Don’t Write Him Off

I’m certainly guilty of it.  I imagine most of you are, too.  We see a person, and make a snap judgment.  “They must be _________.” (fill in the blank.)  It doesn’t matter what the snap judgment is, it matters because we just made it.  We broke one of the cardinal-cliché-rules… we judged a book by its cover.  Sure, sometimes our assumptions are correct.  Other times, maybe most of the time, we are dead wrong.  In the evangelization world, being dead wrong can cost people their souls.

 Back in the day, I’m certain that people judged my cover properly… there wasn’t much of a secret that I was the least likely candidate for anyone to invest in, but thankfully, they went beyond my cover and saw the potential on the inside.  My “book cover” screamed of anti-Catholic sentiment, with a splash of rage, a hefty dose of pride, a heaping handful of aggression, an overflowing cup of womanizing, and a host of other horrible traits.  And that was just what was on the surface that people could see!  I was pretty far gone, yet people saw enough hope in the risen Lord that He could get to me, and He did.  I am forever grateful to the people who didn’t give up on me, and want to urge you to remember that you can’t simply write a man off because he appears a certain way, or even acts a certain way.

Who might I be talking about?  Men who are overly rich, men who are overly poor.  Men who are into heavy rock, or into gangster rap.  It might be men who spend copious amounts of time in the gym, or at the firing range, or in the garage, or at the clubs.  How about men who use four letter words every third word?  It might be men who’ve never graced the doors of a church, or the man sitting in the pew behind you in Mass every week.  Men with kids, men without.  Men who smoke, men who drink.  Men with tattoos, men with scars.  Men who wear boots, men who carry guns.  Men who drive sports cars, or jacked up trucks, or an old jalopy.  My point… it doesn’t matter – each man has the same calling to TrueManhood.

 As with everything, we should look to Christ.  Who did He invest in?  Jesus spent time, and befriended, some of the worst dudes around.  He knew what He was doing, and look what those men did!  Take the various fishermen, or the tax-collector, or even the worst persecutor of Christians of the time.  Jesus went after them, conquered their hearts, and commissioned them to go out and make disciples of all nations.  These ruffians, thugs, scallywags, and barbarians became the greatest evangelists of all time.  Thank the Lord that He didn’t write them off!

 So here’s an action-challenge: assess your scope of influence, determining the men in that scope, whether family, friends, co-workers, neighbors, strangers, etc. and make a list of any/all men that you’ve written off.  By writing them off, you’ve missed opportunities to talk to them, to learn about them (or learn from them), to ask them questions, to give them the benefit of the doubt, etc.  By writing them off, you’ve also destroyed the opportunity to serve them, love them, and to call them to something higher in life.  Take this list – whether it be 1 man or 20 – and begin to pray for each man by name.  In your prayer, ask God to guide your interactions (especially the next one) and to give you the strength to say or do what is right.  You may be the only opportunity that man has to learn about Jesus Christ, the TrueMan.  And you never know, he may be the next great evangelist that the world needs.

 When my college friends chose not to write me off, it allowed a seed to blossom into many fruitful things.  Had they written me off, and not seen the potential in me, only God knows where I would have been.  I’m sure it wouldn’t be good, and I’m sure that many of the bad decisions I was making would have been amplified and continued.  Thankfully, my conversion towards Christ changed me, brought me back into His Universal Church, led me to my wife and our four beautiful children.  Thankfully, my conversion led to these years of service in ministry – hopefully doing the greatest good, of loving people and telling the Good News – and especially this ministry, TrueManhood Men’s Ministry.

 Regardless of what a man is “in to”, he is called to holiness, to union with God.  God the Father desires to have a relationship with His son.  It may take you or me to introduce the son to his Father.  Don’t shy away from the opportunities to reach out to even the least likely candidates.

 TrueMan up!

Example to the Example – St. Joseph

Happy Feast of St. Joseph!  As you’ll hear in this vlog (below), St. Joseph is my favorite saint.  He is such an incredible example to us, and for me personally, has played a huge role in me growing into the man I am today.  St. Joseph is so complex, and has so many dimensions, it is hard to decide what to discuss!

I titled this post “example to the example” because it forces us to look a level or two deeper than we normally look.  St. Joseph is not merely a saint.  Not merely Mary’s husband.  Not merely the most chaste spouse.  St. Joseph is the example by which Jesus – the perfect example of masculinity –  learned to be a man.  Whoa!  What a huge role that was.

St. Joseph – I ask you to intercede for me.  Take my needs to your son, The King, and beg Him, on my behalf, for the grace necessary to be the man, the husband, and the father He is calling me to be.  Thank you for your example to me, and the daily reminder you give me through my wife and children.

