Expounding on “Ditch”

After I reposted my article, “Ditch the Fantasy“, I received a number of comments and critiques about the article.  The same happened last year when I originally posted it.  I’m thankful to receive the comments and critiques, and that’s part of my intent when I write something… especially things that might grab someone and challenge them… to get people talking about things.  To those who disagree, I ask that you forgive the tone of my article, should it have been hurtful or made you feel like I was condemning you, calling you a sinner, or shattering your confidence.  If it was taken in an uncharitable manner, then I sincerely apologize.  I certainly don’t want to tear anyone down, but rather, my goal is to build men up.  If I have torn you down in any way, please accept my apology.  It’s also not my intent to point fingers at other’s sin, as if I’m not a sinner myself; I most certainly sin, and take ownership of my sin. Mea culpa.

 The critiques came mostly in the form of people feeling attacked for their like of, or involvement in, fantasy football.  Although I remain firm in my position on Fantasy, I wanted to take the opportunity to explain it deeper.

What’s taking place in a Fantasy Football League?  In my previous article, I said that I wouldn’t give an explanation of Fantasy, but I broke my rule and am explaining it here in quick terms.  Players organize themselves in a computerized league, draft specialty players (QBs, RBs, WRs, TEs, Special Teams players, etc.), and team defenses, and then as the real NFL season progresses, the players make mock lineup changes and substitutions with the hope of scoring the most points/yards/wins (based off of the actual performances of NFL players) so that their fantasy team beats the other fantasy teams in the computerized league.  To make changes/substitutions, a fantasy player may spend little, some, or many hours researching teams, watching film, checking standings, reviewing the injured reserve lists, listening to and/or watching television and internet shows related to fantasy, rating matchups, and so forth, so as to have the best possible lineup for the upcoming week.  Teams within the league play against another team each week, and the winners racks up points. The standings change each week in the overall ranking within the league.  Depending on the initiative of the players, there may be no, some, or lots of human interaction (in my experience, often in the form of smacktalk) between the actual players.  Some of the leagues are free to join, some cost money.  Some have prizes or purses for the winners, some do not.

Fantasy Football as fantasy.  I received the following quote: “The word fantasy is present, but there isn’t a whole lot of day dreaming or fantasizing involved.”  If you’ll recall in my original post, I mentioned the dictionary definition of fantasy “imagination – to the point of being improbable or impossible.”  Okay, big deal.  Or is it?  The reason I believe that Fantasy Football is absolutely a Fantasy is because it’s made up.  The teams are made up, the leagues are made up, etc.  Along these lines, I linked the playing of fantasy to pornography, and that also got a rise out of some readers.  Notice that I mentioned that “fantasies lend themselves toward sinfulness – idle behavior, sloth, selfishness, and deeper fantasy.”  They “lend” themselves toward sinfulness.  No, I’m not necessarily saying that Fantasy Football will send you to hell, but I believe that addictive behavior can spread very quickly from activities like this, especially when technology is involved, and that is at the very least something we should be aware of.  (Personally, I lived this not only through my pornography addiction but also through my use of television, movies, and video games.)  This opinion of mine is linked to studies and scientific data that show that the brain is negatively affected by stimuli coming through technology.  We condition our brain to react a certain way based on the content we consume and the brain chemicals that create dependency. For this reason, I am also opposed to video games, especially in adolescent boys.

Linking Fantasy to board games.  One major critique is to pull board games into the mix, and argue that fantasy football is no different than playing a board game.  To this point, I disagree.  Board games require human interaction at every turn.  Even the body placement of the players during most board games has the players facing each other around a table.  This body placement promotes conversation, human interaction, and non-verbals and, in my opinion, is much more human than someone merely sitting in front of a computer screen, tablet, or smartphone.  In board games, the opportunity to be compassionate, caring, and/or relate with other players is prevalent.  Not so in fantasy.  I’d say that board games are absolutely a bonding opportunity, and can be a good use of time.  Go for it!

