What is a Woman’s Role in Helping to Create a Culture of TrueManhood?
— GUEST POST from CATHERINE DiNUZZO, MA LPC (Wife of Dave DiNuzzo) —
When Dave asked me to write a guest post on his site, I was very excited because I believe that to truly change the current situation of manliness in society and to be able to change it to a (virtuous) culture of TrueManhood, men are only a portion of the solution. Another important part in this change are women!
When I first met Dave he was not the man that he is today. Now, I am not going to say that it was because of me alone that he has decided to “change his ways”, but I will say that it was a series of challenges that I posed to him, that began his transformation into the man he is today.
Dave has always been a man who was not afraid to fight for justice and for what he believes in. However, when I met him, he was focused on doing it “Dave’s way”. I remember one time when we were dating when we got into a fight about something trivial, and he told me, “there’s Dave’s way and the wrong way”. This was the way he dealt with stuff – his way… and passionately! Now, what I have always loved about Dave is his passion and self-confidence, but this was an example of a time in his life when he was less-than-virtuous. What I feel Dave was lacking in his life when I first met him was – what I feel most men are missing – a woman to challenge and expect virtuous behavior. Looking back on it now, I don’t think Dave ever knew what to strive for because the women in his life never challenged him to obtain TrueManhood.
The question I pose is “how are we to expect men to behave a certain way, if we (women in general) lower our standards and accept mediocrity?” We simply cannot.
My goal as a guest blogger for Truemanhood.com is to help give women the tools to believe in their own value enough to expect the best out of the men in their lives. I agree whole-heartily with Dave, that if we are going to change the world, we must create a world of truly virtuous men; aka: TrueMen! Also, if we are expecting men to make this change then is it going to take the women of the world to step up and embody their roll in the change.
I hope you continue to check the site as I will be posting regularly. Please pass this along to your female friends… this is a journey that is meant for all of us.
Woman up!
~Catherine
How Men Were Created To Pray
In response to a comment, stemming from a recent post: The question was asked, “How were men created to pray?” Please note, this post, as with all my posts, comes from my experiences and may or may not take into account every aspect of the topic. If you have additional thoughts, questions, doubts or replies, please write them in a comment below.
I believe that men were created to pray in a manner that is wild, unrelenting and strong. What do I mean by that? I mean that a man has to pray in the same way that he was created. It doesn’t make sense to do it any other way. We were created, as evidenced in the creation story in The Book of Genesis, to protect, defend and guide. (See Genesis chapter 2, specifically verse 15). Adam was instructed by God to do all these things as the man, the one who has dominion over the earth and the creatures of the land, air and sea. This was no small task. Adam was given a great amount of responsibility. Until the fall, Adam relied totally on God to direct and guide him. We should take this as a guide – that in all things, we should ask God to direct and guide us. After the fall, Adam was distanced from God and he toiled in the fields. This is where we find ourselves today. We toil, in whatever profession we have, and specifically, we toil in a real way when it comes to our conversations with God. Why is this?
The Catechism of the Catholic Church, in paragraph 397, explains this clearly. It says, “Man, tempted by the devil, let his trust in his Creator die in his heart and, abusing his freedom, disobeyed God’s command.” We do this daily! No wonder it’s so hard to pray!
If we know that we must trust God and that we must have reckless abandonment to God’s commands, then it will help us to pray. If we know that we were created to protect, defend and guide others, it will help us to pray. Now, some practicals:
- Find what works for you. We’re all different and there are many different ways to pray. Whatever your preference, do it often!
- Remember that prayer is a relationship with God. It takes two; God always does His part. Are you doing yours?
- Make your life a prayer. Every chance you get, talk/listen to God. (Guess what, you’ve got lots of chances to do this during your day!)
- A Man was created with a wildness within his heart – live wildly for God. Your prayer can be wild, rugged and intense.
- Do it often. Did I mention this already?
- Prayer is NOT an emotional thing; emotions may come about during/after prayer, but prayer itself is not emotional. Our prayer is based on our faith – if our faith is founded on the Truth, then it is stable and unchanging and our prayer must follow that model. If our faith isn’t founded on the Truth, then our faith (belief in God and His dominion over us) can change as quickly as the wind.
- Use helpful “tricks” to guide your prayer. One easy one is ACTS – Adoration Contrition Thanksgiving Supplication. Adoration is praising God, adoring Him, fervent worship of Him and His glory. Contrition is asking for forgiveness for our sins; NOT in place of Confession! Thanksgiving is thanking God for the blessings in our lives. Supplication is asking God for the things that we need in life.
I suggest that you read up on men of the Bible, as well as Catholic saints, to get more ideas on how men pray. Find one of these men that you share similarities with and try to emulate him and his style of prayer. These men came before us and succeeded (and sometimes failed) in order to pave the way for us.
Man up!
Encouraging Men to Get Involved
I recently posted “A Fireside Discussion” and received a comment requesting follow-up information about how to encourage men to get involved in the Church. Here you go…
Men won’t get involved in stuff if they don’t see a value. Also, they aren’t likely to attend an event, group or club unless they know someone else, and know them well. (These are all generalizations; please keep this in mind.) Another reason men won’t get involved is if they see the stuff as weak, lame or feminine. Unfortunately, many men see Mass, Church events, groups and retreats through this lens. From my previous post, I mentioned that the Church is “by women, for women”, and this is a big reason why men aren’t involved. Men shouldn’t be forced into praying like women pray, it doesn’t work for us. Men need to pray the way men were created to pray. There’s a difference, and that difference is important. (Maybe more on this in a future post?)
