Matt Fradd’s “Rules for Men to Break”

Today, for the first time in maybe 6 or 8 years, I sat in the crowd of a men’s conference merely as a participant.  I wasn’t a speaker at the event, nor was I running a vendor table.  It was relaxing, encouraging, and gave me some good thoughts about areas I would like to write/speak on, as well as some tips/hints where I can improve my speaking.  Overall, the day went very well and I think the 1,500 men in the room walked away inspired and enthusiastic.

Matt Fradd was one of the keynote speakers, as he often is at men’s conferences.  He did an outstanding job.  He is very good at the art of public speaking.  I’d like to recount his “5 Rules That Every Man Should Break”, and then give some thoughts of my own on the topic.

The 5 Rules:

1. Never get into a fight.
2. Never think about sex.
3. Never give into peer pressure.
4. Never risk it all.
5. Never ask for directions.

I’m happy to say that I’ve broken all of these rules!  Number 1: Although in my youth, I used to get into physical altercations frequently (sorry if you didn’t know that, Mom!), I now fight for things much more important – like the innocence of my children.  I fight for truth.  I fight the evils of pornography.  Getting into these sorts of fights… for goodness, and justice… is a good thing!  In fact, men are called to this.  To be effective, however, we must be educated, courageous, and prudent.

Number 2 is so important for us to understand.  Sex is a good thing!  Similarly to fire, sex needs to be contained, and looked at in context.  Fire, raging out of control, is bad.  It can destroy, and kill.  Sex, out of context and out of control, will ultimately destroy love and will kill us.  (For more on this, search out and read anything by Christopher West on the topic of Blessed John Paul II’s “Theology of the Body”.  Especially reference any time that West refers to the “fast food diet vs. the starvation diet” of sex for more understanding of the correct Catholic view of sex.)

Number 3 can be tricky… we should give into peer pressure when the pressure of our peers is good and properly ordered.  This requires work on our part, and discipline, to put ourselves in good places with good people.  How many of us have solid, well-formed friends that we spend our time with?  Not only, however, that we spend our time with, but also that challenge us to live better, and hold us accountable to the standard that we want and are called to uphold?  If you don’t, you need to seek out these kinds of people and get to work!

Number 4 comes down to courageousness.  The courage to risk it all is within you!  If you’re a man and have been with a suitable woman for the right amount of time, don’t wait!  “Risk it all” and ask her to marry you already!  If you’re considering the priesthood, don’t sit around and waste time “discerning” more… make a decision and do it!  (Please don’t take my use of discernment as though I don’t believe in it.  I use it emphatically here b/c of how skewed it has become, and how it allows men to hide behind it like a mask, easily shucking any form of responsibility.)  Decisiveness is a virtue; a sub-virtue of prudence.

Number 5 takes our minds automatically to the road, but I’d prefer to take it deeper.  How about linking this to spiritual direction?  Accountability?  Obedience to our priests?  Taking directions from trusted, wise, and faithful men can be the difference between success and failure in life.

Thanks to Matt Fradd for this good list of rules to break.  Let’s step outside of the “norm” and be dangerous men for the Lord!  How many do you break?

TrueMan up!

Catholic Men’s Conference at FUS

This past weekend, I attended a men’s conference at the Franciscan University of Steubenville.  I’d like to share a few thoughts from the weekend and a few challenges that correspond.

First off, we are all sinners.  No matter how long you’ve been involved in your faith, or how many ministry ‘things’ you attend, or the number of men you’ve spoken to at conferences or how old you are… we all have room to grow.  Keep working on getting better!  It’s a daily thing, not just a 60 minute thing on Sundays.

Secondly, the vast majority of the Catholic population doesn’t live for Christ.  They live for themselves.  We all must turn away from sin and have a conversion.  On Friday night of the conference, the evening’s speaker spoke of how St. Paul wrote about baptism.  The imagery that St. Paul used showed that the waters of baptism are not waters of life (as most believe), but actually waters of death.  These waters of death kill off the old self and require us to be born anew in Christ Jesus.  The coming out of the waters requires us to live differently.  This different way of life is radically different from what the world tells us life is all about.  The reward of this life is not of this world, but of life eternal with God in Heaven.

