Onions: My Barrier to Holiness

Lent is intended to be a season of penance, of self-reflection, of growth, of personal introspection, and ultimately, we should be working to “die to self”.  I’m terrible at it.  Here’s a lame story.  Let’s call it the “onion-idiot story.”  I’m the onion-idiot.

Last Friday was the 1st Friday of Lent 2018, and my beautiful wife, Catherine, (who is a phenomenal chef!) made a meatless cheese and broccoli soup.  (It was even Keto-friendly, which we are currently utilizing as our fueling system.  Perhaps more on eating Keto in the future?)  The soup was VERY tasty.  The ingredients were fresh.  The flavor was amazing.  It probably wasn’t much of a Lenten sacrifice, other than the fact that it didn’t have bacon in it!  There was only one problem: onions.

I HATE ONIONS.

It’s not the taste.  It’s not the texture.  It isn’t even that they make you cry.  It’s the smell.  They stink.  Terribly.  Whenever I smell an onion, it is as if it embeds its stink in my nasal cavity, and won’t evacuate the premises for days on end.  It’s stench digs deep into my skin’s pores, and it won’t leave.  I hate onions.  [I apologize if you like onions… this has nothing to do with you, it’s my issue.]  And I’m assuming you’re seeing where this is going.

Catherine knows this about me, and hasn’t cooked onions (one of her favorite ingredients!) in our home for years – all because she knows, very explicitly, how I feel.  I’m very grateful.  And how do I show her how grateful I am?  I complain.  I make it known just how bad it smells in the house.  I put every sort of smell-good mechanism that we own directly in the ‘on’ position.  I turned on the vanilla-scented burners, sprayed the air freshener, and even opened up windows and doors on a cold February day.  The smell was still in the… well… everything. Yuck.

Saturday rolled around and Catherine wanted to eat leftovers.  She considered – again, because of how much she loves me – taking the soup leftovers over to her parent’s house to warm and eat it there, just so the onion smell wouldn’t be present in our home again.  I still complained.  I still made childish comments.  Then, in my only moment of reasonable interaction surrounding these onions, I got the leftovers out, pulled out the bowl, and warmed up the soup for her.

I had already failed miserably in terms of “dying to self”.  What a stupid thing, too.  Onions.  Onions are my barrier to holiness.  I need to learn to keep my mouth shut, bear difficulties with humility, and realize that onions (read that “my own preferences/wants/desires/me-me-me”) are keeping me from true holiness.  If we were to apply this to anything else, especially something that matters, we’d hopefully see that when we die to self, we love others.  When we love others, we fulfill who we are as men.  The culture is extremely interested in destroying the idea that men can love.  That love, which they reduce to a mere emotion, is feminine.  Love, in actuality, is so much more and is required for authentic masculinity.

There are countless exercises that we can all work on to die to self.  And some might think that because I’ve been in this thing we call the Christian journey for so long that I’d have this down, but I don’t.  Can you believe how ridiculous I am?! 

In order to get better at something, we need to practice it and rely on God’s grace! So, here’s what I’m going to do today to die to myself: first off, I’m going to go home and tell my wife that I love her, give her a big, meaningful hug and kiss, and ask her about her.  Nothing to do with me.  Next, I’m going to find 5 little ways (one per my wife and 4 children) to choose someone else’s preference and never make mention of it.  And, I’m going to try to sustain that every day… slowly working to lose my own preferences (ultimately, the goal is to become selfless in all things, and not selfish, ie: prideful) and offering up in prayer my ‘suffering’ for their sanctification.  If you struggle with dying to self, try it with me.

TrueMan up!

A Father’s Prayer

A Father’s Prayer by Douglas MacArthur

In early 1942, when heading out-numbered United States forces in the Philippines, the late General Douglas MacArthur prayed this prayer many times at morning devotions, according to Major General Courtney Whitney, his long-time military aide. This prayer for his son, Arthur, is a spiritual legacy any son would cherish.

“Build me a son, O Lord, who will be strong enough to know when he is weak, and brave enough to face himself when he is afraid; one who will be proud and unbending in honest defeat, and humble and gentle in victory.

Build me a son whose wishes will not take the place of deeds; a son who will know Thee-and that to know himself is the foundation stone of knowledge.

Lead him, I pray, not in the path of ease and comfort, but under the stress and spur of difficulties and challenge. Here let him learn to stand up in the storm; here let him learn compassion for those who fail.