The “All Things Good in Moderation” lie.  Please don’t buy into the lie that “all things are good in moderation.”  This is not the Catholic position!  The Catholic position would never say that drugs in moderation, or unfaithful, extra-marital sex in moderation, or lying in moderation are good things.  Obviously not.  What the Church would say is that we (humanity) should live the virtue of TEMPERANCE in all things.  Temperance “moderates our attraction to pleasures… the temperate person directs the sensitive appetites towards what is good.”  (Catechism of the Catholic Church, 1809.)  The Church would also instruct us and compel us to utilize the virtues of WISDOM, PRUDENCE, and others, in terms of what we do and how we spend our time.  I think this is reasonable to bring into this discussion of manliness and how it relates to activities such as Fantasy.

I suppose it also benefits the conversation to ask the question “Is Fantasy Football cultural manliness?”  Is Fantasy telling men that the more power, money, sex, and stuff they consume the more manly they are?  Not necessarily in every case, but I am personally aware of many cases that fit this definition.

Ultimately, we shouldn’t be shooting for something that’s “just okay” or “not as bad as”… we should be shooting for the greatest good.  Our actions as males, whatever they are, are either virtuous or vicious.  They are either working to be like Christ, or they aren’t.  That’s for you to think about and decide.

You may not agree with me.  That’s your prerogative.  I would leave those who disagree with this thought and challenge.  Is it possible that you are abdigating your responsibilities during the time you are playing Fantasy?  (The same could be asked about a lot of activities, most certainly.)  Are you missing out on “greater goods?”  Is Fantasy Football helping you reach your goals in life?  Is it helping you to grow in holiness?

TrueMan up!

Crazy SexEd – You Might Not Believe It

Our world is absolutely crazy.  The video below is so crazy that you might not believe it even if you watch it.  Be assured, it’s real.  It’s all real.  And it’s crazy.  (Viewer discretion advised.  Not for children.)

 This video was produced by LiveAction, a pro-life group working to expose Planned Parenthood and other abortion-industry evils.  Yes, I said it… evil.  Abortion is evil, and as a man, I am constanly astonished at the behavior of other males who constantly look the other way, and those who buy the lie that “abortion is a woman’s issue.”  Be clear… I didn’t call the women who have abortions evil.  I called the act evil.  There is forgiveness for all of us for our bad choices, thank God!  Planned Parenthood is feeding their money-maker – abortion – by indoctrinating the entire culture with the lies about sexuality, and to see these images and scenes, so blatantly apparent, is appalling.  What they are encouraging is sexual “freedom” (a misnomer if I ever heard one) and exploration.  This exploration leads to promiscuity, sinfulness, and, yep – you guessed it – unplanned/unwanted babies.  Since the law says it’s okay, and “everybody’s doin’ it”, let’s just bring them right back into the same place we educated them, and kill their little baby for them.  Absurd.  Planned Parenthood has no shame and believes that what they are doing is teaching sex education in a healthy way and in a helpful way.  Their mode of operating is not to protect or guard our children, teens, young adults, and families, but rather, they see each client as dollar signs.  Cha-ching.  (Check out the documentary titled “Blood Money” for more on just how lucrative the abortion industry is.)

Whether you believe in the same type of sex education I do or not, can we at least agree that teaching children (children as young as 5!) about BDSM is wrong?!

Men – these are the times that require action from us.  Do not allow your children, nor the children that they are influenced by, to be exposed to this garbage.  Say ‘no’ at the public level.  Say ‘no’ at the church level.  Say ‘no’ at the political level.  Say ‘no’ at the school level.  Opt them out, get them away from it.  And, there’s an important element here of teaching our kids the proper understanding of sexuality.  That is, that our sexuality is a good thing, and God intended the sexual act to be life giving and unifying, and to take place only between spouses that are fully committed to one another in the Sacrament of Marriage.

If you want some resources on teaching this to your children, please look into the “Theology of the Body” – there are countless resources, even resources for children, middle schoolers, teens, and beyond.

TrueMan up!

