separate from His work in every life. What He does for me, He is doing for everyone else in the world, through me. Whatever He does for anyone else, He does for me, through them, whether we ever meet or not. It is God’s nature to be a union, and it is His nature to bring about union among His creatures, little by little and partially in this world, and then finally and totally in the next world, where all who are in union with Him will be in union with each other.  We get hints of it, even now.

Imagine a young girl, maybe fifteen or sixteen, who is in a bad dating relationship in high school. Her boyfriend is controlling, orverbally abusive, or is pressuring her to have sex or join in with his drug or alcohol habit, or whatever the case may be. She has compromised too much with too many, and isn’t sure how much she has left to give up, or why she’s bothering anymore. She’s not an innocent little girl anymore. She feels tarnished. Her whole life is a scramble to find acceptance, which for her means popularity with the right bunch of teenage girls, and being noticed by the right teenage boys. Her relationship with her parents and siblings has completely unraveled. She is lost, drifting, miserable, empty, and too busy to notice it. All her thought and energy is bent on the one thing that she thinks will keep her head above water, keep her life meaningful and worthwhile, and he isn’t worth the time of day. The preoccupation consumes her, and she doesn’t know what’s wrong, or where she should turn, or what she should do. Now, imagine that one day she is sitting somewhere, perhaps looking out the window of the school bus, or sitting on a park bench, or standing in a group of teenagers on the corner. Purple streaked hair, too much makeup, tight jeans, halter top, book bag and IPod, she looks just like any one of millions of girls her age, but she is not. She is God’s beloved daughter, His Princess, His Darling. I think God sometimes sends parents only one child, as a symbol of how much He loves each one of us, as if I were the only one.

Let’s put our girl on the bus. She’s sitting on her seat, looking out the window, with one hand jealously clutched by the boy who is sitting next to her. She lets him hold her hand, not because she really enjoys it, but just because that is what you do. If you’re in a relationship, you hold hands, you sit on his lap, you argue about how far you are willing to go. That’s just what you do.

Suddenly, through the window, she sees another couple. They are very old, in their sixties or seventies or eighties or something. To her teenage mind they hardly even register as people anymore. They are like museum pieces, totally irrelevant to her world of hard music, slamming lockers, filthy jokes and innuendo, and constant noise, noise, noise, noise. She has passed by this same couple sitting on their porch a hundred times and never seen them, but her King has a gift for her today. He opens her eyes, for a second, an instant, a heartbeat, just long enough. The old man takes the old woman’s hand and smiles at her. The old woman smiles back. All hell screams in fury, as years of lies, deceit, hate, sneering and malice are threatened all in an instant. They rush around, frantically trying to crush the new thoughts and wonderings and vague, painful longings, and they are mostly successful. They are very good at what they do. Before the bus reaches the corner, their rotten construction is standing in all its ugliness once again. God lets it go, because He knows more than they do. Something has been planted deep in her heart, and though she forgets in a minute, anxious not to threaten the card castle she has so carefully built for herself, she can never be the same again. One old man, on an ordinary day, for no particular reason other than that he just felt like it, did what he’d been doing for fifty years. He loved his wife. He never met that teenage girl, but for ever after her heart will be just a little harder to satisfy. She will want just a little more from the man in her life, her standards will be just a little bit higher. It will cause her no end of grief, because the higher your standards, the easier they are to disappoint, but her heart will have moved one fraction closer to realizing the dangerous truth, that she is more precious than this entire planet, and all the galaxies of the universe. Her Prince came to earth and died for her, and so she deserves more. All hell will stand between her and that truth, but because one old man loved his wife, her heart moved a fraction closer to it, and it can never be moved back.

Tuesdays with Daddy – I Just Want to Hold You

I noticed today, that for the most part, my children aren’t interested in being held by me.  It’s not that I scare them, or that I’m too rough, or that my beard is scruffy on their faces, or anything like that.  It’s that they have other stuff they want to be doing.  On occasion, when a head is bonked, or a toe is stubbed, or a toy is stolen by their sibling and just about every 2 hours or so when that hunger thing comes around, then they come running, arms wide open, running to their daddy asking for something in their time of need.

Consequently, I realized, because of my wonderful children, that many of us are that way with our Heavenly Father.  All He wants is for us to be connected with Him, to be united with Him, to love Him and to be with Him.  More often than not, we want the opposite.  We have other “stuff” we want to do, and we don’t include Him.  He’s going to be there waiting for us, the same way I’m always there waiting for my girls, but wouldn’t it be better for us to run to Him in the good times too, when we’re not in need of something from Him?  I challenge all of us, myself included, to give God our first-fruits.  To give to Him the perfect time, upfront, not just the leftovers.

Man up!

Tuesdays with Daddy – Morning Offering and Daily Readings

I had an idea to implement some special prayer time and Scripture reading into each day with my girls.  Even though they are young, I’m finding it very fruitful.  My two year old and one year old don’t listen intently, nor would they have total comprehension if they did.  That’s not the point.  The point is that each and every day, in the morning, my children know that God is number one.  Here’s what I’ve been doing.