So how do you encourage men to participate? It’s tough to know, exactly. I think that a great way is to get to the heart of a man, that which God put deep inside each man. It’s different from anything else in the world, and hard to explain. See, men want to be rugged and tough. They want to shoot stuff, and fix stuff, and build stuff. They want to protect and defend, they want to love and be loved. They want to feel a purpose and be accomplished. Unfortunately, so many men don’t know how to do any of that stuff. If we want men to participate, we have to encourage them, build them up and GIVE THEM A PERSONAL INVITATION. Personal invitations, from men they trust and respect, might just be the thing to get a man involved at Church. The event better not suck, or be lame, and it better not be associated with ‘sissiness’. If it does, he’ll never come back.
I encourage all the faithful, if they know a man who needs to be involved, to be like St Monica. St Monica, the mother of St Augustine, prayed unceasingly for her son. Augustine was a wandering-soul. He lived a life of incredible sin and his mother still prayed. He became on of the greatest writers of the Church. That man who you know might just be the next St Augustine.
Man up!
Killing a Good Man Quickly
My wife and I were talking the other night about something that’s very important for men. Man time. She said, so profoundly, “I’ve never known a female who longed for, or who needed time with her girls like guys need time with their buddies.” She also said, “If a man is married, the quickest way to kill him is to take away his time with the guys.”
We talked a bit about this topic and as I thought about it, I realized more so that night than any other, that my wife supports me hanging out with my buddies because she knows it’s best for me, our kids, our marriage, the Church and our world. She supports my time with the guys because she knows that my friends are solid men that challenge me to make myself better. She supports me because our time together makes me, and them, an all-around better man. Some women might not know about this concept, so let’s bring it to light today.
There is a caveat here. If the “buddies” aren’t good men, this idea doesn’t work. If the men are out doing vicious (un-virtuous) things, it’s not going to build anyone up to be a better man. So, this idea only works when the group, as a whole, are striving for excellence in all things. If time with the guys involves drinking too much, finding women or causing trouble, it’s obviously counter to quality man time.
This is also not to say that man time should supersede family time, or spousal time. A proper ordering of time with one’s friends is important anyway, but when a wife and/or children are involved, the time spent outside the home needs to be properly regulated. This regulation should be the man’s responsibility; if you’re out of the house 5 nights a week with other things (whatever they are), it’s not good to be out another night on a regular basis. Keep it monitored and all will be well.
To the women: the idea of men getting together, hanging out, drinking a beer, maybe watching a game, might sound trivial and pedestrian to you. In some cases, you’d be correct. However, when the caliber of men increases in the group, the effect the “man time” has also increases. Encourage your man to find solid friends, men who are leaders and who love their families. Men who are virtuous and who are striving for excellence. This time away will benefit the family in ways you may not know are possible.
To the men: there’s a big responsibility with man time, so don’t blow it for the rest of us. Keep it pure, keep it focused.
Man up!
A Dating Tip, or Two
The other day, I posted the “Superman Dates” video clip. I got a little bit of feedback on it, and felt like it was important to talk about some other aspects of dating, for both ladies and guys.
Ladies: what I am about to say is always true, in every situation, no matter what. YOU DESERVE NOTHING BUT THE BEST. You do. You deserve a man who respects you, who serves you, who cherishes you, who believes and demonstrates that there is no one more important or special for him and you deserve a man who puts his full energy and attention into your relationship. If he doesn’t, then he’s not good enough for you. Plain and simple. If he doesn’t care enough to do the little things in a dating relationship, why would anyone ever expect him to start caring when you are married? Or when times get tough? Or when you have kids? The little things he does/doesn’t do while dating are foreshadowing his future behavior.
It’s also vitally important that you set you standards high, from the beginning. If you wait until you’re in a relationship to create a list of “must haves” it will be incredibly difficult to see beyond the emotion, history and investment of your current relationship. Once you create your list, don’t stray from it. (Add to it, but don’t stray from it.) If you grow, mature and change as a person, your list can change with you, as long as it’s what best for you and your future.
If all the women in the world increased their standards (and wouldn’t compromise on them) it would force men to change their behavior. Now, I’m not saying that it’s the fault of females that men can be bad in relationships or in society or that they don’t know what it means to be a TrueMan. What I’m saying is that if women were to have a standard and keep it, that men would have to check their crass, immature, childish, destructive behavior at the door and make positive choices to raise themselves up to be worthy of dating a woman. Ladies, you hold the power to make your future bright by choosing a man that deserves you because you know that you deserve the very best.
Guys: I’ll most likely get into our part of the dating world in upcoming posts, but for now, read through the ladies’ section and check yourself. If a woman had a list, would your actions, choices and behavior warrant you being selected as “sufficient”? If not, think about things you can do to change so that when “the one” comes along, you’re ready to treat her like your queen.
Man up!