TrueMan up!

Here’s an old video that I was asked to help with, back in 2011, to help promote the movie “Courageous”.  In this video, I speak about being a chaste spouse.  [This project was a St. Joseph Novena – a video a day, leading up to Father’s Day.]  (Disregard dates, my title, etc. – the information is outdated.)

3 Most Damaging Words? – Nope

Have you seen the PSA style video “The Mask You Live In”?  It talks about boys in our culture, and stereotypes of how boys handle the stresses of growing up male, in addition to the struggles of living up to the standards the culture and peers place on them.  There are truths in the video, but I disagree with their take on “the 3 most destructive words you could say to a boy.”  Here’s the video:

The suggestion is made that telling a boy to “Be a Man” is detrimental to him.  If we’re speaking from the context of cultural manliness, then sure, I could see that.  If, however, we’re speaking from the context of authentic masculinity (ie: TrueManhood), then this is absolutely what we should be telling our boys!  We should be encouraging them, teaching them, forming them, and exemplifying for them what it means to be a man so they are able to set a goal and become what they were created to be.  A TrueMan!

We must, unequivocally, call, lead, and guide our boys into true manhood.  We must expect it, and set our boys up to meet the expectation.  If we do not, they will land somewhere on either extreme.  On the one hand, we have a “hyper-masculinity” (other negative words have been associated with this, such as “macho man or machismo”, “bravado”, “meathead”, “jock”, etc.) and on the other, we have an effeminate version of masculinity (which doesn’t even make sense), which is incredibly disordered.  In fact, both versions are a false, counterfeit version, and are incredibly disordered.

Some of the buzz words used, and my thoughts:

• “Don’t cry.”  Men, you can cry.  God wouldn’t have given us emotion and tear ducts if He didn’t want us doing it.  And oh yeah, Jesus wept.
• “Pick yourself up.”  Yes, we’re going to fall.  Pick yourself up and get back on track.
• “Respect.”  Respect is earned.  Give it, and you will likely gain it in return.
• “Proving masculinity.”  Yes, this has to happen.  This is how we grow in virtue, by proving our masculinity.  This is very different from the view the video takes, which is speaking about becoming violent or using violence to be the proof.
• “Closeness.”  This is very hard for males in our society!  It is vital, essential, critical that fathers have a closeness with their sons!  Hugs, kisses, embracing, physical closeness, as well as emotional closeness and a spiritual closeness are all so important between fathers and sons.  (Thanks Dad, for always being close when I was a kid, and now.)
• “Vulnerability.”  Our culture tells men that being vulnerable is feminine.  Vulnerability actually requires strength.
• “Hyper-masculine.”  When masculinity is distorted, it will appear to be either side of the extremes, but never what it should be.

What I don’t like about the video is that it generalizes all of the negative aspects of masculinity overall, as if there is or needs to be some redefined version of masculinity out there.  No, there are two versions of masculinity: 1. The truth. 2. The lie.  That’s why TrueManhood.com exists, to perpetuate the truth, and to help get rid of the lie.  The truth is that a man (a human being with an XY chromosomal makeup) has the God-given ability, and the responsibility, to live up to what he was created for – to live virtuously.  The lie is cultural manliness; the more power, money, sex, and stuff a male has, the more manly he is.  Let’s work together, not at the loss of the truth, but together so that the truth can be proclaimed!

TrueMan up!

Back at It… Finally!

The day has come.  The time is now.  After a few years of dormancy, and many headaches in dealing the ramifications of our site being hacked back in 2011, and the countless and continued issues through 2012/13, TrueManhood.com is back up and running!  We are thrilled!  The first real blog post will come tomorrow.

I chose Ash Wednesday 2014 because I thought it was fitting.  In the attempt to help aid men in their journey towards TrueManhood (aka “authentic masculinity”), what better time than now to unite our lives to Jesus Christ?  That’s what Lent is all about.  As the perfect example of TrueManhood, we know that Jesus provides the model by which to live.

We’re going to work to bring solid content, and focus on an area that we know needs some serious attention… “cultural manliness^©“.  Essentially… “What does it mean for a male to be a man?”  For those reading who might not know this term, cultural manliness is the idea of masculinity that the world is selling to males.  It tells us that “the more power, money, sex, and stuff a man consumes, the more manly he is.”  As I’ve written time and again, this is a lie!  Masculinity is all about virtue, not about consuming things and people.

We welcome all men to journey with us towards TrueManhood.  However, be aware… TrueManhood is counter-cultural, radical, and about persevering in these areas.  It is not easy.  It is not always fun.  It is not the way of the world.  Get your gear on, make preparations, and come along in the battle.

