GUEST POST – “The Practice of Modesty” by Ashley Crouch

Ashley Crouch is the Assistant Program Director of Love & Fidelity Network, a program designed to equip college students with the resources and training they need to support the institution of marriage, the importance of family, and the integrity of sex on their campuses.  She writes:

US Marine Captain John Campbell recently made National Australian News by boldly speaking out about Australian women’s lack of modesty: “It’s about having standards, ladies,” he said.  “What are standards?  Well, it can begin by dressing in a manner that leaves something to the imagination to say the least…”  Later he said, “Come on, ladies, don’t send us mixed messages.  That’s what you do every time you dress with less than nothing on.”  His voice was an isolated and courageous reminder that women play a significant role in preserving men’s purity; that women bolster men’s’ ability to love authentically.

In today’s culture, our bodies are often treated as instruments rather than as an intimate part of who we are – persons with animmortal soul.  As a result of this disconnect, there is a crisis of modesty prevalent in society.  Popular trends and fashions come and go with arbitrary ease, without any thought being given to a specific standard.   The virtue of modesty has all but become obsolete, while the few who make an effort to endorse its practice often end up sounding prudish and harping on rules, regulations, and guidelines.

Guidelines are in fact good and helpful, and can be found by doing a simple search online.  Modesty, however, is not just about covering up so guys will not be driven to lust.  Modesty is more and often depends on the context. For this reason, it is often misunderstood.

Properly understood, modesty incorporates who the woman is as a person created in the image of God called to love, while acknowledging that men and women are designed to be attracted to one another. The late Pope John Paul II spoke candidly about the human person “as a creature towards whom the only proper attitude is love.”  Authentic love, however, is not defined by a person’s sexuality; Attraction between sexes is meant to exist between two free, full, faithful human persons and to blossom into fruitful love in marriage. Many women yearn to be loved and seek it through immodest dress or action.  Tragically, the immodest dress and behavior of some women, while intended to foster and secure lasting affection, ironically attracts men for other reasons.  A woman who dresses provocatively distracts men from love.  She sends mixed messages.

Modesty, on the other hand, serves to open the gateway of love between persons by revealing who a woman is as a full person, an individual with dignity, not reducible to her sexual features. When a woman practices modesty, she simultaneously protects, preserves, and presents herself to the world as a person of dignity and self-respect; for through modesty, the beauty of her femininity is highlighted rather than objectified.  Modesty flows from “moderation,” where all the elements of the woman are shown cohesively and beautifully.

Ultimately, modesty is about more than clothes.  It is a disposition of the heart, and a consciousness on the part of the woman that she has an origin in a loving God, who has given her a great dignity and purpose. Each woman was designed to give herself fully as a gift, but if her vocation is marriage, this gift belongs only to one person (not the world.)  The woman’s awareness of her beautiful origin carries over into her actions and dress, naturally and effortlessly.  Her clothes are not a denial of her sexuality, or a suppression of her femininity.  Rather, they integrate her sexuality into her whole being as a person called to love, and open the way for true love to grow.   The practice of modesty encourages men to see a woman with respect, and allows authentic interpersonal relationships to occur, free of distractions, free from confusion, free to love.

So the next time you reach into your closet for an outfit, perhaps remember Captain John Campbell’s words ‘Don’t send mixed messages,’ and consider what message you want to send.

GUEST POST – from Dean Soto – “So What Do You Do?”

When I returned from a deployment to the war in Iraq that lasted from March of 2008 to March of 2009, several aspects of my life had changed. Even though my year stint was rather benign and uneventful, something unknowingly grew inside of me that affects the majority of men today.

For a year I had a fire growing inside of me in which I wanted to further my current career, start a new business, and help other Catholics to do the same. The problem was – it was all I could think about and talk about when I returned home. For months my wife endured emotional loneliness, my 1 and a half year-old daughter wanted nothing to do with me, and I was completely oblivious to it all. My work and aspirations consumed me to the point where my family felt closer to me while I was 5,000 miles away, than they did when I was with them.

Throughout history, but especially today, men have defined themselves – and their worth – by what they do. Think about when you meet someone new. Typically, the conversation starts off with the formality of finding out the person’s name and how they know so-and-so, but within minutes the conversation turns to, “So what do you do?” This is perfectly natural and expected, but our culture takes it to the extreme and ensnares us with 2 traps that Catholic men of earlier ages rarely faced: the lack of trust in divine providence and the loss of self-worth.

