The Female Version of Cultural Manliness
Have you seen the trailer for the upcoming [atrocity] “Sex and the City 2”? I’ve unfortunately seen the trailer 3 or 4 times now and
have been more and more disgusted by it every time. I can proudly say that I haven’t seen the first movie (although I know it did really well at the box office) and I never intend to watch it. The trailer, as well as the name of the movie/show, tells me plenty. What it tells me is that the characters in the movie are out for, what I’m going to refer to as, “Cultural Femininity”. For those who may not know, I use a term coined “Cultural Manliness” to describe the world’s view of manliness… that the more power, money, sex and stuff a male has, the more manly he is. On all levels, I tear this idea down, showing that it is riddled with emptiness, loneliness, despair and sorrow. The same goes for “Cultural Femininity”.
The trailer depicts the characters in the movie gallivanting around the world, searching for meaningless sex, pleasure and anything else that seems ‘fun’. The trailer attempts to glorify promiscuity, drunkenness, infidelity, homosexuality and the glamor and allure of money. A tag line used in the trailer says “Discover how much fun forbidden can be.” The trailer tells me that many people (women and men) will have their view of marriage ‘shaken up’ a bit… which is most definitely not needed in our culture. The four women in the movie are female versions of “cultural manliness”. In the same way that “cultural manliness” ends in emptiness, loneliness, despair and sorrow, so too does “cultural femininity.”
Movies like this make this behavior seem ‘normal’, as if ‘everyone is doing it’, and in fact, many people live like this. Movies like this degrade women, encourage all the poor behavior mentioned above and highly encourage men to be “culturally manly”. It really is a shame.
TrueMan up!
Supposed To Do
I just returned from a weekend trip to a private midwestern university where I gave a talk on manliness and Christian brotherhood. I mentioned the topic of Adam from the creation story in Genesis. In the story, Adam disregards the command that God gave to him to “shamar” the garden. From his neglect, sin entered the world. This, naturally, led to discussion about gender roles. During the Q&A session, a young man in the front row asked me “what do you mean when you say ‘what a man should do’ and ‘what a woman should do’?” I think it’s a great question and deserves some explanation and distinction here on the site.
When I say one of those statements (‘what a man (or woman) should d0’), what I mean is that men and women have been called to a specific role in humanity. (For instance, fatherhood, or motherhood.) The young man wanted to know if I thought that women shouldn’t work, or be in leadership or do anything outside of mothering children, cleaning and cooking. Obviously, I am not of that opinion. I can understand the question though, because our society tells us constantly that it’s either one, but not both.
Being called to a specific role in humanity means that a male or a female is embracing their nature. Men are naturally designed to protect, guard and care for. We are more rugged. Our bodies are made for laborious tasks. Women are naturally more nurturing, motherly and tender. These differences aren’t pointed out to say one is better than the other, only that they are different. John Paul II said many times, “Men and women were created equal in dignity, but different in role.” This is an important distinction.
For men to be TrueMen, we must embrace what is naturally placed on our hearts by God and follow the commands that God has given to us.
TrueMan up!
For Women – Is He Mr. Right?
I recently came across an online article titled “Is He Mr. Right?” I was curious what the article said, doubting that any of it was substantive or even remotely helpful. The information was, well, eh. The article had five main points, and if your “Mr. Next” met all five, then voilà! “You’ve found Mr. Right!” What do you think?
The first point was “He Listens to You”. Huh?, what’s that? Oh, sorry. Although listening is a vital component to just about every human relationship, I don’t know that it’s essential in choosing Mr. Right. The first point continues on, saying “you’ll know he listens to you when he shows genuine concern, consistently remembers things you’ve told him and offers emotional support in honest and thoughtful way.” Well… I don’t think that the actions mentioned here are listening, although listening played a role. The action is ‘showing’, ‘remembering’ and ‘offering’. Listening doesn’t make things happen… doing does. With that said, God gave us each 2 ears and only 1 mouth, meaning that we should probably listen twice as much as we talk.
The second point is rather silly… “He Connects with You.” If a guy isn’t connecting with you, why are you dating him?
The third point is good, although not developed enough for my tastes… “He Wants the Real You.” The author writes about a woman not giving up any part of her identity for a man, which is fine and good. I think that when either person does that, it only leads to falsehood, and eventually, the truth comes out and problems come up. I believe one of the best ways for the guy to really want the ‘real’ you, is for him to know you before you date. This begins the topic of dating with a purpose, although we don’t have time for that here.
The fourth point is even better than the third. Here it is, verbatim: “A relationship without trust is doomed from the start. But a relationship with abundant trust? A fabulous foundation for real and lasting love! Built over time, trust is based on the simple belief system that your partner has your best interests at heart and will never intentionally hurt you (and vice versa). If and when you discover that Mr. Next is 100 percent trustworthy, you’ll have no trouble giving your heart to him. In return, he’ll most likely give you his heart and pave the way for a lasting, loving relationship to unfold.” Here’s my qualm with this on… be overly careful with who you give your heart to. Just because he’s trustworthy, doesn’t make him worthy of your heart. Be careful, please.