Cultural Manliness – a Review

Back in 2011, I wrote this post to review “cultural manliness”.  I’m posting again because it’s important that people hear this term, understand this concept, and work to fight it.  I was recently at a large Catholic conference, and no matter who I talked to, they all agreed that cultural manliness is in fact rampant, and is in fact, a highly worth-while cause to fight.  I appreciate the support and ask that everyone work with me to explain this concept so that our men, young men, and our boys learn what it means to be authentically masculine, a TrueMan.

Cultural manliness, for those unfamiliar with the term (which I coined several years ago) is the idea that “the more power, money, sex and stuff a male has, the more manly he is.”  This idea is propagated in our culture virtually non-stop, whether on the television, on the internet, in movies, throughout magazines and newspapers, on billboards, in songs, in advertising and just about anywhere those areas don’t cover.  The idea is propagated for a few reasons: 1. men buy into this lie.  2. women buy into this lie.  3. children buy into this lie.  4. people make money off of this lie.  5. the devil wins souls through this lie.

Cultural manliness – being in pursuit of the things of this world – will kill a man.  Power, money, sex and stuff doesn’t win our salvation, but it certainly can keep us from it.  Cultural manliness easily gets in the way of a relationship with Christ.  Why does this matter?  Because Christ is the true example of manliness!  He is THE TrueMan.  He is the reason this site exists.  He is the reason why the site is called what it is called.  “Blessed be Jesus Christ, True God and TrueMan.”  Anything other than pursuing Christ is futile and unmanly.

The world wants to tell a man that he will be ‘happy’ if he has more power, more sex, more money and more stuff.  These things, in and of themselves are not bad, but they don’t bring happiness.  They may bring emotional counterfeits that men believe to be happiness, but they aren’t happiness.

What then makes a man, if it’s not power, money, sex and stuff?  Virtue!  Prudence, Justice, Fortitude and Temperance – Faith, Hope and Love.  Learn them, live them, be a TrueMan!  (Read the “TrueManhood Guide to Virtue” here.)

If you’d like to read more on the topic, do a search (in the white box on the upper right portion of each page of this site) for “cultural manliness”.  You’ll have plenty of reading material.  Or, go to the blog page and click the “cultural manliness” tab.  I’d like to know your thoughts on this topic – leave a comment.

TrueMan up!

A Review: Cultural Manliness

I haven’t written about cultural manliness in a while, so I thought I’d review it.  Cultural manliness, for those unfamiliar with the term (which I coined a few years ago) is the idea that “the more power, money, sex and stuff a male has, the more manly he is.”  This idea is propagated in our culture virtually non-stop, whether on the television, on the internet, in movies, throughout magazines and newspapers, on billboards, in songs, in advertising and just about anywhere those areas don’t cover.  The idea is propagated for a few reasons: 1. men buy into this lie.  2. women buy into this lie.  3. children buy into this lie.  4. people make money off of this lie.  5. the devil wins souls through this lie.

Cultural manliness – being in pursuit of the things of this world – will kill a man.  Power, money, sex and stuff doesn’t win our salvation, but it certainly can keep us from it.  Cultural manliness easily gets in the way of a relationship with Christ.  Why does this matter?  Because Christ is the true example of manliness!  He is THE TrueMan.  He is the reason this site exists.  He is the reason why the site is called what it is called.  “Blessed be Jesus Christ, True God and TrueMan.”  Anything other than pursuing Christ is futile and unmanly.

The world wants to tell a man that he will be ‘happy’ if he has more power, more sex, more money and more stuff.  This things, in and of themselves are not bad, but they don’t bring happiness.  They may bring emotional counterfeits that men believe to be happiness, but they aren’t happiness.

What then makes a man, if it’s not power, money, sex and stuff?  Virtue!  Prudence, Justice, Fortitude and Temperance – Faith, Hope and Love.  Learn them, live them, be a TrueMan!  (Read the “TrueManhood Guide to Virtue” here.)