I was trapped in a pit of despair that only Christ and my family could save me from. My wife made it clear that something needed to change, and change fast, before our marriage started to break apart. What happened over time was that I began to see that what I did, did not define who I was. In other words, just because I didn’t reach the goals that I wanted to as a businessman and entrepreneur (which were unreasonable to begin with), didn’t mean that I wasn’t worth something. My wife wanted to share my life, and could care less about how much I earned. My daughter had no clue what I did professionally, she only wanted her daddy to make her laugh. Through the grace of God – and ironically through a secular entrepreneur that I admire – I was able to let go. I allowed God to change my priorities to reflect what He would desire, and not what I thought was best.

I still have the fire in me to be successful, but how I view success is much different. As a Catholic man, God and my family come first – no exceptions. All of my ventures are done after my family has gone to bed. Success is not what I do, but who I am in Christ. Christ sacrificed himself for the Church, and the least I could do is sacrifice my desires for my family.

St. Thomas More, when faced with the prospect of losing everything, told his family that he would be just as happy begging in the streets with them as he would being comfortable in his house. What we do for a living does not define who we are. I am a Catholic man. My love for Christ, love for my family, and trust in a God that will never forsake me defines who I am.

Dean Soto is the author of productivecatholic.com, a blog designed to help Catholics find holiness in their work. He is also the owner of Pro Sulum, LLC, an IT consulting company, and Shiistr.com an online social network that aims to save people money on food. His primary mission is to help Catholics to use their professional talents and abilities to further the cause of the Church and their local parishes, and advocates a view that all Catholics should help the Church by doing what they are passionate about.

GUEST POST – from The Catholic Hack – “The Gift of Healing”

The Gift of Healing!

I have often prayed for the gift of healing… on my knees asking the Holy Spirit for the charism to heal those most suffering around me.  To lay hands on the sick, the dying and to see God heal them… what could be better?  How proud I was of myself to have the desire to heal however, I was not being sincere with myself.  If I dig deep down, and am honest, I will have to admit that I want that gift, to heal by a miracle act of God’s will, because I have NOT embraced the Cross of Christ.

You see, if I’m honest,  I want those around me to be healed because their suffering makes me feel so uncomfortable and I don’t want to feel uncomfortable. I want to take away their pain so that I can feel ok again!  How cowardly of me!   When Pilot proclaimed “Ecce Homo” to the crowed gathered before him, they looked on with ghastly amazement at the sight of a brutalized victim held up before them.  We have all seen “The Passion of The Christ” and therefore we can conjure up an image, in our mind’s eye, of what our Lord might have looked like.  Beaten, flesh torn and hanging from his body, the blood soaked purple robe, the crown of thorns penetrating his skull… “Behold the Man”! How many in the crowd, who yelled out “Let his blood be upon us and upon our children” (a strikingly similar statement to the one found in Ex. 24 when Moses sprinkled the blood from the 12 Priests, on 12 alters, upon the people of Israel) also wanted to snap their fingers and have his pain taken away so that they might not feel so uncomfortable?

When St. Peter drew his sword to fend off the attack of the mob come to arrest his Lord in the garden… what did Jesus say… “shall I NOT drink from the cup that my Father has given me to drink?”  To dislike the pain and discomfort of suffering is natural… to embrace it… is divine!  Manly even!

When you think of the men who inspired you the most; what do they look like? How do they act? What moral character do theypossess?  For me… it’s the William Wallaces (the movie… not so much the real man), and the John Waynes of the world, but mostly… it’s Jesus Christ, and my patron saint, St. Peter.  The men who always do the right thing no matter what… even when faced with ultimate adversity.  Men of extreme integrity.  They inspire me the most…. but you say “why St. Peter?; did he not deny our Lord three times?” Why yes he did…. so how can he be included in this list? Because I can relate to him!  He was always the one who rushed head long into the wind without thinking first…. and then, when tested, was found weak.  I’m weak… I have lots of faults… I always want to the do the right thing and often act before thinking.  Yes, I wish I had the kind of courage to step out of the boat!  Do you?

Our Lord didn’t toss out St. Peter when he committed so grievous a crime and He does not toss us out either!  Another great lesson I learned from St. Peter was humility and the courage it takes to do the right thing even after you have monumentally screwed up.  If I had a dollar for every time I have monumentally screwed up I would be a wealthy man… thank God for His mercy and for His sacrament which I can seek and find Reconciliation!

St. Paul said in  Colossians 1:24 “I am now rejoicing in my sufferings for your sake, and in my flesh I am completing what is lacking in Christ’s afflictions for the sake of His body, that is, the church.”