The fifth point isn’t all the great, at least not for the ‘all-encompassing’ characteristic that a man must have, blah blah blah. “He Enriches Your Life.” Is that the best this author can do? What about virtue here? What about how he treats you? What about how compatible your life goals, dreams and aspirations are? Again, as with the second point, this seems a bit silly for me.
I think the author is missing the boat, unless, of course, the point of dating is solely to have fun. If that’s the case, then what’s the
point in even caring about Mr. Right? Why not just care about Mr. Right-Now? The point should be that dating with a purpose is the only way that a relationship will truly last and truly bring happiness to both people. These relationships, however, must have Christ at their center if they want that happiness. Ladies, please know that you are incredible. God created you for greatness and you have nothing stopping you from that. You deserve the best and should never compromise for a counterfeit version of the best. So many women attempt to find value in the things that happen to them (compliments, stares, successes at work, awards, etc.) instead of finding true value in the fact that you are a daughter of God. He is the only place for true fulfillment.
A Man, His Wife, a Snowmobile and Wide-open Spaces
I’m a lucky man. I had the opportunity to get away this weekend with my wife. We got away for a half day on Friday, stayed overnight and had a whole day together on Saturday. With children, full-time jobs, a full-time ministry and life, we rarely get a full weekend together. A big thanks goes out to my brother, a friend of ours and to my in-laws for their help in watching the kids while we were gone.
The overnight date was perfect, just what we needed. A time with my best friend, a time of relaxation and rejuvenation, a time for some excitement and adventure. On Friday, we traveled to a small mountain town about 2.5 hrs away. When we arrived in town, the shop was ready for us. We signed in, grabbed a helmet for each of us, then traveled about 3 miles outside of town to start our back country snowmobile trip. We jumped on a touring sled and hit the trail. We couldn’t have asked for a better day – the sky was blue, the sun was out, the snow was pristine. It’s days like that when you really enjoy God’s creation… it was as if that day, God had created it all for us specifically. We toured around for a few hours, enjoying the scenery, the cool wind and each other’s company. The trip was incredible.
That night, we relaxed in a meager hotel room, enjoying each other’s company, the fact that we didn’t have to put any children to bed and the realization that there was no work in sight! The next morning, we got up early to hit the slopes, enjoying a day of skiing at a favorite ski resort. Again, God blessed us with an incredible day of blue skies, warm temps and time together.
What’s my point in telling you all about my wonderful overnight weekend getaway? My point is simple: take time to rejuvenate yourself. Find something – it doesn’t have to be snowmobiling and skiing – but find something that gives you life and make time for it in your life. As a man who is a glutton for a busy life, I can attest to the facts of life and what a busy, stress-filled life can do to a man. If you don’t have an outlet for your stress, your worries and your cares, they’ll catch up with you. If you don’t have a source of energy to fill you up, you’ll continually give of yourself until you run dry. For me, it was 1. time with my wife, alone without our children 2. time away from my computer, work and projects and 3. an opportunity to do an activity (2, in this case) that was life-giving! After this weekend, I’m ready to tackle my life and everything that life throws my way.
Whatever it is that you need in your life, be it a stress-reliever, a life-giving “fill up” or an outlet of any kind, make special time to make it happen. It will do you, and the others you are entrusted with, a great deal of good.
Man up!
A Father’s Prayer
A Father’s Prayer by Douglas MacArthur
In early 1942, when heading out-numbered United States forces in the Philippines, the late General Douglas MacArthur prayed this prayer many times at morning devotions, according to Major General Courtney Whitney, his long-time military aide. This prayer for his son, Arthur, is a spiritual legacy any son would cherish.
“Build me a son, O Lord, who will be strong enough to know when he is weak, and brave enough to face himself when he is afraid; one who will be proud and unbending in honest defeat, and humble and gentle in victory.
Build me a son whose wishes will not take the place of deeds; a son who will know Thee-and that to know himself is the foundation stone of knowledge.
Lead him, I pray, not in the path of ease and comfort, but under the stress and spur of difficulties and challenge. Here let him learn to stand up in the storm; here let him learn compassion for those who fail.
Build me a son whose heart will be clear, whose goal will be high; a son who will master himself before he seeks to master other men; one who will reach into the future, yet never forget the past.
And after all these things are his, add, I pray, enough of a sense of humor, so that he may always be serious, yet never take himself too seriously. Give him humility, so that he may always remember the simplicity of true greatness, the open mind of true wisdom, and the meekness of true strength.
Then, I, his father, will dare to whisper, “I have not lived in vain.”
Man up!
TrueManhood’s Guide to Virtue
Click for TrueManhood’s Guide to Virtue
LEARN VIRTUE, LIVE VIRTUE!
Man up!
Interesting Take on What Makes a Man a Man… (Funny Video)
You may or may not believe this video. I’m still not exactly sure what this preacher was talking about, or why he was talking about it. Before you watch it, let’s clarify what makes a male a man (a TrueMan)… virtue. Virtue is what makes a male a man. Prudence, Fortitude, Justice and Temperance. Faith, Hope and Love. Live them. (In Latin, virtus means manliness.) Here’s the video, have a good laugh.
Man up!