Lastly, I want to convey the incredible need for additional men’s ministry programs around the country.  We need to have a men’s ministry program everywhere and need to reach out to more men.  No one man can do it all.  So, if you are in an area that doesn’t have anything for men, then get started!  I can get you the resources needed to start small faith formation groups, or to start a men’s conference, or do to weekend retreats, or whatever it may be that you’re looking for.  The important element here… if there’s a need, then step up and fill the gap.

TrueMan up!

Thoughts from the Men’s Conference

This past Saturday, March 20th, men’s conferences took place in numerous cities all around the country.  From comments, updates, posts and blogs that I’ve seen, it appears that most of the conferences were huge successes.  The same can be said for the men’s conference in Colorado Springs, emcee’d by my friend Sean Dalton.  The speakers (for the most part) did a pretty good job.  I’m sure that many of the men would be able to find something they would have done differently, but overall, I think it was a success.  Here’s a recap of some of my favorite parts from the conference.

Dennis Murphy, a local Licensed Professional Counselor and teacher at the local Catholic high school, gave an incredible talk on the differences between men and women.  What I liked about what he did was that he used scientific knowledge of the brain to explain the neurological, physical, emotional and spiritual differences.  There’s a clear difference between the genders, and in order for the next generation(s) of boys to become men, we must allow them (encourage them, assist them, enliven them) to embrace their masculinity.  There’s also a big role in leading them toward masculinity.  Instead of suppressing a boy’s innate desire to turn a stick into a sword, bat, gun or bazooka, we should encourage this… not so he can be violent (unless the situation warrants violence for the protection of the defenseless) but so that he can understand how to protect and defend, as God commanded Adam to do in the Garden of Eden.

Later in the day, Dr. Tim Gray gave an incredible talk on “being the first over the wall”, an ancient Roman soldier’s goal when charging an enemy fortress.  He encouraged the men in the audience to be men of action, to stop complaining and take the lead.  The Roman soldier who got over the wall first won a golden crown, for his heroism, abilities in war and his leadership.  We men have the same task, but our crown is in Heaven.  He also spoke about what St. Thomas Aquinas wrote as “effeminacy”, basically calling out every and any man in the place who chooses comfort and pleasure over doing what is right.  He lumped himself in that group, on occasion, but at the same time showed that we are all growing and changing, learning from our mistakes, and that we should be striving to put comfort and pleasure behind what we ought to do.

Other speakers included Bill & Billy Moyer, a powerful father-son duo that emphasized the power of forgiveness, leadership and goal setting.  Unfortunately, I didn’t get to hear their entire talk, although what I did hear was very good.  Check them out at their website by clicking HERE.  We also heard from Curtis Martin, founder and President of FOCUS.  His talk was short and to the point, and great, I might add.  Curtis encouraged all the men to “get up off our fat butts” and do something.  He spoke of how there’s crisis everywhere and how the crisis will only stop when someone steps up and does something about it.  He told a story of how at the end of life, we all sit before the judgement seat and will have to answer for our actions in life.  What are we doing?  Is it worthy of Heaven?  Are we sitting around complaining, and not doing?  Are we waiting around for someone to lead us?  Are we making excuses?  His encouragement to get up after we fail was great for me to hear.  Sometimes, I think that this website, my speaking engagements, my graduate studies, my crazy 60 hours per week schedule at work and all the “other” stuff I do isn’t really worth it.  That sort of mentality comes straight from the evil deceiver.  We have to keep getting up and moving forward.

I want to congratulate the Diocese of Colorado Springs, especially Christian Meert and Rob Faughnan (two friends of mine) who were integral to the conference, for a job well done.

Man up!

A Great Success!

The Rocky Mountain Catholic Men’s Conference, held March 21, 2009 at Holy Apostles Catholic Church in Colorado Springs, CO was a great success!  Over 700 Catholic men joined together to be strengthened for Christ.  It’s an amazing event when men come together to learn, pray, sing and share in brotherhood for the glory of God.  The power that is contained in male leadership is incredible and I earnestly pray that this is the start of a revival in our diocese.  Where there are men of faith, there is success; successful families, successful churches, successful businesses.  Praise God.

For the men from the Conference who are here on the site for the first time, please take a chance to navigate through all of the pages at the top (or on the side) and please subscribe to the feed so you know automatically when updates are made.

Man up!