Every morning, I get my children from their rooms, we do the necessary change of diapers/underwear, comb the hair and do morning hugs and kisses, and then we head into the kitchen for breakfast.  Before any food is consumed, and before any milk in sippy cups is drunk, I have the girls join me in the sign of the cross, and I hold their hands as I offer our day for Christ.  I want them to get in the habit of praying, of giving God our “firsts”, if you will.  I also want them to know that we should make a sacrificial gift of ourselves to  God.

After making our morning offering, I then put their bowls and drinks in front of them, and they begin to eat.  This is prime time for their attention, so I began reading them the Scripture readings from each day; Sunday or weekday.  I found an “app” on my phone that has all the readings from each day, which works out nicely because I always have my phone handy.

This entire process takes just under five minutes.  My girls “stay with me” that long, so it doesn’t become tiresome, like some other prayer options we’ve tried.  One of the best things about spending this time with them is that I’m actively participating in their spiritual growth.  Their spiritual growth is my responsibility as their father.  I cannot take that lightly.  They see that prayer and time with the Word is important to me and they become used to it.

I’m going to continue this process until I see the need to change things up.

Man up!

No Idea Where to Take It

Since my first post about Tiger (nine days ago), an incredible amount of information has surfaced in this story.  Obviously, we’ve all seen or heard at least some details.  At this point, I have no idea where to take it.  There’s so much to talk about, I don’t care to get into it.  To me, Tiger has become another Lindsay Lohan/Britney Spears/A-Rod/John&Kate+8 tabloid star.  In light of this, I probably won’t blog more about him or this situation unless something really sticks out to me.

In response to a comment I received, I’d like to clear up a few things.  Here is the comment:

While I certainly do not condone his behavior, I think you are being a bit judgmental – especially when you state that “I won’t forget.” You are carrying a grudge against him and seem as though you are unwilling to forgive him for his transgressions. Hate the sin, not the sinner.

Tiger is at a low point in his life. He obviously has some major problems that he needs to deal with. On the news this morning, I heard reports of even more affairs and a possible addiction to pain killers.

Advent is a time of forgiveness and repentance. We need to forgive him. Tiger needs to repent. Pray that he understands the ramifications of his actions and that he is able to deal with these issues head on (repent).

I’ve discussed the topic of “judgmental” before, but I’ll clear up the confusion.  Typically, the term ‘judgmental’ is misused in our society.  Although I may receive some flack for this, to be judgmental is good… we judge actions of individuals to determine whether or not they would be good friends.  As a parent, I judge the actions of individuals to determine whether or not they can have contact with my children.  We judge decisions, records and work-ethic of political figures to determine whether or not we should vote for them.  We judge moral decisions.  We judge a great deal of things.  In this case, I was judging Tiger’s actions.  The confusion, I believe, comes when judgmental is used in place of “condemning”.  When we condemn others, we put ourselves in the place of Christ, taking the position of “you’re going to hell because of…”.  Condemning others is not our place, nor will it ever be.  Judgment is a virtue, in fact, you can read about it in the Catechism of the Catholic Church, paragraph 1806, under the heading of Prudence.

I’m not “unwilling to forgive” Tiger, nor am I carrying a grudge.  My point in the previous post about Tiger was that he is in the lime light and can’t simply turn that off because he made some mistakes.  His actions (morally right, wrong or indifferent) will have lasting effects on society.  You may say I’m stretching it here, but there will be men who think to themselves, and some who actually say the words out loud, “Tiger did it, it’s okay for me to do it too”.  His influence is (was) too powerful for that not to happen.

Also mentioned was the topic of forgiveness.  Yes, we are in Advent; it’s not a time of forgiveness or repentance, as stated in the comment.  Advent is a time of preparation and expectancy for the coming birth of the Christ child.  So, let’s look at this in the context of the Tiger situation, how does Advent play a role in how we look at everything?  First off, it’s not my place to forgive him, he has not trespassed against me… that’s for God and Tiger’s wife Elin.  Next, it was necessary that Jesus came into this world, to unite us to the Father because of our failings.  Our (mankind’s) sins were so grave that God Himself HAD to take human form, lowering Himself to human status, in order to redeem us.  Tiger, the same as all of us, needs God’s grace, His forgiveness and His mercy.  In this time of suffering and struggle for Tiger, I wish him healing.  I pray for a conversion of his soul.  Tiger obviously needs God, he might not know it yet, but he needs him.  And yes, you’re right, “hate the sin, love the sinner”.

I highly recommend that we all take a break from this tabloid saga and concentrate on more important things, like manning up!

Man up!

You Can’t Fight Based on Fear

Over the years, in dealing with my addiction to pornography, I’ve realized some pretty profound things.  Things about myself, about addiction, the pornography industry and how to overcome this incredible evil.  [If you haven’t read through my 5 Step Plan to Overcoming an Addiction to Porn, please click HERE before you continue reading this post.  – We’ll wait.]  As you know, I liken this sin to a battle, an incredible fight that we enter into with evil.  A man must enter into this fight aggressively in order to come out victorious.  A thought I’ve had lately is that we can’t fight out of fear.