Build me a son whose heart will be clear, whose goal will be high; a son who will master himself before he seeks to master other men; one who will reach into the future, yet never forget the past.

And after all these things are his, add, I pray, enough of a sense of humor, so that he may always be serious, yet never take himself too seriously. Give him humility, so that he may always remember the simplicity of true greatness, the open mind of true wisdom, and the meekness of true strength.

Then, I, his father, will dare to whisper, “I have not lived in vain.”

Man up!

AFA Football Video

I love my job.  I have the distinct pleasure of serving the great young men and women of the Air Force Academy as the Catholic Campus Minister.  This video shows a glimpse into the real importance of the Air Force Academy as an institution, not just the football tradition.  Leadership, Integrity, Courage, Strength, Compassion, Force, Humility, Determination… all great characteristics of a TrueMan.  Go Falcons!

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X-8z1LLVh3s]

Man up!

How Does a Man Live Love?

Recently, I was having a conversation with some friends about various topics.  As we got into the conversation, somehow we got onto the topic of love.  I said something to the effect of “… a husband needs to love his wife.  He needs to live love.”  One of my friends asked me, “How does a man live love?”  He said, “We hear that all the time, but how does a guy actually do that?  What does he have to do to live love?”  It’s a valid question.  Actually, it’s more than valid, it’s essential.

We’ve talked previously about love being the greatest of all the virtues.  We’ve talked about love being a verb.  Let’s put these together.  If we possess the virtue of love (also referred to as charity), that means that we perform love 1. with ease 2. with joy 3. at every opportunity and 4. promptly.  Once we possess the virtue of love, it’s second nature for us to perform.  Notice that there is an action taking place – love is performed.  Okay, so we’ve said that love is a virtue and that it requires an action.  What is that action?

The Catechism of the Catholic Church explains it very clearly in paragraph 1822: “Charity is the theological virtue by which we love God above all things for His own sake, and our neighbor as ourselves for the love of God.”  Love isn’t something intangible that happens to come along every once and awhile, love is for God and others.

As a husband, I can live out love by first loving God and then by loving my wife (for love of God).  That means that I strive to do as God has done.  This isn’t a sentence full of meaningless words.  This means that all I do, everything I think and say, is geared towards and focused on God.  The greatest example of how a man can live love is by looking to Christ on the cross.  Self-sacrifice, service, humility, obedience.  Do these things for your wife and you’ll be loving her.

Practical application: how can I sacrifice for my wife as a sign of love?  The greatest gift, of laying your life down for a friend, isn’t necessarily what I’m hoping will happen here, but that’s the ultimate.  Sacrifice can be as simple as letting her choose the restaurant you eat at, or what TV show to watch or which song to listen to on the radio.  Putting your preferences last.

It’s possible, that for each guy, love means something just a little bit different.  In the end, it comes down to loving God and loving others.

Man up!

Always Being Watched

A TrueMan realizes that he’s always being watched.  He realizes that he’s always in the microscope of someone else… either trying to learn from him or trying to pick apart his actions, words, attitudes, reactions and leadership.  How does a man deal with this pressure?  How does a man cope with the daunting task of never messing up?  The answer, in this case, is not simple.  The answer is a unique answer for each and every man out there, because each and every man has a different demeanor, perspective, outlook and characteristics.

Here’s a few things to remember that might make it easier:

1. Be yourself.  If you’re really striving to be a man, you’ll succeed here.  Strive for virtue and keep your eyes on Christ.
2. Be concerned, each and every day, with being better and better.  This might include professionally, personally, spiritually, physically, etc.  If you are always striving for perfection, your mind is always geared towards success.
3. Think.  Thinking prevents many bad choices throughout the day – do it.
4. Pray.  A man of prayer is grounded in Christ – this helps you see clearly to make the tough decisions and to always stand strong.
5. Be humble.  People are waiting to pick apart any little piece of you they can… why give them any reason to be right?  Be relentless in humility.

There’s a reality here that can really bite someone… if you fail in an area of your life, and someone who is watching you sees it, there’s a long road ahead to mend the impression that they now have of you.  First impressions are huge.  Continuing impressions are huge.  Also, please note that “failing in life”, here, means that you took a mistake to the extreme.  For instance: you’re the leader of a group of students against drunk driving and you get hit with a DUI.  Or, you speak about purity/chastity then get your girlfriend pregnant.  These are the types of failings that push people away, that encourage people to use the word hypocrite.  All in all, you can pick yourself up and move on, but the impact you have on others will be lasting.  Be smart, make good decisions.

Man up!