If you’d like to read more on the topic, do a search (in the white box on the upper right portion of each page of this site) for “cultural manliness”.  You’ll have plenty of reading material.  Or, go to the blog page and click the “cultural manliness” tab.  I’d like to know your thoughts on this topic – leave a comment.

TrueMan up!

Fighting Cultural Manliness

Society makes suggestions to us, either directly or indirectly, about what’s manly and what’s not.  Typically, society paints a picture that “cultural manliness” stems from all or part of the following: POWER, MONEY, SEX and STUFF.  Society calls a man who possesses these things a “real man”.  Separately, and in the right context, these attributes are wonderful, and add nicely to life.  When used out of context, they can become disastrous.  If a male possesses one (or more) of these attributes, than he automatically racks up points on an invisible ‘man scale’.  A given amount of points on the cultural manliness scale doesn’t necessarily gain a guy anything, and it’s not like he can cash those points in for anything tangible.  Nor is this something that guys sit around and discuss, it just sort of “is”.  It comes from movies and music, tv and the internet.  It’s the machismo mindset.  However, because of the picture that is painted, a man with lots of points is (for whatever reason) elevated to a higher level than a regular Joe.  As this happens, men being elevated and esteemed for what they possess and/or what they have done, other men desire to emulate these “real men” and therefore, “get what he has and do what he’s done.”  Other men begin to shoot for power, money, sex and stuff, instead of what really determines what manliness is.

What is real manliness???  Or, in our case, TrueManhood??? If real manliness isn’t power, money, sex and stuff, what is it?  Where can we find out?  What can we do to become really manly?  Well, we’re given lots of great examples throughout history of what NOT to do and what’s NOT really manly.  Where do we go to find good examples?  I’d like to point to a few perfect examples of what manliness is using three Biblical characters.

1. After a storied youth, this man fell away from God and screwed up royally.  He engaged in sins of the flesh which led to men dying and problems for others around him.  However, instead of remaining lazy and indifferent, he heeded the words of his dear friend and decided to better himself and devoted his life to serving, honoring and praising God.  He became faithful, prayerful and humble.  He set an example of great virtue for others to see.  He, like us, sinned – but repented, asking for forgiveness and continue to grow in holiness.

2. This man was wronged at an early age.  After spending many years in confinement for crimes he hadn’t committed, he rose in the ranks and eventually became the king’s trusted advisor.  Instead of taking vengeance on the men who wronged him, he chose love, honor and service.  This man was a humble and faithful servant to God, never losing his foundation of prayer, trust and faith.  An incredible witness of how to work through hardships.

3. This man was given, quite possibly, the hardest task a human father could be given.  He was asked to take on a role that no other father had ever been asked to do, but he readily accepted and because he was a virtuous man, he succeeded in this difficult task.  Because he trusted God (and His messenger), this man remained faithful and obedient.  Due to his successful job-well-done, all men have a perfect example of what it means to be a chaste husband, a loving father and a hard worker.

What is TrueManhood?  From these three examples, we see a theme: these three men were virtuous.  Their virtue (especially their theological virtue of faith) allowed them to persevere and to continue to serve God.

The idea of cultural manliness is that, as you accumulate more wealth, as you sleep with more women, as you buy more stuff and as your power “ranking” goes up, the more manly you are.  Cultural manliness never takes into account your virtue, your faith, your relationship with God and/or others, how you treat your wife, children, family, friends, strangers, etc.  Cultural manliness is a facade, a lie, a demeaning and empty way of living.  The glamour of being a “culturally manly” man will wear off in time.  How many people will a culturally manly man hurt along the way?

I call this cultural manliness for a reason, a simple reason.  The culture is expressing the thought that everyone, man or woman, is in this world on their own, free to make up their own truth, free to generate their own spirituality from within.  A man simply goes after what he wants, and his list of wants comes from what gives him pleasure.  Seeking pleasure is what drives his actions and pleasure is often the only motive behind actions.

The Biblical characters described above are, in order: King David, Joseph of the Old Testament and St. Joseph, Patron Saint of Fathers and Workers.

