What Makes Porn So Bad?!

So last post (Porn Gone Mobile) I said that I would talk about why porn is so bad.  The totality of the answer can’t fit into this post, so here’s what I’ve got for you today.  A great number of people, even those who do not currently look at, use, buy or sell porn, believe that there is nothing wrong with porn.  This is a sign of a culture that has completely lost its moral compass.  Not only has the moral compass been lost, it has since been replaced with a compass (better stated as a philosophy) that is so far from the truth that it actually denies that absolute truth exists!  This philosophy… moral relativism.  Relativism states that all things are relative.  If you really believe that the composition of the stuff that makes up the ocean is not H2O, but actually H3O7, then in relativism, H3O7 is “truth for you”.

Sure, that’s a silly example, but it can be extended onto any philosophical issue… any issue related to morals, ethics, virtue, choices, life, death… you name it.  You may believe that abortion isn’t murder of a human life, but that doesn’t make your belief true.  The problem with moral relativism is, well, everything.  It denies the absolute truth and leaves everything for the individual to determine.  Not a good place to start.  If relativism is true, then what Christ did on the cross doesn’t matter.  If relativism is true, then God isn’t the ‘unmoved Mover’.  If relativism is true, then there’s no definition to what manliness is.  So…

That brings us back to porn and why it IS so bad.  It’s not that porn is only bad for me and for some other select group of people.  It’s not that I’m ‘trying to force my morality on someone’.  It’s not that only certain kinds of porn are bad.  It’s all intrinsically evil.  Catechism of the Catholic Church, paragraph 2354, states: “It offends against chastity because it perverts the conjugal act… It does grave injury to the dignity of its participants… It is a grave offense.”  The production of, distribution of and/or the use of pornography damages the individual, causing them to enter into mortal sin, a total turning away from God.  It is a lie.  It is repulsive.

On another note, porn is intrinsically evil because it destroys our brain’s ability to function properly.  When porn is viewed/used, a chemical bond is created.  The chemical involved is a hormone, called oxytocin.  Oxytocin exists in both males and females.  One of the most commonly known occurrences of oxytocin is in child birth.  It is one of the bonding agents between a mother and a newborn child – a very powerful bond.  Oxytocin is also released in sexual orgasm, thus creating a bond.  When the bond is based on a fantasy, ie porn, the bond is incredibly detrimental.  This false bond distorts the understanding of the sexual act.  Once the distorted bond is in place, often times, the bond continues to deteriorate.  Many men choose to allow this bond into their life and then wonder why real intimacy and actual giving of oneself in marriage is so difficult.

If you haven’t been exposed to porn, I urge you to do everything in your power to stay away from it.  Porn is just like meth… it only takes one time.  If you have been exposed to porn, it will continue to bond you to the fantasy, to the sexual act, to the addiction.  If you’re a single man using porn, the distorted bond will damage your relationships, it will be a stumbling block to finding the right spouse, it will become your motivation.  If/When you get married, it will cause you to be selfish in regards to intimacy with your wife, not to mention in day-to-day activities and interactions.  If you’re a married man using porn, I’m almost 100% certain that the intimacy with your wife is distorted by your addiction.  Not only does it distort your relationship with your wife, it distorts the relationship you have with your children, friends and co-workers.

The good news, as stated before many times, is that freedom from porn exists!  I’m walking proof.  I had these distortions in my life.  It takes a ton of hard work to get over them, as well as daily prayer, the Sacraments and God’s grace.  You can do it!  Get rid of the porn today!

TrueMan up!

Encouraging Men to Get Involved

I recently posted “A Fireside Discussion” and received a comment requesting follow-up information about how to encourage men to get involved in the Church.  Here you go…

Men won’t get involved in stuff if they don’t see a value.  Also, they aren’t likely to attend an event, group or club unless they know someone else, and know them well.  (These are all generalizations; please keep this in mind.)  Another reason men won’t get involved is if they see the stuff as weak, lame or feminine.  Unfortunately, many men see Mass, Church events, groups and retreats through this lens.  From my previous post, I mentioned that the Church is “by women, for women”, and this is a big reason why men aren’t involved.  Men shouldn’t be forced into praying like women pray, it doesn’t work for us.  Men need to pray the way men were created to pray.  There’s a difference, and that difference is important.  (Maybe more on this in a future post?)

So how do you encourage men to participate?  It’s tough to know, exactly.  I think that a great way is to get to the heart of a man, that which God put deep inside each man.  It’s different from anything else in the world, and hard to explain.  See, men want to be rugged and tough.  They want to shoot stuff, and fix stuff, and build stuff.  They want to protect and defend, they want to love and be loved.  They want to feel a purpose and be accomplished.  Unfortunately, so many men don’t know how to do any of that stuff.  If we want men to participate, we have to encourage them, build them up and GIVE THEM A PERSONAL INVITATION.  Personal invitations, from men they trust and respect, might just be the thing to get a man involved at Church.  The event better not suck, or be lame, and it better not be associated with ‘sissiness’.  If it does, he’ll never come back.