Do you embrace your sufferings? How about the sufferings around you? I know I want to be the man Jesus is… to take up my cross daily and follow Him. Jesus marched on Calvary Hill like a King before his army… and when faced with extreme adversity, in a garden, He didn’t hide in a bush but rather starred it in the eye and said “I AM”… come and get me.  I don’t know about you but I’m sick and tired of being a coward… I want to be like Christ!  I want to see past earthly suffering and behold heaven.

This week has been tough, a good friend lost her five-year battle with cancer. Her husband had divorced her, and she has two small boys who will now be taken to the Philippines to live with their dad.  Her struggle both inspired me and made me feel extreme uneasiness… I prayed continually for God to heal her so that I would not have to feel this way.  Yet, unlike what I would do,  Kelley, actually offered up all her pain, and even her death, to God as a sacrifice so that her family might be reconciled and converted, and her boys to grow in faith.   Kelley has taught me how to be a better man… to embrace suffering as an opportunity to “fill up that which is lacking in the sufferings of Christ”… namely me and my will to emulate our Lord Jesus Christ.

Now… my father-in-law, John, is also facing the last months of his life on earth in a battle with cancer.  I pray for him and fight my urge to be so selfish as to only think of myself in this process.  Instead I pray to embrace this suffering, for his sake, that through pain there is the gain of Heaven… the way our Lord laid down for us all.  I want the courage to be a saint and to stare adversity in the eye and proclaim that I WILL drink the cup my Father has given me to drink!

Pray for me!  God Bless You and I will see you on the Hill!

Sincerely,
The Donkey Jesus Rides today!
Joe McClane

www.CatholicHack.com
catholichack@gmail.com
Twitter: Catholic_Hack

Follow Up Guest Post from Catherine DiNuzzo – “You’re Worth It!”

This post is a follow-up guest post from Catherine DiNuzzo, wife of Dave DiNuzzo.  Catherine will continue to guest post on this site.  Please leave comments!

Women, you are worth a TrueMan!  Believe it!

Women, I want you to listen to me and to listen well.  If you come to this site and take anything from it, I want you to remember that you are special, and a precious gift from the Father!  You are worth a TrueMan and you need to expect a TrueMan.  I am guessing right now that you may be rolling your eyes and saying to yourself, “if she only knew what I have done or what has happend to me, she would know this is not true for me.”  I know you are saying this because every time I talk to my girlfriends or speak to women at speaking engagements about this, I see women look down and shy away from me; their body language screaming these words.

God created you in His image and as the perfect mate for your “Adam”.  If God created you, and everything that God creates is good, then you must be worthy of goodness… a TrueMan.  When I think about my friends who refuse to believe this “cardinal rule”, most of the time it is because some less-than-virtuous man has taken advantage of them. Sometimes this is done through psychological manipulation and other times by force.  To me, it doesn’t matter what has happened in your past.  What is important is where you go from here.  If women are going to expect men to change then we must also change.  The first step in this change is loving yourself enough to except only virtuous men in your life.

How do you do it, you ask?  First of all, you need to look inside yourself and break down any walls that are keeping you from seeing the true value you possess.  These walls may have been past relationships gone bad, decisions that you made that hurt yourself or others, or anything that holds you back from seeing the marvelous treasure that God created you to be.

I too had to go through this step, and it was not easy.  When I was in high school and college, I was in a very abusive relationship, both physically and mentally. It ended badly and with the depression that set in from being a victim of domestic violence, I turned to drinking in excess.  With my life spinning downward, I had no confidence that I could ever love myself again.  I was certain that I would never find a virtuous “TrueMan” who would want to love me.  So, I stopped looking.  After many years of this way of thinking, I was at a 3-day party, with lots of drinking and men.  As I drove home, I hit my bottom.  I had no self esteem, no joy in my life.  I could easily say I was empty in every sense of the word.  So in tears, I looked up to Heaven and said “GOD, I give up! I can’t don’t do this anymore.”  I truly believe that I felt the Holy Spirit come down and shower me with grace and love.  I could hear God saying, “I love you, let me take care of you, trust in my love, I am here.”  And that is what I did!  From that point on, pain from my past slowly started to go away.  For the first time in seven years, I was able to see myself as a blessed gift that God had created.  That very day, I went on a group date with Dave, my future husband!

Women, love yourself!  Force yourself to see the treasure that God has created you to be. If there are walls that are blocking you from seeing this, take it to prayer and ask God to help you break down the walls.  Know that in this battle, you are not alone.  God is there wait for you to put your hand out and ask for help.