Tuesdays with Daddy – My Primary Vocation & Responsibility

Sometimes it’s hard to clearly determine priorities.  What’s really number one in my life?  Why is it number one?  What else must occur in order for number one to stay number one?  As a husband and father, my primary vocation is to care for my wife and children, and this is where priorities get sticky for me.  In order to care for them, I need to be with them, but at the same time, I also need to provide shelter, clothing, food and safety – the essentials.  In order to provide the essentials, I have to earn money.  In order to earn money, I have to be away from them, either at my office, on the road speaking or at other locations outside the home.  Since I’m also studying for my master’s degree, my time is taxed heavily.  This isn’t even to mention upkeep of the house and vehicles, house chores and other necessary errands that must be completed.  How do I determine rankings of my responsibilities?

I’ve found that taking myself out of the equation is the best way to make the determinations.  What?  Here’s what I mean… I try to remove my desires, my wants, my preferences and instead, place my wife and children (and all of their needs, wants and desires) first.  When I do this, I find that my emotions are kept in check (even though I might want to be making money, hanging with my guy friends or watching a game).  When my emotions are kept in check, I am able to clearly determine what’s important.  Keep in mind, that making money isn’t bad, and hanging with your guy friends isn’t bad.  They are both goods things.  However, if making money, hanging out with your guy friends or any other activity/project/endeavor takes you away from your priorities, they become distractions and hindrances.

So, when determining priorities, I recommend removing yourself and your emotions from the decision making process.  Once you do that, your mind will be clear and you’ll be able to clearly make the right decisions.  Best of luck.

Man up!

Clarification on Previous Post – "Examples All Around" from Sep 22, 09

I really appreciate the comment from a reader who asked me to clarify why I think the descriptions from the previously-posted Facebook status update (posted originally on September 22, 2009) was so horrible.  Here goes:

As you can see, the Facebooker updated their status with one of those “quizzes” to rate yourself on “What Movie Badass Are You?”  His initial response was “Guns, Girls and Cars… isn’t that the definition of a badass?”  I first want to mention that most guys want to appear “hard” or, in this case, a “badass”.  It’s that thing inside us, a territorial thing, an “I can kick your butt” thing.  There’s a connotation that goes along with that feeling… that in order to really be hard, you must get as many women as possible, you’ve absolutely got to have a sweet ride and the more guns and ammo you have, the harder you must be.  (I could continue on with other categories – how much money you have, what kind of house you live in, what you do for a living, how many employees you have, how many vacations you take, how much power you hold, how many and what kind of scars you have, etc.)  This is an example of “cultural manliness”. 

The idea of cultural manliness is that, as you accumulate more wealth, as you sleep with more women, as you buy more stuff and as your power “ranking” goes up, the more manly you are.  Cultural manliness never takes into account your virtue, your faith, your relationship with God and/or others, how you treat your wife/children/family/friends/strangers/etc.  Cultural manliness is a facade, a lie, a demeaning and empty way of living.  The glamour of being a “culturally manly” man will wear off in time.  How many people will a culturally manly man hurt along the way?

Back to the post… the description (in this case, of James Bond) mentions traits that might be good, if explained more and in the correct context.  However, in the context they are in, these traits (strong, fast, clever, refined, etc.) lead only to one trait, “…and still get laid in the process.”  These traits aren’t listed in order to positively affect the world or in order for you to become the best man you can become, they’re listed in order to lead towards women sleeping with you.  There is a great disparity between these two distinctions. 

Let me make myself clear here… there’s nothing wrong with being attractive, refined and clever.  There’s nothing wrong with women being drawn to you.  The problem here is that the motivation to be those things and to possess those traits is skewed and misguided.  Deep down, inside every man, there’s an urge to be “manly” – to be courageous and daring, attractive and intelligent.  Listen to what God is saying through your urge to be manly, so that you know what He wants from you.  Once you feel the urge and know exactly what God wants you to do with it, you’ll be living a purposeful life for God!

I hope this clarification helps.

Man up!

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