I encourage all the faithful, if they know a man who needs to be involved, to be like St Monica.  St Monica, the mother of St Augustine, prayed unceasingly for her son.  Augustine was a wandering-soul.  He lived a life of incredible sin and his mother still prayed.  He became on of the greatest writers of the Church.  That man who you know might just be the next St Augustine.

Man up!

The Kind of Man Anyone Would Be Glad to Know

I recently received a birthday card from my parents; the words are meaningful and profound.

 

 

“When a Man has a Good Heart and lets it Guide Him –

When He Seeks what is True and Strives to Live by it –

When He Understands His own Gifts and does His Best to Share Them –

That Man does Himself and All Those who Love Him Proud.”

…To the Kind of Man Anyone Would Be Glad to Know… 

Man up!

A Father's Example

I was walking to my truck today in a parking lot, carrying my youngest daughter.  We had just had a nice, leisurely stroll through a store – looking at all sorts of neat things.  As we proceeded to our vehicle, a small car was backing up.  The driver continued backing up, apparently not seeing me walking behind him, or so I thought.  He proceeded to shout something out, throwing in an F-Bomb and getting very agitated that someone happened to be walking behind him while he attempted to back out.  He said, and I quote: “(insert expletive #1 here), don’t walk behind a car when it’s (f-bomb-ing; expletive #2 here) backing up.  (Expletives #’s 3,4 & 5 here)… and so on.”  As I passed his little car, I heard his profane outburst and turned around to look at him, myself agitated that he’d use such language around my daughter.  The woman in the passenger seat saw me staring him down and quickly told the driver to “shut up and get out of here”.  He continued on with his second rant, cut short when he himself turned around and saw me staring him down. 

Now, I didn’t want to have to stare him down, after all, I was carrying my eight-month old daughter.  I figured in this situation that a quick, hard glance might scare him just enough to rethink what he had done.  What made me so frustrated with this guy was that there were little kids (two young boys, no older than eight years old) in the back seat.  I know this because I saw this foursome in the check-out line next to me inside the store.  His behavior inside the store was just as bad as it was in the parking lot, maybe worse.

Here’s my beef with this guy: he doesn’t realize the influence he has on those young boys.  I’m assuming he’s their dad, which is even more upsetting.  These little guys are going to grow up thinking that foul language, anger, aggressive behavior and who knows what other negativity is acceptable and normal.  They’re going to grow up believing that “if I want to be a man, I need to do as Daddy does”.  They’ll be mistaken and will continue to perpetuate the epidemic of males not being TrulyManly.

The reason I write these articles is precisely because of incidents like today’s.  Men everywhere are blowing it.  They’re dropping the ball and passing on incredibly detrimental characteristics to the coming generations.  I applaud the men who are TrueMen that are stopping the cycle and living out manhood the way God intended it.  It’s not easy being a father and having the responsibilities that come with it, yet it’s a must, we have no other choice.

By the way… “old Dave” (the guy I used to be) wanted to yell back, forcefully drag this lame excuse for a man out of his car and pound him until he figured it out.  That wouldn’t have worked out as well.  I think writing about it was a good alternative.

Man up!

Celebrity Apprentice – Season 2

Are you familiar with Donald Trump?  The multi-billionaire business man that created the show “The Apprentice”.  Although he’s very good at what he does in business, he’s not the example of TrueManhood.  He’s at it again, this time season two of Celebrity Apprentice.  This show has been getting some big press and, as in years past, gains traction throughout the season.  Season two started last night, although I didn’t watch it, I found this commercial clip for it.  Watch…

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=90zttzBDhZs]

I can’t begin to count the bad examples of manhood throughout the show… I can’t even keep up with them in this short one minute promo.  Clint Black is “ready to go the wild side”, Pierce Morgan (altough he proclaims to be a Catholic-family man) is a crude, rude, pompous, arrogant man.  Don’t even get me started on Rodman or Andrew Dice Clay.  Tom Green is “stabbing people in the back”, and wearing wedding dresses on the street corner.  We hear Trump say, as he flies around in his private helicopter, “It’s all about fighting for what you believe in.”  I’m not sure what any of these celebrities believe in.

The show isn’t horrible, overall, as most of the money that is raised goes to (mostly) worthy charities.  So, there’s at least one good part to it.  It’s not at all what TrueManhood is about.  If you can stomach it, watch an episode on nbc.com and see what you think.  Are any of these men setting an example of TrueManhood or are they fulfilling society’s idea of “cultural manliness”?  You decide.

Man up!

 

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