‘Sexy’ Pressure for Girls at Halloween – an Article Primarily for Dads

The concept of ‘sexy pressure’ for girls at Halloween had never crossed my mind before my wife sent me a NY Times “parent blog” article – here it is – but now it’s resonating with me.  Makes me think about 10 years from now… what’s life going to be like for our little ones?  (Please read the article so that you understand what I’m talking about.  And not, I certainly don’t prescribe to what the author of the article is saying, but simply bringing it up as a point of discussion.)  I’m a father of 3 daughters, and although they are young, I’m aware of the pending pressure that’s coming – but apparently not aware enough.

In the article, you can sense that the pressure on girls comes mostly from other girls.  They didn’t talk about whether or not the guys thought they were ‘too sexy’, but the pressure stemmed almost exclusively from what the other girls perceived.  (I assert, too, that the pressure they feel isn’t so much real as it is only a perception, and the one quote shows that, when she says, essentially, “it’s not discussed but everyone knows it.”)  I’ve always found this to be true; the guys aren’t aware enough, most of the time, or don’t care enough, to make a big deal out of girl’s clothing.  Although there is that aspect when a girl is dressed in a “slutty” manner (per the article) when guys notice and begin to pay attention to her.  This is age-old.

What’s the big deal here?  Isn’t this just adolescent development, trial-and-error, and growing pains?  No, I don’t think so.  It’s a big deal because of the culture around our kids.  They see particular things online, on TV, in movies, in music videos, etc. and whatever is “it” MUST be emulated.  At least in their minds.  Whatever’s hip, cool, newest, biggest, baddest, and those things that push the moral lines, is what is desired.  Again, this is age-old.  The shiny thing that grabs attention is what becomes so sought after.  So, with our young women, and this idea of “dressing sexy for Halloween”, what do we do?  Fathers… where are you?

Here’s what we do.  I’ve written about this before, I speak about this all the time, I teach my kids in class this concept in all we do.  It’s not a new concept… it too is age-old.  We teach our kids that they are intrinsically good and that God loves them, and that we love them.  We instill in them a self-worth that is so strong that it can stand up against any cultural phenomenon, any peer pressure, any moral dilemma and come out victorious.  Without this self-worth, without this knowledge that they have a dignity that is deserving of only the greatest, they will fall into the pressure of the world to find their happiness, self-worth, and coolness factor from other things.  In the end, those other things won’t bring happiness, only emptiness.

Fathers: if you’re not the most loving, caring, compassionate, uplifting source of goodness in your daughter’s life, then why not?!  She needs your attention, your affection, your love, your discipline, your care, your concern.  NEEDS it like she needs water, food, oxygen, and shelter.  An absolute necessity.  If you’ve failed her in this area up to this point, work to fix your mistakes.  You’ve got 10 days before Halloween, it’s not too late.  And let’s be real, Halloween isn’t the issue, but it certainly accentuates the issue.

TrueMan up!

Hand-helds in Little Hands?

“Keep hand-held devices out of small children’s hands.”  It seems like a common-sense approach to me, but I am constantly see small children (younger and younger every day) with hand-held devices.  I even see it in Mass, which boggles my mind.  The damage being done is mostly under the surface, so maybe we aren’t really aware of just what’s happening.  I recently read an article from a pediatric occupational therapist and thought I’d summarize what she wrote.

*DADS:  Before you read any further, and this post becomes hard to read b/c it hits too close to home, keep in mind that we didn’t have these devices.  We played outside.  We skinned our knees.  We got dirty.  We lived an adventure.  Get your kids away from the screens, and send them outside!  This is an opportunity to step in and make some life-changing decisions for your children.

1. Rapid Brain Growth: she said that “early brain development is determined upon environmental stimuli, or lack thereof.”  Think about it… nowadays we have all sorts of issues that never seemed to exist “back then”.  ADD, ADHD, hyper-activity, impulse, etc.  A cure?  GO OUTSIDE.
2. Delayed Development: imagine a few inches of a screen vs. an entire outside playground with toys, bikes, balls, and the like.  Physical, mental, emotional, relational, development is hindered behind a screen.
3. Epidemic Obesity: nothing to add.
4. Sleep Deprivation: when we’re constantly plugged in, it’s hard to shut it off.  Kids need sleep (in pretty sizeable quantities) to develop properly, especially at young ages.
5. Mental Illness: apparently the increase in child technology overuse is shown to be related to a drastic increase in depression, anxiety, ADD, etc.  (I don’t know if I’m sold on this one, but it wouldn’t surprise me.)
6. Aggression: content leads to action.  What our kids consume they will become.  (You are what you eat.)
7. Digital Dimentia: kids who can’t pay attention can’t learn.  (Again, I’m not sure about this one, specifically, but I’m sure it correlates.)
8. Addictions: I have no doubt in my mind that this one is 100% fully absolutely without a doubt true.  Let’s see… addiction to junk on the screen or addicted to the outdoors?  GO OUTSIDE!
9. Radiation emissions: I’m convinced that there’s a conspiracy going on where cancer from radiation is in and comes from everything.
10. Unsustainable: these methods, of overuse of technology starting at a crazy-young-age, by which our children function, grow, learn, and develope aren’t sustainable.

Let’s link this to virtue, because everything should.  To be virtuous, and to instill this in our children, we must possess TEMPERANCE.  Temperance moderates our attraction to pleasure.  We should find ourselves somewhere in a moderate level of use.

Look… I’m NOT a technology hater.  I’m not trying to point fingers… that’s not what we do here.  I have multiple laptops, a tablet, a smart phone, a flat screen, Roku TV, and obviously have a presence online.  However, when it comes to my kids, they don’t spend time on my hand-held devices.  They do, however, spend some time on learning sites (we like ABCMouse.com when they’re young), and do math-fact-games, etc. on an old laptop.  They watch the occasional movie (our family favorites are “The Sound of Music” and “Mary Poppins”.)  But, and this is the point here… it’s regulated.  They spend exponentially more time outside, in the fresh air, without their eyes buggin’ out staring at a screen.  They also spend a ton of time reading books.  Every. Single. Day.  My kids are young, but hold conversations with adults, are polite, have imaginations, and are well-spoken.  It makes a difference.

OK – now it’s time to think about our own use.  OUCH!  Am I right or am I right?  Adults won’t be as effected in terms of the developmental pieces, but our noses in screens has a negative impact on us, too.  Same principle applies… GO OUTSIDE!

TrueMan up!