TrueMan up!

Abortion – The Problem is Men

Did you know that we have a holocaust taking place in our country?  It’s happening in every state, and it is legal.  4,000 human lives are being destroyed each day, and the courts support this innocent slaughter of human life, and we’re supposed to go along with it.  Tax dollars, government subsidy, lobbyists, pharmaceutical companies, healthcare; they’re all wrapped up into it.  It’s called Abortion.

It is unfathomable that we allow abortion, especially knowing all we know about it.  There are countless facts, statistics, and logical arguments why abortion is murder, but I’m not going to get into any of those.  I’m going to concentrate on the real problem.  The problem with abortion is men.

Why?  Plain and simple.  85% of all abortions taking place in America are performed on single women.  That means that out of the 4,000 babies that were murdered today, 3,400 of those women who had an abortion were not married, and as many of you know, they feel they have no way out.  When single women are out sleeping around, who are they sleeping with?  Males.  Who gets them pregnant?  Males.  (Yes, God plays a huge part in the creation of that life, too.)  The facts continually lead back to the actions of the men.

If a woman is married, in a safe environment and protected, she isn’t likely to get an abortion.  Facts are facts.  These women feel led, protected and provided for, thus they welcome a new child.  Women who aren’t, don’t.  Men – when are we (as a gender) going to stop being selfish and self-serving and start protecting and cherishing women?  If you’re not married to her, you have no right to her – don’t touch!  She’s not there for your pleasure.  Serve her!  Take care of her!  Love her!!!

I heard a story today of a 20-year-old single woman who recently found out she was pregnant.  The sperm donor (best way to describe him… he isn’t married to her, isn’t her boyfriend, wasn’t even really her friend, just a “meaningless” hookup) told her “I’ll pay for everything.  I’ll even give you a ride and drop you off.  It’ll be fine.”  Class act, right?  Is the problem the baby?  CERTAINLY NOT!  Is the problem the young woman?  Not really, although she plays into the equation.  The problem is the man.  I hate referring to this sort of male as a man, because he most definitely is not living like one.

Men – abortion is only available because we allow it to be… because, in some totally screwed up way, we necessitate it by our actions.  Don’t be fooled, abortion is not about women’s health, women’s bodies, or women’s choice.  That’s a huge load of garbage.  And listen, I’m not saying that women don’t have anything to do with it, certainly they do, but the responsibility is on us.  Abortion will cease when men stop sleeping around, stay faithful and monogamous, and stop allowing the abuse, assault and murder of innocent babies.  The time is now, brothers.

TrueMan up!

Men, and Virtue, and How to Attain It

I wrote an article for “Made in His Image” ministry on men and virtue.  Typical stuff for TrueManhood, but something that Maura’s readers might not get a lot of.  To help support her and what she’s doing, please click the link to take you to there.

“Men, and Virtue, and How to Attain It” – CLICK THIS LINK

What MIHI is all about is helping women who struggle with eating disorders and/or who were victimized by abuse.  There is currently no other Catholic organization specializing in inpatient medical care for the healing of women, and Maura is working on creating this much needed resource.  I greatly applaud Maura for her efforts.  The issue of eating disorders and abuse can go hand in hand.  For countless numbers of women, young women specifically, a lack of self-worth can spur into many psychological, physical, emotional and spiritual issues.

For men, the issue that is constantly looming over us is the issue of sexual integrity, mostly dealing with pornography.  Not every man struggles, but just about every man did, does, or will.  For women, one main issue (compared to men’s issues with pornography, lust, etc.) is self-esteem and eating disorders, most of the time stemming from abuse of some kind.  Not all women struggle with this, but many do and more will if nothing is done about it.

I plan to write an article soon on the problems that women face when they fail to find their value from the proper source.  Watch for that soon.  You’ll be seeing more about MIHI on TrueManhood.com in the future.

TrueMan up!

Catholic Men’s Blog, Back Up and Running!

With great excitement, I write to let everyone know that TrueManhood is back up and running!  After a break for over 2 months due to a website hack, we were finally able to remove all the malware and are back at it.  Thank you to the hacker for allowing me to learn about website security a little bit more and about ways to protect my website from future hacks.  I pray for you and hope for your sake, that  from now on, instead of hacking my website, that you actually read it.

Many things have taken place in the world of Catholic men’s ministry, in the Catholic Church, in the pro-life battle and in America and we are sorry that we’ve missed it.

More to come soon on the fight against pornography, cultural manliness, and the culture of death!

TrueMan up!

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