We can’t fight an addiction to porn (or any addiction) because we fear things – the fear of being caught, the fear of ruining a relationship, the fear of having to confess our sins (again), the fear of our work finding inappropriate material on their computer, the fear of failing, the fear of giving in to the temptation, etc.  A soldier doesn’t go into battle fearful – he goes in confident in his training, his abilities and his leadership.  He knows that because of the work he’s put in up to this point (the training), that he’ll prevail.  He trusts his leadership to guide him through this tough time, quite possibly the hardest thing he’s ever done, or ever will do.  We’re the same way, except here, our salvation is on the line.

Fight aggressively, fight with honor, fight for your life.  Go into this battle knowing that you have God on your side, that you can accomplish all things through Him (Philippians 4:13) and that YOU WILL BE VICTORIOUS!

There is a fear that is healthy for us, in this battle… the fear of offending God.  The use of pornography (and typically the sexual behavior that stems from its use) is sin – mortal sin.  We greatly offend God; through our actions, we turn away from God’s love.  We lose all trust in God.  Sin is a real thing, a serious thing.  Sin removes charity from our heart and separates us from God.  Fearing the loss of salvation (by our choices and actions) is a healthy fear to have.

Man up!

When They Leave God Out

There are some men’s sites out there, trying to do some good work, trying to “get” at the heart of manhood.  You may be familiar with The Art of Manliness, the National Fatherhood Initiative or maybe you’ve seen some footage recently on The Good Men Project – I’ve seen them all over the internet and videos of their TV appearances.  I’m glad these sites, projects, books and resources are out there for men.  However, when they leave God out, they’re leaving out THE important piece.  Without God, faith in God and love for God, a male simply cannot fulfill his role as a man.  Plain and simple.

Watch this video, and note, starting around 1:23, the attitude about “manhood being up for grabs” and “at a turning point”.  And again, starting around 2:10, “there’s no good answer” – in reference to what makes a man “good”.  And one last specific time to notice, 4:28 where again the notion of manhood is ever-changing and up to every one’s own interpretation.

I highly disagree with this line of thinking.  There IS a standard, a definition.  There is a specific way that a man can be a “good” man.  It’s called virtue!  Same with the *interesting* preacher from two posts ago, they’re missing the essential pieces about manhood.  God guides us, strengthens us, enlivens us.  Without God, we can’t live TrueManhood.

Man up!

Clarification on Previous Post – "Examples All Around" from Sep 22, 09

I really appreciate the comment from a reader who asked me to clarify why I think the descriptions from the previously-posted Facebook status update (posted originally on September 22, 2009) was so horrible.  Here goes:

As you can see, the Facebooker updated their status with one of those “quizzes” to rate yourself on “What Movie Badass Are You?”  His initial response was “Guns, Girls and Cars… isn’t that the definition of a badass?”  I first want to mention that most guys want to appear “hard” or, in this case, a “badass”.  It’s that thing inside us, a territorial thing, an “I can kick your butt” thing.  There’s a connotation that goes along with that feeling… that in order to really be hard, you must get as many women as possible, you’ve absolutely got to have a sweet ride and the more guns and ammo you have, the harder you must be.  (I could continue on with other categories – how much money you have, what kind of house you live in, what you do for a living, how many employees you have, how many vacations you take, how much power you hold, how many and what kind of scars you have, etc.)  This is an example of “cultural manliness”. 

The idea of cultural manliness is that, as you accumulate more wealth, as you sleep with more women, as you buy more stuff and as your power “ranking” goes up, the more manly you are.  Cultural manliness never takes into account your virtue, your faith, your relationship with God and/or others, how you treat your wife/children/family/friends/strangers/etc.  Cultural manliness is a facade, a lie, a demeaning and empty way of living.  The glamour of being a “culturally manly” man will wear off in time.  How many people will a culturally manly man hurt along the way?

Back to the post… the description (in this case, of James Bond) mentions traits that might be good, if explained more and in the correct context.  However, in the context they are in, these traits (strong, fast, clever, refined, etc.) lead only to one trait, “…and still get laid in the process.”  These traits aren’t listed in order to positively affect the world or in order for you to become the best man you can become, they’re listed in order to lead towards women sleeping with you.  There is a great disparity between these two distinctions. 

Let me make myself clear here… there’s nothing wrong with being attractive, refined and clever.  There’s nothing wrong with women being drawn to you.  The problem here is that the motivation to be those things and to possess those traits is skewed and misguided.  Deep down, inside every man, there’s an urge to be “manly” – to be courageous and daring, attractive and intelligent.  Listen to what God is saying through your urge to be manly, so that you know what He wants from you.  Once you feel the urge and know exactly what God wants you to do with it, you’ll be living a purposeful life for God!

I hope this clarification helps.

Man up!

« Previous Page — Next Page »